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Marriage before you start 1st year, will you have time to spend with your spouse?

Discussion in 'Pre-Dental' started by pibozh, Dec 4, 2005.

  1. pibozh

    pibozh Member
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    Hello my friends in SDN,

    I have a very very hard time to make a decision here. I need some advice, It is a very hard situation.

    I want to get married but the question is WHEN? At one side I am starting Dental School next Fall. I am afraid that the combination of 1st year in Dental school and starting new life as a married couple wouldn't be a good Combo. You want to have enough time to spend with your spouse at the begining. I dont know if I will have enough time for that or not :confused:

    Should I wait 2 more years after I finished my 2nd year and then get married?I heard dental school gets easier after first 2 years. or should I get married before 1st year and I will have enough time to spend with my wife...

    Let me know if you were in this situation and how that worked or if you have seen people in same situation and what happened...

    Thanks alot
     
  2. Dutchboy

    Dutchboy Senior Member
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    I say if you've met that special someone why wait? If it's that serious of a relationship your girlfriend/boyfriend is probably going to make the move with you anyway right? I've already told my wife that the next two years are going to be tuff and that she might not see much of me. If they love you they'll understand. But at the same time you'll need to learn to make time for your relationship and have your priorities in line.
     
  3. grmaster1

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    +1

    Make sure you don't do a big wedding either--no reason to add to future debt...
     
  4. sunnymeliss

    sunnymeliss Member
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    I agree with Dutchboy: I say to just go for it. You have some time between now and dental school so planning a wedding is possible. (I planned my wedding in only 3 months). Also, your fiance/girlfriend would have to move with you to whatever dental school you decide to go to anyway - so it's just easier to do it as a couple. I'm sure that she knows that dental school is hard and stressful and will be supportive of your goals. Just make sure that you spend quality time with her.
     
  5. 1992Corolla

    1992Corolla CheerioKing
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    bag her and move on!
    just kidding, I am watching spiderman 1 and that line was just on :D

    I think you'll be fine, just plan the babies right so they don't come popping out during finals/boards. :eek: :thumbup:
     
  6. Lake Powell Lvr

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    :love: You're asking the wrong people. Of course I agree with the previous posts, but the only person who can determine your answer is your significant other. Some people can handle you studying all the time, other people can't. I have been married two years and dated two years before that so I knew and had talked with my wife many many times about how dental school will be. It's never easy to spend a lot of time away from each other, but it's also part of newlywed life because you're both working so hard to make ends meet.
     
  7. Rezdawg

    Rezdawg 1K Member
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    There are a few married kids in my class, and at least on the surface, it looks like everything is fine. You will just have to make good use of your time. So instead of going to the gym for a couple hours, go rent Notting Hill and watch it with the wifey.
     
  8. saycheese

    saycheese Member
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    true true.

    my friend, who actually put off his wedding plans until after graduation, told me that the best time would be in the 3rd year of dental school since it is the "least" busiest time ... but that's what he thinks. I say... if the trust and support is there... there's no such thing as the "right" time... just go for it. hehe. :love: eh.
     
  9. pibozh

    pibozh Member
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    That's very true and I realize that. It's just that I hate to put her in a situation that I won't have enough time to spend with her in the begining of us being together :( She thinks and I do agree that the first couple of years are really important to establish a good relation with your spouse. I am curious how intense dental schools are really are...
     
  10. Coolfishdent

    Coolfishdent Member
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    I'm getting married the summer before dental school.... we'll get through it togehter :) I think it will be hard to adjust but I wouldn't have it any other way.
     
  11. TimR

    TimR Senior Member
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    not to be a downer... but professional schools are notorious for being tough on marriages. I wish I had some statistics (maybe dat_student has some) but I have heard some sad stories. Just make sure you know what you're getting into and she knows what you're getting into and make your marriage a priority.... even if it means not studying as much as you may feel you need to.
     
  12. ElDienteLoco

    ElDienteLoco Senior Member
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    I got married one month before school started and we haven't run into any major problems. Here are some keys though. You have to make time to spend together and be okay (both of you) being focused during the other times. Every Friday night I take my wife on a date, we go to church together on Sunday, spend a couple hours together on Monday nights and eat dinner together the rest of the time. There are a lot of times before NBDE part I where that is just about the extent of together time except for asleep together time. My wife is very supportive and works full-time to help support us (an added bonus of being married). I will admit that the first year and a half of dental school has required less time than I had imagined, but...

    There is NO GOOD TIME to get married.

    You'll NEVER have enough time or money, but you just do it and somehow everything works out if you both try hard enough. If your fiancee is willing to help you through school, get married. I highly doubt that waiting two years until a "less-busy" part of school will make the difference between a successful marriage and a failure. Good luck.
     
  13. JMoney

    JMoney Senior Member
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    I just got married in August. Here's my situation...

    I was already rooming with a friend at his house and my wife had to move in. She's in her last semester of school and I work fulltime. My roommate is a manager at a video game store and all he does is play video games when he gets home. It was horrible, she trys to study while I make dinner... all by listening to the roommate play video games full blast. Our lease is up at the end of the month and we are moving out in a week :) I have never seen her happier in my life.... well except for the whole wedding thing hahaha

    Though it was a big strain being newly weds and having an obnoxious roommate we've made it through the first 4 months and we see dental school a peice of cake after this hahaha

    As long as she's supportive you can get through anything. I can't image not having my wife by my side during the hardest 4 years of my life.

    Plus the extra income is a plus, especially if you're going to a private school.
     
  14. pibozh

    pibozh Member
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    Thanks a lot everybody. It's great to hear from you guys about your experiences, I am very thankful for that. Keep posting please :)
     
  15. maksidaa

    maksidaa shaniqua
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    i would just like to add that it also really depends on your signif. other's personality. if they're the type that really needs lots of attentionand time with you, then you might have a problem. but if they're the type that can find something productive to do on their own (school, work, etc) and understands that you will do your best to spent time together when you can, then you won't have a problem. no matter when you get married you'll have to make some adjustments. the first few months can be the best as well as the most difficult times you'll have together so just make sure you've both got your heads on straight and do it the right way for the right reasons at the right time.
     
  16. jcstylee

    jcstylee Member
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    Pibozh,

    You should absolutely not let dental school interfere in your decision to get married. I got married when I was 21 and we just had our 4th anniversary; when I met her (Kim) we talked about how dental school is going to change our lives dramatically and I let her know that I would need her support if we were to make it through together. She had no problem with that, in fact I don't think any spouse would have a problem with such a positive career decision.

    The first couple of years will be your most challenging years because you both will be adjusting to the new lifestyle; however if you let your professional decisions interfere with your personal decisions it can cause problems and maybe even cause doubt in her mind.

    Good luck and I'd be interested to hear what you decide.

    -Jim
     
  17. I'mFillingFine

    I'mFillingFine Pulptastic
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    Another point that hasn't been raised much is that if your fiancee is moving with you to your school's city and you're living together while you attend school, (and presuming you really ARE serious about getting married and all that), than how is such a situation different than marriage?

    I understand that the actual ceremony and reception is expensive, but other than that...if you're married in spirit, you'd might as well get the shindig over with before you don't have any time to plan it!

    I have a problem with long engagements, since so many people now live together for years to reap the benefits of marriage without contributing the responsibility of commitment.

    So as long as you hold off on kids, go for it! This is a great time to plan a wedding! (And bring any unwanted wedding gifts to your school to make new friends quickly :D)
     
  18. jcstylee

    jcstylee Member
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    You bring up an excellent point about waiting for kids. My wife and I are waiting to have kids until I graduate. I have been getting really anxious because I can't wait to start our family; however she insists that she wants to contribute towards our living expenses as an orthodontic assistant while I'm in school.
     
  19. pibozh

    pibozh Member
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    That's sounds like a great plan. Good Luck
     
  20. litlmisa

    litlmisa Member
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    Another question-
    What does marriage do to financial aid..My boyfriend of 3 years makes about 50k a year. If we got marrried would that significantly affect my ability to gain financial aid. (he doesn't have much 'left' to help cover d school aftr his bills)

    Anyone know?
     
  21. ElDienteLoco

    ElDienteLoco Senior Member
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    You'll still be able to get just as many loans as you need. I wouldn't worry about that. My wife makes about that and it actually has tax benefits for us as a couple because we can file jointly and pay less taxes on her $50k than she would be paying if she filed alone.
     

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