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Need some advice. I will try and run down the situation as quickly as I can.
I started M1 back in August, and by the middle of September I decided to take a leave of absence for medical reasons. I had been suffering from OCD and panic disorder, which really started to peak around the end of June (before I moved to school). My panic attacks and cardiophobia (invariably a lot of people with PD think something is wrong with their heart) lead me to get tested for just about everything - I had a 2D echo, stress echo, multiple EKGs (mostly administered in the ER following these panic incidents), a 24hr holter monitor, and I just finished a 30-day event monitor. I am currently seeing an EP specialist, who has told me he doesn't think anything is wrong with my heart (I'm 24 btw).
Anyway I've suffered from OCD and attention ("distractibility") issues ever since I was a child. When these panic attacks started back in June, I had been taking Vyvanse (a stimulant for ADD) for nearly 5 years with no problems. Heck I even got through a 2 year masters program in one year. I never had any major anxiety issues up till about 2 months prior to med school.
Well since taking leave in September I've been in treatment. I've gotten much better, as I don't run to the ER everytime I get a fast HR and am starting to just slow down and relax. I have to say it did get real bad - back in the acute stages of it I was checking my blood pressure like 20 times a day, checking my pulse all of the time, and avoiding exercise or anything that I thought would elevate my HR significantly. I even lost about 45 pounds since this whole episode started. It has been a living nightmare that I have only recently (within the past month) slowly started to come out of (in terms of eliminating a lot of the compulsions). My agoraphobia has also waned to the point where I'm even going out on dates again, which is a positive sign.
My question is, should I return to med school next month? I would be taking only 3 of the M1 classes (and have to finish off what I missed in the fall and spring beginning this coming August with the c/o 2016). I am worried that my recovery is a little fragile and that I could probably get myself 100% recovered well in advance of next August. At this point, I could definitely handle going to class and labs, but I can still see a problem being away from family, friends, the "support" system I have here and also would like to slowly taper off the anti-anxiety medication and really reteach myself how to study without the ADD meds I had taken throughout college.
My doctor says she will write our dean a letter stating I am fit to go back, even though she is concerned that my recovery really has only just become marked within the last month. My therapist (a PhD who specializes in CBT for panic disorder) also thinks I might be better off waiting and starting over next August. On the same hand, he thinks that I need to get a part-time job and have some structure here at home if I do not return for the spring semester and if I cannot find that, med school can offer that structure (rememeber, its only 3 courses).
I am at the point in my recovery where I can (and need) to get out of the house and engage in tasks and find a little more purpose to life. And I desperately want to become a doctor (I killed myself to get in) and I do not want to give up on medicine, so that isn't the issue. I just don't want to go back too soon and take a gamble with my career. Like I said, I could handle going to class even with high anxiety but how much focus/passion I would have in doing so while still trying to manage the anxiety is the key question.
Any recommendations/thoughts?
I started M1 back in August, and by the middle of September I decided to take a leave of absence for medical reasons. I had been suffering from OCD and panic disorder, which really started to peak around the end of June (before I moved to school). My panic attacks and cardiophobia (invariably a lot of people with PD think something is wrong with their heart) lead me to get tested for just about everything - I had a 2D echo, stress echo, multiple EKGs (mostly administered in the ER following these panic incidents), a 24hr holter monitor, and I just finished a 30-day event monitor. I am currently seeing an EP specialist, who has told me he doesn't think anything is wrong with my heart (I'm 24 btw).
Anyway I've suffered from OCD and attention ("distractibility") issues ever since I was a child. When these panic attacks started back in June, I had been taking Vyvanse (a stimulant for ADD) for nearly 5 years with no problems. Heck I even got through a 2 year masters program in one year. I never had any major anxiety issues up till about 2 months prior to med school.
Well since taking leave in September I've been in treatment. I've gotten much better, as I don't run to the ER everytime I get a fast HR and am starting to just slow down and relax. I have to say it did get real bad - back in the acute stages of it I was checking my blood pressure like 20 times a day, checking my pulse all of the time, and avoiding exercise or anything that I thought would elevate my HR significantly. I even lost about 45 pounds since this whole episode started. It has been a living nightmare that I have only recently (within the past month) slowly started to come out of (in terms of eliminating a lot of the compulsions). My agoraphobia has also waned to the point where I'm even going out on dates again, which is a positive sign.
My question is, should I return to med school next month? I would be taking only 3 of the M1 classes (and have to finish off what I missed in the fall and spring beginning this coming August with the c/o 2016). I am worried that my recovery is a little fragile and that I could probably get myself 100% recovered well in advance of next August. At this point, I could definitely handle going to class and labs, but I can still see a problem being away from family, friends, the "support" system I have here and also would like to slowly taper off the anti-anxiety medication and really reteach myself how to study without the ADD meds I had taken throughout college.
My doctor says she will write our dean a letter stating I am fit to go back, even though she is concerned that my recovery really has only just become marked within the last month. My therapist (a PhD who specializes in CBT for panic disorder) also thinks I might be better off waiting and starting over next August. On the same hand, he thinks that I need to get a part-time job and have some structure here at home if I do not return for the spring semester and if I cannot find that, med school can offer that structure (rememeber, its only 3 courses).
I am at the point in my recovery where I can (and need) to get out of the house and engage in tasks and find a little more purpose to life. And I desperately want to become a doctor (I killed myself to get in) and I do not want to give up on medicine, so that isn't the issue. I just don't want to go back too soon and take a gamble with my career. Like I said, I could handle going to class even with high anxiety but how much focus/passion I would have in doing so while still trying to manage the anxiety is the key question.
Any recommendations/thoughts?
