long distance during MS3

[Vaseline]

i'm in a long distance relationship as an MS1. my SO and I live across the country from each other. so far, so great. this year will be easy.

second year should be OK.

third year is what i am worried about.

we have been dating for a while, and i am very confident we will still be together when third year rolls around.

can anyone comment on what it is like to be long distance during year three? i imagine it's a lot tougher, and at that point, she may have to move here to make it work. it's too expensive to fly back and forth for both of us.

i know it's probably early to worry about at this point, but i am a worrier. and i've worked myself up and i'm stressing over this a lot.

hoping for some anecdotal reassurance...

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[fancymylotus]

i'm in a long distance relationship as an MS1. my SO and I live across the country from each other. so far, so great. this year will be easy.

second year should be OK.

third year is what i am worried about.

we have been dating for a while, and i am very confident we will still be together when third year rolls around.

can anyone comment on what it is like to be long distance during year three? i imagine it's a lot tougher, and at that point, she may have to move here to make it work. it's too expensive to fly back and forth for both of us.

i know it's probably early to worry about at this point, but i am a worrier. and i've worked myself up and i'm stressing over this a lot.

hoping for some anecdotal reassurance...

Long distance during third year is the worst. Between the crazy hours and the crazy exams and the stress...well..you won't have much time. However, assuming that she's able to come and see you etc, it should be okay.

We made it work through a few years of long distance dating while he was in med school, and I recently got a ring so it's definitely possible.

Good luck!

 

[Winged Scapula]

Long distance during third year is the worst. Between the crazy hours and the crazy exams and the stress...well..you won't have much time. However, assuming that she's able to come and see you etc, it should be okay.

We made it work through a few years of long distance dating while he was in med school, and I recently got a ring so it's definitely possible.

Good luck!

You did?! That's wonderful news for the both of you!!

 

[fancymylotus]

You did?! That's wonderful news for the both of you!!

Last Sunday!!!!!!

 

[Winged Scapula]

Last Sunday!!!!!!

Pics please (and you can PM them so we don't go off topic)!

 

[qw098]

Last Sunday!!!!!!

Gratz @Kaustikos and @fancymylotus !

Will the wedding be in Agrabah or the Atlas Mountains

 

[Vaseline]

@fancymylotus congrats and wonderful to here. that is the reassurance i was hoping for.

 

[sinombre]

can anyone comment on what it is like to be long distance during year three? i imagine it's a lot tougher, and at that point, she may have to move here to make it work. it's too expensive to fly back and forth for both of us.

I've been long distance for all of med school, and am currently an ms3. Third year is significantly harder than the first two. But, if you make it the first two years, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to make it during third year. It sucks, but it's do-able.

I'm not sure how else to answer this... but let me know if you have any specific questions.

 

[skiing42]

My boyfriend is in medicine also, accessible by a train ride several hours long. We see each other every weekend and are planning our wedding for next year. There are real sacrifices to make this work - I lose sleep to make time for him and as a result am less prepared for and less productive in the clinic. The time I've devoted is worth it - it's an investment in our life together, and he's worth it. We've survived quite happily and I was still able to honor the last 2 rotations, although my third year evaluations probably were less glowing than they could have been. I told him never to call me during the week so I have more time to read, and he's fine with that. We text throughout the day to stay in touch, and make the most of our weekends. If I wanted to call him a few times a week, I could probably fit it in. I might have to squeeze in the call while working out, or doing dishes or cooking or something, but there's always a way to find time no matter how busy you are. One tip someone gave me a while ago about managing anxiety - avoid catastrophizing (thoughts that sound like, "this will be the worst! Everything will turn out badly") and using all-or-nothing statements ("either we'll thrive, or we'll totally fall apart"). Many things in life fall somewhere in between.Most things in life are a mixed bag. If you're truly a resilient and compatible couple, you'll make it through. Focus on understanding each other and having empathy for your respective situations. There are countless others like you who have made this work.

 

[beautifulmalady]

My boyfriend is in medicine also, accessible by a train ride several hours long. We see each other every weekend and are planning our wedding for next year. There are real sacrifices to make this work - I lose sleep to make time for him and as a result am less prepared for and less productive in the clinic. The time I've devoted is worth it - it's an investment in our life together, and he's worth it. We've survived quite happily and I was still able to honor the last 2 rotations, although my third year evaluations probably were less glowing than they could have been. I told him never to call me during the week so I have more time to read, and he's fine with that. We text throughout the day to stay in touch, and make the most of our weekends. If I wanted to call him a few times a week, I could probably fit it in. I might have to squeeze in the call while working out, or doing dishes or cooking or something, but there's always a way to find time no matter how busy you are. One tip someone gave me a while ago about managing anxiety - avoid catastrophizing (thoughts that sound like, "this will be the worst! Everything will turn out badly") and using all-or-nothing statements ("either we'll thrive, or we'll totally fall apart"). Many things in life fall somewhere in between.Most things in life are a mixed bag. If you're truly a resilient and compatible couple, you'll make it through. Focus on understanding each other and having empathy for your respective situations. There are countless others like you who have made this work.

You don't have to tell him not to call ever during the week. He would understand if he calls and you are unable to answer, only have time for a quick update, or tell him you can call him back later. The competition problem may just be a problem because you could accept that he's naturally better than you at medicine and not blame him for if you do not perform as well as you would like.

 

[ortnakas]

Long-distance relationships are hard. As long as you both recognize that, and don't try to pretend that it's not, you can make it work.

My now-husband and I did long distance for part of my first year (while we were married) and for about two years while I was in grad school (we were still dating)-- it's not easy but it's possible.

We made it work through a few years of long distance dating while he was in med school, and I recently got a ring so it's definitely possible.

Congrats!