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little help here

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by Coach, Apr 21, 2002.

  1. Coach

    Coach Member

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    When is the best time to have kids? My wife and I are both 25. I will be starting med school this fall and she will be finishing pharmacy school next Dec. Any thoughts or advice...
     
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  3. double elle

    double elle Senior Member

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    Oh, geez...I've pondered this question for a LONG time! Here was my thinking...starting medical school...it became ALL I HAD. I became obsessed with finding something that would even out the stresses of school....something that would balance out my life. I had no source of pure joy. Go to school, study, fix dinner. That's about it. My husband and I have been married 3 years. He has a good job with a good income. Money wasn't the issue, it was me...being in school, being pregnant in school, giving birth in school. You know what? The bottom line was that we were just ready to have kids. I did a LOT of research and asked about 15-20 women who had kids while in medical school. NONE of them gave me ANY reason it can't be done, and believe me!, I was honestly searching for someone to tell me "no, you can't do it now and here's why...". Here is the other side of things...the only people who said it would be a bad idea and questioned my ability to spend time with a child and be a female physician were the people who don't have kids. They were the single people in my class who didn't have supportive spouses and are really to young to even consider it anyway. However, from the physicians with families, I got nothing but how much it will make school so much more worth it, etc. Long story short..I am due in November! I will be almost thru with the first quarter of my 2nd year. You know what? Except for about 3-4 labs a week, I don't HAVE to go to class. (your school may have an attendence policy). Okay, that was the female perspective. Now, MOST of the married males in my class have at least one child. There are a couple of guys who have between 4-6 kids! I think their wives stay at home, which doesn't sound like would be the case with your wife, if she is just now finishing up pharm school. The guys in class with new babies say it is a distraction because they just want to play and hold the baby, but that's where self-disipline comes in. It isn't any different that wanting to go play basketball, or any other procrastination activity. If you and your wife are both ready, then why not? However, I would think that if she gets a job, she may want to wait a while to make sure insurance, etc will be in effect. Plus, I think it irritates employers when they hire someone on, only to find they will be taking maternity leave. But, that's really no one's business but yours and your wive's!

    Will it be hard? Yup, it will. However, what part if this journey ISN'T difficult??? You also have to look at the years past your schooling. Will your time be any more free-er? I doubt it! Your life will only become more hectic with each passing year, you just learn to manage and accept it a little better as time goes by.

    I was deathly afraid to get pregnant before school began, now I wish we'd have gone ahead and had a child before I started school. I wouldn't have to worry about the pregancy and birth, and catching back up in class. However, it will all work out.

    I would suggest you talk to doctors you know or other students that will be in your class. See how they have handled things. I seriously doubt you will find even one father that says "no way man, don't do it. having a kid sucks" I think you will find just the opposite.

    Good luck, this is a topic that really takes a lot of time and energy to process thru!
     
  4. Coach

    Coach Member

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    double elle,
    First of all congratulations to you and your husband! It must be so exciting and a little scary.
    Thanks for your input, we both enjoyed reading your message. It's great to see such a positive response.
     
  5. smc927

    smc927 El Flaquito

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    I'm not in med-school (yet). Still working on my undergraduate work. My wife and I have a baby girl, six months old now. Sure, the first few weeks were tough (who really needs to sleep anyway), but it truly has been the greatest source of joy and happiness. We'll definitely have more. Its tough to do full-time school/full-time job but its doable and worth it.
    By the way, I just completed a research project on fertility. Did you know that starting in the late twenties fertility declines 5-10%/year? Quick, have one while you can!!!
     

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