Least Favorite Patient in the ED

[jashanley]

After a few days back in the ED, I have realized there are certain patients I dread picking up their charts.

Chronic Pancreatitis with Abd pain.
Sickle Cell Crisis
Back pain (long standing)

Notice a trend?

I am not a fan of the chronic pain patients. They annoy me.
I hate when they start to whine, and I have an MI in the next bed. I want to tell them to suck it up.

I am interested in hearing what you all have to say is your least favorite complaint.

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[kickbackdude]

Sickle Cell and Chronic Pancreatitis patients are often the real deal, so I'm fine with them. How about Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Irritable Bowel Syndrome flare-ups? Those are the real painful patients.

 

[Scrubbs]

My least favorite is - without question - "doc, I really need you to fill out this disability form." This is usually disguised by the random toe pain/back pain/really bad splinter chief complaint.

 

[docB]

Female with abdominal pain. Absolutely the worst. You gotta do a pelvic and then do some imaging which takes forever. Usually it all just turns out to be chronic and at the end of the visit everyone is annoyed.

 

[ERMudPhud]

Old, on coumadin, with epistaxis.

They are going to be sneezing and coughing blood all over you. Everything you do will be uncomfortable for them and nothing will work perfectly. I've tried every type of packing and inevitably it doesn't matter what I do it's whatever I do on the third or fourth attempt that works.

 

[emtji]

morbidly obese

 

[Apollyon]

Prisoner - from under arrest, to awaiting transfer upstate to prison. All bad - either deathly ill, or manipulative to the bitter end.

 

[docB]

I swear I am not making this up. Last night a nursing home (whence all evil comes) sent me an 81 year old, schizophrenic, developmentally delayed, seizure disordered dwarf with altered mental status. I wound up having to tube him. Certainly one of the more bizarre patients I've had in recent weeks.

 

[jashanley]

I believe and feel for you.

 

[DrQuinn]

19 year old strippers with a chief complaint of "my breasts are too perky, and I need you to take a look at my vagina."

Q

 

[paramed2premed]

...but you see them only as a patient, right?

 

[deleted6669]

" I have this extensive hx of( fill in horrible disease here) and I am visiting from out of town for a week. when this happens I usually have to be hospitalized. oh, by the way my regular dr is also not available so we can't get my old records or labs....."
workup generally takes 5 hours, nothing is found and pt is discharged to care of pcp for chronic management of stable disease.

 

[Apollyon]

Originally posted by QuinnNSU
19 year old strippers with a chief complaint of "my breasts are too perky, and I need you to take a look at my vagina."

Q

Happened about 9 years ago - carload of strippers from Canada (bars are open in the county I was in until 4am), drunk, into a telephone pole. Our pt couldn't describe where her pain was, so she showed me by feeling my ass (which wasn't so well-defined because I was in my turnout gear). Turns out she had a pelvic fracture.

True story. Nice body.

 

[DrQuinn]

Originally posted by Apollyon
Happened about 9 years ago - carload of strippers from Canada (bars are open in the county I was in until 4am), drunk, into a telephone pole. Our pt couldn't describe where her pain was, so she showed me by feeling my ass (which wasn't so well-defined because I was in my turnout gear). Turns out she had a pelvic fracture.

True story. Nice body.

We all know you flexed your glutes when she touched ya there anyways...
Q

 

[SHOX]

self pay

 

[docB]

I once put stitches in the forehead of a stripper who crashed into the pole on the runway. Cute, but understandably in a bad mood.