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I got this as an email from a friend and thought I'd share it. Keep smilin' guys.
TRUE DOCTOR STORIES
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's Dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Man! itoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodro polous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?"
I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered ...
Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Cor vallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up
from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar! Meyer Wiener'."
--won't admit his name
TRUE DOCTOR STORIES
A man comes into the ER and yells,
"My wife's going to have her baby in the
cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady's Dress, and began to take off her
underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
--Dr Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I instructed. Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Man! itoba, Canada
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
--Dr. Matthew Theodro polous, Worcester, MA
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?"
I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered ...
Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
--Dr. Steven Swanson, Cor vallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle aged lady upon whom
he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up
from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry.
Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar! Meyer Wiener'."
--won't admit his name
Thanks, you've made my day.
