- Joined
- Apr 16, 2000
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I was just musing on a subject near and dear to my heart, and wondering how other SDN'ers in similar situations are handling/ plan to handle it. Until a little less than a year ago, I thought I'd be single when I applied to med school this June- after all, I'd been single (in the sense of not being involved in a heavily committed relationship) throughout undergrad up to that point, the end of my junior year. Since my oven has remained firmly and intentionally bun-free, that meant I only had myself to think about when it came to deciding when and where to apply to school. Then I met (actually, reconnected with, but that's a whole different story) my current partner, and this has all changed. We are in the process of moving in together, and engaging in other behaviors highly indicative of commitment such as buying major items of furniture together. Although I hope we stay happy together (we god-damn well better at least stay together until the computer is paid off), we are certainly not planning our wedding at this point, which puts us in kind of a strange position when it comes to my med school application.
I will be applying in June, and plan to apply all over the country and go wherever I'm accepted. Assuming we are still together in another year and a half or so, which is when I would likely be moving assuming I have to, he would probably come with me, but as we have not made a lifetime commitment to each other I can't really expect him to do this. Also, he is in school as well, and may be applying to programs of his own around this time. Hopefully he would wait until my situation is settled, but again I can't demand that he do this. In a way, I think it is a good thing- in ~18 mos., we will have to make a decision about whether we want to stay together and increase our commitment to each other by moving to another state together, or if things aren't going well or are just stagnating at that point we can call it off and go our seperate ways (not that it's really that simple). It will force us to re-evaluate our relationship at a crucial time, which could be very beneficial. Still, it is hard to be in a committed relationship with someone when you are starting to go through this very intense and uncertain process. We have talked about it, and basically decided that what we will do then will depend on the state of our relationship and where I get in- I could, after all, end up at our state school, or not get in at all, negating this issue entirely. So there are a lot of "ifs" in that- if we are still happy, if I get into an out-of-state school, if he can pursue his education wherever I'm going, etc. I am also unsure as to how the application process itself will affect us - I'm going to be very absorbed with the MCAT, AMCAS, secondaries, interviews, and the like for the next year or more and will probably be more stressed out than usual.
The point of this lengthy post being, I am not wanting advice per se as he and I have already discussed and decided this issue as much as we can right now, but I am curious to hear how other couples, married or not, are dealing with the application process and the possibility of moving depending on where you get in. Have you discussed this with your significant other, and how did they respond? I assume for married couples this is a little easier in the sense that you have already decided to stay together no matter what, but then again it could be more difficult if your partner has compelling reasons to want to stay put. I love this person a great deal, and having him in my life in some ways makes it much easier in terms of having reliable support, caring, a regular movie date, etc., but in other ways it is an added complication, another thing to factor in to what is already a complicated process. Anyway, feel free to share thoughts, opinions, and experiences, whether you're single, married, or, like myself, "other".
I will be applying in June, and plan to apply all over the country and go wherever I'm accepted. Assuming we are still together in another year and a half or so, which is when I would likely be moving assuming I have to, he would probably come with me, but as we have not made a lifetime commitment to each other I can't really expect him to do this. Also, he is in school as well, and may be applying to programs of his own around this time. Hopefully he would wait until my situation is settled, but again I can't demand that he do this. In a way, I think it is a good thing- in ~18 mos., we will have to make a decision about whether we want to stay together and increase our commitment to each other by moving to another state together, or if things aren't going well or are just stagnating at that point we can call it off and go our seperate ways (not that it's really that simple). It will force us to re-evaluate our relationship at a crucial time, which could be very beneficial. Still, it is hard to be in a committed relationship with someone when you are starting to go through this very intense and uncertain process. We have talked about it, and basically decided that what we will do then will depend on the state of our relationship and where I get in- I could, after all, end up at our state school, or not get in at all, negating this issue entirely. So there are a lot of "ifs" in that- if we are still happy, if I get into an out-of-state school, if he can pursue his education wherever I'm going, etc. I am also unsure as to how the application process itself will affect us - I'm going to be very absorbed with the MCAT, AMCAS, secondaries, interviews, and the like for the next year or more and will probably be more stressed out than usual.
The point of this lengthy post being, I am not wanting advice per se as he and I have already discussed and decided this issue as much as we can right now, but I am curious to hear how other couples, married or not, are dealing with the application process and the possibility of moving depending on where you get in. Have you discussed this with your significant other, and how did they respond? I assume for married couples this is a little easier in the sense that you have already decided to stay together no matter what, but then again it could be more difficult if your partner has compelling reasons to want to stay put. I love this person a great deal, and having him in my life in some ways makes it much easier in terms of having reliable support, caring, a regular movie date, etc., but in other ways it is an added complication, another thing to factor in to what is already a complicated process. Anyway, feel free to share thoughts, opinions, and experiences, whether you're single, married, or, like myself, "other".