Marriage and Med School

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brianoflee

brianoflee

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I know this could well be a topic for The Lounge, but I wanted to frame it in the context of applying to medicine.

How do you think adcoms look upon students who will be married upon starting med school? Should the topic be brought up in interviews or essays, or do you think that's too easily opening the door for negative stereotypes or preformed notions?

I can see how some may see it as a sign of maturity and acceptance of responsibility. But I can also all-too-easily imagine some cynical interviewer/essay-reader stereotyping the applicant as some starry-eyed dreamer with little grasp on the real world. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, I was just curious to see what people thought. I'm speaking more with respect to traditional students, btw - not a 35-year-old with a minivan and a mortgage ;)
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Last year, when we started school, there were 11 married people in my class. Some had taken a year or two off, some hadn't. With about 10% of my class falling into the category you described, I don't think it's a problem.
 
i'm not married, but engaged, and i was concerned about wearing my engagement ring to interviews. i had heard about some unfair questions about marriage and such towards girls who had engagement rings. its gone fine for me. only other interviewees or medical students asked about it and it was all very positive stuff. i'd be interested to get others POV on this issue too...
 
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Well it will probably come up because it's obviously a huge emotional investment you have in your relationship, and if the distance or long hours of medical school become an issue in your relationship, they want to know if you're going to quit school or not.

I personally have mentioned my engagement to just about every school. It's a major part of who I am, why I'm seeking a career in medicine, and why I chose specific schools.
 
I once read a study (I will see if I can find it) that said married males are more likely to finish the program and statistics show that very few drop out. The study showed that married females are often overwhelmed by trying to balance family and med school and have a higher drop out rate (it did show that married females, who stated their spouse was VERY SUPPORTIVE and picked up the slack at home, had a the same drop out rates as the married males). So the deciding factor here seems to be that those with supportive spouses (who will cook dinner and clean the house and not expect a lot of help) had HIGHER than average success rate.

SO, if brought up in an interview, just state that yes, you are married, engaged, but you think that is a huge plus, since your spouse has agreed to keep the house in order so that you can have more study time!
 
Hopefully, not too bad, I'm married WITH children. I've stated it in my personal statement, and it's who I am. My first pregnancy was unexpected (which you know if you've seen me floating around here), but I am NOT going to just say-"whoops, it's over for me!"-take it or leave it, it comes with the package, and I certainly can't change it now.
 
To take this a step further.

Is it possible to get married during med school? Say between second and third year? Has anyone done this?

Just wondering if it is possible to plan a wedding (I am a guy so I won't be planning much) and/or actually get married/go on a honeymoon during a med school break.
 
I actually just got engaged in July, and we are getting married in March 2008... so I will be married before medical school (if i can get an interview!!)

I have always thought, that if you do have a supportive person, then it can only be a positive... you're not going to be in medschool AND going through the dating game?

I have also wondered whether it is a good idea to bring up the fact that I am engaged (i.e. wear my engagement ring)... or not
 
kronickm said:
To take this a step further.

Is it possible to get married during med school? Say between second and third year? Has anyone done this?

Just wondering if it is possible to plan a wedding (I am a guy so I won't be planning much) and/or actually get married/go on a honeymoon during a med school break.
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from what I understand, in between first and second year is the only usable break in medical school. So you'd either need to do it before medical school or after first year, or just not have much of a honeymoon.
 
You should expect questions about your marriage. They may ask if you are willing to commit to med school, possibly to the detriment of your marriage.

My advisor (colossal jerk) told me at our first meeting that either the marriage will fail or your medical school career will fair. And now he wonders why I don't go see him very often.
 
armybound said:
from what I understand, in between first and second year is the only usable break in medical school. So you'd either need to do it before medical school or after first year, or just not have much of a honeymoon.
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This was my real question. Is there a usable break (at least 2 weeks maybe) between 2nd-3rd year...3rd-4th? Does it depend on the school?
 
kronickm said:
This was my real question. Is there a usable break (at least 2 weeks maybe) between 2nd-3rd year...3rd-4th? Does it depend on the school?
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I believe rotations go year-round, so there's no break in between years. there is a break between 2nd and 3rd but that's right before the USMLE, so people usually spend the entire summer studying

a med student could tell you for sure.
 
ah, marriage. Many applicants are actually married and to my knowledge its not an issue at interviews. The rumor is that some demanding residencies might be a little gun-shy about the issue though, mostly to women and mostly due to pregnancy but that's another topic. But I have NEVER heard of it being an issue in a medical school interview. Especially with the average age of the medical student increasing. Although its more common in certain areas for students to be married in say the midwest or south than it is in the Northeast per se.

When to get married? WHENEVER YOU WANT! Although summer btw 1st and 2nd year is popular, many use a vacation month or weeks in 3rd and 4th year as well. It can be done. And if your spouse doesn't mind taking care of most of it and understands you can't be heavily involved in planning it, go for it. My husband and married during his 3rd year over a weekend. Never got a honeymoon but we will eventually. I planned it and it was small due to money concerns. We wanted to elope so we just "eloped with familly invited".
 
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WOW!!!
Now I feel bad that I have not mentioned that I've been married for a year anywhere. I am curious now as to how you guys worked it into your essays and I am wondering if I should mention it in the secondaries under the question is there anything else you'd like us to know about you?
By the way my wife is a nurse so she understands the commitments I've had to make (we've been together for five years) and she is extremely supportive. If anything she'd make my life so much easier during med schools with everything she does around the house not mention her practical knowledge of health care and her organizational skills.
 
ChePibe said:
WOW!!!
Now I feel bad that I have not mentioned that I've been married for a year anywhere. I am curious now as to how you guys worked it into your essays and I am wondering if I should mention it in the secondaries under the question is there anything else you'd like us to know about you?
By the way my wife is a nurse so she understands the commitments I've had to make (we've been together for five years) and she is extremely supportive. If anything she'd make my life so much easier during med schools with everything she does around the house not mention her practical knowledge of health care and her organizational skills.
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I wrote it into the "Is there anything else you'd like us to know about you?" essays.
 
ChePibe said:
WOW!!!
Now I feel bad that I have not mentioned that I've been married for a year anywhere. I am curious now as to how you guys worked it into your essays and I am wondering if I should mention it in the secondaries under the question is there anything else you'd like us to know about you?
By the way my wife is a nurse so she understands the commitments I've had to make (we've been together for five years) and she is extremely supportive. If anything she'd make my life so much easier during med schools with everything she does around the house not mention her practical knowledge of health care and her organizational skills.
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Don't feel bad, its a common misconception but remember to always be yourself. If a school is going to shun you because you're married, do you really think you're going to be happy at that school? Realistically you want to get in wherever you can, but you also want them to accept you for who you are. Married and in a relationship with someone you love is part of who you are and I'm sure they are a huge part of your support network. Don't forget that. :D

In my PS, my husband was a huge reason of supporting me through med school (already gone through the process himself and how I watched him go through it) and I was proud to mention that. I mean you don't need to gloat but if its something you want to mention and makes up who you are as armybound stated, there are ways to mention it.
 
Being a guy, my engagement wasn't ring-obvious during interviews, but I think all my ADCOMs knew about it since I mentioned it (extraordinarily briefly) in my personal statement. Nobody looked down on me or asked weird questions and now that I'm MS1 it's really not very weird at all, although we are in the minority at my school (4 or 5 of us out of 150 I think). However, it's not something I would have dwelled upon in my personal statement since that statement, and most secondaries, have nothing to do with my personal life.

Good luck.
 
for those of u who mentioned your engagement/marriage under the is there anything else youd like us to know essay, how did you do so?? did you talk abt how marriage is a tremendous responsibility? I was thinking abt mentioning it but then i was like who knows whose reading these - could be
bitterly divorced high powered surgeon who is like what does she know about real life and responsibility...so i was like why bring it up if i dont have to...
any opinions?
 
Congrats- for starters!:)

I was married one month before I moved to Houston to go to school. I was engaged during the interview process and didn't have any problems. I was asked (in a kind, conversational way) how I was expecting to balance my time at home with school.

Don't be afraid, I have survived these few years in school because I have had somebody to go home to. Somebody to help with dinner and laundry. And when I would freak out about all my classes and be convinced I wasn't cut out for this, I had somebody to make it all better and take me for ice cream.:love:

In my experience it is an advantage to be married in school. It is difficult, and the other person HAS to be supportive, but you both have to compromise. It's not all about you, in the end. It's about your life together and what you make of it...
 
I did not read everyones response so I am sorry if I am repeating anything...

I am a first year female medical student (traditional, straight from undergrad to med school) and just started school a little more then two weeks ago. While I was interviewing last year, I was engaged and planning on getting married in the summer (June 30). It never came up as a negative. I did usually bring up the fact that I was engaged and getting married soon. It never was an issue in the interviews. Honestly, I never even thought twice about it. I got in every where I interviewed at.

So this summer I did get married and have been married for almost two months. The adjustment with getting married and starting medical school has been a little difficult but can be easiliy handled. I got married and bought a house with husband within two weeks of each other which has added to the difficult adjustment of everything. I find it great though to have someone to come home to everynight. My husband also helps out with the cleaning, cooking, and taking care of our new puppy.

There are also quite a bit of people who are married in my class, some non traditional and some traditional. There are also a large number of people engaged and getting married in the near future. I really think that marriage is a non issue in regards to medical school admissions.

Feel free to PM me with any questions. It may take me a little bit to rspond though since I am studying a bit more now.
 
I want to get married soon, before med school, but I don't think I can afford a nice wedding.

How did you all do it? Aren't your parents tapped out after paying for undergrad and soon to be med school?

I am thinking of just going to an overnight chappel like you see in vegas. I tell my girlfriend that I will take her on a honeymoon when I actually become a physician.
 
west nile said:
I want to get married soon, before med school, but I don't think I can afford a nice wedding.

How did you all do it? Aren't your parents tapped out after paying for undergrad and soon to be med school?
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Education's a lot cheaper here in Canada. :D


...sorry for the lousy advice :oops:
 
I am engaged and will be getting married while I am in med school. Anyone see a problem with getting married early in my 2nd year? I figured it would be before my USMLE's but give us time to adjust to med school my first year before me get married. Thanks for the help.
 
Man, I want to get married! Too bad I don't have a boyfriend, let alone a fiance. Looks like it's going to be a long, lonely 4 years in medical school. Sigh. Congrats and good luck to everyone who's engaged/recently married, though!
 
ooooh, fun thread! I just got engaged july 3rd, and am planning to get married next july 26th....so, that would be, like immediately before med school starts (if I'm lucky enough to get in). It's going to make for some tough times financially, but I wanted to "get it out of the way" (the marriage, that is) before I start on another huge journey in life. I don't think M1 and planning a wedding would go very well together, so I'm doing it this year while the only committment I have is work.
 
My fiancee and I applied to the same schools, I hope we get into at least 1 together, or somewhere close. I'm worrying for 2 people...

I don't think I'm gonna mention it at interviews (if I get interviews), but then again maybe I should.
 
ymnCheetos said:
My fiancee and I applied to the same schools, I hope we get into at least 1 together, or somewhere close. I'm worrying for 2 people...

I don't think I'm gonna mention it at interviews (if I get interviews), but then again maybe I should.
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at least you're both into med school. my husband is looking for doctoral programs in african studies. talk about worrying and feeling limited.
 
My finace has degrees in business and econ, so he's basically free to find a job wherever I get in...gotta love that!
 
this was asked a while back about getting married between 2nd and 3rd year. i am pretty sure it is school dependent as well as dependent upon when you are taking the boards (since there are several dates). I have talked to 2 M2's who are getting married shortly after taking step 1 but before M3 starts in early july. really though, it depends on the school.

also, a good piece of advice i read a while back: don't let med school delay your life. if you want to get married, do it. if you want to have a baby, do it. almost everything out there has been done before, so it is definitely possible.
 
brianoflee said:
I know this could well be a topic for The Lounge, but I wanted to frame it in the context of applying to medicine.

How do you think adcoms look upon students who will be married upon starting med school? Should the topic be brought up in interviews or essays, or do you think that's too easily opening the door for negative stereotypes or preformed notions?

I can see how some may see it as a sign of maturity and acceptance of responsibility. But I can also all-too-easily imagine some cynical interviewer/essay-reader stereotyping the applicant as some starry-eyed dreamer with little grasp on the real world. :rolleyes:

Anyhow, I was just curious to see what people thought. I'm speaking more with respect to traditional students, btw - not a 35-year-old with a minivan and a mortgage ;)
Click to expand...
It seems like almost 50% of my class is married or pretty close to 50%. It doesn't affect you at all.
 
Thanks for the great posts, everyone! Your input's been greatly appreciated :)
 
spospo said:
this was asked a while back about getting married between 2nd and 3rd year. i am pretty sure it is school dependent as well as dependent upon when you are taking the boards (since there are several dates). I have talked to 2 M2's who are getting married shortly after taking step 1 but before M3 starts in early july. really though, it depends on the school.
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The question depends on whether you are personally going to be involved in the planning, or whether you have the option of "just showing up" (and let a wedding planner, spouse or parent/inlaw make all the arrangements/decisions). If you are trying to do planning of a big wedding plus med school, you probably want to consider doing it either the summer between 1st and second year (your biggest open block), or during 4th year (when you can schedule electives to give you an open block). Doing it after Step 1 is fine if you can just show up, but not so ideal for many if you have to divert study time away to do wedding planning. 3rd year is the hardest year, timewise, so don't expect to devote much time to wedding planning. Again -- if you schedule it for a holiday or open weekend, and someone else is going to be doing all the planning, then it's no problem to just show up.
 
this is something that i've wondered about for a while now--what happens if significant others/fiances/husband and wife don't get into the same schools and aren't even in the same area? is everything just put on hold for 4 years?
 
moleculardesign said:
this is something that i've wondered about for a while now--what happens if significant others/fiances/husband and wife don't get into the same schools and aren't even in the same area? is everything just put on hold for 4 years?
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depends on your ability to handle long distance and your travel schedule.

I know of several couples who used to travel to see each other 1-2 times a month while in professional school or residency. it's tough, but if that's who you want to be with, you can make it happen.
 
Ice Nine said:
I'm saying (as a dude) that the only date I'm ever going to get in medical school is with myself. They're all taken, and they were all taken before they started medical school.
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Really? Good to know. Then perhaps my days as a "dog lady" are numbered. Come on, med school acceptance! Hah.

P.S. - I am not referring to my appearance. Merely to my canine companion.
 
I got married over 3 years ago, when I was 23, before deciding to get into medicine. We made the decision together and explored all the pros and cons, especially the cons. I think, if anything, that is what your interviewer wants to see.
I mentioned it in every single secondary essay "why do you want to come to this school?" I stated that my wife is a teacher and by me coming to ____school of medicine my wife could keep serving her community as a teacher (within 1/2 from my house there are 6 upper and middle tier med schools). So far I got 3 interviews coming up so I'll post here again if there were specific questions about it.
Also, if you go to med school away from your house do not leave your sweet 1/2 behind. In my experience it will never work. If I get accepted far from my house my wife is coming with me.
 
plauto said:
I got married over 3 years ago, when I was 23, before deciding to get into medicine. We made the decision together and explored all the pros and cons, especially the cons. I think, if anything, that is what your interviewer wants to see.
I mentioned it in every single secondary essay "why do you want to come to this school?" I stated that my wife is a teacher and by me coming to ____school of medicine my wife could keep serving her community as a teacher (within 1/2 from my house there are 6 upper and middle tier med schools). So far I got 3 interviews coming up so I'll post here again if there were specific questions about it.
Also, if you go to med school away from your house do not leave your sweet 1/2 behind. In my experience it will never work. If I get accepted far from my house my wife is coming with me.
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I'm on the medicine track myself, and my girl friend and hopefully future wife is on the dental track. I always wonder what will happen if we get in completely different schools and have to live miles away. I've done long distance before, I guess i'll have to resort to that again.

It might not be all that bad tho. I tend to get very lazy around her, becuase i'm so relaxed.:D So maybe this way i'll be able to focus on my studies (if I get in) and then work hard to go see her as a treat everytime I do really good in class.;)
 
moleculardesign said:
this is something that i've wondered about for a while now--what happens if significant others/fiances/husband and wife don't get into the same schools and aren't even in the same area? is everything just put on hold for 4 years?
Click to expand...
My husband is a resident, I'm applying to medical school. I'm restricted by location obviously. I've thought of applying outside of our "bubble" but I really want to be able to see him on the weekends. Sometimes you make sacrafices for the ones you love. Others just do the long distance. I know a few residents in that boat right now. As for med school, usually its the first 2 years at one place and some schools have multiple rotation sites so I'm hoping to do my rotations where my husband is.
 
kronickm said:
To take this a step further.

Is it possible to get married during med school? Say between second and third year? Has anyone done this?

Just wondering if it is possible to plan a wedding (I am a guy so I won't be planning much) and/or actually get married/go on a honeymoon during a med school break.
Click to expand...

Sure, it's possible. I'm an M1, and my fiance proposed this summer. I'm planning the wedding (I'm a girl) for March 2008. To make it a little more complicated, I'm planning a CA wedding from VA. You should have it easy as the guy-I've had my mom helping, and it's definitely doable.
 
Hey guys,

I am also an MS1 who got engaged this past summer and my fiance is in the same medical school class as I. Our wedding is set for June 2008, in between 1st and 2nd year. When considering when to get married, we both had originally wanted to wait until we were a bit older (we will both be 2 months shy of 23 when we get married) but with the stress of med school we didn't want to try to fit a wedding into our schedule 3rd or 4th year when there is no GOOD block of time to have a decent wedding (adequate time before for last minute details, honeymoon, etc.). Overall, I think we have made the best decision, and to be honest, wedding planning in the midst of studying is very stress relieving :)

As for the finance issue that has been brought up...both of our parents have decided to help pay for our wedding. With 2 sets of med school loans for us, we are enough in debt as it is. We figured that after we finish residency and pay back our loans, we will do something for them as a repayment!

Oh, and congrats to all the engaged/newly married people in this forum. It is an exciting time :)
 
broadwyrm918 said:
Our wedding is set for June 2008, in between 1st and 2nd year. (...) Oh, and congrats to all the engaged/newly married people in this forum. It is an exciting time :)
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Congrats! Ours is in June, too, much for the same reason -- we couldn't think of any other point where we'd have enough time ;)
 
Be careful bringing this up during an interview. I had 1 interview where the M.D. told me NOT to get married during medical school. He said it was rediculous and stupid and immature etc. He blames medical school for his marriage going down and had a thing against applicants contemplating marriage.
 
mshheaddoc said:
My husband is a resident, I'm applying to medical school. I'm restricted by location obviously. I've thought of applying outside of our "bubble" but I really want to be able to see him on the weekends. Sometimes you make sacrafices for the ones you love.
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My problem is that I often love so many :oops:
 
TexPre-Med said:
Be careful bringing this up during an interview. I had 1 interview where the M.D. told me NOT to get married during medical school. He said it was rediculous and stupid and immature etc. He blames medical school for his marriage going down and had a thing against applicants contemplating marriage.
Click to expand...
Yes some marriages don't work in med school/residency, but all of the students I know seem to handle it just fine. Remember that some marriages also ended from the 100 hr work weeks in residencies of past as well.
 
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