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Marriage vs Med School

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by Stversko, Mar 24, 2007.

  1. Stversko

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    Im in it for the Long run don't get me wrong but just how do most people coupe with the fact that once they finish med school + internship they will be >30 years old.

    Are we expected to find a wife/husband and start a family in our mid 30's and be perfectly fine with it?

    and also any insight on what married life is like while in med school would also be great. (not to invade any personal situations)
     
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  3. lsumedgirl

    lsumedgirl Livin' the dream!
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    What's wrong with waiting until your 30s to get married? I'll be 32 when I finish school, and I have no problem waiting that long to get married again. There's no deadline for it.

    That being said, if someone wants to get married before school, or during school, that's their choice, and that's cool. I'm just happier focusing on my career at this point. For me, a family will come along when it's the right time.
     
  4. EBI831

    EBI831 legend in the making
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    ideally, i'm hoping that i will find someone while i'm in med school(not necessarily someone from my med school) and get married before i finish residency. but life isn't that easy to calculate.
     
  5. dutchman

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    marriage is a tough nut to crack, with or without medschool. Even if you have all the time you need, there is still a 50% chance you will land with the wrong person. Just keep your eyes open.
     
  6. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California
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    Planning on finding a husband/wife at any time is a fool's game. When it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Searching for it won't make it happen any sooner. Play it as it comes.
     
  7. nka1985

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    Honestly, I was always okay with that, and planned that I wouldn't get married or anything until I was done with school...and then I met the guy Im going to marry. Basically, life is going to happen to you, you can't plan on love. What you have to do is be up front with the person and if they love you, they'll go through it all with you. I'm not in med school yet so I can't tell you what it's like to be married in school, but most people say that it is great. It's not without it's challenges, but you have someone to love you and support you at the end of the day.
     
  8. 91Bravo

    91Bravo Frank Netter's Love Child
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    Wow...you make being over 30 sound like having one foot in the grave. I'm a 30 year-old, recently-married, second-year medical student with no kids. Being happily married and being a medical student are not mutually exclusive. You can't live your life by an artificial timeline. When you meet someone, date for a while, and then decide he/she is right for you, then get engaged and tie the knot. Your status as a student shouldn't be of much concern.

    Being a married medical student has its minor challenges. But overall it's not that big of a deal. Sure we don't have much time together to sit around and watch television like a couple of couch potatoes. But what kind of life is that, anyway? What time we do spend together is quality time. Each week we have a date night where I do absolutely no studying (usually Friday). Studying over the weekend is at a relaxed pace, with plenty of time for us to go shopping together, go on walks, go to a coffee shop, etc. During the week she knows that other than during dinner and at bedtime, she won't see a whole lot of me.

    The only major problem I could imagine is if your proposed spouse has career ambitions which rival your own. That could lead to some tension down the road. But if you discuss your expectations in advance and devise a plan that allows you both to pursue your career goals, then you're in fine shape.

    Bottom line....don't sweat it.
     
  9. dutchman

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    Op, are you male or female? I ask because it seems this whole time crunch thing works differently for both sexes. Females seem to be more in a hurry to get married than males IMO.
     
  10. psipsina

    psipsina Senior Member
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    I'm married and don't feel that medschool has hurt my relationship in any way. We don't get to spend as much time together as we once did, but when we do get to spend time together we really cherish that time and make the most of it. Even if its making dinner and watching a tv show, we are so excited to be with eachother. I'm sure whatever extra effort I put into my relationship that a nonmarried medstudent doesn't have to deal with is well worth my built in support system, can anyone say study break massages? aww yeahh.

    Anyway you can't make marriage come to you, if you try to force it according to some preset timetable you will end up settling for someone to make your deadline instead of the person you deserve. The timing of when you meet that person is different for everyone, just be open for it to happen and if it does put the effort in to make it a strong relationship even if it isn't at the convienient time you had planned.
     
  11. MEG@COOL

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    Im a male and would like to be married before 30.
     
  12. Green Pirate

    Green Pirate Neurotic Neuro Enthusiast
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    before you do anything stupid, I think you need to listen to Kramer's warning about marriage.

    [YOUTUBE]pSWTVXh_Yns[/YOUTUBE]
     
  13. gujuDoc

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    I think you make an excellent point. Because females are the one who will reproduce, men always look for younger females and so females (at least in indian culture) are always pushed to marry around mid 20s while men can wait til they are 30 or mid 30's to marry.

    The situation is different for both sexes for both biological and sociocultural regions.
     
  14. Wackie

    Wackie Inappropriate, always
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    Women also want to have kids when they're younger. The older a female is, the more risk of complications with pregnancy as well as development issues of the child.


    You can't set a goal for meeting the right person and getting married. Go about your life and if someone enters that you can share you life with, great. If not, don't worry. It'll come.

    I work and go to school and am married. It's tough. You absolutely have to schedule time for each other. Many times my husband and I are going opposite ways. We have to take time out for us. And your spouse has got to have an understanding of what is expected of you.
     
  15. 45408

    45408 aw buddy
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    I'm married, and I'd rather have my wife in med school (3/4 of the way done with M1) than not. She's a great way to forget about school.
     
  16. OncoCaP

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    It's no secret that medicine isn't the most family-friendly career out there. Medicine is demanding and takes away time that could be spent on a relationship & family. However, there are many married medical students and they figure out how to make it work (most of the time, anyway). I'm married with kids and entering medical school. I know there will be times when I wish I could spend more time with my family; I'm going into this knowing I will need to make some personal sacrifices to have a career as a physician. I read somewhere that physicians with successful marriages have spouses that understand the time and other demands (e.g., stress) of the profession and are able to work around that. My spouse is extremely understanding and supportive and we have had life situations in the past where I was unable to spend much time with her and my kids.
     
  17. lilnoelle

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    I'm married with 2 young kids, 3/4 way through M1. I think being married in med school would be a cinch compared to what I'm doing. Obviously, as others mentioned you can't plan on when you meet your spouse. For now, just relax and enjoy being single.
     
  18. krbirc03

    krbirc03 krbirc03
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    I got a question that is somewhat related...what happens if a female med student gets pregnant during med school?? what are her choices?
     
  19. MEG@COOL

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    There actually isnt much choice in the matter. At most schools you are required to get an abortion or face possible expulsion.
     
  20. FemalesCANTDriv

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    LOL... that is wrong on so many levels. :smuggrin:
     
  21. NonTradMed

    NonTradMed Perpetual Student
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    Marriage will happen when it happens. There's no "planning". I once thought that you could 'plan' out your professional and personal lives so that they would be optimized for maximal success....but I realize that was just dumb. It will happen when it happens. Plenty of people at my school are married. Plenty of people will marry after med school. It's doable. Don't fret too much about this.
     
  22. 45408

    45408 aw buddy
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    Um, give birth? One woman had a baby a month or so ago, and another one is due shortly after finals. I think someone else has a bun in the oven too, but I forget now....
     
  23. gary5

    gary5 Senior Member
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    It means that you'll be studying pathology in the delivery room. Knock the bun out, hand it off to your hubby, and back to studying.
     
  24. QuantumMechanic

    QuantumMechanic Avatar=One of the Greats
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    abortion or adoption, depending on your religion and/or political beliefs
     
  25. Critical Mass

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    Don't tell psi this, but I am staying single specifically to marry her in case things don't work out with her and her hubby. I'm practicing my study break massages on myself in the meanwhile.

    As for ladies becoming pregnant in med school, they are forced to where a scarlet P and are not allowed to participate in the residency match. :laugh:

    I know a girl who had 3 kids in med school. She just extended her clinicals to 3 years instead of two.
     
  26. Dr Klyph

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    You're not right... and in case you're slow, that was a double entendre.
     
  27. Dr Klyph

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    First of all, 30 isn't even close to old for completing residency. Heck, I won't be done until I'm nearly 40. Ok, now that's out of the way.

    If you are indeed looking to get married before 30, you need to put time aside to have a social life while in school and give yourself the opportunity to meet people. Otherwise, it probably isn't going to happen. Aside from that, putting a time limit on such a 'goal' is probably a really bad idea as others have said.

    I know, I know. Time is precious in Medical School, but you can't stop living. I know you've heard it a thousand and one times, but the key is balance. If you're a gunner, well, good luck:D
     
  28. Dookter

    Dookter Senior Member
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    If your medical school class ends up being anything like mine, you just start dating a classmate....ha ha ha.
     
  29. RollSkins

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    I love how Seinfeld has such great advice and can be applied to every aspect of life!
     
  30. psipsina

    psipsina Senior Member
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    I'm sorry I already have a waitlist, I believe you would be #6.
     
  31. Critical Mass

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    I think that I started wooing under a different identity, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'm actually 4 or 5. :clap:
     
  32. mshheaddoc

    mshheaddoc Howdy
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    Realistically? You can start your family whenever you choose. I know some people who chose to stay single in med school due to the fact they knew they were going into a competitive field and didn't have the "time" for relationships. I know others who got married, have kids, etc. It all depends on your priorities. There are many people who meet their SO in med school or residency.

    As for having a child during med school/residency, most don't travel that road unless they have a support system in place (read: family to help out nearby or a spouse with a job to help pay for daycare).
     
  33. Green Pirate

    Green Pirate Neurotic Neuro Enthusiast
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    if you didn't have such a cute dog for an avatar, I might be inclined to resent you for your snide remark and lack of appreciation for the comic relief provided by the greatest TV show ever created. but again, i have soft spot for dogs.
     
  34. Anybody else notice something new somewhere under CriticalMass' name. Takin' it to a whole new level.

    More on topic...I went to boot camp for 13 weeks while dating the girl I married (no sweat) and was deployed for several months to the desert while married. I am now in my 2nd year of medical school, and we have one child, and this is far harder on our relationship than the first two situations. I think it is a combination of extreme financial strain and the fact that we have to be considerate of one another while dealing with the stress in very different ways. It is sometimes very difficult to have someone else who needs your attention when you are going through the worst that medical school can dish. We love each other, but if we weren't wholeheartedly committed to our marriage, things could get pretty nasty. That bit of frank honesty being presented, I am happily married, and if you are married to the right person during school, it is great. The take home point is don't be in a hurry to get married just because you think it is time.
     
  35. Critical Mass

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    I was hoping to meet a spouse on SDN. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that mshheaddoc was already married. I would apply for her alternate husband list, but she's an SDN veteran, and I'm sure that I'd be number twentysomething.

    :love: :(
     
  36. 45408

    45408 aw buddy
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    there's always the obscure option of just keeping it
     
  37. EBI831

    EBI831 legend in the making
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    or accidental miscarriage. ahem running too fast down the stairs on the way to class and tripping and falling falling falling down but in a position that protects your face and best assets.
     
  38. Law2Doc

    Law2Doc 5K+ Member
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    Nah, the pockets on those white coats are too small. :)

    Seriously everybody -- you don't plan life, you live it. If you meet the person you are going to marry, you do whatever timetable mutually works best, and that may mean waiting until after med school or not. And people have kids in med school too. All these things are hard, require you to juggle, make compromises. And may make you take different professional roads than you might have thought at the onset. But this isn't a fixed trajectory, and you make changes on the fly. And if you end up in your 30s before you start looking for a mate, that's not exactly the end of the world either -- people are getting married older and older these days. But it is foolhardy to decide you won't look, or otherwise live life until you finish med school, or residency. Because after that you will be trying to work your way up in your job, and after that perhaps trying to build a practice. It never ends and there will always be something else you want to accomplish. No point putting one aspect of life on hold for another. You only get life once (at least in Western religions). Make it count. And not just as a doctor.
     
  39. Zeus MD

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    Incredibly well spoken Law2. :thumbup:
     
  40. evade

    evade Our Lady of DNA
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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    In case anyone's still wondering, LOTS of women have babies while they're in med school. One of my classmates had one last year, as did a woman in the class above me. Another one of my classmates is due in one week! There was someone else at my school (she's in her first year of residency now) who had 2 kids while in med school (one during 1st, and one during 4th year, I believe). Many, but not all of them, take a year off, or they do research, or they split their preclinical years when they have a baby. There are always arrangements that can be made. :)
     
  41. ChaChaDocta

    ChaChaDocta Member
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    Jeez, did anyone give the poor girl a real answer, I mean one not dripping with abortion-laden sarcasm?

    Many schools have a "5-year" plan, and they aren't going to kick you out for having a baby. If the timing doesn't happen to fall within one of your first or second year summer breaks, you should be able to talk to the administration, and possibly take a year off, or if you're in third or fourth years, just take lighter loads to make it into a "5-year" plan. BTW, a friend of mine got pregnant just after her acceptance letter came in, she applied for a year deferral and they accepted it, so she popped her kid out and then started the following year, no problem. She's a very happy mom now, AND a med student! (I'm greeeen with envy!) Flexibility in these kinds of situations may be a factor you want to at least peek at when choosing a med school.
    :D
     
  42. gujuDoc

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    Maybe even number 200!!! :laugh: :laugh:


    Mushy is the only person I've ever known who had 50 thousand plus posts and only shows half of that because she had her post count reset before she reached 25k again.
     
  43. 45408

    45408 aw buddy
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    Exactly. My wife (and other family) means way more to me than med school does, and I can't imagine having med school be the most important thing to me in life. It's extremely important, obviously, but if that's what's holding you up, then I'd recommend getting other important things in your life.
     
  44. ChaChaDocta

    ChaChaDocta Member
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    I hear ya babe. I'm waiting for my Marine to get back from Iraq, and I've already been mentally calculating timing of a wedding with med school. I know it's do-able though, evident by many people that make it work. Personally, I can't wait! Nothin like spending a year away from home in a Masters program just praying that it gets you IN, meanwhile praying that boy gets out of the desert safely!:love:
     
  45. ssquared

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    My cousin got married this weekend. She turns 38 in a few months, and her husband is 42. Life works out that way sometimes (and she's not a doctor, she's a writer). You get married when you find the person you want to marry-med school doesn't necessarily preclude that.

    I personally would wait to get out of med school to get married, but that's really only because my parents will only pay for the wedding then.
     
  46. kelaskov

    kelaskov Junior Member
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    My husband and I applied to school together and are currently both MS2's in our late 20's. We got married between our first and second years of med school. Because of our schedules, we're together all the time...24/7, study together, go to the gym together, etc. Some people have expressed how they wouldn't like spending so much time with their partner, however this isn't the case for us. We get along famously and, so far, we've both loved the label of marriage... it's just been lots of fun ..getting married, being called, "power med couple" and other dorky labels. People definitely seem to view our relationship more seriously now that we're married, although getting married didn't really change our relationship. Although it's defintely fun to say, "my husband....blah, blah, blah" I feel so grown-up now!

    On another note, at least 2 couples in my class have gotten divorced, many more than that have broken up. I don't know if this makes a difference but both married couples had one non-med student. Although med school has been stressful, it's my opinion that a relationship that can't "withstand" med school stress, it probably wouldn't have lasted anyway. However, I don't really understand the whole, "withstanding" thing though because I turn to my husband when I'm stressed out.

    I think my marriage and relationship with my husband has actually made my time in med school significantly easier because I am much happier with my husband than without him.
     
  47. Dr.Watson

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  48. kelaskov

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    Same options in med school or out of med school. Abortion, adoption, or keep the pregnancy and raise the child. I know of one fellow classmate who had an elective abortion earlier this year. I don't know anyone else in my class who's gotten pregnant, but a friend in the class above mine had a child during her second year and split her MS2 year into 2 years to take care of her family. Having a child in med school is definitely doable.
     
  49. gujuDoc

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    I know of several people who are in med school who have children but most of them tend to be married nontrads. One of them had her baby like literally a week either before or after her interview for med school.

    Quite a few others I know had children who were already a few years old before they started med school.

    Don't know many who got prenant during med school though. I think they either do it before med school or during residency in most cases.
     
  50. lilnoelle

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    I had my second the day of the August MCAT in 2005. (That was the year I applied). It was a good thing I decided not to try to take the test. (He was 10 days early).

    My son was three months old at my first interview.

    We had one girl in my class that gave birth in January and we have one girl that is pregnant with her third. She's amazing. The girl is getting honors and has two kids at home, plus a whole bunch of other family members that live with her. She does all her studying in the a.m. and during the day and that is it. And she's getting honors!
    I've been thinking about having a third lately.... we'll see.
     
  51. AZT

    AZT Junior Member
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    Depending upon your situation, you could marry two -- one to take care of the other and both to take care of you :)

    -- just joking.

    I think you should marry only when you meet the right person -- fertility or not, school or not. And when you meet such a person, you will not need to think so much.
     

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