Marriage vs Med School

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
Im in it for the Long run don't get me wrong but just how do most people coupe with the fact that once they finish med school + internship they will be >30 years old.

Are we expected to find a wife/husband and start a family in our mid 30's and be perfectly fine with it?

and also any insight on what married life is like while in med school would also be great. (not to invade any personal situations)

If you're that focused on getting married by a certain 'deadline', you're apt to make a hasty and ill-thought-out decision. Far better to marry the right person in your 30's (40's, 50's) than to marry the wrong person in your 20's.

As a practical consideration, keep in mind that your appeal in the 'marriage market' will increase once you finish med school, i.e., you will be more likely to secure a higher spot on the average woman's 'ladder' (search Ladder Theory for detailed explanation). This translates into more and better options for you.:thumbup:

Members don't see this ad.
 
Not that I'm going to med school to pick up girls...but really, do u know how many free drinks I will get in one night by telling ladies, "oh so u know I'm a medical student.....oh yah, i'm totally single." I mean, if med school is costing me 130K I could at least get some free shots.

....that's all i'm saying.
 
don't forget if you do md/phd you'll be 30 BEFORE you start residency...

*sigh
 
Members don't see this ad :)
I had my second the day of the August MCAT in 2005. (That was the year I applied). It was a good thing I decided not to try to take the test. (He was 10 days early).

My son was three months old at my first interview.

We had one girl in my class that gave birth in January and we have one girl that is pregnant with her third. She's amazing. The girl is getting honors and has two kids at home, plus a whole bunch of other family members that live with her. She does all her studying in the a.m. and during the day and that is it. And she's getting honors!
I've been thinking about having a third lately.... we'll see.

It's people like you and those you know that make me feel like nothing will stop me. I think we premeds over think EVERYTHING. I know I do. I'm slowly learning to just take things as they come. If I never have another child, fine, if I never get married because someone can't support my one and only dream, fine. I'll live with whatever, as long as I make in and out of med school! :D
 
For me, infertility is the main issue. I've met quite a few career women lately that started married life quite late, and they're doing the whole IVF thing in hopes that they can get pregnant. A few have finally succumb to the infertility diagnosis and are looking to adopt. I wouldn't be worried about getting married late except for that issue. I'd love to be fairly laid back about meeting "the one," but the whole increasing-infertility-biological-clock-deadline kinda freaks me out.

That's the thing that really concerns me about pursuing medicine. I'd be willing to sacrifice a lot to pursue a career that I find meaningful and think that it would be possible to have both a career and a family. However, if it came to down to having to pick between one or the other, I can't really fathom not having a family while I could imagine putting the career on hold for a bit.
 
I started med school at 29- had a career as an IP lawyer for 3 years in NYC before I came over from the dark side. I met my fiance while I was in school (and no, he is not a fellow classmate). I will be 35 before I finish residency.

There are several students in my class with kids. Granted some are non-trads but there are some who are 22-24. Right now, it is only the male med students who have kids but that may change in our third or fourth year as a few of the married female students are talking about having kids. It seems for the women, fourth year is a popular option.

Do what will make you happy. You can't plan on love unless your culture permits/encourages arranged marriages.
 
That's the thing that really concerns me about pursuing medicine. I'd be willing to sacrifice a lot to pursue a career that I find meaningful and think that it would be possible to have both a career and a family. However, if it came to down to having to pick between one or the other, I can't really fathom not having a family while I could imagine putting the career on hold for a bit.

Don't let this discourage you from pursuing medicine. There are many outstanding physicians with kids. However, realize that your priorities will be more supported in certain specialties and less supported in others, and plan accordingly.

In any case, good luck to you.:luck:
 
It's people like you and those you know that make me feel like nothing will stop me. I think we premeds over think EVERYTHING. I know I do. I'm slowly learning to just take things as they come. If I never have another child, fine, if I never get married because someone can't support my one and only dream, fine. I'll live with whatever, as long as I make in and out of med school! :D

Yup. You pretty much have to take things as they come. I think that people are capable of a whole lot more than they realize until they are in the middle of it. Of course life would be a lot easier with less responsibilities (if I didn't have kids), but you just do what you can with what you've got and figure it'll work out (it has been working out fine).
 
If you're that focused on getting married by a certain 'deadline', you're apt to make a hasty and ill-thought-out decision. Far better to marry the right person in your 30's (40's, 50's) than to marry the wrong person in your 20's.

Actually, it's been shown that people approach marriage in a very economic way. They consider how old they are (increasing age meaning decreasing ability to find other people in time). Therefore, it's more likely to have a bad marriage in the 30s, 40s, 50s, as people settle for less and less. The thing is, what I'm talking about is the unconscious bit, not the conscious bit. There's a conscious bit, too. But it's weird to think that because of the part one's not aware of, one's "love" for someone is actually somewhat a product of age.... If older people tend to stay together for longer, it might be somewhat due to their just settling for less, or for their incorporating their poor alternatives into their calculations subconsciously -- and thus having part of the "love" guaranteed to not go downhill.
 
Actually, it's been shown that people approach marriage in a very economic way. They consider how old they are (increasing age meaning decreasing ability to find other people in time). Therefore, it's more likely to have a bad marriage in the 30s, 40s, 50s, as people settle for less and less. The thing is, what I'm talking about is the unconscious bit, not the conscious bit. There's a conscious bit, too. But it's weird to think that because of the part one's not aware of, one's "love" for someone is actually somewhat a product of age.... If older people tend to stay together for longer, it might be somewhat due to their just settling for less, or for their incorporating their poor alternatives into their calculations subconsciously -- and thus having part of the "love" guaranteed to not go downhill.

If true, wouldn't this imply that the people who get married the youngest would have the best marriages? Why not get married at, say, 16 to maximize your chances of getting the "best" possible mate?
 
If true, wouldn't this imply that the people who get married the youngest would have the best marriages? Why not get married at, say, 16 to maximize your chances of getting the "best" possible mate?

I think the point is that you should never be getting married simply because you want to be married, you should only get married if its because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. It doesn't matter what age you are, you have no control over when and if you are going to meet such a person. The point is that when someone says "I'd like to be married by 25 and have kids by 27 . . . " they are setting themselves up for disaster because they are more likely to settle for someone to reach their goal than to wait untill the right person comes along. I got married really young because I had found such a person, we've now been together for 10 years and we are still madly silly in love and feel the same way, had I not met him I would have waited as long as it took to find someone like him.
 
Actually, it's been shown that people approach marriage in a very economic way. They consider how old they are (increasing age meaning decreasing ability to find other people in time). Therefore, it's more likely to have a bad marriage in the 30s, 40s, 50s, as people settle for less and less. The thing is, what I'm talking about is the unconscious bit, not the conscious bit. There's a conscious bit, too. But it's weird to think that because of the part one's not aware of, one's "love" for someone is actually somewhat a product of age.... If older people tend to stay together for longer, it might be somewhat due to their just settling for less, or for their incorporating their poor alternatives into their calculations subconsciously -- and thus having part of the "love" guaranteed to not go downhill.

I disagree with your premise. People who marry for the first time in their late twenties and early thirties are less likely to get divorced because they are more mature, more fully formed, and have a better sense of themselves and are less likely to get married based purely on physical attraction which wanes over time. People in this age group are more capable of evaluating the qualities in a mate that will make for a lasting marriage. Also, people who are highly educated tend to get married later, again late twenties or early thirties. Certainly there are exceptions, but later marriage leads to more stable marriage generally and this benefits kids who are less likely to experience divorce...which is better for society as a whole. The divorce rate among teenagers is stratospheric.
 
What's wrong with waiting until your 30s to get married? I'll be 32 when I finish school, and I have no problem waiting that long to get married again. There's no deadline for it.

That being said, if someone wants to get married before school, or during school, that's their choice, and that's cool. I'm just happier focusing on my career at this point. For me, a family will come along when it's the right time.

Well, your eggs get old. Unless.........you plan on having kids early on, save them in a freeze lock bag, then get married at 32 and enjoy them. I mean that works with samosas, so it should work with children too, I'm thinking.

I have a friend who got married right before starting med school, I don't see how it's all that different than dating. Of course they're probably going to hold off kids for a while. His wife is pre-med too, but I think she'll drop out when she gets pregnant.
 
Members don't see this ad :)
I disagree with your premise. People who marry for the first time in their late twenties and early thirties are less likely to get divorced because they are more mature, more fully formed, and have a better sense of themselves and are less likely to get married based purely on physical attraction which wanes over time. People in this age group are more capable of evaluating the qualities in a mate that will make for a lasting marriage. Also, people who are highly educated tend to get married later, again late twenties or early thirties. Certainly there are exceptions, but later marriage leads to more stable marriage generally and this benefits kids who are less likely to experience divorce...which is better for society as a whole. The divorce rate among teenagers is stratospheric.

The opposite arguement would be that marrying earlier on is better because you can grow with the person and form your habits around them, instead of already having to compromise later on. The bottom line is, there are non-examples on both ends, so this is really a case by case thing.
 
I didn't expect to get that close to someone during school...but he's already become my help and solace in situations. He's even been my dad...telling me to go to sleep at the right time. I think we'll work out through all the stress...but if he's unwilling to support me later on...we'll have to break up.
 
I didn't expect to get that close to someone during school...but he's already become my help and solace in situations. He's even been my dad...telling me to go to sleep at the right time. I think we'll work out through all the stress...but if he's unwilling to support me later on...we'll have to break up.

Do you like being dominated?
 
I didn't expect to get that close to someone during school...but he's already become my help and solace in situations. He's even been my dad...telling me to go to sleep at the right time. I think we'll work out through all the stress...but if he's unwilling to support me later on...we'll have to break up.

YEAH! and we broke up!!!!! YEAH!!!! good-bye leechy guy!!!! and my full grown son/bf. Yay!! And i guess so... i guess i liked being dominated at the time...cuz i was a wuss. But now I can focus on my goals and true dreams. I choose medicine and patients over marriage and family.
 
This was one of my major questions when considering med school because I'd always wanted to get married and have children and while I can see getting married while still in med school, I definitely don't want to have kids then. I got to thinking about it though, and I though, I have no guarantee that I will get married in the next ten years. So what if I decide not to do med school on the basis of wanting to get married and start a family? Then ten years down the road, I'm still single and I think, "Gee, I could have gone to med school by now." In other words, I'm not going to sit around and wait for something to happen that I don't even know is going to happen. I'm going to get on with my life and do what's going to bring me fulfillment and happiness and not worry about what may or may not come later.
 
YEAH! and we broke up!!!!! YEAH!!!! good-bye leechy guy!!!! and my full grown son/bf. Yay!! And i guess so... i guess i liked being dominated at the time...cuz i was a wuss. But now I can focus on my goals and true dreams. I choose medicine and patients over marriage and family.

lmaoooooooooooooo
 
If you're that focused on getting married by a certain 'deadline', you're apt to make a hasty and ill-thought-out decision. Far better to marry the right person in your 30's (40's, 50's) than to marry the wrong person in your 20's.

As a practical consideration, keep in mind that your appeal in the 'marriage market' will increase once you finish med school, i.e., you will be more likely to secure a higher spot on the average woman's 'ladder' (search Ladder Theory for detailed explanation). This translates into more and better options for you.:thumbup:

chicks in other words
 
YEAH! and we broke up!!!!! YEAH!!!! good-bye leechy guy!!!! and my full grown son/bf. Yay!! And i guess so... i guess i liked being dominated at the time...cuz i was a wuss. But now I can focus on my goals and true dreams. I choose medicine and patients over marriage and family.


LOL, you might feel this way right now but whats the point of having a career and making money when you don't have any one to share it with? Every one gets tired of coming home to an empty bed ( my mom's lines exactly as I would not know I am 19) but I think she is right. No one wants to be alone and no matter how we look at it friends are not exactly forever. Very few friends are forever usually ones you get in to practical life you have more associates then "FRIENDS" and they would not hold their life for you.
 
LOL, you might feel this way right now but whats the point of having a career and making money when you don't have any one to share it with? Every one gets tired of coming home to an empty bed ( my mom's lines exactly as I would not know I am 19) but I think she is right. No one wants to be alone and no matter how we look at it friends are not exactly forever. Very few friends are forever usually ones you get in to practical life you have more associates then "FRIENDS" and they would not hold their life for you.

I understand what you're saying, but for now, putting everything else before a beau is ok with me. In fact, I am in danger of doing otherwise...so I rather just stay away all together. I just fall too hard. Now, I Just have a bunch of ppl that want to date but id ont have time to date. Some of them get so whiny..etc... I really appreciate the REAL friends I do have...who can talk to me...talk sense into me...but also will let me go when i have to....tell me to rest...wish me the best...etc.
 
LOL, you might feel this way right now but whats the point of having a career and making money when you don't have any one to share it with? Every one gets tired of coming home to an empty bed ( my mom's lines exactly as I would not know I am 19) but I think she is right. No one wants to be alone and no matter how we look at it friends are not exactly forever. Very few friends are forever usually ones you get in to practical life you have more associates then "FRIENDS" and they would not hold their life for you.

I understand what you're saying, but for now, putting everything else before a beau is ok with me. In fact, I am in danger of doing otherwise...so I rather just stay away all together. I just fall too hard. Now, I Just have a bunch of ppl that want to date but id ont have time to date. Some of them get so whiny..etc... I really appreciate the REAL friends I do have...who can talk to me...talk sense into me...but also will let me go when i have to....tell me to rest...wish me the best...etc.
 
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat tf is going on here...
 
I don't think it's an either or. I want both. When I think about it, graduating in May I'll be 25 going on 26 :D so I think marriage wouldn't be a problem.

And I don't get why people say "wait until after residency" If it happens I wouldn't wait. Personally, I would NOT get married in medical school or college but that's just me. Residency is hectic but I'm still making money as opposed to school and no money on my own.
 
I wonder if there will be threads next year about "Divorcing in Med-school"

Definitely wait until your spouse is finished with medical school (preferably residency too) before divorcing. By supporting the other person during the training period, you are essentially investing in future maintenance payments.
 
I had my second the day of the August MCAT in 2005. (That was the year I applied). It was a good thing I decided not to try to take the test. (He was 10 days early).

My son was three months old at my first interview.

We had one girl in my class that gave birth in January and we have one girl that is pregnant with her third. She's amazing. The girl is getting honors and has two kids at home, plus a whole bunch of other family members that live with her. She does all her studying in the a.m. and during the day and that is it. And she's getting honors!
I've been thinking about having a third lately.... we'll see.
That chick is my role model, seriously.

I'm like you, lilnoelle. I will hopefully have just had mine and my fiance's first child right before I take the MCAT probably next spring/summer. If I feel we can handle it, I would like to have at least one more while I'm in medical school. I know that sounds like we're biting off more than we can chew, but there's never a "right" time to have kids, and I certainly don't want to be IN medical school to doing my residency when I have our first. Thankfully, I tend to function pretty well when I have too much on my plate, but we'll see how things go.
 
YEAH! and we broke up!!!!! YEAH!!!! good-bye leechy guy!!!! and my full grown son/bf. Yay!! And i guess so... i guess i liked being dominated at the time...cuz i was a wuss. But now I can focus on my goals and true dreams. I choose medicine and patients over marriage and family.


The wtf factor was so high on that post I spilled my water bottle out through my nose
 
date your professor at medical school

and marry him/her

kill several birds with one stone
 
That chick is my role model, seriously.

I'm like you, lilnoelle. I will hopefully have just had mine and my fiance's first child right before I take the MCAT probably next spring/summer. If I feel we can handle it, I would like to have at least one more while I'm in medical school. I know that sounds like we're biting off more than we can chew, but there's never a "right" time to have kids, and I certainly don't want to be IN medical school to doing my residency when I have our first. Thankfully, I tend to function pretty well when I have too much on my plate, but we'll see how things go.

Geekchick... are you talking about this year (for baby) or next year?
 
I am married and about to start med school in August. My husband and I live in France and will be moving to Philly this summer. I'm sure we'll be ok while in school, but I am COMPLETELY freaked out about it!!
He isn't American and will have to deal with moving far away from home and finding a new job and not having me available all the time for him. I'm sure it won't be the easiest few years of our lives but a good marriage takes work right?
My sister, who is in law school, is also getting married this summer to a 4th year medical school student and they don't even live in the same city, but they make it work.

I'm happy to read about the other married couples who are making it!
 
Geekchick... are you talking about this year (for baby) or next year?
Next year. Getting married this May, hopefully baby next winter/spring (2009), applying to medical school later than year, hopefully matriculating 2010.
 
im getting married in march (just a feww weeks!!!) and i think it will be a wonderful support system in medical school. my fiance is finishing his phd - so he really understands the time committement/stresses of working hard. now the biggest thing is deciding which med school to go to, depending on where he will get a job.
 
Just an observation, in my 1st year class there seem to be way more guys who are married (including me) than there are girls who are married, even though the class is split 50:50. Perhaps a lot of girls still have the idea (or parents push the idea) that to "succeed" they have to put everything other than career on the back burner?

I'd also be interested to see if there are more male non-trads than female. Anyone have any good friends who are soc majors looking for a project?
 
im getting married in march (just a feww weeks!!!) and i think it will be a wonderful support system in medical school. my fiance is finishing his phd - so he really understands the time committement/stresses of working hard. now the biggest thing is deciding which med school to go to, depending on where he will get a job.

I hope he is looking for work in the schools you've been accepted to and not the other way around.
 
I hope he is looking for work in the schools you've been accepted to and not the other way around.

yep! i am definitely the limiting factor - so he has some flexiblility
 
HAHAHAHA DOCSURFERALI. Way to keep resurrecting the thread. Classic.
 
funny looking at the random post dates..

I guess my thing is.. I'm enjoying being single and young. I hope to settle down someday when I meet the right lady, but that could happen in two months or ten years. Really it's all good. I enjoy meeting and getting to know various girls and I know that if I lost that ability for someone I wasn't 100% crazy about I would regret it. I've been in a loving, perfect relationship before (unfortunately it was doomed by circumstance) so I know what it's like and I know that's what I want but I'm not going to rush to find it again.
 
my fiance is finishing his phd - so he really understands the time committement/stresses of working hard.

No, he doesn't.

Good luck.
 
No, he doesn't.

Good luck.
he does! he works 15 hour days straight, and could keep on working... he inspires me to focus more and work harder... if i had his focus, i know i would be successful in medschool
 
Next year. Getting married this May, hopefully baby next winter/spring (2009), applying to medical school later than year, hopefully matriculating 2010.

First, I was confused at first as to why you were having your fiance's baby and not your husband's baby, but now it makes sense. ;) Secondly, right on, girl! We have the same plan (I'm already married) in terms of timing. Maybe we'll bump into the bloated postpartum versions of ourselves on the interview trail. I'm assuming you're taking a year off (application year, 2009-2010) to be with baby, right?

I'm totally in love with this shirt. I want. http://www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore.90259579

Post Script: To the know-it-all's who think we are asking for life advice here, we're not. Please keep your opinions to yourself. :p
 
First, I was confused at first as to why you were having your fiance's baby and not your husband's baby, but now it makes sense. ;) Secondly, right on, girl! We have the same plan (I'm already married) in terms of timing. Maybe we'll bump into the bloated postpartum versions of ourselves on the interview trail. I'm assuming you're taking a year off (application year, 2009-2010) to be with baby, right?

I'm totally in love with this shirt. I want. http://www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore.90259579

Post Script: To the know-it-all's who think we are asking for life advice here, we're not. Please keep your opinions to yourself. :p
I would love to, but I will likely be finishing a second bachelor's degree at the time, either biology or psychobiology, though I think it'll be a breeze compared to the life-suck that was my theatre major classes. We'll work it out, I'm sure, but it's hard to say exactly what we'll do since fiance will likely have a new job at that point, too.

I wish we were married already. We've been together for 7 years and engaged for 2, but we're paying for the majority of it ourselves and couldn't do it until now. That shirt is awesome. I haven't zero-ed in on any pregnancy shirts I want, but I found a onesie that just reads "noob" or "n00b" that crack me up, and one that lists the baby's "stats" like a D&D character. Everything is really low but the charisma score, which is 18. They're adorable; I want both of them.
 
I would love to, but I will likely be finishing a second bachelor's degree at the time, either biology or psychobiology, though I think it'll be a breeze compared to the life-suck that was my theatre major classes. We'll work it out, I'm sure, but it's hard to say exactly what we'll do since fiance will likely have a new job at that point, too.

I wish we were married already. We've been together for 7 years and engaged for 2, but we're paying for the majority of it ourselves and couldn't do it until now. That shirt is awesome. I haven't zero-ed in on any pregnancy shirts I want, but I found a onesie that just reads "noob" or "n00b" that crack me up, and one that lists the baby's "stats" like a D&D character. Everything is really low but the charisma score, which is 18. They're adorable; I want both of them.

Ah, gotcha. I decided I'd apply after graduation to spend a year living in the two extremes of what will be my world: diapers and med school interviews :rolleyes:

We paid for our wedding, too. I got away with less than 7k for 110 people. I made my own invitations, did a lot of the planning myself, bought a discounted (but designer!) dress, etc. It turned out wonderfully. Good luck! You'll have a blast. Remember: the photographer is the most important part. The pictures will be all you'll have left after the wedding is over! :)

Can I put "Wedding Planning" as leadership experience on my app? ;)
 
Ah, gotcha. I decided I'd apply after graduation to spend a year living in the two extremes of what will be my world: diapers and med school interviews :rolleyes:

We paid for our wedding, too. I got away with less than 7k for 110 people. I made my own invitations, did a lot of the planning myself, bought a discounted (but designer!) dress, etc. It turned out wonderfully. Good luck! You'll have a blast. Remember: the photographer is the most important part. The pictures will be all you'll have left after the wedding is over! :)

Can I put "Wedding Planning" as leadership experience on my app? ;)
I seriously wish we could, but I don't think it would count unless you were planning someone else's wedding.

Wow! Where do you live? We're JUST outside Philadelphia (our ceremony is in the city, our reception is in the 'burbs), and our wedding is going to be about $17K for about 110 people. That is REALLY good for the area, as I found a lot of deals, from my dress, to invitations to vendors.
 
I seriously wish we could, but I don't think it would count unless you were planning someone else's wedding.

Wow! Where do you live? We're JUST outside Philadelphia (our ceremony is in the city, our reception is in the 'burbs), and our wedding is going to be about $17K for about 110 people. That is REALLY good for the area, as I found a lot of deals, from my dress, to invitations to vendors.

You want to know how much my wedding cost?

not more than $500. talk about a bargain. :laugh:

it was in the african bush though, and i didn't have a ring or a dress. the reception was on the patio of a lakefront resort though.
 
You want to know how much my wedding cost?

not more than $500. talk about a bargain. :laugh:

it was in the african bush though, and i didn't have a ring or a dress. the reception was on the patio of a lakefront resort though.

Lake Victoria?
 
I seriously wish we could, but I don't think it would count unless you were planning someone else's wedding.

Wow! Where do you live? We're JUST outside Philadelphia (our ceremony is in the city, our reception is in the 'burbs), and our wedding is going to be about $17K for about 110 people. That is REALLY good for the area, as I found a lot of deals, from my dress, to invitations to vendors.
\

I live very close to San Francisco, I picked a city park for ceremony ($50) and a city owned rec center clubhouse ($500 with tables and chairs). PM me if you want to see pics :)
 
Top