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Males moving with their female partner?Please help!

Discussion in 'Spouses and Partners' started by PalCareGrl, Jan 21, 2002.

  1. PalCareGrl

    PalCareGrl Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Mar 5, 2001
    I'm in a slightly different situation but maybe some of you can offer me some advice. I am going to be moving to Florida to start medical school this summer and I am currently living with my boyfriend of two years (who is already a physician, and I moved from Vermont to Ohio to be with him this past year). He is divorced (his first wife left him two years into their marriage- this is about five years ago) and while I know he loves me, he's hesitant about making a complete commitment (although he often says he wants to get married, sees us having kids,etc... in the future). He has given me a tentative answer about moving with me when I go to medical school.

    He said that because he wasn't positive without any doubt that it was the right thing to do, he can't come with me. I'm devastated right now because I thought for sure that he would come. He even told me that he thought by now he'd want to propose,but something (and he doesn't know what) is holding him back. Since he told me this, both of us have been miserable and I've been living in the guest room. I gave him until February 1 to make a final decision(he is very indecisive and has changed his mind about major decisions before, like where he took a job out of residency). I'm still kind of numb and in shock, because I really thought that we would get married and that he was "it".

    I know I probably sound pretty pathetic, but my question is(that he originally posed to me): would it be worth it to try to do a long-distance relationship when I go to school? I feel like this is a backwards step, we did long distance (three hours driving) last year while I was in grad school, but he keeps saying that he doesn't want to lose me, but I told him that if he doesn't come, we need to break up because I don't need the added stress of a long distance relationship while I'm in med school.

    Please help me, is anyone doing long distance? I would appreciate any comments or suggestions because you guys are removed from the situation and may be able to see something that I'm not. Thanks.
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  3. Stephen Ewen

    Stephen Ewen 10+ Year Member

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  4. Sugar72

    Sugar72 Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Jul 22, 2001
    I am in a similar situation. I have been married 4 years and my husband and i live in new orleans. I am moving to Glendale to go to AZCOM in the fall and he is staying here. He has obligations here that are very important to him and going to school is very important to me.
    We are not looking forward to it, but compared to the next 40 or so years, 4 years isn't so long.

    In many ways it will be less stressful for me because I will be able to focus on school instead of entertaining a husband that doesn't know anyone in town!

    The older I get, the more I embrace the idea of taking life one day at a time. If you like your man, don't break it off until it actually becomes too stressful.

    The secret to my happiness in this situation is to remain calm and see what happens.

    Good luck and at least you know that the future holds some darn good weather!
  5. PalCareGrl

    PalCareGrl Senior Member 10+ Year Member

    Mar 5, 2001
    Thank you Sugar for your advice. It makes sense and makes me feel a little better about this unsure situation. :)

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