Love or Medicine?

[Mr. Tee]

You probably weren't destined to be a doctor anyway. (especially since you asked the question to begin with)

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[CTSballer11]

OSUDOC is wound way too tight.

 

[OSUdoc08]

OSUDOC is wound way too tight.

You don't even know me, fool.

I've never made a serious post on SDN.

 

[n3ur05ur930n]

I am currently accepted at (sigh) one medical school, and though extremely grateful for the opportunity, I know that my lack of choice geographically means that my relationship (miles and miles from my future anatomy lab) might suffer the four year distance. When does one dream shadow another, and how do I choose?

If there is any doubt, then you've already decided.

The real question here is, have you made the right decision.

If you think that giving up a career in medicine for your partner is the correct choice, then it is for you.

If you know that pursuing medicine is the right choice, then you will have to suck it up with your relationship (pun intended). You have far more daunting and painful decisions ahead of you as a physician. Don't turn this one into a mountain. How will you feel telling a parent his/her child has cancer and only two months to live? How will you feel deciding whether to amputate a 23 year old woman's leg at the thigh? These are worth agonizing over. Of course, leaving a relationship is not easy, and we are all human beings wrought with emotions we'd just as soon not be terrorized by, but keep a healthy perspective, and know that once you've made a decision, there is no reason to agonize over it further.

Good luck. You'll do the right thing.

 

[oompa loompa]

My advice (from a fellow Domer...)

My girlfriend and I both went to med school at schools about an hour apart. At the time we both thought we were destined for each other and we were going to be the couple that bucks the trend, since every single person says "It's so hard to keep a relationship like that..." We were both busy, so we thought that we were both in the same boat and things would work out. You can draw the parallel between any demanding or busy job.

Guess what, they were right.

It was virtually impossible to coordinate our schedules. We both had totally separate social groups, and what little time we did have to spend with each other was at the expense of actually making relationships with the people you went to school with. Pretty soon we were both miserable because we never saw each other, neither of us had any friends at med school, and were left trying to make it through the grind of the first two years with extreme emotional stress and eventually, pretty crushing heartbreak. It's not fun, and unless you're a completely cold, uncaring, emotionless void of a person, it WILL affect your studies.

I realize this is a bleak picture, and probably sound bitter. But my advice is that beginning medical school is beginning a totally new life. Pretty much everything you had or did before will most likely no longer fit into this new life. You'll have new friends, new relationships, and most importantly, a new career. I personally feel that in order to get the most out of med school and make it the best experience possible, one needs to begin the journey totally free and able to follow it where it takes you. Being held back by anything else, whether it be a significant other, family issues, or other life stuff will be to your education's detriment, and ultimately, your career.

Hey, no you don't sound bitter at all. In fact, you just made a bunch of us feel a lot better about our impending break-ups, perpetual single-status, etc. I like how you compared med school to beginning a "new life." Makes all the stress and work sound sorta exciting.

 

[63768]

i vote for career.

 

[67192]

Life is about relationships. If it's really love, it will work out.

 

[lilymoo]

I would love to stay in my city and close to my bf, but I don't think at this point, I have that choice. I am lucky that he is supportive and i am only going to be 270 miles away. If it is meant to be, it will work out.

 

[NoSoupforYou13]

Um, I don't know about you guys, but I know a lot of physicans who are married. Most of them met his or her spouse before or during medical school. So, I guess some people learned to work through it. Right?

 

[omgwtfbbq?]

I'm a little worried by all the people who say "if you have indecision then you're probably not meant to be a doctor."

doesn't anybody ever wonder if they're doing the right thing? aren't there other things in your life that you will mourn losing when you start med school or during your career?

it kind of worries me that everyone has such tunnel vision that other things aren't considered. Doctors shouldn't just be science machines. They're people too. And that means having relationships, and hobbies and lives.

I think its natural to feel indecision. this is a HUGE step in all our lives. I've wanted to be a doctor since i was a kid. but i also had a vision of another life and another career that i could see myself in. But i think that having the indecision and working through it is what made me feel confident in my choice to attend med school. i KNOW i want to go because i questioned it for a time.

so as far as relationships go, love's a big thing. And yes, your life will be different but look at it on a case by case basis. I've been in a relationship for 2 years now, much shorter than the time I've spent working towards being a doctor. We talked about him coming with me, but it wasn't anything he seemed really serious about. So i dropped it and figured i'd go, and we'd just deal with it then. But a few days ago he told me that he decided he was going to come. and try to go to grad school at the same place i was going to med school. thing is it was HIS decision. so i feel good about it. i also know he could change his mind, and i think that if you just keep that in your head, if someone comes with you, then its allright.

I'm going to try to do everything i can to get a residency in an area that he would like. I guess its just... you do your best, and if you love someone that can be important for your med. school experience too. support means a lot.

good luck in your decision. but make sure that you won't regret whatever you do. Make sure you ask yourself - what happens if the relationship goes sour. will you be able to reapply to med school? will you be blacklisted by turning down your acceptance? (i don't know if thats how it works)

I hope everything works out

 

[.ellie.]

I'm going to try to do everything i can to get a residency in an area that he would like. I guess its just... you do your best, and if you love someone that can be important for your med. school experience too. support means a lot.

Great advice!

I love how your relationship is balanced, both party's interest are accounted for. It's not black/white; my career, me, my career, myself, my career, and I. Good luck to you too.