Married and debating average school near family or great school far away.

[soldier2surgeon]

I'm looking for some advice. I am married and have a 9 month old son. I have been dragging my family around for the last few years with my military assignments, and I am leaving active duty to attend medical school.

My wife is from Texas and is very close with her family. Our original plan was to attend medical school in Texas so that she can have a support system while I'm in school. I applied to most of the programs in Texas and a few top tier programs elsewhere.

I was only accepted to one school in Texas. It's a middle of the road state school.

I also received an interview at Harvard and am waiting to hear back from them. Now I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but the interview went very well from my perspective and the possibility of not going back to Texas has sparked a lot of discussion in my house.

My wife realizes the magnitude of opportunity that Harvard represents, and she is very supportive of me. She is willing to move to Boston should the opportunity arise. Because she is sacrificing the opportunity to be with her family while I am in school, she is making several requests, which I think are more than fair.

One of the requests she has made is that I do everything in my power to ensure that I am matched to a Texas residency program, or at least a residency program within driving distance to Texas. This obviously narrows the field of residencies I can compete for and eliminates many of the top residency programs in various fields.

My question is twofold. Firstly, is it even feasible that I can guarantee a match in Texas. Secondly, is Harvard worth sticking myself in a lesser residency program, or should I attend the Texas state school, and compete for better residencies?

I know most of you are saying "woah buddy, just because you got an interview, doesn't mean you're getting into Harvard." Believe me, I fully realize that and this might all be a moot point, but I'm just trying to do some planning should that acceptance letter arrive. I'd really appreciate anyone's input.

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[punkiedad]

don't know that I am qualified to give advice. I was just happy to get into med school.

As I was reading your posting, I thought it is a no brainer to stay near the support network. We don't have that and I am very envious of people that have that support system. We have 2 kids and a support system really helps!!

That being said, it is Harvard. I am not even smart enought to know how big of a deal that is, ubt it sounds great. In any event, I think you need to dig a little deeper
--what are your plans for residency? what are harvard's stats along with your state school's stats (are you looking for endocrinology or interventional radiology?)

--How much has your wife sacrificed for your military career? Sounds like she might have some credits built up, but again it is harvard.

--I would guess there is no way to guarantee a texas residency, but again that goes to my point above.

Either way, you are doing the right thing planning ahead. I someone else, like Harvard, makes the decision for you, then you are off the hook.

Tough call. Good Luck.

 

[ertraumashield]

I'm looking for some advice. I am married and have a 9 month old son. I have been dragging my family around for the last few years with my military assignments, and I am leaving active duty to attend medical school.

My wife is from Texas and is very close with her family. Our original plan was to attend medical school in Texas so that she can have a support system while I'm in school. I applied to most of the programs in Texas and a few top tier programs elsewhere.

I was only accepted to one school in Texas. It's a middle of the road state school.

I also received an interview at Harvard and am waiting to hear back from them. Now I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but the interview went very well from my perspective and the possibility of not going back to Texas has sparked a lot of discussion in my house.

My wife realizes the magnitude of opportunity that Harvard represents, and she is very supportive of me. She is willing to move to Boston should the opportunity arise. Because she is sacrificing the opportunity to be with her family while I am in school, she is making several requests, which I think are more than fair.

One of the requests she has made is that I do everything in my power to ensure that I am matched to a Texas residency program, or at least a residency program within driving distance to Texas. This obviously narrows the field of residencies I can compete for and eliminates many of the top residency programs in various fields.

My question is twofold. Firstly, is it even feasible that I can guarantee a match in Texas. Secondly, is Harvard worth sticking myself in a lesser residency program, or should I attend the Texas state school, and compete for better residencies?

I know most of you are saying "woah buddy, just because you got an interview, doesn't mean you're getting into Harvard." Believe me, I fully realize that and this might all be a moot point, but I'm just trying to do some planning should that acceptance letter arrive. I'd really appreciate anyone's input.

Good questions and let me just say first that you're very lucky to have such a supportive wife.
There are probally a few hospitals in Texas that you can apply for a residency, although, it is not guaranteed that you would make it in the residency program. Do you have connections to an attending or resident who is working at a Texas hospital? If not try networking over Facebook, SDN, Bebo and via friends. Having connections will help. Also, lets say that you went to Harvard. Becuase Harvard is such a good school that may increase your chances of getting a residency where you want it. Also make sure you stay close to a 4.0gpa.

I think it would be fine to do medical school at Harvard and then go into a lower residency program.

One last note, some of the doctors who are rateded top doctors of their state went to state schools and did residencies at state hospitals.

If I were you I'd talk to plenty of attendings and residents to get their opinions.

Best of luck to you and congrats!

 

[nogolfinsnow]

Moving to a new place is much harder on the significant other than it is on the student. We don't have any kids, but it's been a long and tough adjustment for my wife to move across the country. No matter how great your spouse is, there will be times when she resents you a little for moving her from her support network. Medical school is difficult for students, but it takes a huge emotional toll on non-student spouses as well. My wife jokes that when I graduate she'll be graduating too, and it's really true in a sense.

What do you see yourself doing with your career? I know it's a dumb question to ask someone what they want to specialize in before they get to try out all the fields, but the Harvard name and network might not matter much if you're looking outside of a few select top specialties.

How do the financial aspects play out? If you're still military and they're paying your tuition + stipend, then it's not much of an issue. But Boston is an expensive city and your loans could pile up quickly. I don't know anything about Harvard's tuition, but I suspect the Texas school is a very good price in relation to the average US private school. For me, the hardest thing about medical school is getting that quarterly statement from the lender and realizing how fast interest adds up.

It's great that you and your wife are talking about this now. You should try to look at it from every angle and decide what the best situation for your family is. Good luck.

 

[Chocolate Bear]

I wish I had more time to delve into my rationale, but I would vote, hands down, to go to the lesser school with the support group nearby, do exceedingly well, then place yourself in a top program for residency. This is assuming your wife will be happy to move to BFE after med school if you stay in Texas during. Is that correct?

If you have the support group in place, you will be happier and have less on your plate. You won't feel as torn to stay home while you should be in the gross lab, b/c you'll have a much happier wife and potentially some people who can help pick up some of your slack, since you'll be busy as hell. You'll perform better in school and have a better app for residency. They won't care very much that you went to some mid tier state school.

Now contrast that with the flip side and it gets ugly. Harvard + unhappiness all around (happy wife --> happy life ) + pulled too thin --> poor residency app. See if that Harvard name gets you into a top residency slot if you didn't pull your weight during med school. It won't.

You should put a poll up. I'd create multiple accounts just to vote for my first scenario!

Best of luck--you might be in a very enviable position!

 

[nontrdgsbuiucmd]

From what I've heard, I'd agree w/posts above -- in your situation (it sounds like you'll likely end up in TX either for med school or residency) I'd suggest the mid-tier med school, kick butt there, and then the top tier residency nationwide.

Per my MD relative, those in the know, know that the residency is what really matters rather than the med school. If "guaranteeing" that you do residency in TX means that you'd be pursuing a more-likely-to-match residency like FM or IM in TX versus what you may decide you really want to do which may move you anywhere in the country, my suggestion would be to choose the latter. But that would be a great choice to be able to make!

 

[Deepa100]

I just made the same kind of decision. I am going where my husband and son will be happy. My husband was willing to move anywhere but I knew he would have hated the city where my first choice school is. So, I went for a less-stressful move.

 

[Law2Doc]

...
My question is twofold. Firstly, is it even feasible that I can guarantee a match in Texas. Secondly, is Harvard worth sticking myself in a lesser residency program, or should I attend the Texas state school, and compete for better residencies?...

Without having been accepted to Harvard, I think you are getting way ahead of yourself. That being said, you can't "guarantee a match" at this juncture because you haven't started med school and thus probably don't have a good sense of what field you want to go into. Most people change their mind at least once during med school. And it is very different analysis depending on the specialty. Meaning if you have a very high board score and are in love with the idea of doing peds, then yes, you probably will have a good shot at going where you want. If you are an average scorer but your dream job is rads or gas, then you probably have to go to where the job is. Some very competitive people ended up scrambling this year because they shot for the moon and missed.

 

[ButImLETired]

Well, not to be the bearer of bad news here, but the Harvard ship has sailed. All acceptances were sent by email a couple of days ago. If you're not in by now, you're not in. You'll be receiving your waitlist or rejection notice soon.

That just made your decision much easier, didn't it?!

 

[MilkmanAl]

Do you have connections to an attending or resident who is working at a Texas hospital? If not try networking over Facebook, SDN, Bebo and via friends.

Sorry, darlin', I don't think attendings network quite the same way as 16 year olds. Good try, though.

I think it would be fine to do medical school at Harvard and then go into a lower residency program.

You do know you're advocating him leaving his wife and baby, right? OP, I don't even see how you have a choice in front of you. Life in med school is going to be hard enough with you coming home to your wife and having to make time to study. If you're across the country, you'll maybe have a handful of chances each year to see her and your kid. Don't do that to yourself and your family.

 

[sindadel]

Stay where your wife will be happier - i.e., Texas. I hope you get good news from Harvard though - what a feather in your cap that would be!

 

[lcgyy]

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[ZeusonRoids]

I'm looking for some advice. I am married and have a 9 month old son. I have been dragging my family around for the last few years with my military assignments, and I am leaving active duty to attend medical school.

My wife is from Texas and is very close with her family. Our original plan was to attend medical school in Texas so that she can have a support system while I'm in school. I applied to most of the programs in Texas and a few top tier programs elsewhere.

I was only accepted to one school in Texas. It's a middle of the road state school.

I also received an interview at Harvard and am waiting to hear back from them. Now I don't want to put the cart before the horse, but the interview went very well from my perspective and the possibility of not going back to Texas has sparked a lot of discussion in my house.

My wife realizes the magnitude of opportunity that Harvard represents, and she is very supportive of me. She is willing to move to Boston should the opportunity arise. Because she is sacrificing the opportunity to be with her family while I am in school, she is making several requests, which I think are more than fair.

One of the requests she has made is that I do everything in my power to ensure that I am matched to a Texas residency program, or at least a residency program within driving distance to Texas. This obviously narrows the field of residencies I can compete for and eliminates many of the top residency programs in various fields.

My question is twofold. Firstly, is it even feasible that I can guarantee a match in Texas. Secondly, is Harvard worth sticking myself in a lesser residency program, or should I attend the Texas state school, and compete for better residencies?

I know most of you are saying "woah buddy, just because you got an interview, doesn't mean you're getting into Harvard." Believe me, I fully realize that and this might all be a moot point, but I'm just trying to do some planning should that acceptance letter arrive. I'd really appreciate anyone's input.

Your family is you and your wife now (and any kids you may have). Her PARENTS family is different.

The best opportunity is at Harvard. Go there...most of those people can write their own ticket the rest of their lives.

That being said, your biggest obligation is to your wife so if she is unhappy with moving to Boston then I think you should reconsider and stay in Texas. (But if she is seriously making you stay out of Harvard I might get a divorce unless she has a pretty DAMN good reason other than being close to her family.)

 

[Law2Doc]

...
The best opportunity is at Harvard. Go there...most of those people can write their own ticket the rest of their lives.
...

There are more residency spots than US allo seats, and currently a shortage of physicians, so your "own ticket" is written regardless of where you go, if you have the numbers to back it up. Harvard might provide advantages should OP want to go into academic medicine down the road, or be able to apply to programs in the Northeast with a straight face coming from Texas. However residencies tend to focus most on the applicants' individual accomplishments, not their school name. So the Step exams, evals, research etc are going to make and break you in residency apps. And those are more or less unrelated to where you go to med school (as long as we are talking US allo for the allo match).

 

[soldier2surgeon]

I appreciate everyone's input. After a little more digging around yesterday, I found, as ButImLETired pointed out, that the Harvard ship has sailed it seems. At least this takes the pressure off. Thanks anyway guys.

 

[doctor712]

If I don't chime in on this thread, I'm a bad SDNer. Your OP strikes a chord. Something like D flat I think.

But anyway, of course you are the only one who can make this decision, however, let me shed some personal insight.

When I was working in Los Angeles on a show, my kids had to stay back in NY with their mom, who I was legally separated from. To keep "close", and because of the type of dad I am, and always will be, I flew from LA to NY every other weekend.

Schedule:

Friday night 6pm, finish writing job at Burbank, CA studio.
Friday night, 9pm, red eye Jet Blue flight to JFK. Non-stop, luckily.
Saturday morning, land JFK, 5am (assuming no delays).
Saturday morning, Air Train to local LIRR stop. 7am.
Saturday morning, cab to house 730-830am.
Saturday morning, boys, X2, just waking up, 800am ish.
Saturday morning, me, X1, just arriving.
Saturday morning= kids want to play with daddy
Saturday am to Sunday pm = play, enjoy, see, love my kids.

I didn't want to leave them Sunday night to catch a flight (that kills an entire afternoon, and certainly the evening, and certainly tucking them into bed), so I would then...

Monday 3am, wakeup.
Monday 4am, cab, LIRR, AirTrain in reverse.
Monday 7am, JFK to BUR (nonstop, Jetblue)
Monday 10am, arrive BUR, cab to studio

Monday-Friday work. Repeat following weekend...

Repeat 26 times/year PLUS any holidays, BIRTHDAYS, hiatuses X 2 years.

And now that time of my life is over and I live a mile from the kids. Actually, less.

So, my fear, as I apply in 15 months from now is, aside from not GETTING IN, haha, is living here, REALLY CLOSE to a few med schools that I like, and spend time at, and volunteer at, and mentee at, and research at, is getting into, oh I dunno, a school in GA, or DC, or TN, or South Dakota. When indeed, I want to stay REALLY close to my boys for the next 4 years (or 50 if you look at it in full).

My fear is that my option will ONLY BE (despite increased odds at getting in down here) is that, for whatever reason, I'll get in somewhere else. I dunno, Murphy's Law, fear of the unknown, life.

And then I'd be in the same shoes as you, IF you get into Harvard. However, then we'll have the same decision to make and do you have ANY doubt (I don't) which school I would attend? Harvard or local FL med school?

Not for a second. And here's why, I've already lived away from my boys, and moved mountains to see them at every waking moment. It wasn't med school though, I'm not sure I will be able to do ANYWHERE NEAR that amount of travel, spend that kinda cash, to see the boys soooo much. And that's going to make me sad. So, I know you probably travel with the Military, and you certainly know what sacrifice is about. But I simply missed too many bedtimes, too many soccer games, too many brushing teeth times, (I could go on but it bothers me to), to be ABLE to stay here, and go elsewhere. I actually sit down with them yesterday, at Coldstone's despite the weather, and said, where was I in 2007 in LA, at what soundstage, at what dinner, at what xyz, instead of being near them.

So, if I'm given that chance, to be close to them while I become an MD, in 2010, I'm taking it and not looking back. I have a lotta regrets about time away, I REALLY don't want more.

You might think your AMAZING TASK of becoming a Doctor will lessen the blow of being away, as there's a) a mean's to an end b) a noble task being accomplished c) something that needs to be done to accomplish something for your own future and your family's. And that's ALL TRUE. But i will NOT lessen the truth of you being away, missing them, and in 10-20-30 years, you will one day look back and wonder, and it's those times I miss them the most. In the moment, I can justify being away, "I'm becoming a Doctor, and it's not just for me, but for you too..." And that's 1000% true. But time cannot be reversed, and they grow up, REAL quick.

And this is why I am busting my ARSE doing everything in my power to get known at places down here because it's a HUGE part of what's going to make me a successful doctor. Harvard Medical school is what you make of it. I've done the equivalent in the confines of TV work. I have lots to show of it. The ONE thing I don't have to show for it, is what I missed most: time together.

But that's me, it's my past, I just want you to know where I'm coming from when I suggest your local TX school over Harvard Medical. The question to me is: Will I become as amazing an Anesthesiologist graduating from USF as from Columbia P&S? And my answer is: YES. Why? Because I'm going to experience the H E L L out of everything USF can offer me. And the second question is: EVEN IF the answer is NO, I cannot be AS GOOD an MD, would I go to NY in lieu of USF? The answer is NO. Life isn't black and white, it's gray. I guarantee you, you make of MD school what you make of it. Same with life. And the last question is simple: Family/Home School/88 on Pathophys exam/225 on USMLE 1 vs. Harvard Diploma/Prestige/Kudos/Swagger/248 USMLE 1, 94 on Pathophys.... I'll prefer the former.

Good luck choosing schools. I've given my side.

D712

Edit: AWwwwwwww, I wish I woulda read that last post before writing this. ACTUALLY, maybe it will help others!

 

[Chocolate Bear]

Edit: AWwwwwwww, I wish I woulda read that last post before writing this. ACTUALLY, maybe it will help others!

I'm actually really really glad you *didn't* read the last post, which would have kept your thoughts to yourself. Thanks for sharing your important perspective.

 

[Conky]

Sorry, darlin', I don't think attendings network quite the same way as 16 year olds. Good try, though.

You do know you're advocating him leaving his wife and baby, right? OP, I don't even see how you have a choice in front of you. Life in med school is going to be hard enough with you coming home to your wife and having to make time to study. If you're across the country, you'll maybe have a handful of chances each year to see her and your kid. Don't do that to yourself and your family.

read the post.

 

[MilkmanAl]

I quoted the post...

 

[Chocolate Bear]

I quoted the post...

He means that the OP's wife and kids were going to live with him/follow him to Boston, whereas you inferred that they would be staying in TX regardless of his going to Harvard.

Just a little message board confusion is all. Nothing to see here.

 

[MilkmanAl]

Ah...missed that. Good call.