Ladies, will you change your last name after marriage?

[Doctor Bagel]

Perphaps I didn't word it correctly. I'm not equating a name change to compromise. Name changing represents your allegiance to a new person and a starting over as a couple. If the husband doesn't have a problem with the name not changing then more power to you. If the husband does have a problem, and you still continue to refuse to take his name, it can definitely be representive of not compromising. To me, giving up my name was a small compromise. It took a much greater effort to change locations, time after time, for my husband's job. I'm just saying that there will be bigger issues in a marriage to stress over without "sweating the small stuff". I can respect that certain cultures may have more emphasis on surname than others. In any instance if there isn't an objection, then don't change your name. I gave my opinion on the topic, void of sarcasm, and would appreciate if the same was done in return.

But logically you could say that a man who refused to marry a woman who wouldn't change her name would be guilty of the same inability to compromise as the woman who refused to change her name. Why put the sole blame on the woman for being the one who's unable to compromise when both parties are refusing to bend? I get the impression from your post that you think that "compromising" (actually giving in) is a woman's job.

And you can't be too surprised by rgwerin's response when you essentially posted that those of us unwilling to change our names were probably unlikely to have a successful marriage.

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[McGillGrad]

It is because it is tradition for the woman to take the man's name. I didn't make the rules. All of our institutions are tailored around a married woman taking the man's surname. Therefore, a great deal of difficulties arises when couples do not follow tradition.

Except, of course, in Quebec where all government institutions use the woman's maiden name for identification. You should move to Quebec. Of course, you would have to learn French and deal with the highest taxes in North America. But at least you don't have to compromise...haha

But logically you could say that a man who refused to marry a woman who wouldn't change her name would be guilty of the same inability to compromise as the woman who refused to change her name. Why put the sole blame on the woman for being the one who's unable to compromise when both parties are refusing to bend? I get the impression from your post that you think that "compromising" (actually giving in) is a woman's job.

And you can't be too surprised by rgwerin's response when you essentially posted that those of us unwilling to change our names were probably unlikely to have a successful marriage.

 

[McGillGrad]

I have to say that equating name changing to the ability to compromise in a marriage is one of the more ridiculous things I've heard. Shockingly, of all the major life issues me and my husband have successfully dealt with, none of them remotely involved a name.

Unless "your name" is your mother's maiden name, you are being ridiculously silly to protect your father's last name which was imposed on your mother, going against what you stand for now. Ironic, don't you think?

 

[Abilene85]

I have kind of a bad last name. I finally came to terms with it and I have lauged at becoming Dr. Haha, but now that I think about introducing myself and having patients giggle 80% of the time (yes, even "mature" adults laugh)...

Well, now I'm starting to think about changing it before I hit clinical years. My sister legally took our grandmother's maiden name to avoid this problem.

As for marriage, I had always planned to be Dr. Haha in professional life and Mrs. Husband in private.

 

[McGillGrad]

As for marriage, I had always planned to be Dr. Haha in professional life and Mrs. Husband in private.

That is a respectable decision.

 

[oneandonlylo]

I'd always assumed that when I got married I would change my name, as I'm not terribly fond of mine. Fortunately the timing worked out that I'll be married before I go to medical school, so there won't be too much confusion... Besides, the identity of the person who is a doctor with my last name is my father, and I want my own identity.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

Unless "your name" is your mother's maiden name, you are being ridiculously silly to protect your father's last name which was imposed on your mother, going against what you stand for now. Ironic, don't you think?

Why is it "ridiculously silly" to feel more of a connection to my father's last name than to my husband's father's last name? Hey, I love my father a heck of a lot more than I love my husband's father. Also, I've decided to stop the patriarchal naming structure within my family because if I do have children, they won't automatically have their father's last name.

 

[McGillGrad]

Why is it "ridiculously silly" to feel more of a connection to my father's last name than to my husband's father's last name? Hey, I love my father a heck of a lot more than I love my husband's father. Also, I've decided to stop the patriarchal naming structure within my family because if I do have children, they won't automatically have their father's last name.

It's the hypocrisy of your decision that is "ridiculously silly."

So, it is about how much you love a man (or that man's father)? That's interesting. What makes you think your children do not love your husband enough to take his name? It seems selfish of you to rob them of the same paternal name that you cherish so much?

You live in a paternal society and by choosing to buck the trend; you are emasculating your husband and targeting your children for ridicule. I hope it's worth it.

Now, if the US starts institutionally backing maiden names, like Quebec, then your husband at least has an excuse. Otherwise, it is blatantly selfish and cruel.

 

[ice_23]

Well, I have to say that I do think the tradition of name changing is sexist. Too bad that means you don't think I'm "level-headed."

You must also then believe that the tradition of women wearing dresses at weddings to be equally sexist. Or do you simply pick and choose the traditions that you follow and summarily dismiss others with pejorative terms?

-Ice

 

[Doctor Bagel]

It's the hypocrisy of your decision that is "ridiculously silly."

So, it is about how much you love a man (or that man's father)? That's interesting. What makes you think your children do not love your husband enough to take his name? It seems selfish of you to rob them of the same paternal name that you cherish so much?

You live in a paternal society and by choosing to buck the trend; you are emasculating your husband and targeting your children for ridicule. I hope it's worth it.

Now, if the US starts institutionally backing maiden names, like Quebec, then your husband at least has an excuse. Otherwise, it is blatantly selfish and cruel.

I'm missing where my decision is hypocritical, but you're free to feel how you like.

And maybe my husband isn't so weak as to feel emasculated by me not adopting his name and by our children not automatically getting his last name. And yes, if we do have children, he will be involved in deciding their last name. It's a decision we'll make jointly. However, my children won't automatically have his last name just because of how it's done or whatever.

As for the ridiculousness of bucking patriarchal societal trends, if other women hadn't done it, I wouldn't be in medical school right now. I wouldn't have a right to vote, I'd be barred from owning property, and I would have no defenses against a husband who choose to beat me. Sorry, but I can't say bucking those trends is a pointless endeavor.

 

[ice_23]

I'm missing where my decision is hypocritical, but you're free to feel how you like.

And maybe my husband isn't so weak as to feel emasculated by me not adopting his name and by our children not automatically getting his last name. And yes, if we do have children, he will be involved in deciding their last name. It's a decision we'll make jointly. However, my children won't automatically have his last name just because of how it's done or whatever.

As for the ridiculousness of bucking patriarchal societal trends, if other women hadn't done it, I wouldn't be in medical school right now. I wouldn't have a right to vote, I'd be barred from owning property, and I would have no defenses against a husband who choose to beat me. Sorry, but I can't say bucking those trends is a pointless endeavor.

Your decision isn't hypocritical per se, but dismissing the tradition as sexist is. Why? Because I'm certain that you're willing to hold on to other traditions which are equally sexist but that you enjoy (i.e. wearing a dress at your wedding instead of both of you wearing unisex clothing, etc.).

And this ridiculous argument that men who wish for their wives to carry their names are domineering/subjugating women/insert other feminist bravado needs to stop.

At my wedding, the bride will walk down the aisle all by herself as tradition dictates. I want that to be the case, because I want all eyes to be on her for that moment, for me to feel lucky, for me to show her my appreciation that we're in a union together, and that this is her moment. Because, presumably, I'm marrying her because I love her. I'm not clamoring to have the attention of the crowd on me instead because the traditional walk down the aisle is "sexist" or "oppressive towards men" because it's not to me (or most guys). It's a symbol of my appreciation and love for her. It can be denoted as a sexist act (only she gets to walk down the aisle?) but it should not be connoted as so.

In a similar manner, my wife taking my name is a symbol of her appreciation of me. I'm not wishing this so that I have some sort of branded slave in my house running errands for me, or as a symbol of my power (as some of you have implied). I'm supposed to love this woman. Why would that be my motivation? It's just a way for her to show me the same appreciation I gave to her. Simply because it's traditional does not connote it as sexist, nor does it make me sexist to wish for it to occur. Just as it does not make my wife sexist or weak to wish to walk down the aisle with the entire audience looking at just her in her wedding dress.

If you've got a husband that doesn't mind either way, terrific. But stop demonizing the men who do value these things and implying that their sole purpose in that act is to avoid "emasculation." You can show appreciation for your partner in different ways; respect that, and don't add a pejorative label to it simply because you disagree, because it unfortunately DOES makes you sound like a hypocrite (unless you're somehow completely gender neutral in your dealings with the world in which case I'd have to commend your incredible consistency).

-Ice

 

[dpmd]

I fail to understand how "a great deal of difficulties ensue" when a woman chooses not to change her last name. I can understand how hyphenated and double names might confuse some people, but would be relatively easy to deal with. Not changing either name is actually the least hassle decision (no forms to fill out for name change, no getting new checks and licenses, you can still prove you are married if anybody questions it-not that it has been in problem in the last five years of my marriage). I think people should do what they believe is best, and hopefully will end up with a partner that thinks similarly.

 

[blackle]

Wow, what is the big deal?

I have a seriously kickass maiden name, and it sounds even better when paired with "Dr.", so I'm sticking with it. Not to mention my boyfriend is Spanish, and in Spain everyone has two last names (i.e. Manuel PaternalName MaternalName, no hyphens), that has just always been tradition. Anything else would cause the same outbursts of moral outrage we're seeing here... or raise questions as to whether the couple is inbred

In the States, individual choice on name changing is so universal now, that I don't see the need to disparage or protect traditional name changing - people can figure out that kind of stuff for themselves.

Honestly, I don't care whether I walk down the aisle alone, or whether someone wears a white princess gown or not, or whether everyone else loves weddings as much as I do (and oh yes, I do!). And my kids are going to have enough to worry about dealing with two cultures and a mom with an embarrassing American accent; I think their last name will be the least of their problems. Love is the most important part; the rest is just details.

 

[Hard24Get]

I am married and did not change my name legally. I like my name, and I had already published when I married. I am/shall be Dr. Hard24Get at work, and Mrs. Hard24Get's Hubby socially. I am proud of my name but proud to use the same name as my husband when we go out or book a trip. I am going to get a hyphenated driver's license to make this all a bit easier, though. If I have kids they and I will have the same last name for all intents and purposes, just not at work. I like it.

But at the end of the day, it is a very personal decision - why get upset with people you are not married to/marrying about the choices they made?

 

[mshheaddoc]

just so you know, you won't be able to get your name hypenated on your drivers license without having your "practicing license" having the same name. Its a PITA I'm finding out. If you are just going to keep your name, just use his socially. I am happy I do have both so that way I can technically use both and I don't have any issues with it. Like if someone writes me a check, my bank doesn't question if they only use one name. Some places will if its mr and mrs. x but your mrs. y (i know b/c I worked for a bank that did this!).

 

[Hard24Get]

just so you know, you won't be able to get your name hypenated on your drivers license without having your "practicing license" having the same name. Its a PITA I'm finding out. If you are just going to keep your name, just use his socially. I am happy I do have both so that way I can technically use both and I don't have any issues with it. Like if someone writes me a check, my bank doesn't question if they only use one name. Some places will if its mr and mrs. x but your mrs. y (i know b/c I worked for a bank that did this!).

By practicing license you mean MD? I was told a woman can use her husband's name legally any time she wants. I am on a banking account with his name. At the DMV they said I could do it, maybe it is state-specific. I will see. Really I just wanted it for when we go on vacation as Mr & Mrs . Thanks

 

[mshheaddoc]

By practicing license you mean MD? I was told a woman can use her husband's name legally any time she wants. I am on a banking account with his name. At the DMV they said I could do it, maybe it is state-specific. I will see. Really I just wanted it for when we go on vacation as Mr & Mrs . Thanks

yes to practice your MD license has to match your boards name and for your boards your "identification/license" has to match your board name registration.

By adding your husband's name you are "legally" changing your name. Its a PITA and I wish someone would have told me BEFORE I did it. I was told b/c my legal name is:
"Mrs. mushy maiden husband" on my identifying documentation this is how my license will have to read. I called two different state medical boards to ask this quesetion. I know people are going to get sick of saying all of that so I'm going to go by Dr. Maiden for short but all my legal material will have stated Dr. Maiden Husband per guidelines set forth. Now this is because I was married BEFORE I took any boards, if you get married after, its a different story. Technically a woman can use a married name whenever she wants but when you start talking about medical licensing you have to make sure that legally things all line up. Just food for thought to consider for the future.

 

[skyeblue0610]

When you get married your name is legally changed on everything else isn't it? You have to personally change it for you're career.

What about those who get divorced....so you call up the medical board and have them change your name back to the maiden...then what if you get remarried....

 

[Doctor Bagel]

When you get married your name is legally changed on everything else isn't it? You have to personally change it for you're career.

What about those who get divorced....so you call up the medical board and have them change your name back to the maiden...then what if you get remarried....

Actually your name doesn't change when you get married -- you have to personally go and get it changed everywhere. If you don't change your name, you just don't do anything.

 

[greenfeild]

In my country, after married the wife need not change her name.

 

[PianoGirl04]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but most of the people who have replied aren't engaged yet. I thought you guys might want to hear from someone who is. I'm facing this whole issue right now and finding it a lot more difficult than I expected. I never intended to change my name, so I thought it would be simple.

Why not change it? Most of my reasons have already been stated by others here. First, on principle; I'm a proud feminist, and I don't see why women should have to change their name but men can keep theirs. Second, my name is pretty much my only link to my heritage...I don't speak the language, celebrate cultural holidays, etc., but my name has been traced back for generations to a particular royal family. I want to hold onto it. Third, according to the other thread in the Allopathic forum, it's also a lot harder to change your name after med school (and I definitely won't get married before I graduate). Fourth, he's also a med student, and having 2 doctors working in the same town with the same last name is confusing, even if we're in different fields. I know many female doctors who kept their names for this reason. And finally, my fiance is Chinese and I'm white. I don't think it's at all racist to consider that patients (and people in general) will expect me to be Chinese if I change my name, and I want to avoid that confusion. It's like that Seinfeld episode with that white chick named Chang...

Here's the wrinkle in the situation: a name change is extremely important to my fiance, for personal/ideological reasons, and he pretty much won't marry me without some sort of change happening. He won't budge on this issue other than to accept a hyphenation.

So I'm planning on making the hyphenation compromise. Actually, hyphenation really appeals to me on principle, because it symbolizes the equal partnership that marriage should be...but in order for this to hold true, both partners would have to hyphenate (and there's no way he would do it). My name is also long and hard to pronounce for most people, and adding an extra name on top of it is a bit ridiculous, but at least his is short and simple (one syllable isn't that much to add). The final product will be 4 syllables. I guess I've seen worse.

 

[McGillGrad]

I do not envy your position.

Although, I would absolutely require my wife to take my last name in civil matters, if she is a doctor or a teacher, I do not mind her keeping her maiden name in her professional circles.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but most of the people who have replied aren't engaged yet. I thought you guys might want to hear from someone who is. I'm facing this whole issue right now and finding it a lot more difficult than I expected. I never intended to change my name, so I thought it would be simple.

Why not change it? Most of my reasons have already been stated by others here. First, on principle; I'm a proud feminist, and I don't see why women should have to change their name but men can keep theirs. Second, my name is pretty much my only link to my heritage...I don't speak the language, celebrate cultural holidays, etc., but my name has been traced back for generations to a particular royal family. I want to hold onto it. Third, according to the other thread in the Allopathic forum, it's also a lot harder to change your name after med school (and I definitely won't get married before I graduate). Fourth, he's also a med student, and having 2 doctors working in the same town with the same last name is confusing, even if we're in different fields. I know many female doctors who kept their names for this reason. And finally, my fiance is Chinese and I'm white. I don't think it's at all racist to consider that patients (and people in general) will expect me to be Chinese if I change my name, and I want to avoid that confusion. It's like that Seinfeld episode with that white chick named Chang...

Here's the wrinkle in the situation: a name change is extremely important to my fiance, for personal/ideological reasons, and he pretty much won't marry me without some sort of change happening. He won't budge on this issue other than to accept a hyphenation.

So I'm planning on making the hyphenation compromise. Actually, hyphenation really appeals to me on principle, because it symbolizes the equal partnership that marriage should be...but in order for this to hold true, both partners would have to hyphenate (and there's no way he would do it). My name is also long and hard to pronounce for most people, and adding an extra name on top of it is a bit ridiculous, but at least his is short and simple (one syllable isn't that much to add). The final product will be 4 syllables. I guess I've seen worse.

 

[foreverLaur]

I am changing my name when I get married, so I will be Mrs. [husband last name]. However, for medical purposes I will be Dr. [maiden name]. It is because of my family that I will get wherever I go. My husband's name doesn't get the honor of having Dr. in front of it haha However, I am old fashioned and wish to take my husband's last name for all other purposes.

 

[docsri]

I am changing my name when I get married, so I will be Mrs. [husband last name]. However, for medical purposes I will be Dr. [maiden name]. It is because of my family that I will get wherever I go. My husband's name doesn't get the honor of having Dr. in front of it haha However, I am old fashioned and wish to take my husband's last name for all other purposes.

I feel the same way! And like so many of the other women who posted here. I will Dr.(maiden name), but Mrs. (husband's last name) socially. I am proud of what I have accomplished in my life, and what my family has sacrificed to help me get here, so I want to honor that by keeping my maiden name professionally.

 

[CaliGirlDO]

Any advice will be greatly appreciated...I have scoured the internet and asked many of my professional friends what to do about the name change.

I am getting married in 6 months and can't seem to get a consistent answer on what to do with my name. What I "want" to do is keep my maiden name for professional purposes and take my husband's name for all other purposes.
I do not want to hyphenate since my name alone is long enough and I was looking forward to shortening it with his.

How EXACTLY is this accomplished? Do I legally change my name to his?
If that's the case, then will this create problems with medical licensure renewal or any other future license verification if legally my name is something else?

One option that has been presented to me is to not change it at all so that I won't have any issues on a professional level, but just start using the new name socially. However, I do want to be able to obtain bank accounts, credit cards, real estate, driver's license with my husband's name. Does this preclude that?

The other option which seems the closest to what I want to do is to change my name so that my maiden name is now my middle name and my new last name is my husband's. Again, will I have any issues just going by Dr. Maiden Name in terms of medical licensing & verification?

Please help me figure out how to go about getting my new identity!

 

[Pemberley]

Here's the wrinkle in the situation: a name change is extremely important to my fiance, for personal/ideological reasons, and he pretty much won't marry me without some sort of change happening. He won't budge on this issue other than to accept a hyphenation.

I changed my name to my husband's and loved it... not a day has gone by that I'm not happy, until I'm Dr. OurLastName, to be Mrs. OurLastName. That was just my preference.

It sounds like it's not yours, and I would take the "he won't marry me unless I..." to be a major warning sign in the relationship. If something as minor, in the grand scheme of things, as your legal last name will cause him to LEAVE YOU INSTEAD OF MARRY YOU... that's huge. Really big, and really worrying.

Control issues? I'm out of my depth here; I just have an uneasy feeling about what you've said. I don't have enough expertise in relationships (or acquaintance with you) to begin to advise you adequately. I really recommend that you find somebody older & wiser & trusted, either male or female, who does. Make sure this man really has a character that you can respect & trust for the next 70-80 years, and that he will respect & trust you in return.

 

[Hard24Get]

It sounds like it's not yours, and I would take the "he won't marry me unless I..." to be a major warning sign in the relationship. If something as minor, in the grand scheme of things, as your legal last name will cause him to LEAVE YOU INSTEAD OF MARRY YOU... that's huge. Really big, and really worrying.

Quoted for truth. Now, many men just bark about stuff like this. I didn't change my name but I love to use my husband's socially. He definitely seemed like he would have a problem with it but when the time came he was totally fine because the important thing was us building a life together. I don't think there is anything wrong with your fiance wanting you to take his name, but if it is a real sticking point you two need to back up a bit and have a serious discussion.

You can show appreciation for your partner in different ways; respect that, and don't add a pejorative label to it simply because you disagree, because it unfortunately DOES makes you sound like a hypocrite (unless you're somehow completely gender neutral in your dealings with the world in which case I'd have to commend your incredible consistency).

Whiel I certainly can't identify with Ice's wedding/name change analogy (a wedding is a one-time event whereas a name change is potentially for life), I will say this:
I think we are so programmed with traditional gender roles that we often hate being without them. For a long time, I would get mad because my then boyfriend would rarely open my car door for me. He rightly pointed out that it is not fair for women to demand equality and freedom from our traditional roles while still expecting to be treated like ladies at court.

 

[Doctor Bagel]

I avoided this thread for a long time for various reasons (probably obvious), but getting to the hypocrisy label that was thrown at me -- being inconsistent is human nature. In fact, I've never met anyone who didn't at one time or another merit the label of being a hypocrite. Perhaps maybe a nihilist could pull it off, but other than that, not so much. I strive to be consistent in my beliefs about gender equality. I don't have an engagement ring, we eloped so my father didn't walk me down the aisle, I don't expect my husband to support me, etc.. But, no, I'm not 100%, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't attempt to live up to my ideals and that I should just trash them because being 100% is too hard.

 

[McGillGrad]

Well besides being a hypocrite, you are also the quintessential "rebel" who still manages to stop rebelling for enough time to fit into society through drinking the kool-aid in the American health care system.

Your behavior and thinking is a bastardized version of the 60's hippie movement augmented with the 1980's "ME Generation" worship of independence through individuality.

You are a product of your social environment, just like everyone else, but if you feel that you are somehow original then I envy your ignorance of history because it is a lot easier to be blissful when you think your life has even a glimmer of cosmic significance.

I avoided this thread for a long time for various reasons (probably obvious), but getting to the hypocrisy label that was thrown at me -- being inconsistent is human nature. In fact, I've never met anyone who didn't at one time or another merit the label of being a hypocrite. Perhaps maybe a nihilist could pull it off, but other than that, not so much. I strive to be consistent in my beliefs about gender equality. I don't have an engagement ring, we eloped so my father didn't walk me down the aisle, I don't expect my husband to support me, etc.. But, no, I'm not 100%, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't attempt to live up to my ideals and that I should just trash them because being 100% is too hard.

 

[Chinorean]

. And finally, my fiance is Chinese and I'm white. I don't think it's at all racist to consider that patients (and people in general) will expect me to be Chinese if I change my name, and I want to avoid that confusion. It's like that Seinfeld episode with that white chick named Chang...

Here's the wrinkle in the situation: a name change is extremely important to my fiance, for personal/ideological reasons, and he pretty much won't marry me without some sort of change happening. He won't budge on this issue other than to accept a hyphenation.

That's really odd--my Chinese mother told me it's not in the Chinese tradition for the woman to change her last name, which is a large part of why she never changed hers legally. She's pretty into traditions and heritage so I don't think she would have done it out of feminism.

 

[twitterpated6]

It's funny, I hated my last name while growing up. I couldn't wait to get rid of it and take a future husband's name. Even recently I was excited about the idea of being "The Drs. [His Last Name]" (the future Mr. is working on a PhD).

Now that an MD and an Mrs. are both in my relatively near future, I'm torn. There are no doctors in my family, or even college graduates. Everyone is so proud of me and has called me "Dr. [Maiden Name] ever since I started on the path to medical school. Also, I have an uncommon last name, and my future husband has a very common one. I've worked hard to be "Dr. [Maiden Name], and now the prospect of being just another "Dr. [His Common Name] isn't so appealing.

I've favored becoming [First] [Maiden] [Last] in the past, but lately I'm starting to consider hyphenation more seriously. I could still go by his name socially, and anyone from my past coming across my name would immediately know that it was me (and know I married him).

Still some time left for me to think, thankfully.

 

[wanabdoc]

Why has noone suggested this, a fellow medical student a few years ahead of me got married and her husband took her last name (although he is not a medical student/doctor.)

Not what I would do, but still....

 

[Geekchick921]

I'm in the same situation. I'm getting in married in May, thankfully before I start medical school; I'll be taking his last name.

I'm not very attached to my maiden name. While it's not long or complicated it gets mispronounced constantly. More importantly, I don't have the best relationship with my father.

If I had my mother's last name, who did much more for my sister and I growing up, I'd be much more torn, and not just because I like her last name more. Plus, it would be cool to be Dr. Momslastname when she's an RN. There actually isn't a single close relative that's a doctor with any of these 3 last names (mine/mom/fiance).

I plan on taking my fiance's last name and being Dr. Hislastname when I'm officially a doctor. Hyphenating any of them sounds and looks silly (aside from Momslastname-Fianceslastname which sounds good, but then I'll never hear the end of it from my dad because I dropped his last name in favor of 2 others). The only thing that bothers me is that my name will sound 100% Irish, and I'm only the tiniest bit Irish. I'm mostly Italian, though everyone tells me I look Irish (probably because I'm pale), so I guess it works out. My mom's last name is Italian, but I blame her for giving me an Irish first name.

*Sigh* It's complicated, but I'm entirely planning on taking the fiance's last name.

 

[valacious]

Hell No!

 

[earthling]

To be honest I would advise all gals to keep their own identity intact and not change atleast for prof reasons...having gone thru divorce and I dont wish that on anyone.....it is really hard to reinstate your self back when his name is across the medical diploma, all proff assoc, papers published etc....

 

[Maxx4]

I don't plan on changing my last name.

 

[gwen]

wow, i can't believe this thread is still alive. i started it sooo long ago!

its nice to know that there are so many people who have gone through the same dilemma of 'changing or not'. my husband, who is also a doctor, was very much against it initially, but he is fine with it now. he even calls me "dr. maiden name" every once in a while. i've managed to be "mrs. husband's name" socially and "dr. maiden name" professionally quite successfully (i am an IM attending). i have not made any legal changes to my original name.

our kids will take his last name just because it seems to be too confusing to do anything else. ideally, i would love it if our daughter would take my maiden name and our son would take his name (i think its a neat idea - to carry on a name from gender to gender instead of a paternal way only). i know it might be confusing for traditionalists (is that a word?) - but its not like it cannot be done...there are plenty of countries with families where different family members have different last names.

at the end of the day, none of this really matters. what matters is that you are in a healthy relationship with a partner who loves and understands you.

 

[wcbcruzer]

The wife should change her name unless it's for career reasons or her husband's last name sucks.

 

[sonpari]

hi everyone am new to this thread
but liked the idea of this thread and thought of replying
wel been married for two years now like mani others
would love to change the name but have stuck to same name for professional reasons

cheers

 

[Maxx4]

The wife should change her name unless it's for career reasons or her husband's last name sucks.

Why does a woman have to change her last name?

 

[Dancer1986]

I don't plan on changing my name after I get married, whether that is before or after I graduate from medical school. I think my name is a part of who I am, and I don't plan on changing that just because I get married. I also love my last name, its heritage, and how it sounds with Doctor. Although I don't plan on getting married anytime soon (Im too young!) I have discussed this with my boyfriend of the last four years. He doesn't really like it, and I guess I can't blame him, but he repects my opinion and what I want to do. I'd also like to hypenate our future children's last names, but I think that may be a little to much to ask from him and it would also be very long (13 letters, 5 sylables)! The only thing that bothers me a little is that I will be the only one in the house with a different last name, but oh well I'm sure its not that big a deal.

 

[McGillGrad]

Why does a woman have to change her last name?

Why is it okay to hit another man but not a woman?

 

[Chinorean]

Why is it okay to hit another man but not a woman?

Who said that's ok I'm pretty sure that's assault no matter where you live.

 

[McGillGrad]

Who said that's ok I'm pretty sure that's assault no matter where you live.

You apparently have never seen boxing, MMA or Hockey.

Now answer the question and stop avoiding the obvious answer.

 

[wcbcruzer]

Why does a woman have to change her last name?

Because:

...I will be the only one in the house with a different last name...

Doesn't feel like a true family if you can't even get the names to match.

Now a lot of you are still too young but one day when you fall in love you'll see the light. What the problem is is that you think it's a sexist issue. But it's really not. It's just culture. It's been that way for thousands of years.

 

[Chinorean]

My mom didn't change her last name legally, I guess we're not really a family She was a stay at home mom, too. I guess my dad was just too secure in himself to demand that his wife change her name. Poor sap. I'm looking forward to meeting my own poor sap

 

[gwen]

which culture? american? the hodge-podge of all cultures? you can do whatever you want here. this "culture" isn't the standard everywhere...and probably won't be here for long either.

Because:



Doesn't feel like a true family if you can't even get the names to match.

Now a lot of you are still too young but one day when you fall in love you'll see the light. What the problem is is that you think it's a sexist issue. But it's really not. It's just culture. It's been that way for thousands of years.

 

[gwen]

i suppose b/c women tend to be physically weaker. but that has absolutely nothing to do with last names.

Why is it okay to hit another man but not a woman?

 

[McGillGrad]

i suppose b/c women tend to be physically weaker. but that has absolutely nothing to do with last names.

You suppose? LOL

The fact is that there are significant physical and gender-role differences between men and women and that is reflected in the social construct of our society and its institutions.

That has everything to do with last names and it is ignorant for women in the post-feminist era to pretend like women and men are equal.

 

[gwen]

yes, sir, master. i just remembered that a woman's physical strength has everything to do with her identifying with her own lineage vs. her husband's. silly me!

That has everything to do with last names and it is ignorant for women in the post-feminist era to pretend like women and men are equal.