Major anxiety/doubt about grad school

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FrankieJane

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I'm really close to being accepted to a PsyD program, and now that the possibility of getting in seems real, I'm starting to have major doubt/panic about what I'm getting myself into.

I've worked really hard to get where I am. I went back to school to do a psych undergrad degree specifically so that I could apply to PsyD programs, interviewed at my top choice, and have a phone interview this week to confirm research interests, etc.

I'm freaking out! I'm prone to anxiety and depression, and in fact I take medication to help deal with it. I'm really scared that the stress in grad school is going to send me spiraling down into a deep depression, or that I'm going to spend the next four years constantly on the verge on a panic attack. Reading the recent thread 'would you do it again', with all the dismal answers, I think that really contributed to this feeling. It's scary to commit myself so fully to a career, even though I've wanted this SO badly for so many years! I feel like I was too idealistic before, and now that I'm faced with the reality of getting in I realize how much work and stress this is going to be.

I'm scared of being poor and in debt and having to drop out of my program. I'll have to take out about 10 000 in loans per year to finance it, and I already have a 30 000 dollar student loan. I'm scared of not finding a job once I'm done. I'm scared of not being able to manage my depression and anxiety in grad school.

WHen I googled this, all I came up with were horror stories and news articles about how grad school is a breeding grounds for depression, and that so many grad students feel suicidal at some point, and I'm just really scared to jump into this.

I can't think of anything else I would want to do, though. Maybe a masters in counselling psychology, but I wanted the PsyD so much more than that, and even the masters would freak me out. It would just be comforting to know that I'd be done after two years.

I have my final interview this week and I'm scared of sabotaging myself so that I don't get in, but I'm also scared of doing well and getting in!

Has anyone else faced this much anxiety on the brink of getting accepted to grad school? How do I stay positive in face of the overwhelming evidence that grad school is going to suck my soul and turn me into a neurotic mess? I really want to follow this career path, I'm just really, really terrified.

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I am waiting to hear back as well, and those comments on the other thread are definitely scary along with the debt! I'm afraid of getting in and also not getting in.

I talked about my concerns with my therapist and that definitely helped me put in perspective what I've been working for and that there's up and downs in every field. The MA level isn't in the clear either, lots of unpaid internships and the hours can take a long time to complete. I don't know if you're seeing somebody for therapy, but I think it helps to check in person with someone who is also familiar with the process. I find sometimes explaining it to others they can't get past the graduate school part and tell me it's awesome, to pursue it, etc. (not that it's not nice to hear, but I'm a worrier and tend to think the worse case scenario for myself rather than best).

I'm not in grad school yet but I do know what it's like to juggle over 50 hour intensive work weeks with minimal sleep. Self care is super important, especially before it gets too difficult.

Keep in mind for the interview that if you do your best, you can still decide not to attend if you're offered admission. I did recently bomb an interview at a school, and my friend makes fun of me for it as a joke that I only have one option left now. I wondered if I self sabotaged too, it's kinda a crappy feeling coming out of those interviews heh. Attempt to do your best so you can have an option, not wrong to decline this time and re-apply when you've thought it out :)
 
Has anyone else faced this much anxiety on the brink of getting accepted to grad school? How do I stay positive in face of the overwhelming evidence that grad school is going to suck my soul and turn me into a neurotic mess? I really want to follow this career path, I'm just really, really terrified.

Sounds like you are asking for therapy online. I'd suggest that you find your therapist and ask these same great questions.
 
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The MA level isn't in the clear either, lots of unpaid internships and the hours can take a long time to complete.

In my state, at least, the hours required for MA licensure are the same as those for licensure as a psychologist. One big difference is that the hours required by psych programs as "externships" or "practica" are much higher and (often/exclusively) unpaid in my area/region. During my second year practica, I was working with second year social work interns (going for the MSW) who would start pursuing licensure hours the following year. I still had a minimum of a year left to apply for internship, do another practicum, and work on my dissertation. Now, 2 years later, they'll be license eligible in a matter of months and I still need to obtain an internship (didn't match the first two times around).

It sounds like you need to talk to someone in person about your thoughts and feelings. No one here is going to be able to ameliorate your concerns.
 
In my state, at least, the hours required for MA licensure are the same as those for licensure as a psychologist. One big difference is that the hours required by psych programs as "externships" or "practica" are much higher and (often/exclusively) unpaid in my area/region. During my second year practica, I was working with second year social work interns (going for the MSW) who would start pursuing licensure hours the following year. I still had a minimum of a year left to apply for internship, do another practicum, and work on my dissertation. Now, 2 years later, they'll be license eligible in a matter of months and I still need to obtain an internship (didn't match the first two times around).

It sounds like you need to talk to someone in person about your thoughts and feelings. No one here is going to be able to ameliorate your concerns.

I see, I should have specified my area as well in which many MA level clinicians can take years to gather hours due to saturation in the field here. Apologies, and not sure where the op is from. There's good and bad things about both paths.
 
Actually doesn't seem like you have that much undergrad debt (compared to many others). I knew people who came out of undergrad with twice that amount.

Also, $10,000/year doesn't sound too awful (I've seen other programs that it looks like it could be upwards of $15,000). The other thing you have to ask yourself, is this $10,000 for 4 years or is that for the first two and then you take less credits later on so it would actually be less.

I agree it's a tough decision to make but, I also agree with Markp if you can find a therapist (if you have insurance, if you don't see if you can find a reduced fee clinic) and talk about these issues.
 
Grad school isn't a prison sentence, I promise :). You can try it, and if--after a semester or a year--it confirms all your worst fears, you can quit. You can also quit after 2 years and get a masters in most programs, though you'd still have to complete extra hours for licensure. If your top choice was completely unfunded and costing 20-30K a year, I wouldn't recommend this route. Even though 10K is still a lot of money, I think that it would be worth a try to see if it's a good fit.
 
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