Marriage in dental school, financial stress

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M

mitrieD

Alright, so marriage.


Any of you know any dental students who got married during dental school? I mean, I understand the stress in the relationship, but if the dental student was the guy (or both dental students), how was he able to support her financially??
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um, he doesn't?

If you're taking out 100% loans, I don't see how it's possible to support anyone, except with more loans. When my significant other and I applied to dental school, we agreed that if we couldn't both get in one of us would have to work. The best thing to do is to take out as few loans as possible!
 
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why does he have to support her? Why doesnt she support herself? This is the 21st century and america. She can/should take care of herself or not get married
 
MTDB said:
um, he doesn't?

If you're taking out 100% loans, I don't see how it's possible to support anyone, except with more loans. When my significant other and I applied to dental school, we agreed that if we couldn't both get in one of us would have to work. The best thing to do is to take out as few loans as possible!
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I agree with this. I have been married for a couple years in undergrad and the bottom line is, it is very difficult to work full time and achieve high marks in undergrad alone. So in dental school it is basically impossible. If she is able to work during d-school, that would be for the best. Taking out more and more loans is not to your advantage. If it makes you feel any better, she can support you for a few years and you will support her the rest of her life!
 
I'm getting married in July (right before my 3rd year of dental school starts). We view everything as a partnership, so there's no "he takes care of me, I take care of him" type thing. We figure it's our money, so it doesn't matter where it's coming from or who is bringing it to our bank account. He had a job for a while that supplemented what my loans brought in, then he was out of work for a while, now he has just gotten a new job that we're really excited about. It's nice when he has a job because we have extra money to do fun things when I have a relaxed week at school, but we survived when he didn't have a job because we budget really well. I think it can work out just fine as long as you guys are have the same mindset financially.
 
Seriously though, unless your future spouse is physically/mentally unable to get paid doing something, she should work.
 
MTDB said:
Seriously though, unless your future spouse is physically/mentally unable to get paid doing something, she should work.
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Assuming she can find something in this economy.
 
I'm not saying that she's not able to work, its just that I didn't want her to, but I'll see. Maybe it would be worse if I waited to get married past 30.
 
Has your future spouse expressed a preference in this?

And by the way, I never said congrats on getting married! So, congrats!
 
I was married in dental school and also had two children (one the first year and one the third year). We lived solely off my dental school loans (just maxed them out each year and lived off the excess). Completely doable (doesn't mean it's fun). Many of my classmates did this also. Some had 4 children.
 
I suspect your only option would be to accept the maximum offering from financial aid (subsidized loans) and then borrow additional money from unsubsidized loans. The interest on unsubsidized loans accrues while you are in school however. That stuff adds up. My wife is working for sure..
 
mitrieD said:
I'm not saying that she's not able to work, its just that I didn't want her to, but I'll see. Maybe it would be worse if I waited to get married past 30.
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There's a difference in not working when married, and not working when you have children. WTF is she going to do all day while you are at school?
 
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several of my classmates got married this past year. Others had children. My wife and I had our 4th child. I take out the max loans I can get and then I get some help from family. If your spouse can work, they should.
 
I'm a female and I think your wife should work. My parents didn't want me to work and wanted me to focus on school. I personally decided to work during school and learned a lot. You learn people skills, appreciation for money, time management, confidence and personal satistfaction that you're contributing, etc. Why would she or you not want her to work? She will be contributing to the community and getting paid for it. =)
 
UltimateHombre said:
If she is able to work during d-school, that would be for the best. Taking out more and more loans is not to your advantage. If it makes you feel any better, she can support you for a few years and you will support her the rest of her life!
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Agreed with this. My wife will be working while I'm in dental school, and it's gonna suck for us (mostly for her) but it is a lot better than living off loans. But after graduation things will get a lot better.
 
sorry if this sounds harsh, but if you can't support yourself (yet), why get married/have children and create all that stress that might be detrimental to your relationship?

wouldn't it be better to wait a few years?

i'm sure you can make it work somehow but just seems very difficult..

but i agree with others above me. it's not the 19th century anymore. if she could, she should get a job.
 
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DrBowtie said:
There's a difference in not working when married, and not working when you have children. WTF is she going to do all day while you are at school?
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I completely agree with this. If you have children with her, then i can understand your logic. But seriously what will she do all day 5 days a week while your at school? She will get bored, maybe even depressed.

Not only will it be financially beneficial to the both of you if she works, but it will give her a sense of accomplishment and self fulfillment. She will gain new experiences and skills, meet new people, beef up her resume, and make some money. In my book that beats out sitting at home, doing nothing all day.

Say if she works and you can save 25K a year in "living expenses" loan money... That is not only 100K over the course of dental school, but that 100K would accrue an extra 40K over a 10 repayback period. If you had a 25 year loan it would accrue an extra 110K!!! So financially it just makes sense...

Again all this changes if you have any children! Good luck and congrats on marriage!! It has been my personal experience that not waiting for marriage was best. Although we have both been in school and working during our marriage.... getting through trials and stress together has made us stronger. I can think of no better support system to have in d-school than a marriage.

Cheers!!! :D:D:D
 
I married my husband while he was still in school. I worked full-time and also took as many overtime hours as I could get while he went to school. We were broke, but we were happy. I personally would have gone completely insane if I hadn't worked because he was always at school or studying. It gave me an outlet and a way to meet people.

It doesn't matter that most people are saying that she should work. What do the two of you want to do? Does she want to be a homemaker as soon as you are married? If so, it can be done. You will both have to work together to set a budget and live very frugally.

Are you sure she wants to be at home right away? Or do you feel pressure to be the sole provider? I highly recommend intense pre-marital counseling for anyone who is planning to get married. You will both learn so much about each other and it will help you avoid some conflicts when you are married. Congrats!
 
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I will be starting dental school in the fall and my wife is going to continue working to help keep our loan cost down and to give her work experience and something to do while I'm away studying and attending class all day. We are waiting to have kids until I'm done with school with the understanding that after I start to have a steady income that we would be more financially secure for her to stay at home after that. On a side note, we currently reside in the town where I will be attending school where we rent an apartment and we were considering buying a house/condo/duplex to keep from losing out on potentially a large sum of money on what would be four more years of rent. Has anyone else purused this route or is it best to just keep renting? Thanks
 
Lots of discussion about a guy in dental school married to a non-dental student wife.


But what about women who're in dental school who marry guys outside of the dental profession? Do the guys help chip in with the debt, or is that like, unspeakable?
 
I think that in a relationship that both should help each other out to make life comfortable and simple. If the spouse can help in any way financially they should...unless you have kids it may be a different situation.

After a guy is finished with dental school and can afford to support them both, then it's fine she doesn't work. Nothing nicer than a stay at home mom and close to perfect kids haha.
 
mitrieD said:
Alright, so marriage.


Any of you know any dental students who got married during dental school? I mean, I understand the stress in the relationship, but if the dental student was the guy (or both dental students), how was he able to support her financially??
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It's the 21st century. Women are capable of supporting themselves/their spouses.
 
Lane138 said:
Lots of discussion about a guy in dental school married to a non-dental student wife.

But what about women who're in dental school who marry guys outside of the dental profession? Do the guys help chip in with the debt, or is that like, unspeakable?
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My soon to be husband is not in the dental profession. Like I said before, we are of the mindset that it is "our" money, and is therefore "our" debt. He contributes to other bills for now, and when I'm done with school we will be making payments on the loans from our joint account. I think it depends on what your financial frame of mind is. Some people don't do the joint account thing. Some guys don't want to pay off something that they didn't accrue. Some don't mind because they think they're getting a sugar mama out of the deal. Some, like my fiance, see everything as a partnership and know that we're working toward a common goal of being debt free and getting to live our lives in the way we want. To each their own, I suppose.
 
Thanks for the feed back.



But yea about having children,...... it would be tough for her to have a job, but lets just wait and see.
 
Lane138 said:
Lots of discussion about a guy in dental school married to a non-dental student wife.


But what about women who're in dental school who marry guys outside of the dental profession? Do the guys help chip in with the debt, or is that like, unspeakable?
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I'll start dental school this fall and I'm married with a baby. My husband will help me paying portion of the school cost and living expenses. It is financially stressful but just like my friends who graduated already it is the best because most of them were able to pay off their debt in the first two years after graduating since their husbands paid for housing, food, etc.
 
WOW!

Maybe you should re-think marrying her if she would really agree to sitting home all day!!! If the roles were reversed and my husband wanted me to stay home I would say no way!! Have you even talked to her about this?

I worked full time and went to school full time with a baby!
 
I dont really see how this is a question???
The logical thing for her to do would be to work or go to school as well. Twiddling thumbs is simply not an option in my book.
 
Just wanted to throw out there that there are culture differences that may be at play and the lot of you making statements about home makers seems pretty insensitive.
 
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yappy said:
Just wanted to throw out there that there are culture differences that may be at play and the lot of you making statements about home makers seem pretty insensitive.
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Agreed. +1
 
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