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love and marriage, love and marriage...

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by shireen, Nov 8, 2001.

  1. shireen

    shireen Member
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    my boyfriend and i are considering moving in together and - eventually - marriage. we're shooting for sometime next october for the moving in part (assuming we will still be able to stand each by that time [joke]). and i'm hoping to be admitted to the University of Minnesota for fall 2003 (i'm a current undergrad at the U and think i'll have a pretty strong application).i didn't plan for it to happen like this. i have heard the numerous horror stories of couples who just can't do it. then there's the whole "what if i don't get into the U...will i make him follow me to whatever school i get in to" question.
    are any of you in the same situation?
    :confused:
     
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  3. Sheri911

    Sheri911 Junior Member
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    Well, let me tell you from experience (not med school) but hoping to be there soon too..a relationship at any level during a time that your concentration is needing to be focused elsewhere, is VERY hard. They key is to pre-plan, for ANYTHING! Make sure that there is time set aside for "couple" time and "you" time. A lot of med schools have orgs. in them for med. student "significant others". Check into that too. Be sure that he understands what you will have to do and what he will have to do without (24-7 companionship, etc) in order for it to work. Like I said, communication, and planning is the key...there is not a lot of room for spontaneous stuff! As a married mom of a toddler, I have learned the hard way about not having a "plan"...it will take work, but it is possible..... ;)
     
  4. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    Depends on how long you've been together... and if you've ever been apart. It also depends on how understanding you are of each other's goals and ambitions.

    My advice is... talk alot about everything!! Start talking NOW about what you will both do if you don't get into the U near him. Talk about when or if you want to have kids... talk about everything! The more you talk about those "what if"s the better prepared you'll be get though life together. My boyfriend and I exhaust all possible "what is"s before they happen... the stradegy has served us well, as we're still together after a lot of hard times.

    just my 2 cents :D ;)
    good Luck!
     
  5. Ciardeme

    Ciardeme Senior Member
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    Take my advice. Make sure he is a VERY independent person. My boyfriend and i have been living together for 6 years. I am relieved that he can cope with the time and anxiety spent studying for the MCAT and the entire application process. If you two can make it through this process, you have a good shot at making it. Just remember to keep the lines of communication open. Good luck to you. ;)
     
  6. GatorPreMed

    GatorPreMed Junior Member
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    I am facing the same dilemma. My boyfriend of three years is continuing grad school in our town but I have been accepted to a med school three hours away. However, I have faith in our relationship because he can be much more of a workaholic than me. We strongly support each other in our career goals and it actually brings us closer. The long distance thing is going to be pretty tough though...
     
  7. shireen

    shireen Member
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    i just feel like i am asking a lot of him...basically i am asking for him to put his life on hold for me and to live by my schedule and i feel like a horrible person for that.
    i suppose all i can do is give it my all and hope for the best. ;)
     
  8. dustinspeer

    dustinspeer Who's your daddy?
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    My religious beliefs impact my personal decisions to a very large degree, and I make sure they are concordant. I put my faith in front of everything, followed closely by my wife. My career, etc falls behind her, so for me it would be med school getting in the way of my relationship with her, not her getting in the way of med school.
     
  9. shireen

    shireen Member
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    so would you ever just walk away from medicine if your wife told you she couldn't live that kind of life?
    i think the situation with my boyfriend is a little different than yours because we aren't married yet. we haven't exactly sat down and discussed what is going to happen. we decided to move in together because we love each other - but we left it at that...no in depth discussion of the future or how med school would really effect us. i think that i what we need - at least so that everything is out in the open.
     
  10. dustinspeer

    dustinspeer Who's your daddy?
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    I think the most important thing to me is that my wife is behind me no matter what. She has told me various times that she would support me in med school.

    However...

    I have decided to do phramacy instead I think. My wife is pregnant with our first child due in April. I have come to the realization recently that although I know my family will support me in whatever I choose to do, my career could cause some damage, in the area of time spent with them. Do I really wanna put my wife and child through 11 more years of this? (School, residency and all) We both want her to be able to stay home and take care of the child eventually, so that has contributed to the decision. I don't want my son/daughter in the future say "Yeah, he was a good dad, but he was never there." Family time is DEFINITELY more important to me. With Pharmacy, I get to be in a field I love (Chemistry is my fav) and I can do things other than just Walgreens pharmacy type thing. Clinical pharmacy, for example. And if I decide in the future to go to med school, that is a possibility. Not everyone else could be happy with this decision, but I can't see it any other way.
     
  11. sundevil1

    sundevil1 Senior Member
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    Well Dustin,

    That's pretty admirable. It's sounds like you've got your priorities straight for your life. It's a tough choice, I've been reading up on it on the other thread. We each have to decide what will and will not be important in our lives. I've decided to go to med school but see pharmacy as an option if I don't get in. There are many things I want to do in life and I don't plan to put my life on hold just for med school. I know if I build my life around wanting to be a doc I will have nothing but regrets in the end. Well, it sounds like you haven't completely made up your mind but definitely do what will make you happier. The tough part may be figuring out what way that may be. I definitely wish you good luck and admire your decision (which ever it is).
     
  12. mpp

    mpp SDN Moderator
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    Sounds like you made the right choice...family first. Make your child proud! Good luck.
     
  13. SnudgeMuffin

    SnudgeMuffin Senior Member
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    Dear Shireen,

    I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I can tell you that it is not always going to be sweet and loving. We've had pretty rough times. Right now, he is in school part time and I am in school full time. I always put all my frustrations and anxieties on him and sometimes, I feel like a baby considering he is trying to pay his way through college. He sometimes gets really mad at me for trying to plan his life around my plans considering how uncertain it is which medical school I am going to end up. But we just constantly talk about all the possibilities. We went over the list of schools that I am interested in and whether we will both be happy there together. I am so grateful that he decided to follow me wherever I end up. That alone is a big sacrifice on his part and I am going to try to make sure that I can do everything in my power to help him finish his undergrad education wherever we end up. I think in a loving relationship, there is always a give and take. Besides, if you are committed in spending the rest of your lives together, no need to feel guilty b/c when he needs you, you will be there. I hope everything works out for you. Don't think that you are alone.

    :)
     
  14. mpp

    mpp SDN Moderator
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    Shireen,

    What about getting married and then moving in with each other. A bit traditional but perhaps showing your commitment to each other can help you through the rough times. Make some vows and keep them (...in good times and in bad...) and the relationship can and will last.
     
  15. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    I disagree I would not put religion before my lover...
     
  16. mpp

    mpp SDN Moderator
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    Who said anything about religion? A vow is a vow is a vow. It doesn't necessarily have to be in front of a god, it could just be in front of your lover...There is much more to marriage than any religious aspect that someone might put into it (although for some people the religous aspect is as important as any other).
     
  17. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    I wasn't talking about marraige I was talking about in life in general. Like, say I belonged to a religion that thaught that sex before marraige was wrong... but my love... well, wants to be my lover and so do I... then I'm not going to let some details of a religion stop me. That's what I meant. :)

    But everybody has different priorities. I see nothing wrong with someone who puts his/her career before everything else. It's really just a matter of what you want. I don't think it's fair to say that such a person has his/her priorities any less straight than someone who puts faith first.
     
  18. dustinspeer

    dustinspeer Who's your daddy?
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    I am probably the most conservative person you will ever meet. My religion is me, my defining aspect. Not my major or my future aspirations, or even my wife. She knows this, and she believes the exact same way; we have the same religious beliefs. Our convictions are what lead us to our decisions, our wants don't dictate that. You have to agree that our wants are not exactly rational. If we always acted on what we want... Have you seen "Lord of the Flies?" It may not be exactly that bad, but chaotic none the less. And there is such a thing as messed up priorities. Carefully read the marriage vows. (It even says that you HAVE to have sex with your spouse!) Just the thoughts of a rambling Baptist...
     
  19. csgirl

    csgirl Senior Member
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    I read the book ;) Phenomenal! One of my favorites... but I'd like to remind you that those boys were also endoctrinated in the christian value system. But this is off the subject of the thread... so if you want to discuss the book, please PM me. :)
     
  20. Jamier2

    Jamier2 SDN Hillbilly Moderator
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    This reminds me of that "Lover" bit on SNL where they tell all the "lover" stories. :)
     

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