love or medicine

[YFR]

i think some people misunderstood my initial post- we both got into a tier one school which we both turned down, me for the school on the top of my list and her for the school which cost the least and was closest to me but not quite as good as the one we both turned down
does that change people's opinions now?

I was merely commenting on the 'dream school' mentality, which I think can lead many people to make wrong decisions. This is why I suspect that some people's priorities would be different were they not so absorbed in the application 'scene' (SDN, pre-med advisors, rankings, etc.) and had the perspective of someone outside the system. I think there's a lot to be gained from talking to relatives, friends, etc. -- non-pre-meds. But, in my opinion, it seems like you made the right choice based on your situation as stated in more practical terms. Plus, it's always refreshing to hear that someone went against rankings in favor of their own priorities. Good luck.

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[Flopotomist]

what happens to the relationship once we both know that i gave up a dream for it

Wait, I am confused - the way I understood this, you both got into a top tier school - but just not your "dream" school.

Uhh- isn't the dream to get into ANY top school? I dunno, the thought of going to a great school WITH my partner of seven years, and sharing that experience sounds GREAT. You have a built in study partner, roommate, person to vent to on bad days.

OR you could move 80 miles away, become horribly jealous when she starts studying late nights with the new guy "Brad." You can spend constant hours driving instead of studying, and watch your relationship slowly drift away over the next four years.

I am pretty sure from the way you frame it that you are going to choose your "dream school" over your woman, but uhm, in four years, school will be over, and so will your relationship. Try snuggling up to that diploma to keep yourself happy and you will see it won't work.

 

[takara]

Wait, I am confused - the way I understood this, you both got into a top tier school - but just not your "dream" school.

Uhh- isn't the dream to get into ANY top school? I dunno, the thought of going to a great school WITH my partner of seven years, and sharing that experience sounds GREAT. You have a built in study partner, roommate, person to vent to on bad days.

OR you could move 80 miles away, become horribly jealous when she starts studying late nights with the new guy "Brad." You can spend constant hours driving instead of studying, and watch your relationship slowly drift away over the next four years.

I am pretty sure from the way you frame it that you are going to choose your "dream school" over your woman, but uhm, in four years, school will be over, and so will your relationship. Try snuggling up to that diploma to keep yourself happy and you will see it won't work.

wow ouch!
i'll just make sure she watches out for Brad

 

[heynow99]

ok so i've already made my decision but i'm interested to hear what others would do
would you go to a med school with a girlfriend that you have dated for 7 years to a good tier one school that is not your dream school - or - go to the school that you have dreamed of and be fairly close to her as she goes to a med school she is not so happy with?

if you passed up your dream girl for a piece of paper you are certainly a foolish man and i feel sorry for you.
getting the right people in your life whether it be friends or lovers is much more important than the name of your school...but then again im sure your dream school will do a good job of covering up your insecurities for another few years...

 

[takara]

if you passed up your dream girl for a piece of paper you are certainly a foolish man and i feel sorry for you.
getting the right people in your life whether it be friends or lovers is much more important than the name of your school...but then again im sure your dream school will do a good job of covering up your insecurities for another few years...

she is my dream girl so that's why i know we'll make it through

 

[Flopotomist]

if you passed up your dream girl for a piece of paper you are certainly a foolish man and i feel sorry for you.
getting the right people in your life whether it be friends or lovers is much more important than the name of your school...but then again im sure your dream school will do a good job of covering up your insecurities for another few years...

Amen!! I could understand if the situation mandated separation, but the fact that you both had the opportunity to make it work out together, and chose instead to be apart says a lot about you both as individuals, and says a lot about your future as a couple. I wish you both luck, and hope that you prove me wrong. Oh - don't worry, my name isn't Brad lol.

 

[takara]

Amen!! I could understand if the situation mandated separation, but the fact that you both had the opportunity to make it work out together, and chose instead to be apart says a lot about you both as individuals, and says a lot about your future as a couple. I wish you both luck, and hope that you prove me wrong. Oh - don't worry, my name isn't Brad lol.

there were other factors too though (obviously) like 30k more for each of us so it wasn't like we just threw away a great opportunity
couldn't our decision to be apart show our confidence in our relationship

 

[mshheaddoc]

there were other factors too though (obviously) like 30k more for each of us so it wasn't like we just threw away a great opportunity
couldn't our decision to be apart show our confidence in our relationship

Yes they are all factors.


Look you made the decision what is RIGHT for you. Some people here I'm sure are jaded about past relationships, others are in relationships where they feel they need to be with that person 24/7. You made the right decision obviously for both of you. I think the most important factor that I see stating your relationship has a chance of lasting is the communication

As long as you maintain that and you truly believe in the "us" concept of the relationship, you will survive. This coming from doing 3 years of a 5 year relationship in the same boat. Albeit it wasn't med school but still hard nonetheless

 

[RUscrewed]

If you really love her get married. She then can transfer into your dream school fairly easy. You get the best of both worlds, and lose at the same time because you are no longer single

 

[wakebord99]

Dude.. i drive 50 miles each way to work every day. I spend over 1.5 hours in my car every morning heading to school..

Why don't u two just get a place that's 40 miles away from you both.. then u both only have a 30 min commute.. !!!

Then you get the woman, and the dream school.

IMHO

 

[takara]

bump

 

[72531]

i'd go with the school both of you can go to. thats what im planning to do..i hope. 80 miles is pretty far after 7 years.

 

[Monette]

bump

What are the three schools in question? If you don't mind saying.

Cheers,
Monette

 

[LJDHC05]

Yeah, I kind of get to face a similar situation next year. The GF of 3+ years is going to Vermont Law in the fall (between Killington and Ascutney for you skiiers/boarders and her "dream school"). The closest med school to her is Dartmouth 30 minutes away, but that's a reach school for me. I'd like to stay in the general New England area because despite the cold, snow, lack of the letter r on the end of many words where it belongs, misplacement of an r on the end of words where it doesnt, baseball team that randomly free-falls out of first place after the all-star break and cost of living, I'm a new englander damnit and proud of it. The GF is the same way about new england.

My dream school is UMass in Worcester because my family would be 20 minutes away, it's cheaper than Boston, I've been waitlisted there, and it would save me a crap-load of money. It's a total crapshoot at this point as to where I'll end up.

To all the naysayers who think that long distance relationships dont work: I've made a relationship work while the GF was in Spain for a year. I work with girls with significant others in Uganda (peace corps for 2 years) and Korea (Air Force for a year) who have made things work despite the threat of malaria and losing them.

To all the naive idealists: It wasnt easy and long distance relationships are make-or-break. Physicians have an EXTREMELY HIGH divorce rate because of hot nurses and the stress it places on their spouses better make sure that your spouse is ready to sacrifice!

To the OP: 80 miles is an hour and a moving violation away. Chances are that the two of you are going to be not seeing a whole lot of each other until retirement with your long work weeks as physicians. If you are both having the same career stresses, you'll be more understanding and work issues out. If you've been attached at the hip for 7 years, this is your chance to flesh out your own lives for a couple years before living together FOREVER. Unfortunately though, it probably wont be the last time you face this decision either: you get to look foward to residencies and fellowships again as well which are even less controlable than med school slots. I think you made the right decision because you can have both the girl and the dream. I have a 2 to 3 hour drive to look foward to for the first two years of med school before the GF is able to move out of the mountains and in with me. Luckily there's good skiing minutes away from her as an added bonus!

To everyone else: give the man props for figuring out the only way to fit both the dream school and his woman into his future! bravo and good luck

 

[pagemmapants]

I would have chosen the school.

And I'm a "silly romantic girl".

Let's look at it from the other perspective. . . say you chose the girl, then you and the girl didn't make it. You would resent her and your decision and prob. spent the rest of your life wondering "what if".

If you chose the school and you and the girl didn't work out, then in all honesty I would have to say that with only an 80 mile separation, this is good evidence that the relationship wasn't strong enough in the first place.

Good call, I'd say.

And if I were your girl, I'd be damn proud of your decision.