Marriage in Medical School?

[gmendese]

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Hi, all. Well, I'll be starting medical school in the fall and have a question for you. You see, my girlfriend and I have talked about getting married in the near future. The thing is, I don't know if that would be possible during medical school, or if I should wait until I'm done or almost done. If anyone out there can give me some solid advice, I'd appreciate it emmensely. Thank you. By the way, we're both almost 25 if that means anything. I know that's young, but I know she doesn't want to wait until she's well into her thirties to get married and that's fine with me. I know I'm going to be with her anyway, so when we do it (as far as age goes) doesn't matter.

 

[Starflyr]

gmend - well, Im a first year and Im getting married in June. He also has an 8 year old daughter which will make things more complicated and interesting. I guess I look at it this way: Medical school is important for your future career. But it is school. It is not and should not be your LIFE (despite what many say). It can be stressful and overwhelming and if you get married your spouse will have to understand that. But life doesnt stop just becuase you're in medical school. If you werent planning on medical school, would you marry your GF now or wait a few years? You sound like you have thought it through pretty well - but you're worried about time. Time can be made. Follow your heart on this one.

Star

 

[double elle]

go ahead and do it...people do it all the time. It's a tight squeeze (we don't get summers off), but some of my classmates have already managed to fit a wedding in during breaks.

 

[gmendese]

Thanks, guys. I appreciate your advice. We'll see what happens.

 

[Dr. Kermit]

My boyfriend and I have also talked about the prospect of marriage. He is currently in his first year of law school and I will start med school in the fall. We're both 22, going 23. Basically, we're waiting to be in the same city for the start of our new life together. (In other threads I've written about my Philly/NYC dilemma.) But, I'm almost positive I'm going to go to a school in NY and when my boyfriend is done with law school, he will try to clerk and work in NYC (his hometown).

We have a friend who got married following her third year of medical school. The couple decided to wait until then because it would leave the new bride time to adjust to being married since most schools give you 3-4 months of elective time that you can choose to do at another hospital.

I also talked to a couple of doctors and most of them said that you're going to be busy at any time in med school, just go ahead and try to do what you feel is best. There is never going to be a "perfect" time to get married and have kids between med school, residency, and attending. Just like there is not "perfect" time to start a relationship, things usually just happen.

The fellow in my lab got married while she was applying to med school and went to her one and only interview (she only applied to one school since her husband already had a job in Pittsburgh)... pregnant. She had the baby one month before school started and another one b/w her third and fourth years. She's currently in her last year of fellowing with two children and as she said, she's a young mother that made it work. (As a side note, she said it was hard but obviously, was very successful. Med school at Pitt, residency at Northwestern, fellowship at Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh.) It's very comforting to talk to her because she just gives you a realistic, personal aspect of how life can be as a physician, especially when both parents are professionals.

Anyway, good luck with your lifeplanning 🙂

 

[Doctora Foxy]

•••quote:•••Originally posted by Dr. Kermit:
•My boyfriend and I have also talked about the prospect of marriage. He is currently in his first year of law school and I will start med school in the fall. We're both 22, going 23. Basically, we're waiting to be in the same city for the start of our new life together. (In other threads I've written about my Philly/NYC dilemma.) But, I'm almost positive I'm going to go to a school in NY and when my boyfriend is done with law school, he will try to clerk and work in NYC (his hometown).

🙂 •••••My father went to Pennsylvania College of Optometry while my mother attended college in NYC. They saw each other every weekend for that period, just a train ride away. The long distance relationship worked--they just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary!! That's a good sign for you Dr. Kermit 😀

 

[Dr. Kermit]

Thanks Doc Foxy-

I've seen your posts on BU and GW. Good luck with both schools and others 🙂 I recently withdrew from GW, so there's some more luck your way.

On a serious note, I do hope everything works with my boyfriend and I. I thought turning down AE for Temple was hard, and I think our relationship will survive despite the distance.

I don't know how two people in professional careers compares to college. I know I didn't do anything my last year in college!

 

[willbeMD]

hi
I went through a similar situation. My husband is a fourth year med student and we got married last year right before christmas. We were engaged for three years before we were able to fit in a wedding. My opinion is that you need to look at when you will have enough time to have a wedding and honeymoon. Also, if you want to have an active part in the planning, make sure you have the time.
For example, the two good times for my husband were the summer after his first year and during winter break of his third year. The summer after his first year, was not good for us b/c i was taking classes and neither one of us would have the time to plan a wedding. But his third year, we were able to do it. Eventhough they only get two weeks off for winter break, we found out that the 3rd year primary care rotation was two weeks shorter than all other rotations. Therefore, if he scheduled his PC rotation before winter break, he actually had four weeks off. That's what we did and he also scheduled pretty light rotations during the first semester so that he could help out with the planning.

I think that with a little planning and thinking ahead, you could definitely get married.
Good luck!

 

[dr.evil]

I recommend (if you have a choice) to get married during one of your first 2 years. That way your spouse will endure 3rd year with you and realize what your time constraints of residency will be.

Just my opinion. BTW, being married school is a bonus. It's nice to have someone take care of things sometimes when you are a little pressed for time.

 

[christian aguirre-hodge]

Marriage and starting a family are both a challenge, however it is a challenge which should be accepted with open arms.

 

[squeek]

My husband and I got married right out of college (gasp--only 22 years old!). We then moved across the country, he started grad school, and I started med school.

We've been married for almost three years now, and I LOVE being married (and I was never one of those girls who dreamed about marrying. I always thought I'd finish med school before I found anybody). Both of us agree it was the best decision we ever made, even though we were a bit unsure about the future during our senior year of college. Med school is so demanding that it is wonderful to have that support system with you all the time. It also helps quite a bit with the finances, even if you're both students.

It was a little more difficult to get to know people in my class, as most of them were not married at the beginning of school. However, that is changing, and a good 15% of the class will be married soon.

Good luck--and my advice is to follow your "gut." It's never failed me! 🙂