life question

kappapiomega

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    I just recently talked with three physicians who said that if you are planning to have a family, then don't be a doctor. I don't know what their deal was, but after talking to them, I began to question my life. One of them was a 34 year old resident who said that you can't be newlywed and get through medschool. She said that she saw many people divorce over the lack of time they shared with their spouse. I am getting married July 13th, 2003, and if I get into DO school, will be only married for a month. Am I setting my marriage up for failure? Should I wait to go to school until we are a little more settled?(that's what the female doc suggested) Any body out there who has some advice or who can tell me what they have experienced would be great.

    Thanks,
    Vanessa
     

    Toejam

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      In my opinion, if a couple divorces during someone's medical school period, they would have divorced at some point anyway.

      This question has come up many times in the past and, I believe, the consensus was that there was something else in the relationship that caused it to be unstable. No doubt, medical school causes a strain and IS a factor. But, it's only a factor, not the cause.

      If you think that you have a VERY STABLE relationship, then don't worry about it. If you're not sure, then you might have some trouble.

      Good Luck
       

      AYLC

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        If you don't have confidence if you marriage will last through med school, you might need to wait a little bit to see if you can handle both once you start your study. Although I just got myself married, I am not worry about it at all. It's all depend on how your relationship is going. Some of my friends in school even are having baby while they are in school. It's doable, just the matter of how. You need to talk to HIM to make sure if things will work out for you. Good luck.:)
         
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        hyper_74

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          Hey Kappa, I'm in the same boat as you, going to get married June, 21 2003, then hopefully be off to med school. I've heard stories, both good and bad, of couples going thru medical school. MY fiance and I realize it may be tough, but we're going to make it work. I think as long as both people realize what they are getting in to, there won't be problems. I'm sure it'll work out for you, good luck with everything


          74:eek:
           

          kimosabe

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            This is a concern for sure, but don't let this episodic propaganda fool you. If your husband can understand that your doing what your doing for the two of you, then I think it will be much easier to get by. True, he might have to be a flexible man, but would you merry any other than that. If you love each other as you do yourselves, I'm sure the rest of you life will be fine. I have no children, but one of my best friends father is a doctor and they have 6 children and are a great family. Stick with your guns, stick to what your heart tells you, and you'll have the answer:
            Peace KIMO
             

            Dr/\/\om

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              I think it depends a lot on you and your spouse's attitude. You can't be a jerk and not contribute to the family/household/marriage in any way (I have seen some med students refuse to even cook 1 meal because they are too busy and what they do is *more important* :rolleyes: ). Your spouse has to be understanding and not get all bent out of shape because school/rotations take up so much of your time.

              If you want to have kids, you have to give up something to be there for them (IMHO). I choose to stay up late rather than spend all of my time studying when my kiddo is awake. I will continue to go to swimming lessons and school events. Will it affect my schooling/grades? Probably, but I don't have to be #1 in my class.
               
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