Looooove & marriage

Discussion in 'Psychology [Psy.D. / Ph.D.]' started by modestmousktr, Aug 12, 2015.

  1. modestmousktr

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    I've read the old threads going back, but most of them are "is this possible?! How do you balance?!"

    What I am more curious about, because it seems as though most of you have spouses (so it is clearly quite possible), when/how did you meet them? Was it graduate school related? Did you already come into your program with them as a partner, and then marry?

    My boyfriend of six years and I have decided to end our relationship when I leave for my Ph.D. program- not really a distance problem, more of a we started dated at 17 and now in our mid-20s are entirely different people problem. We lived together for several years, I can't imagine what a divorce feels like, but this is pretty awful!

    I'm drowning my sorrows in romantic comedies and other people's love stories, so please share, haha. I would've posted this in the off-topic forum, but I feel like the Ph.D. in psych is just such a different world from the various professional degrees. Thanks all!
     
  2. WisNeuro

    WisNeuro Board Certified Neuropsychologist
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    Not married yet, but engaged with a date set in 2016. I actually met my fiancee while I was on postdoc, she was a med student. It helps that we are both professionals and are pretty busy, so we can appreciate it when things get busy.
     
  3. psych844

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    If she is studying to be a neurologist, what a fit! lol
     
  4. bmedclinic

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    Married. Met her in grad school (she's an awesome SLP). Wedding over spring break, second year of her program, 4th of mine, and four days after the intervention for the final phase of my dissertation started (in primary care). It was difficult, but 4 years later it was totally worth it. We're now both licensed and graduated and have a child. A fair amount of sacrifice goes into it, and psychology isn't typically all that friendly to staying in the same location (re: internship /postdoc) so all along the way I just kept saying "I'm sorry that psychology's training is so screwed up / blame it on California" (kinda kidding, not kidding). Anyways, its very do-able IF you have the right person. OTOH, I know many people that got divorced while in grad school just because there's a lot of pressure an demand on you that aren't always relationship friendly, and many graduate advisers don't care to understand your work/personal life balance.
     
  5. WisNeuro

    WisNeuro Board Certified Neuropsychologist
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    Nope, not neurology, family med, so a little bit of everything.
     
  6. thewesternsky

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    Not married either-- But we're engaged with a 2016 date as well. :)

    I met my partner online when I was in graduate school and he was working. Just over two years later, he moved with me for my internship. We're planning to stay here for my postdoc, at least... I'm not looking forward to making him move again when I get a permanent position (though I know he will), so I'm kind of hoping that something comes up in the area we're in now.
     
  7. BuckeyeLove

    BuckeyeLove Forensic Psychologist
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    I started dating my s.o. on match day 2013, so not great timing cuz I had to move, but c'est la vie. She's got a good gig as a tax attorney so her moving was not an option. We did long distance during internship (roughly 700 miles) and it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. My home state doesn't require a postdoc, so she wasn't as cool about me doing a formal fellowship, but I was able to sell her on the increased income potential and quicker ABFP boarding process for myself by completing one. Well, I'm moving back home in three weeks, and its been a hell of a ride. We're both very busy so I think that helped with the process immensely. (And hopefully will continue to since it looks like I'll be starting a night law program in 2016).
     
  8. erg923

    erg923 Regional Clinical Officer, Cenpatico National
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    Prior to my ph.d. Married towards end of phd.
     
  9. G Costanza

    G Costanza Psychologist - Private Practice
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    Met in undergrad and married in 2003. Starting grad school 4 years later was hard because I went through so many changes and she worked at accepting and adapting to those changes. I was recently awarded a PhD but we both earned it.
     
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  10. Therapist4Chnge

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    It was very difficult during training between the hours and multiple relocations. Some people find a balance, while others prioritize one over the other. I wasn't in a position to make that ask during training, so I didn't. It all worked out though, as I met an awesome woman once I settled in at my first faculty position.
     
  11. cara susanna

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    Married. I met him during my first year of grad school. He was an undergrad in an entirely different department. We got married right before my fifth year when I applied for internship. He moved with me for internship but couldn't find any work so that was difficult. He didn't like the city where I did my internship either so he was fairly unhappy. He and I just moved for my post doc. This time we're in his home state and near his family so he's much happier.
     
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  12. PsychPhDStudent

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    Sorry about your break up. :(

    I'm married and met my husband online during grad school.:love: I had plenty of time to date during grad school, with the exception of the usual crunch times. Focus on yourself, your new friends, and your work. You can meet new people through your friends' s.o.s, activities, and the internet... You should not be locked in isolation for the next several years. In my program, several of us got married or engaged during grad school, and most of us were single (or had a break up with pre-grad school partners) at the very start. As others have said, the necessity for moving toward the end of training was stressful, though something we anticipated and dealt with.
     
  13. AcronymAllergy

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    I didn't run into any problems meeting romantic partners while in grad school/internship/postdoc, and had a multi-year relationship during that time along with a handful of shorter ones (e.g., 6-12 months). Nearly all of the folks I dated I met through the training program I was attending--a couple were in my department, but most were not. The person I'm currently involved with was via the online route, as I'm no longer in training, and dating folks from work is just a personal no-no.
     
  14. MamaPhD

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    I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. Even when you know it's for the best in the long run, it still sucks.

    I got married the year before I started graduate school. My husband had already started his career by then, and as his career is relatively portable we were able to relocate without having to be geographically separated.

    Someone told me that grad school puts a huge strain on a marriage, but I found that not to be the case. Rather, I found that my marriage was a buffer against the strain of grad school. Sometimes my studies, lab duties, clinical duties, etc. really limited my personal time, but other periods were a bit lighter and more flexible. It all evened out to a 40-50 hour/week job in the long run. I guess if my husband were a jackass it would have been a problem, but luckily he's not.

    Ask me about having a baby during grad school some time... oh wait, don't do that. :sneaky:
     
  15. ClinicalABA

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    I was with my future wife for several years prior to graduate school (we had worked together). I managed the nearly impossible, and got accepted to a funded Ph.D. program in the area where we lived, so I didn't have to move for school. She proposed to me near the beginning of my second semester, and we were married a the end of the semester- married on a Saturday, and I had a stats final the next Tuesday- I'd recommend against that! She had a relatively portable career, and moved with me a few hours away for internship, as well as for a few jobs thereafter. I kinda used grad school as an excuse not to start a family, but first child was born a little more than nine months after finishing the pre-doctoral internship.
     
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  16. Pragma

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    Married before grad school. My wife was very patient!
     
  17. briarcliff

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    I met my boyfriend during UG, and we've been together now for 4 years. FYI, I'm gay -- I had been out for a few years before we started dating, but my boyfriend had only recently come out. I'm moving across the country at the beginning of September to start a PhD program, and he's currently looking for jobs in my new city. If he can't find a job we're prepared to do long distance (we did a year of long distance already, so we have some experience), but hopefully he'll be moving shortly after me.
     
  18. briarcliff

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    I read this too quickly and thought you said that your wife had been one of your patients :laugh:
     
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  19. CogNeuroGuy

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    I met my now husband 6 years ago right when I switched careers as a classical musician to behavioral sciences. We have lived together for 6 years while we dated, on through being engaged and then getting married (married for 2 years now). We just moved to Florida for my husband to start pharmacy school, I have taken on a job as a psychometrist at two places around the area while I improve my GRE to re-apply for a school I had applied to last year.

    I'm not in a doctoral program yet, but we have been together all through my undergrad studies and through my master's. I am a fairly flexible person, it's all about how we decided what our priorities were that we established as a couple. This here determined how more or less we were willing to do certain things (these all vary from couple to couple obviously). We both wanted to further our education and I knew that being separated from him was never an option, so we would jokingly say "we will move to XYZ for you to do XYZ, but when you are done there, we move to XYZ for me to do XYZ." While that really isn't the case at the moment since where we are located allows us to both achieve our goals in the same place, I left an entire profession, so for me to make these adjustments like moving to Florida, is nothing like when I left music after putting 15 years of hard work and achievement into it.

    In terms of balance...we see each other every morning, every night, back in Texas we would even have days where most of the day we would be in the same place. We obviously have the weekends to ourselves, we do mostly everything together. We both elect not to have a bunch of friends, that's just who we are, so we don't find ourselves struggling between seeing each other while hanging out with friends.

    Sorry to hear about your situation, I couldn't imagine going through that.
     
  20. psychrat

    psychrat licensed psychologist
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    I began dating my fiancé freshman year of college. We lived close to each other for two years after then moved in together before starting my MA program. I then went onto a PhD program on the other side of the country and we did long distance. We are now living together again while I am on internship and are getting married next year. I know some people who met their spouses in grad school, but usually in other departments since there are so few males in clinical psych and the good ones are usually gay :)
     
  21. PsychologyToday1984

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    Met my significant other in graduate school.
     
    #21 PsychologyToday1984, Aug 12, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2015
  22. JoePianist

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    I'm so lonely :-( In all my 23 years, I haven't went on a single date +pity+

    But seriously, big hugs to modestmousktr!! :-< That sounds like a rough situation, but I hope you can find some comfort and eventually find someone who's right for you!
     
  23. EmotRegulation

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    I started graduate school married, and ended graduate school divorced. Getting divorced was actually great for me, as my ex-husband disliked psychology and my friends all disliked him (so I guess it was mutual dislike?). After separating I was able to spend more time working *and* playing with friends. Then I met my current husband online toward the start of my internship, he followed me to our current location for my academic gig, and we got married one year after internship ended.

    I know a LOT of people who met their significant others during graduate school, internship or postdoc. Many of my friends partnered up with others in the program, and others met their partners during graduate school or in training related activities later.
     
  24. PsychMajorUndergrad18

    PsychMajorUndergrad18 Future School Psychologist
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    Just about to start my second year of undergrad and have been single all my life. Life's good right now. Its feels good to be single and able to focus on my studies and family while all my friends are either in serious relationships that leave them no time for fun or getting good grades or are either engaged or married (and yes there are sophomores at my school that are getting married. I went to a Christian college that is known for girls have a ring by spring haha)
     
  25. stw2010

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    I met my husband before I started my graduate program and got married during my second year. People warned me when I started, that grad school is often a heavy burden on relationships but it all worked out. What was helpful was my husband was also doing his PhD (and later post doc) and although it was in a completely unrelated field, we both understood the time pressures of earning our degree and were both busy. He was also very understanding in relocating across country for me to do an internship at a site I loved. It's a two way street of making sacrifices for each other.
     
    #25 stw2010, Aug 15, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2015
  26. CApsych

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    I married my husband two months into year 1 and I feel bad for him, a lot, but for me it helps that he works in a totally different field (construction) so I'm forced to take a break and not live and breathe psych all the time. My two good friends both met and married people (online dating) during our program and are very happy. As MamaPhD reference, it's all doable until that baby comes (just kidding it's still doable then, just slightly more slowly). ;)
     

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