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living at home

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by ammd327, Dec 17, 2008.

  1. ammd327

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    Greetings to everyone,

    I am a senior in college and was fortunate enough to be accepted to a medical school in my hometown. It is about 10-15 minutes away from my house, and my parents have generously offered to let me live at home for all four years of medical school. Obviously this would be great because it would save me a ton of money, my meals would be prepared for me, I could use the laundry room, etc. The problem is, I have never been particularly happy at home due to several family problems. They are not extremely serious problems (there is no abuse or anything of that nature) but they are enough to make me unhappy at home. I find it very difficult to study or get work done when I'm home and my social life usually suffers because of my unhappiness. I absolutely love living on campus at college - my social life has improved by leaps and bounds, and I really like having friends around for study groups, etc.

    I know that if I lived at home during med school, it would definitely be much more difficult for me to get work done. I acknowledge that this is due to my feelings when I'm home, rather than any concrete issue, and the remedy for this problem would probably be self-discipline (i.e. telling myself that I have to study despite feeling depressed). My question is, do you think I should suck it up and learn to live at home? Is it realistic to think that I will be able to keep up with the demands of med school if I'm not happy with my living situation? Would it be worth the money to get an apartment? I believe I would be happier and could probably get work done more efficiently, but it would be more debt.

    Thanks for your input and good luck to everyone who's applying this year :)
     
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  3. chemnerd89

    chemnerd89 In it for the lulz
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    I go to college in my hometown, but I can't live at home. I'm not depressed there or anything, but it's just hard to get my own space or my own time to get things done.

    I'd recommend an apartment with a roommate.
     
  4. majahops

    majahops YOU are great.
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    The solution, should you choose to continue living at home, is a clear one. Stay at school until you get your studying for the day done. Learn to call the library "home" for the majority of the day. Only go home once you're ready to accept that you likely will do no more studying for the day. That might mean 5pm, 9pm, 10pm, 11pm -- who knows? But I think this is the appropriate solution for you... perhaps the only one that will allow you to sleep at "home" while getting your work done.

    I don't plan on having a problem with the people or situation I am living in when I go to medical school, but I will be practicing the same strategy described above because I NEVER get much done "at home."

     
  5. savant

    savant XIII
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    There are other advantages to living close to your school, such as quick access to facilities (eg anat lab, library, etc), living closer to friends, shorter commute times (sometimes traffic can be unpredictable in larger cities). Depending on where you live, it may not be THAT much more expensive to live away from home. My friend goes to school in TX and he claims to spend only $6k/yr on living costs. Also, living near your house gives you the ability to manage some of those costs associated with living away. (You could take your laundry home every week or two weeks? You could eat some meals at home or take food from your home and keep it at your apt?) Finally, if living at home will really make you unhappy, it's just going to add to your stress in med school.
     
  6. Rabbit36

    Rabbit36 Lagomorphadelic
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    I think you've answered your own question, which is good because only you can. If you think you'll be unhappy and not be able to focus as well as you could living somewhere else, then don't do it.
    This really is something no one else can help you with.
     
  7. shaggybill

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    If you're not getting any work done, and if being at home is just a distraction, then you're shooting yourself in the foot.

    I'm a huge proponent of living at home if you can, but not at the expense of your grades.

    Save yourself a lot of trouble and just get your own place.
     
  8. yungwunn911

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    agreed. I am in a similar boat. BUT, its very hard to afford your own apt while in med school.
     
  9. justdoit31

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    I have lived at home through undergrad and I am very ready to move out- I can't imagine staying at home any longer- we have a very good family life but it is taxing not to be able to spread your books out in the living room or leave laundry if you want in the washer/dryer...

    My advice is if you have even the slightest doubt to get your own place.
     
  10. DrYoda

    DrYoda Space Cowboy
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    I'm usually the one preaching frugalty and wise economic decisions. But if you feel your grades will suffer due to living at home, consider the rent an investment in your future.

    Most med students take this approach:
    Step1 : Go to bank
    Step 2: Get loan
    Step 3: Get Appartment
    Step 4: Slave to pay off the past.
     
  11. Sangria

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    If that is the medical school you end up attending, why don't you start out by living at home? And if you can't adjust to that, you can always move out and you would have already saved some money
     
  12. airplanes

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    Isn't that what just about everyone else does? (What's another 10 grand a year + 15 years of interest!)
     
  13. phospho

    phospho SDN Lifetime Donor
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    using the standard 6% rate, after 15 years it would be $95,862.33:D
     
  14. ACSurgeon

    ACSurgeon Acute Care Surgeon
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    Actually, most (or all) med students skip this step. You get the paper work mailed to you, and you just have to mail it back :)
     
  15. ACSurgeon

    ACSurgeon Acute Care Surgeon
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    Agree!
     
  16. MsKrispyKreme

    MsKrispyKreme The "Hot" sign is on...
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    Uhm, how would dating and living with your parents work out?
     
  17. kernel

    kernel OSU c/o 2017
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    I agree with most of what has been said here.

    I, too, go to school in my home town. I CANNOT get work done at home, also due to various family problems. I think it's absolutely necessary for you to live in an environment that's conducive to studying. Think about it: if you do well, you'll be able to pay off any loans in the future.

    Just my two cents.
     
  18. chemnerd89

    chemnerd89 In it for the lulz
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    It definitely doesn't. :scared:
     
  19. aznb0y129

    aznb0y129 Oh hamburgers!
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    +1. I only dormed my freshman and soph years of college and spent my junior/senior years commuting and I definitely noticed a difference. :oops:
     
  20. ammd327

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    Thanks for all the advice everyone. As for the person who asked about dating, my parents don't care if I date but there would certainly be no "sleepovers" or anything like that -- I would probably have to lie and say I was sleeping at a friend's house if I wanted to sleep over at a boyfriend's house. Which would be a little ridiculous - I don't want to be lying about this stuff to my parents when I'm 22. Thanks for giving me another aspect to consider.
     
  21. Haemulon

    Haemulon Slippery When Wet
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    Sounds like you are already 90% of the way to your answer. The only thing I will add is that any extra debt is not likely to be a big deal. Good luck to you!
     
  22. Retsage

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    Move out. If you're 15 minutes away, you can always drop by your parents' place to get your laundry done and occasionally eat dinner with them. Except, at that point, they'll treat you more like a guest and less like a resident, which is win-win.
     
  23. TexanGirl

    TexanGirl runs away from trees
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    You can study and get work done in places other than home. The library, the local coffee shop, school, etc? No one says you have to be home 24/7.

    Try living at home for the first year of medical school. If you're still discontented after a year, then move out.
     
  24. engineeredout

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    I currently go to a university that is roughly 45min-1hr drive away from home. I could also hop the train and be there in 40 minutes. Definitely able to commute there if I wanted.

    But I dorm. I can't get any work done when I'm at home. Like you I have no major family issues but I still don't want to live at home. Being at home is still irritating at times. I don't like getting the "Wow you were out late last night" or "who are you going out with".

    Also the major thing like I said is that I can't get work done at home. It just doesn't happen for me. Sometimes its simply yeah I just don't feel like doing homework when I'm in my bedroom, other times its my family actively distracting me. Studying for the mcat this past summer was hell because I kept getting interrupted every ten minutes. BANG BANG BANG HEY ENGINEEREDOUT WHAT ARE YOU DOING? OPEN THE DOOR. THE DOG MISSES YOU! I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE UP TO.



    My parents tried to convince me of the merits of attending a medical school close to home and living home to save money. Not gonna happen.


    And yeah you can't date while living at home. I've been seeing a girl who is a commuter. We always have to spend time in my dorm because her parents are draconian and want to beat her with a bible for the thought of kissing a boy so going to her place it out of the question. If I lived at home it'd be pretty ****ing awkward too. How are you supposed to drink and hook up when your parents are two rooms away? Even when you're 21+ its still really odd.
     
  25. rkaz

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    Haha, I feel this. One of the med schools I am applying to (and hope to be accepted at) is a mere 2.5 miles from my parents' house... where I have a large, spacious room to study in. I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing a date there to my folks house though. :scared: A definite strike against living at home...
     
  26. cbrons

    cbrons Ratatoskr! *Roar*
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    Lets pretend that I was asking that question to myself:

    No thanks!

    Seriously it would save you $$$ but come on now. I'm home for break (this is day 4) and I'm already going NUTS. I can do whatever I want, theres not really any RULES per say but I get annoyed even when I lose the slightest bit of autonomy. I was taking a nap today and my mom just opened the door and let my dog in the room. ARGGGGGGGGGGG
     
  27. ar2388

    ar2388 rads resident
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    im in the same boat.. thankfully i do not plan on living at home but i have the same issues.. i just get no work done! when i was studying for my MCAT at home over spring break, my parents would bring me snacks while i was taking a practice test which was really sweet and nice but when i finished the test, they would always want to know how i did!! and i wouldnt want to talk about it and they would think i didnt do well and that will turn into a conversation about not doing well on the actual exam, etc etc.
    also.. i am messier than my parents and i just want to be able to leave my **** lying around and not worry about. i want to be able to walk around naked if i want to.. i love my parents but i just want to do wahtever the f*ck i want! lol. also.. imagine those weekends before exam weeks? where you are stuck in your room trying to study and it doesnt happen? those would be hell.
     
  28. ar2388

    ar2388 rads resident
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    man, do i hear you. LOL..:highfive:

    btw.. wayyyyyy off topic but god damn do i love the variety of smileys on SDN.. i wish i had this variety everywhere!
     
  29. chemnerd89

    chemnerd89 In it for the lulz
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    I've reconsidered my original stance, and nudity is now a deal-breaker for me.
     
  30. ar2388

    ar2388 rads resident
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    haha seriously though.. i live with roommates now and i cant wait to get rid of them. but at least rooommates do not just randomly walk into your room for random reasons like bringing you an apple (hehe my daddy does that. :) cut into quarters too hehe <3)
     
  31. airplanes

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    My new deal breaker is how much internet bandwidth my parents use. They've recently discovered how enjoyable streaming movies and videos are (especially their favorite Chinese soaps). It takes about a minute to load up a thread and even longer to do anything else...and we have cable internet! As I type this they are both in separate rooms watching seperate videos on some Chinese youtube site. ughhh...I love em but seriously, if I have to wait 20 minutes to download some lecture slides I will not be living at home!
     
  32. cbrons

    cbrons Ratatoskr! *Roar*
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    ... LOL ....

    I would just disconnect their internet and see them try and figure out how to put it back in. It'd be entertaining just to watch them try.
     
  33. Tekbright510

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    My two cents:

    I'm in a situation where I have a choice between a school 10 minutes from home or a school 5 hours from home. I have no problems living at home and could get into the habit of studying there (have lived away for undergrad). I also relish having my own place and living on my own. To make matters worse, I love both schools.

    I have done some serious navel-gazing recently and I have concluded that whichever school I ultimately choose to attend, I will regret not attending the other school at a few points along my educational journey. If I choose to attend the hometown school, I'll regret not being able to bring a date home, for example. If I attend the other school, I'll wish I had home cooking during those tough exam weeks.

    Ultimately, I think living at home will sway me because I have no problems at home, it will be cheaper and all I would have to worry about is doing my work.
     
  34. ar2388

    ar2388 rads resident
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    hahahaha adorable! seriously, parents can be.
     
  35. airplanes

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    hahah. They wouldn't even bother. They would just call me over to help them out like every other electronics related problem.
    Yesterday: "Can you change the ringtone on my cell phone so it rings longer? Its soo short, I think that's why I miss so many calls."
    "No mom, that's not how it works..."

    :)
    Gotta love em.

    I feel you guys about the whole autonomy thing though. It's weird how I am so used to doing whatever I want on my own schedule...being home for the holidays seems I'm living life under an iron fist...even though its really not that bad at all.
     
    #34 airplanes, Dec 20, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2008
  36. ar2388

    ar2388 rads resident
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    mhm.. i will be going back to my apt mon-wed next week just to not be stuck at home not doing anything.. for some reason when im home i never want to go out and hang out with people.. too much of a hassle it seems. may be because i usually hang out in the city and i live in brooklyn. but i feel bad about leaving my parents because they dont have me home often at all anyway
     
  37. cpants

    cpants Member
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    I will vote for living at home. I am a bit too far from my parents house to live there while in med school, but I wish I was able to. I lived in an apartment at college and I loved that, but this is way different from a college situation. Your time is at a premium, and the convenience of things like having a hot, healthy dinner on the table when you get home and laundry folded on your bed is huge. Not to mention the 10-20k you will save each year.

    A lot of the concerns about being interrupted while studying and stuff can be solved by explaining the situation to your parents, or better yet, studying somewhere else. Even if you live in your own apartment, I recommend trying to do most of your studying at school. There are much less distractions, and it keeps your apartment a place to relax and recover.

    As far as the dating thing goes, that could be a deal breaker if the gf/bf doesn't have their own place.
     
  38. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    It doesn't work that way. In medical school, it can be hard to force yourself to study "despite feeling depressed." The material isn't hard, per se, but there's a lot of it (and most of it during MS1, to be honest, is kind of boring and banal). When you're depressed, forcing yourself to study that kind of crap is 10 times harder.

    Don't live at home. Speaking from personal experience, when there is a dysfunctional family dynamic, it makes medical school EXTREMELY difficult. Whenever I came home during MS1, my parents and my sister would start unloading their troubles on to me. To be honest, when you're already kind of stressed from med school, the last thing you want to do is play "amateur therapist" or "amateur conflict mediator" when you get home. So I'd try to avoid listening to their problems, which would lead to conflict ("I can't believe you're being so insensitive and not listening to MY problems!"), which would make me even more upset.

    Don't do it. Really. I've done it, and I would not do it again that way.

    I think you're overestimating parents.

    If they're not in doctors, they may not understand how much concentration and energy is required to keep up with med school coursework. To them, it just looks lke you're "sitting and reading," and "a 10 minute break certainly can't hurt!" Uh....:uhno:

    Sometimes you just can't explain these things to parents. And, based on the OP, it sounds like there's some dysfunction at home that won't be easily resolved. If he get depressed from living at home, he should just not put himself in that situation in the first place.
     
  39. Emmet2301

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    I'm thinking of living home for MS3 and MS4? Is this a good idea since I think most of the time will be spent at the hospital?
     
  40. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    I think it's a little easier to live at home during MS3 and MS4, since there is less studying.

    The tough part is the commute, because spending an hour getting home after overnight call is kind of a pain.
     
  41. littlealex

    littlealex little tiny alex
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    I could never live at home. I mean if you meet a girl in the bar where are you going to take her?
     
  42. theslave

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    Don't live at home. You moved out when you were 18 years old. Don't go back! You need to take care of yourself! Some people above are just not thinking.

    They say you could have healthy meals prepared. Last time I checked, the library does't have a kitchen to cook lunch and dinner. Chances are you will be at the medical school from around 7:30 am until 10:00 pm. Therefore, you won't have the "fresh" meals ready for you. You will need to take food with you. That means warming up leftovers. Why not just pack a good sandwhich everyday and do whatever it is you want for dinner. You can go home for dinner and go back to the library, but that means you could EASILY get distracted by visiting your parents.

    You will miss the freedom by living at home. You won't be able to go and just do what you want when you want. Trust me on this!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  43. Dr Lyss

    Dr Lyss Professional Student
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    I'm in my gap year & living at home... yea never again. Love my parents to death they are amazing -- but we can't live under the same roof for more than 48 hours without one of us going insane. I couldn't imagine having to study at home with my parents or dealing with the day-to-day stress of medical school and just adding the stress of home life to that.

    I don't care if you & your parents are peas in a pod. No one wants to be 24, living at home with mom & dad, and having to make sure they are back by 5 to make family dinner -- or else! haha

    I miss my freedom so much you have no idea. Get out as fast as you can!
     
  44. saveourpens

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    I think people having problems studying at home is the minority.

    I go to the University of Pittsburgh (undergrad) and live at home 5 minutes from campus. Yeah, I know it can be more fun living in a dorm, but that doesn't justify ponying up $5-6 grand per year for me.

    If I do get accepted to UPitt med school, living at home would be a no-brainer. Why would I try to slave away paying rent in med school when I could live at home?
     
  45. Dr Lyss

    Dr Lyss Professional Student
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    your perspective is different because you have never tasted freedom aka moved out. If you asked me in high school if I would have a problem living home I would have said of course not... but after 4 years away from home it is VERY hard to go back.

    I have a friend that has lived home throughout college and he doesn't see the need to move out either. But because of it he acts like he is still in high school. He checks in with his family & has never had a girl sleep over or anything like that (he doesn't even do his own laundry). There are just some freedoms you will never have in your parents home. Eventually you have to take the plunge...
     
  46. airplanes

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    Check out that movie "Failure to Launch." It's a chick flick I know but same concept. Only those guys are winners who just happen to be living at home. The same can't be said for most pre-meds :D
     
  47. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    It's all relative, and the decision as to whether or not you should live at home again should be made on a case-to-case basis.

    It's clear that you have a great relationship with your family. They don't bother you, you don't bother them, and you don't feel too cramped.

    The OP, though, specifically mentioned that being at home makes him/her depressed and makes it hard to focus. That is a red flag, and a clear sign that the OP should probably not live at home during med school.
     
  48. crazymedgirl

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    Just wanted to add my 2 cents...as someone who has a similarly stressful family situation at home and has been living on my own for two years.

    I agree that it would be enormously helpful in terms of convenience (saving money, having food/laundry, etc.) but it is NOT worth sacrificing your mental health (or even peace of mind) for.

    If being at home induces feelings of depression for you, you should NOT do it. Don't feel guilty about "wasting the money." It is normal, as many have mentioned, to take out loans as a medical student and plan to pay them back in the future. You are already accepted to a medical school, and have a pretty solid guarantee that you will become a physician and be in a position to repay any loans in however many years down the road.

    The apartment (or whatever it is) that you rent does not need to be unnecessarily expensive, but it is important that you do it, in my opinion. You will be under enough emotional, mental, and physical stress as a medical student already without living in an emotionally stressful environment as well.

    Be kind to yourself. Tell yourself that sacrificing your emotional health is not an option.
     
  49. rkaz

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    Excellent advice. I totally hear you on this.
     
  50. 87138

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    I always found it very weird to have your parents do your laundry. Not in a creepy "they're going through my underwear" way, but in more of an "I'm 12 now and know how to use the washing machine so I can do my own laundry" way.
     
  51. airplanes

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    Can't stand my parentals right now. Been snowed in the last week and half and this is torture. I will be revisiting this thread if I get into my hometown school to remind myself why I need to find my own place.
     

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