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Married Med Students

chattkis

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    Hi! Looking for some helpful tips. I will be in class 8a-12p. Husbands new job will be 4p-12am. So we will have 12:30p-3:30pm most days to hang out. What are some of the ways you handle school and your family? I want *balance* so badly so neither school nor my husband feels neglected. Just curious as to how you balance your life, thanks in advance :)

    Also for those in M3 and M4. Does your balance need to be re-negotiated at this time?
     

    jbone

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      chattkis said:
      Hi! Looking for some helpful tips. I will be in class 8a-12p. Husbands new job will be 4p-12am. So we will have 12:30p-3:30pm most days to hang out. What are some of the ways you handle school and your family? I want *balance* so badly so neither school nor my husband feels neglected. Just curious as to how you balance your life, thanks in advance :)

      Also for those in M3 and M4. Does your balance need to be re-negotiated at this time?
      Give him some lovin. ;) (on a regular basis!)
       
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      SoCuteMD

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        Oh, and to answer your questions. Well, I'm not married (and haven't dated much since school started) but I find it perfectly feasible to take a couple hours off every day. You might take your planned daily schedule into consideration when choosing a place to live (maybe close to school so you could come home after class, hang out, then go back to study) if you don't already own a home.

        I try really hard to maintain balance in my life, and I find that I can actually do well (not just pass) and still not feel completely deprived. This, of course, only came about after I finished gross anatomy. The first four months were complete HELL, but once I adjusted I was able to find my own rhythm for my days, and that helped a lot.
         

        quideam

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          First, remember that at times (perhaps many times), you will feel that you are neglecting your husband, your schoolwork, or even both. Med school is A LOT of work (i know you already know that), and although you're essentially married to your social life, you will still find at times that you have painfully little time for it. My best adivice (i'm engaged, not married, but still): try to schedule "couples" time when you don't have an upcoming exam within the next week and when he's not working - this way you have some scheduled time that you have to stop studying and spend together. Otherwise, you can always try combining the two: maybe a few hours at Barnes and Noble where you read through some lectures and he browses books? You're going to have to be creative, but believe me, it can be done. My fiance is in grad school, and we spent half of winter break at the library or barnes and noble studying together... followed by dinner, renting movies, etc. Not the most fun in the world, but again, a decent compromise.

          One last thing: make sure that you have time for yourself. Seriously - I know you want to spend as much time as possible with your husband, but you also need some time to do things for you - for example, going to the gym (the KEY to sanity, in my opinion), or even just reading a magazine for half an hour. Just make sure that you're not spending every free second trying to deal with med school, family, etc., or you may become overwhelmed too.

          Good luck - you'll be fine :).

          Q
           

          Luvula

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            chattkis said:
            I want *balance* so badly so neither school nor my husband feels neglected. Just curious as to how you balance your life, thanks in advance :)

            I'm an MS3, and my husband and I have been separated by 200mi for the past 30 months but have managed to stay very happy and fulfilled.

            Very simply, you CAN do both well as long as you are both committed to it. I think that what matters most is the effort to protect the little time you have with one another and to continually check in on how things are going. When you make one another a priority, things seem to fall in line and the exact number of hours spent together becomes less important. My only real technique is to work as hard as I can when he's not around so that I can take my breaks with him. I also keep in mind that if push comes to shove, my marriage is more important than a few points on an exam.

            I HIGHLY recommend reading "His Needs, Her Needs" by Harley. I also liked "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman. They seem simple at first, but I think they could have saved my parents' marriage, and I'm determined not to go that route.

            Best Wishes!
             

            orientedtoself

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              chattkis said:
              Hi! Looking for some helpful tips. I will be in class 8a-12p. Husbands new job will be 4p-12am. So we will have 12:30p-3:30pm most days to hang out. What are some of the ways you handle school and your family? I want *balance* so badly so neither school nor my husband feels neglected. Just curious as to how you balance your life, thanks in advance :)

              Also for those in M3 and M4. Does your balance need to be re-negotiated at this time?
              Skip class, and read the lecture notes.
               

              Scottish Chap

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                chattkis said:
                Hi! Looking for some helpful tips. I will be in class 8a-12p. Husbands new job will be 4p-12am. So we will have 12:30p-3:30pm most days to hang out. What are some of the ways you handle school and your family? I want *balance* so badly so neither school nor my husband feels neglected. Just curious as to how you balance your life, thanks in advance :)

                Also for those in M3 and M4. Does your balance need to be re-negotiated at this time?
                I'm married and I personally think it's a massive advantage. It's all about perspective, and a supportive spouse will keep that in check. Most medicals schools recruit a diverse bunch and you will probably find you become closer friends with other married medical students as I have. I don't 'freak out' if I can't remember every minute detail I've read every day and I never compare myself to my peers; comparison rather than marital status, IMHO, is why too many medical students get stressed out and it's totally avoidable. I want to do well and I want all my classmates to do well and we support each other, but I'll never ask for your grades, and don't bother asking for mine.... :) :thumbup:
                 

                odrade1

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                  I think that 3 & 1/2 hours a day is a luxurious amount of time to spend with your partner. Every relationship is different, but my partner and I spend less time than that together (about 1.5-3) most days, and I feel very satisfied. Of course, we spend lots of time together on weekends, but through the week, we don't have much time together.

                  Even if both you and your partner have "normal" 8-5 or 9-6 jobs, you won't be spending much more time during the week than the 3.5 hours you reported. Unless one of you is especially needy, I wouldn't be too worried about getting to spend 3 hours a day visiting each other. The main difference in my relational life once I matriculate in July will be the use of my "weekend" time for studying instead of house/husbandly duties.

                  If you are really concerned, you should both agree to count that time in-between as sacred, and decide to not agree to other activities or obligations that take you apart from one another. How fun to have a 3-hour date every day with your husband/boyfriend!
                   
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