Letter of Recommendation - Writing your own?

[desNuages]

My boss has some real codependency issues and cannot do anything without me doing it for her. I had hoped this wouldn't bleed into writing my recommendation but of course, it has. Does anyone have any tips about writing a recommendation for yourself? I am very annoyed because I have already given her all the program information, my resume and my statement of purpose, there is more than enough for her to work with. I am afraid that my letter for me will end up sounding identical to my statement of purpose!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[She-Hulk]

That is a real ethical conundrum. If that's the only way that the letter can happen, then maybe look-up online for a standard format for a reference letter and fill it in with objective information, but maybe have a range of adjective like 'desNuages is an adequate/good/excellent student", and ask her to take two minutes to pick-out the adjectives?

Assuming that you ask her if she wants you to write a preliminary letter, which is super weird anyway . . .

Beats me.

 

[wwmmkk]

I have been in this situation before, and what I didn't realize was that my superior really struggled with writing/grammar/etc and it had just never come up while working together. I wrote the letter and they swapped out adjectives and added a couple more examples, basically. I'm not sure if this relates at all to your situation though.

You could outline it maybe? And say that you're uncomfortable writing it out because you're self conscious/it'll sound like your style/it's unethical/whatever excuse you think will work best? It's a weird spot to be in, good luck.

 

[desNuages]

I did tell her I was uncomfortable and that made no difference to her. I think this would be a gain for me if this was a "write it and I'll sign it" situation, but she actually told me her "vision" and wants me to write it. I am technically her assistant, I guess she sees my recommendation as another task she can pass off to me and then take credit for. I'm really disappointed!

 

[deleted462159]

I don't like the idea of someone writing his/her own recommendation letter either. Actually, I don't like the idea of recommendation letters altogether. But it is what it is - not uncommon actually.

 

[LookForZebras]

This actually happens quite frequently. In some cases (like in the OP's situation), the letter writer doesn't have the skills or time, but still wants to help. In other cases I've heard about, the person actually thinks they're doing the candidate a favor by allowing him or her to put exactly what they think will help them gain acceptance. I agree with the other posters that this is a poor practice in general, but the truth is you can miss out on the opportunity for a very positive letter from a great mentor if you just refuse to assist them with writing the letter. Here's my advice to make this work:

1. Find out why the person doesn't want to write the letter yourself. It might be a reason you can address. For example, maybe they think very highly of you as an applicant, but don't feel like they have enough info about you to write a full letter. In that case, you could offer to give them a copy of your CV and your personal statement (which you should typically do anyway) and even buy them a cup of coffee while you sit down and tell them more info about yourself.
2. If the reason can't be easily addressed, agree to write the letter. But be straightforward in telling them you don't just want a blind signature on the letter, that you'd like them to read it and make sure they agree with everything it says and the way it is worded. Offer to revise it for them if needed.
3. Pretend you are that person and write down a list of everything relevant that you think they could honestly write about you in a letter of recommendation. From this, develop an outline for the letter. If possible, send the outline to your recommender or have a quick convo with them in which you let them know the contents of your outline. Get their approval for your general idea and letter topics.
4. Again, pretend you are them, and flesh out the contents of the letter. Do your best to kick your own writing style to the curb while you do this.
5. If you think they are willing to revise the letter, use comment boxes in Word to prompt them to make some personal changes or additions. For example, highlight a section of text and say "I'm not sure if you feel you can comment on X, do you think it's reasonable to say this?" or "Is there a different way you'd describe the work that I did as your teaching assistant for Chem 280?" Then send the draft document to them for edits.

I once had a letter writer tell me to write it myself, then when I sent it to her for revision she really overhauled it and made me sound about twice as good as I originally had made myself sound. So my advice is do everything you can to encourage them to participate in the letter writing process, but don't turn down the letter just because they are asking you to do the work!