Love or Medicine?

[BirdNorsk]

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I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

 

[Zoom-Zoom]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Med school fish are super big though and you might only catch one once.

If she loves you, she will wait.

 

[Pewl]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

This is the path we choose.

Career first, always. =P

 

[DarkFark]

Hey, look at the bright side; you have a choice.

 

[ashabee4]

I am in a similar situation, but it is not a difficult choice for me. Nothing will get in my way of accomplishing my goal. My significant other's career would actually benefit from moving, but it's up to him to decide whether he wants to make that sacrifice. My advice to you is to follow through with your career goals. It's something you can control, and if you have the opportunity and desire to pursue it, you should. A relationship is unpredictable and mostly out of your hands. It's my opinion that you would regret not going after your own goals, whether your relationship worked out or not in the end. Unfortunately, at this stage of your career, you really can't make any sacrifices, unless you happen to have a choice as to where you'll be attending medical school. It's really up to the other person in the relationship to make the sacrifice for now. To me, medical school is much too important to sacrifice for anyone.

 

[ClearDay]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

First choose your journey in life. Then, choose the person to accompany you in this journey. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Pewl]

Live for yourself.

Relationships come and go.

 

[OSUdoc08]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

How long have you wanted to be a doctor?

I've wanted to be one since I was kid. I didn't know what a girl was until puberty.

If she is really meant for you, she will wait for you or move for you.

 

[Jaykms]

I agree.

You don't know how your relationship will be in a few years, but you know you'll be a doctor in a few years...

 

[veridisquo]

Both have the potential to disappoint. I'd go with med school.

 

[ShyRem]

If the relationship is as important to them as it should be, they will either wait, or come with you. Either way, they should be happy for you and encourage your dreams, not stand in the way of them.

 

[Deanmonster]

you have to remember where all this advice is coming from, super-ambitious premeds who are at least somewhat egocentric. They don't know you, your partner, or your situation. All they can base their advice on is their own past relationships (or lack thereof).

You have to make this choice for yourself and not expect your partner to make all the sacrifices just because you're going to be a "doctor." Even if you are perfect for each other, 4 years is a long time to wait and there are other fish in the sea for him/her as well.

 

[OSUdoc08]

you have to remember where all this advice is coming from, super-ambitious premeds who are at least somewhat egocentric. They don't know you, your partner, or your situation. All they can base their advice on is their own past relationships (or lack thereof).

You have to make this choice for yourself and not expect your partner to make all the sacrifices just because you're going to be a "doctor." Even if you are perfect for each other, 4 years is a long time to wait and there are other fish in the sea for him/her as well.

I think not.

If you throw away your life's dream for a person who will not support you, then it was never your life's dream to begin with.

 

[ShyRem]

I'd have to agree with OSU on this one.

Deanmonster, you also don't know where the advice is coming from - I have a husband and two children who are willing to give up everything - EVERYTHING - their home, jobs, friends, etc., for my dreams. The OP asked for advice, not our situations.

 

[ClearDay]

I agree that you have to make the choice for yourself. However, the choice needs to be independent of this relationship. It's simply not fair to put that much pressure on any relationship. If it doesn't work out, you'll regret making such a huge sacrifice - possibly once in a life time opportunity.
Even if it works out, you may blame your SO for possibly 'depriving' you of your dreams.

If your SO isn't able to relocate with you now. Perhaps he/she can do so next year? There should be room for compromise.

 

[Jaider]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

I'd like to welcome you to the Lovelorn Med Student club. 🙂

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=256965

It's good for whining and pining. There are a number of us in similar situations.

 

[infiniti]

If you give up your dream of going to medical school, you will eventually loathe (even if unconsciously) your signifcant other for being the obstacle in your path. Think of this as the ultimate test of your relationship (there will be more trust me).

Were I to fall in love with a girl, I would never let her give up the very thing her heart desires. Doing so would make her unhappy, consequently making me miserable.

 

[Rafa]

There have been some rather eloquent things said in this thread, many of which I agree completely with. So instead of adding more wise thoughts about what you should do, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I fall in long-term love with a girl in med school, and she with me, there's a good chance I'll just run with it and get married. The way I see it, if you can find someone else in the profession who understands the job and feels the same way, grab him or her before someone else does. In your case, that's a bit tougher, since (I presume) she isn't going into med school. Well, everything works out for the best eventually. 🙂

 

[Shredder]

This is the path we choose.

Career first, always. =P

solid 👍

How long have you wanted to be a doctor?

I've wanted to be one since I was kid. I didn't know what a girl was until puberty.

there you have it, the quick litmus test

 

[ND2005]

Well...my girlfriend and I have been together for longer than I knew I wanted to be a doctor (4 years dating; 2 years pre-meding).

But when I made that decision, my girlfriend was the most supportive person I knew, despite the potential hardships it would place on our relationship. We're currently in the middle of our first year long-distance -- she's now in a 2 year service program and I'm prepping for med school -- and we will have at least another year apart until she's done with her program (hoping at this point that the school I end up at will be somewhat close, but who knows?). But throughout that, and despite knowing the difficulties of long-distance relationships, we've supported one another -- because that's the right thing to do for someone you care about.

 

[OSUdoc08]

Well...my girlfriend and I have been together for longer than I knew I wanted to be a doctor (4 years dating; 2 years pre-meding).

But when I made that decision, my girlfriend was the most supportive person I knew, despite the potential hardships it would place on our relationship. We're currently in the middle of our first year long-distance -- she's now in a 2 year service program and I'm prepping for med school -- and we will have at least another year apart until she's done with her program (hoping at this point that the school I end up at will be somewhat close, but who knows?). But throughout that, and despite knowing the difficulties of long-distance relationships, we've supported one another -- because that's the right thing to do for someone you care about.

You probably weren't destined to be a doctor anyway. (especially since you asked the question to begin with)

 

[ND2005]

You probably weren't destined to be a doctor anyway. (especially since you asked the question to begin with)

What?

You either need to try:

-Reading an entire post
-Reading the name of the poster (to the immediate left of the post)
or
-Dropping your inane tendency to condemn others' dedication to medicine.

 

[Lonnie]

My advice (from a fellow Domer...)

My girlfriend and I both went to med school at schools about an hour apart. At the time we both thought we were destined for each other and we were going to be the couple that bucks the trend, since every single person says "It's so hard to keep a relationship like that..." We were both busy, so we thought that we were both in the same boat and things would work out. You can draw the parallel between any demanding or busy job.

Guess what, they were right.

It was virtually impossible to coordinate our schedules. We both had totally separate social groups, and what little time we did have to spend with each other was at the expense of actually making relationships with the people you went to school with. Pretty soon we were both miserable because we never saw each other, neither of us had any friends at med school, and were left trying to make it through the grind of the first two years with extreme emotional stress and eventually, pretty crushing heartbreak. It's not fun, and unless you're a completely cold, uncaring, emotionless void of a person, it WILL affect your studies.

I realize this is a bleak picture, and probably sound bitter. But my advice is that beginning medical school is beginning a totally new life. Pretty much everything you had or did before will most likely no longer fit into this new life. You'll have new friends, new relationships, and most importantly, a new career. I personally feel that in order to get the most out of med school and make it the best experience possible, one needs to begin the journey totally free and able to follow it where it takes you. Being held back by anything else, whether it be a significant other, family issues, or other life stuff will be to your education's detriment, and ultimately, your career.

 

[ND2005]

Why does everyone now seem to think I'm the OP here?

I was posting in response to the OP...saying that if your relationship is a good one, your SO will be supportive of your goal of being a doctor, whatever the potential effects on the relationship.

 

[stiffany]

So, everyone seems to assume that the partner here is unwilling (and not unable) to move if given the choice. What about when the partner can't move due to a required job, current grad work, or the like (especially when that won't change for those four years). I agree with everyone on here that we always prioritize and that obtaining personal life goals is extremely important (and that the lack of doing so can be really detrimental to a relationship). But, what do people do when say their wives or husbands can't move due to job/familial/etcetera restraints and they've only been accepted to one school far away? Certainly they don't just pack up and ask for divorce papers? Feel free to flame me away, but I don't think this is as clear cut (i.e. it's not just, ah, "she'll wait for you for four years and you won't be hurt emotionally or on a life level at all") as everyone is making it out to be.

 

[Cashmere]

Hey Guys,
BirdNorsk is my real username, but since I am at work and forgot my password I am now "Cashmere" for the day. Thank you for all of the individual advice thus far.

I am the one who started this thread, and surprisingly, I am a girl!! A woman off to med school yes. I have been with my boyfriend for long enough that marriage talk is in the works, but I had my med school dreams before I met him. After work yesterday, I had a nice long talk with my Dad, and I realized that I am not only ecstatic to be starting med school in the fall, but also confident that if I can make it through those four years with my man miles away from my hardship and stress, then we can make it through the stress and strain of my future years as a practicing physician! He is finishing up his PhD and may do a post-doc now that I am leaving for Kentucky, so we will both be in the same academic boat of long library nights. I have new hope that we will reunite if meant to be, and then have curly-headed babies ;-). But that is a whole new thread!!

 

[Cashmere]

that is the exact dilemma i am in by the way. my SO is planning his career in academia and cannot just settle right into Lexington, Kentucky with me when he is looking for a campus for potential tenure! He needs to stay in the midwest (his hometown most likely) so we are forced apart by our career paths that are both in serious transition right now.

 

[Reimat]

If things are meant to work out, they will. Why not try the long distance thing for another year - if your significant other believes the relationship is important enough, they will join you where you are - if they aren't willing to compromise where they are (particularly if their career allows them some deal of freedom to choose where they want to live) then they aren't that seriously committed. I only say this because my girlfriend and I have worked hard to find a place where we both can purse grad school/different careers together. Sometimes you have to give a little, but it's a situation where I feel like I'd be losing a lot more to throw away my relationship.

 

[GA_MDhopeful]

I can say from personal experience that it doesn't have to be love OR medicine. if you're lucky, you can have both.

I've been in a long-term relationship and my boyfriend and I have definitely had our share of serious decisions to make. He graduated a year earlier than me, but decided that he wanted to stay in the same city as me and is currently teaching with Teach For America. Keep in mind - teaching is NOT his ultimate goal - he wants to go back to school to get an MFA in film production.

Now that it's time for me to apply to medical school, we've been applying to our respective schools in the same cities. Hopefully this will work out. If not, he says he's still willing to consider coming with me wherever I end up. I guess I really REALLY lucked out. 😍 Even if he didn't come with me wherever I go, I'm still ready to make some compromises with him. After all, we have plans to spend the rest of our lives together and I think he's a pretty important part of my life that deserves consideration in my future plans.

That being said, I have to emphasize that I have always been EXTREMELY career-oriented with the mind-set that I wouldn't sacrifice my career for anybody. And yes, I believe that you shouldn't let anybody stand in the way of you and your goals. However, I also believe that you alone know what it's like to be in your situation (each situation being different) and that you should ultimately make the decision that feels right and works best for you.
Don't let people tell you that it's wrong to give up your career for someone or vice versa. It simply isn't that black and white (and shouldn't have to be).

Good luck! 😀

 

[stiffany]

that is the exact dilemma i am in by the way. my SO is planning his career in academia and cannot just settle right into Lexington, Kentucky with me when he is looking for a campus for potential tenure! He needs to stay in the midwest (his hometown most likely) so we are forced apart by our career paths that are both in serious transition right now.

I definitely know how that works. I dated someone through most of college who went on a fellowship for a year to Asia during my senior year of undergrad and later onto a PhD program in NY. During the first year away, I learned that the relationship wasn't important enough to me to make sacrifices when I later chose a job and a postbac program. So, like a lot of the people on this board, I moved on in pursuit of what I wanted and so did he. And really, looking back I think that was the right decision given the relationship. However, I remember agonizing over what I was going to do and whether it was right to sacrifice a very serious and long-term relationship over a potential shot at a career. (I even spoke with a good friend of mine, a professor actually, about how she and her husband - both academics at the same university - dealt with these questions and issues since they'd been together during grad school. She actually chose to hold off on finding a tenured track position when he got a position at an Ivy league. Now, she's just as successful and is perfectly happy in her marriage.) Looking back, I think I made the right decision in terms of the relationship I was in, but to truly be in love with someone else, I don't think I'd feel comfortable with such a sacrifice. Over a year later, I now find myself extremely happy in another relationship where the individual I'm dating can't move away for the next 4-6 years due to the career he'd chosen a decade ago. I, of course, am not as far along in this relationship as you are in yours, but I could certainly imagine a situation (and I sometimes contemplate this since I'm applying this summer) where applying to medical schools/residencies/etcetera required a move and the potential sacrifice of a relationship. I'm not so sure given my previous experience and the value I place both on my current relationship and my future goals (which can be obtained in many ways - there is after all no straight path), whether or not I can throw in the towel and move potentially thousands of miles away. This probably sounds antiquated and will cause certain posters on this forum to yell and say I'm undedicated to my goals (funny since I've been busting my bum working full-time to support a postbac after college and grad school), but I don't think I'm willing to.

I also think though, that you need to take a huge look at your relationship and talk openly with your partner about your doubts and whether or not they're in it for the long haul (difficult I know). I think you also need to seriously consider if this is the "one". I don't think there is just one person out there for everyone, but if you're truly happy in a situation, why throw it away? Finally, you need to sit down with your partner and discuss if a long distance relationship (if that's what you choose) would work for both of you. My own experience with the ex-boyfriend in China over my senior yr has taught me that I suck at long distance relationships, either because the relationship wasn't "meant to be" or just because distance makes me miserable. But that's really a personal consideration and absolutely no one on this board, regardless of their own experiences or life dreams, can make that decision for you.

Do u still have applications nearby you're waiting to hear about? What happens if you reapply next year? Why did you apply to the far away school in the first place?

 

[CTSballer11]

Stick to ambition, there are plenty of women out there. On another note, what is the deal with everyone getting married so young?

 

[Hurricane95]

I think some people (not all of you, but a few certainly) are afraid of not being able to find "the one" while they're in med school...either because they think they will be too busy or they think that for some reason they can only date other med students (which seems to be the prevalent thought process on SDN) and a lot of med students are already either in serious relationships or married. So it becomes almost a race not to be left out of the dating pool and partner-less. That's why i think some people who are in relationships now (even if they are mediocre and not necessarily marriage caliber relationships) will latch onto them tooth and nail out of fear of not being able to get into another one until their thirties...which is not true. There are plenty of singles out there, you just have to know where to look (and its not always in your medical school class). Don't get me wrong, some people on here are truly in committed good quality relationships, but they are the exception. That's my two cents.

 

[chrishuynh]

It seems as though my situation is reversed. I currently have offers from different schools and am not sure which to go to. I could go somewhere in the same city as my gf or I could go somewhere thousands of miles away. It is a hard decision as I know I'll get my MD anywhere I go but do I really enjoy the school? Hope everything works out for the best for you though

 

[thegenius]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

Again, I will be probably the only person advocating *against* the extreme position in this forum that people are disposable and med school is not.

We obviously don't know enough about your situation. If it's a boyfriend/girlfriend, well, you have a decision to make about how strong your relationship is. If it's an engagement, the decision becomes tougher. If it's marriage, then you should have already discussed, in great detail, going to med school prior to applying.

On my little soapbox - people love to argue that relationships don't last; they are tenuous; how can you give up the dream of going to med school; there are always other people to you can date; your work will be so much more fulfilling than your relationship...

I just don't get where this attitude comes from. For me, extraordinary happiness has come from having a wife and sharing our life together, and raising a family. I am incredibly fortunate that my wife will allow me to follow my desire/dream to become a physician. If I lose my wife - I will be absolutely devastated for lord knows how long. If I lose my job as a doctor - then I will find another job.

Why do you think that just about all TV dramas (and dramas about doctors and hospitals) focus more on the relationships and less on the medicine? It's because happiness, sadness, anger, humiliation, comfort all more substantively come from interactions with other people (and makes for good TV). You'll get some of these states in medicine - but when you are down and out, sick, or near death, it's your family and close friends who will keep you afloat in this world. Not your job.

 

[MarzMD]

.... He is finishing up his PhD and may do a post-doc now that I am leaving for Kentucky, so we will both be in the same academic boat of long library nights. I have new hope that we will reunite if meant to be, and then have curly-headed babies ;-). But that is a whole new thread!!

Welcome to the club. Im in the same situation. Girlfriend in Cali, I will be in Lexington, KY most likely. What are the odds of that? Oh well, I hope we both make it through in good standings with our SO.

*PM me if you are bored and want to talk to someone who is in the exact situation right down to the location of med school.

 

[thegenius]

The majority of responses on this thread MAKE ME WANT TO PUKE. I am just shocked, literally shocked.

It's not a black and white decision. Some wrote above that you have little control over relationships. What kind of crazy statement is that?

I'm chalking this up to immaturity.

 

[Cashmere]

I am actually a Los Angeles native. My relationship has been long distance as of four months ago, and we were hoping to be together again by August. Now that has changed... But, on a happy note, he is very supportive of my Lexington plans. And hey, Cincinnati is a hub that is very easy to jump to!

 

[MarzMD]

I am actually a Los Angeles native. My relationship has been long distance as of four months ago, and we were hoping to be together again by August. Now that has changed... But, on a happy note, he is very supportive of my Lexington plans. And hey, Cincinnati is a hub that is very easy to jump to!

Wow, that is just odd. What a coincidence.

 

[2010MD]

Again, I will be probably the only person advocating *against* the extreme position in this forum that people are disposable and med school is not.

...On my little soapbox - people love to argue that relationships don't last; they are tenuous; how can you give up the dream of going to med school; there are always other people to you can date; your work will be so much more fulfilling than your relationship...

...when you are down and out, sick, or near death, it's your family and close friends who will keep you afloat in this world. Not your job.

Don't worry, you're not the only person that feels this way -- I just didn't feel like expending the energy to say what seems self evident to you and I.

 

[Lorrayne]

I just don't get where this attitude comes from. For me, extraordinary happiness has come from having a wife and sharing our life together, and raising a family. I am incredibly fortunate that my wife will allow me to follow my desire/dream to become a physician. If I lose my wife - I will be absolutely devastated for lord knows how long. If I lose my job as a doctor - then I will find another job.

Thank you for saying this. I completely agree. 👍
My marriage and my husband are priority No. 1. Fortunately, I married a great guy who is also very supportive of my happiness. We have both made some sacrifices throughout this process in the interest of putting our relationship first.

 

[infiniti]

To whoever said "some of these posts make me wanna puke", I understand your sentiment, but you have to realize that most people are giving advice based on their own experience. Only the OP could know what is best for her (sorry if you are a guy). That being said, you sometimes find good advice in the least expected place. If I were the OP, I would read the posts and read the ones that seem related to my experience a little closer. In the end, the decision is the OP's. That shouldn't stop others from giving their opinions though.

 

[thegenius]

To whoever said "some of these posts make me wanna puke", I understand your sentiment, but you have to realize that most people are giving advice based on their own experience. Only the OP could know what is best for her (sorry if you are a guy). That being said, you sometimes find good advice in the least expected place. If I were the OP, I would read the posts and read the ones that seem related to my experience a little closer. In the end, the decision is the OP's. That shouldn't stop others from giving their opinions though.

I'm not trying to prevent people from giving their opinions, I'm just shocked that 95% of them seem to be in favor of work over relationship.

And I'm not advocating that a fleeting 6-month relationship should take priority over career goals.

But I would hate to see a response to a hypothetical question of "My wife and kids don't want to support my dream to become a physician. And I really want to be one. What should I do? Should I consider divorce and go to med school?"

I agree that none of know what is best for the OP. Given that, everybody usually gives advice based on their own experience. So...maybe everyone who has responded has found relationships to be cumbersome and unrewarding. Not totally unexpected given that the majority of posters here are probably 19-23 and in college. (My relationships back then were mainly about having fun and something to do.)

 

[DrLalich]

My girlfriend (of three and a half years) and I are together forging the application process. We have both been accepted to multiple schools. One of these schools has accepted both of us, but I am much more fond of another school, to which I have also been accepted, for their curriculum, cost of attendance/cost of living, and the clinical rotations offered. This has been a really hard decision for me, because she will be attending this school regardless of my decision (this medical school was her #1 choice). After weeks of discussion, we have decided that it would be better if we each went to the school that was best for us overall. We are fairly optimistic about a long distance relationship and we both understand how challenging this portion of our lives will be. Our thinking is that, if we are meant to be together, then things will work out. Just an FYI for people in this situation, there is a couples match option through ERAS. So if you want to end up in the same area for residency, there is chance that you can.

 

[Rafa]

I think some people (not all of you, but a few certainly) are afraid of not being able to find "the one" while they're in med school...either because they think they will be too busy or they think that for some reason they can only date other med students (which seems to be the prevalent thought process on SDN) and a lot of med students are already either in serious relationships or married. So it becomes almost a race not to be left out of the dating pool and partner-less. That's why i think some people who are in relationships now (even if they are mediocre and not necessarily marriage caliber relationships) will latch onto them tooth and nail out of fear of not being able to get into another one until their thirties...which is not true. There are plenty of singles out there, you just have to know where to look (and its not always in your medical school class). Don't get me wrong, some people on here are truly in committed good quality relationships, but they are the exception. That's my two cents.

👍 Because this bears repeating.

 

[Contentablue]

I am in a similar situation, but it is not a difficult choice for me. Nothing will get in my way of accomplishing my goal. My significant other's career would actually benefit from moving, but it's up to him to decide whether he wants to make that sacrifice. My advice to you is to follow through with your career goals. It's something you can control, and if you have the opportunity and desire to pursue it, you should. A relationship is unpredictable and mostly out of your hands. It's my opinion that you would regret not going after your own goals, whether your relationship worked out or not in the end. Unfortunately, at this stage of your career, you really can't make any sacrifices, unless you happen to have a choice as to where you'll be attending medical school. It's really up to the other person in the relationship to make the sacrifice for now. To me, medical school is much too important to sacrifice for anyone.

I've gotta say, I <i>completely</i> agree with your last sentence. With everything you said, but yea... you get the point.

 

[silverdime]

So, everyone seems to assume that the partner here is unwilling (and not unable) to move if given the choice. What about when the partner can't move due to a required job, current grad work, or the like (especially when that won't change for those four years). I agree with everyone on here that we always prioritize and that obtaining personal life goals is extremely important (and that the lack of doing so can be really detrimental to a relationship). But, what do people do when say their wives or husbands can't move due to job/familial/etcetera restraints and they've only been accepted to one school far away? Certainly they don't just pack up and ask for divorce papers? Feel free to flame me away, but I don't think this is as clear cut (i.e. it's not just, ah, "she'll wait for you for four years and you won't be hurt emotionally or on a life level at all") as everyone is making it out to be.

I agree. My S.O. and I have also been together longer than I've known I wanted to be a doctor. His career path might not involve four years of schooling, but he's equally dedicated to it.

Since my chances of getting in this year were unknown, and he had a choice of jobs the year before, we chose his job together based on how much he liked it plus the number of medical schools surrounding it. We then picked out the medical schools I applied to, so that there'd be no surprises, and made sure to include those in nearby cities with opportunities in his industry. Neither one of us was willing to give up each other or our dreams. To have one without the other was meaningless. So we found a compromise.

Some of you may be so lucky as to have a flexible partner, which makes things much easier. If the other person is stuck in one location, and you couldn't imagine life without them, that doesn't make you not worthy of being a doctor, or that the other person isn't supposed to be with you. My S.O. has dreams and goals. I'd be disappointed if his drive didn't match mine. So we worked things out. It might mean that I have to apply a second year, or a third, or that he might have to change jobs to a different city, but I'm going to have both the M.D. and my life with him.

You don't have to pick one or the other. You just have to think creatively, and be willing to compromise.

 

[marcus_aurelius]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

It depends on how much you "love" her. If u REALLY love her, u two should compromise....u cant love anyone without give and take.

u cant expect her to drop her life for you and she shouldnt expect u to drop your life for her.

u should be talking about this with her, not us.

if i were really in love, i might take a year off and apply to all the local schools first...and really kiss their asses to try to get in. now i've never been in love, but if u two have been together for a long time...and have a future, this makes the most sense to me.

i dont think u can expect her to drop her life completely and follow you around.

compromise.

remember, med schl is impt, but at the end of the day, its just a job....its not your entire life.

 

[Em1]

I was threatened with facing a similar situation as the OP. I had been dating this guy seriously for a year and had worried myself sick over what would happen next year. Things like "what will happen if I don't get into Emory (local)?", "would I turn down a school I liked more for Emory?", and "would I go to Emory to stay near him even if it cost thousands more than a school I liked just as much?"

He broke up w/me just after Thanksgiving (had nothing to do w/med school, at least not that I know of), and while I was MISERABLE immediately afterwards, it felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted in terms of med school decisions.

So I can empathize w/the OP a bit, although I have no idea just how serious her relationship is or how deeply she feels about him. OP, talk to your family and friends, who are much more familiar with your situation. Four years is a long, hard time to be apart- is medicine worth it to you? Is medicine worth it if you go this fall and the relationship ends because of it? I'm not trying to steer you in either direction, I just don't want you to have any regrets.

 

[ClearDay]

I'm not trying to prevent people from giving their opinions, I'm just shocked that 95% of them seem to be in favor of work over relationship.

And I'm not advocating that a fleeting 6-month relationship should take priority over career goals.

But I would hate to see a response to a hypothetical question of "My wife and kids don't want to support my dream to become a physician. And I really want to be one. What should I do? Should I consider divorce and go to med school?"

I agree that none of know what is best for the OP. Given that, everybody usually gives advice based on their own experience. So...maybe everyone who has responded has found relationships to be cumbersome and unrewarding. Not totally unexpected given that the majority of posters here are probably 19-23 and in college. (My relationships back then were mainly about having fun and something to do.)

Considering the fact that the OP originally referred to her situation as a 'relationship', I think most people (me included) correctly implied that it is not a marriage she's talking about. If she was asking about her marriage, I'm sure most people would respond differently. Please don't take things out of context. Thanks.

 

[newguy357]

To the OP:
Only you know, because the answer is going to be different for everyone based on his priorities. Some here would sell their souls to go into medicine. The career will always take what you give it and want more, so they just might very well succeed. Others would quit their career plans to pursue a love. Only you know where you fall. It is up to your priorities. For me relationships and family are infinitely greater than career on the priority scale. Everyone else could have a different perspective.

Live for yourself.

Relationships come and go.

That's a great philosophy if you desire to end up a very lonely, sad old man.