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Marrieds: How is your spouse dealing?

Discussion in 'Nontraditional Students' started by jackieMD2007, Jul 19, 2006.

  1. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Hi everyone.

    How is your spouse doing with the whole application process?

    Sometimes I come home from work and get right to working on applications, etc...

    I know that my husband is very supportive, and that he knows what it is to be stressed, and that I am the one who is putting all of this pressure on myself to get in somewhere in-state....but I feel like maybe I could be making this easier on him.

    Any ideas? Anyone else having similar thoughts?
     
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  3. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    My wife is very supportive, but at the same time is having a VERY hard time adjusting to being the one bored on her ass all the time...for 3 years, I did nothing but keep the house quiet and spend time with the dogs while she studied....Now that the roles are reversed on her, it's very difficult for her, considering she's a busy body...started a project this week and has been making a lot of noise and causing a lot of stress, but in the end things will be fine.
     
  4. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    That being said, I asked her to proofread my apps a long time ago, and she keeps putting it off...not sure what to make of it.
     
  5. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    I try to make sure I thank my wife when she picks up toys/mess, loads/unloads dishwasher, etc. And ALWAYS give thanks for the night(s) I get a cooked meal and not leftovers. I know she gets bored at home with our son by herself in a town where she knows nobody and that she'd like to be going to school or working but she's supportive of what I'm trying to do so I try to reciprocate and let her know I notice and appreciate what she's doing. Doing this consistently really helps make the stressfull/short-tempered days easier to deal with for both of us.
     
  6. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California
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    I did a one year post bac and have spent the summer off to volunteer and study for the MCAT. My wife finds it ironic that I seemed to be more "there" when I was working long and distant hours at startups than as a student.

    It's hard when you tell them, "Just hang in there! Just.... 8 more years..."
     
  7. Sporky

    Sporky Sporky
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    I am very blessed in that I have a supportive wife of nearly 20 years ( I just turned 40) who understands that I am insane. She has been through my very many career changes and through many ups and downs. She has graciously gone from being the wife of a businessman at home raising children, to being the wife of a missionary then finally, the primary money earner of a full-time student, part-time employee. I have also thought of how to make it easier on my wife, but apart from communicating very clearly and often how much I appreciate her sacrifice, unless one's spouse understands and is interested in science and medicine, it is very difficult.

    Having been missionaries for the past 9 years or so, she has grown accustomed to living frugally and this has helped, although it has been a struggle and will continue to be, I am sure.

    One thing that has helped is that my good friend and advisor went through this same process and his wife has talked with mine and told her that it won't last forever (which she knows, but it helps to hear from outside). My friend, left a career as an engineer for Honeywell, and his wife became a school teacher to support them during his medical education, which lasted a looooooonggg time because he chose a wacked-out specialty.

    I guess the key is to demonstrate our love for them, keep them informed of what is going on and make sure they understand that sacrifice now is necessary for this new career.


    :)
     
  8. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    :thumbup: :thumbup:
     
  9. natroncb

    natroncb KellyMD
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    my wife is the one applying to medical school while I finish dental school. We have a daughter (only child) who is in 1st grade. My wife was great during my schooling so I will be during hers. It is hard for me not to jump in and do things for her. This is her moment.
     
  10. MiesVanDerMom

    MiesVanDerMom D.o. or Die
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    I am feeling so stressed out about getting into a school nearby so I don't have to make my husband leave his job and move my kids away from my parents. There's only one school here and anyone who reads the interview threads in pre-allo knows I am losing my mind because all these people are being invited to interviews there and I am not among them. I feel like I'm letting down this huge group of people who have all made sacrifices for me, like I'm letting my babies down. Thanks for letting me vent.

    As for hubby: this is nothing compared to MCATs! he's fairly unaware of the interview stress i'm having. that said, i am now going to force myself to get off of SDN and go spend some time with him!
     
  11. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Well, I think that is common for a lot of the non-trads. You know, we have whole extended families that know we're applying, leaving our jobs, spending all of this money. I know that they are supportive no matter what but it is extra sucky to be married and let down two f-ing families, instead of just one, you know?

    When you go up for applications and you're younger I feel like you can just apply the next year....for me, if I don't get in this year, what am I going to do? Keep at my current job, that I despise? Throw another $4K at this? I know that things will probably work out but still, the stakes are high.

    Anyone applying to any post-bac programs concurrently (as to not waste a year in the event things don't work?) Any ideas?

    Jackie :love:
     
  12. Sporky

    Sporky Sporky
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    Moving is apparently very often part of the med school equation as you know. Moving can be stressful, but it can also be a rewarding experience and provide new opportunities.

    One thing I try to remind myself and my family of is that medicine will change your family generationally. What I mean is that once there is a physician in the family, a families' future focus changes dramatically. Why? Medicine opens the door to many possibilities - especially for persons like myself who were adopted and whose family history doesn't include advanced education.

    You also probably know much better than I that medicine opens many doors. Perhaps if you do move, it will open doors for your husband in his career.

    I would say that no one should do anything with out asking God first, but once you know that medicine is the path you need to walk, moving can be an exciting part of it. Children adapt very well to moving - I should know, I attended 7 elementary and middle schools and 3 high schools.

    My biggest fear is mind-numbingly cold weather. In the Navy I demanded to serve in the tropics so I got sent to the arctic circle. The fact that many of the nation's private med schools are in New York, boggles my mind. But my family knows that if I am going to be a doctor, we may be moving to the frosty north. My teenagers already squeal about this possibility, but they understand that this will change their future as well.

    All this to say, don't stress out over it and explore the possibility of moving if you cannot get into your chosen school. There are 2 in my hometown, but one is in the top 10 of all medical schools and aside from an act of God, my chances there are pretty slim.

    :)
     
  13. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    I'm only applying to schools within about a 4 hour radius of our location (and none in St. Louis) because if I get in next year, it's very likely I will have to go it alone for the first 6 months as my wife is under contract with the hospital here...

    I'm really hoping for one of the schools in KC, but will take what I can get.

    I finally got sucked into the project tonight...stripping wallpaper SUCKS! :) At least it's done...and hopefully I can get back to studying more.
     
  14. pazdent

    pazdent Member
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    I am feeling very discouraged.
    first my Husband always had let me know how proud he was of me being a dentist (back in my country) then we moved here because of his work. I stayed home full time taking care of our youngest child (now she is 4).
    I finally found my way to find a job as a limited licensed dentist and I feel more than blessed for that.
    I have beeing required to work more ours, full time ,wich I consider great for my carreer and for getting the change in a future to apply to a AP for Intl. dentist (which is very competitive)
    Now that I have the chance to pay for the full tiem child care, somebody that I absolutelly trust and had known for the last 2 years; my husband just gave an absolute NO. to that possibility.
    I feel very dissapinted and sad.
    I left a great office, a nice carrer, family, for three years already, and I can not get to an agreement with him about it.
     
  15. RxnMan

    RxnMan Who, me? A doctor?
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    It sounds like you've made a lot of sacrifices already. If he feels this way, then maybe he should take on some of the child-rearing duties himself.
     
  16. Sporky

    Sporky Sporky
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    Please have patience. You have many gifts, but the greatest of these is being a mother. Regardless of what our western humanistic philosophies are, motherhood is humanities toughest and most blessed job. That does not mean that you cannot and will not exercise your other gifts. But conflict with your husband will not solve your dilemma - love will.

    As an example, look at Ms. Karen Hughes. She was initially the advisor to the most powerful man on earth - President Bush. Then she took a leave of absence to go back home and be a mother to her children. Now that they have grown, she is once again advising the President.

    You have a unique gift that I nor any other man can ever have. You will have a unique impact on your children and on society - as a man, I impact my children (sometimes I impact them on their behind) but not with the same relationship that they have with their mother.

    Since you are already practising dentistry in a limited fashion, be patient and enjoy your time with your children as well. When they are grown you will miss them. You really have the best of both world's now, being able to practise and spend time with your kids.

    Blessings,
    Sporky
     
  17. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    I'm doing an SMP program in the hopes that the summer and fall grades will be sufficient to "boost" my app for this cycle if necessary.
     
  18. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    Or maybe just a heart-to-heart to understand how important this is to you. Assuming he loves you I would imagine that if this is vitally important to you then you can work something out for the both of you to accept. He may just not trust your children with someone else...hopefully it's not a "me man...wife no work" thing. Doesn't sound likely based on you said about him back in your country, but sometimes people change.
     
  19. RxnMan

    RxnMan Who, me? A doctor?
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    I interpreted her post as saying that she has an opportunity to practice in a limited fashion, coming at the cost of greater-than-normal time commitment, which her husband has forbidden. So, no, I don't think she has any ability to practice (currently). I suggest that she seek balance between her needs and her spouse's, who, and this is from a biased source, seems to be making all of the decisions.
     
  20. Beau Geste

    Beau Geste yah mo b there
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    My husband is completely supportive of my med school ambition. He takes care of the dishes, trash, laundry, etc. (usually) because my schedule is 8-10pm pretty much every day and weekends are reserved for catch-up, and I'm usually working 9-5pm Sat and Sun at home. I do the grocery shopping though, because my husband can't stand the Super WalMart, which is all we have here ;)

    As far as food, I buy what we both like and we fend for ourselves. My husband is also a rugby player and coach in another city so he's gone a lot for that.

    We've also been slowly remodeling our house, which has probably added the biggest stress of all. It's difficult to come home most days and see my husband on the couch watching TV from 5-9pm while I've put in 14 hours of work and school. We argue about the work progress a lot, but have reached the agreement to hire some of the work out since my husband is less-than-motivated to finish it.

    My husband and I had a long talk about re-dividing responsibilities and what each of us needs to do before I began my post-bacc journey. In the fall and spring rugby seasons, he tends to neglect the housework which is hard on us.
    The reciprocal of that being that when I'm working 14-hour weekdays and 8-hour weekend days, there's not much time for "intimacy" which irritates my husband.

    We've learned to keep things in check, though. Mainly through blood, sweat, and tears, but we do understand each other better and we're lways working on it.
     
  21. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    We figure we've been through enough together (my best friend died in a car wreck 9/7/01, then 9/11 happened, funeral was 9/13, then later that month, her friend's fiance blew his head off in front of said friend) with friends tragedies and my cancer...med school/nursing school are a breeze...

    And still haven't been on a honeymoon, or even a "vacation" of more than about 4 days..usually weekends at the lake of the ozarks.
     
  22. JimmyG

    JimmyG Really a gal
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    MJB--bless your heart. I'm sorry about you and your friends. I sure hope you and your spouse find time for a vacation soon. It sure sounds like you need it. Lake of the Ozarks is nice--only been there once when I was a kid and we had a great time.
     
  23. JimmyG

    JimmyG Really a gal
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    My husband is finishing up law school so we have already been through this marriage/school process. He currently is doing clerkships 3 hours from home for the entire summer which really makes studying and applying to medical schools very easy. However, I have learned, only from my husband, who is wonderful :love: , how to balance school and our relationship. This process of applying to medical school and studying for prereqs and for the MCAT are important, but never more important than my husband. It is only with his help am I able to even pursue this dream of mine, just as it took both of us to help him succeed in law school. So, I work my study schedule out in order to study the most when he is at work or sleeping (I get up very early in the AM) or doing his own project. There are Saturdays that i will tell him that I must study until noon but the afternoon is mine and yours. Those 5-6 hours we spend together maybe will prevent me from revising my PS one more time or it may keep me up until 2 am studying for the MCAT, but my husband at least knows that he comes first. And when all of this medical school stuff is over and done with and after I work for years and after I retire, will I really think, oh, I wish I spent more time studying for that MCAT back when... Naahhh... Because my husband will be there regardless, even when it is all over. I know this is some sappy stuff, but it is just a rearrangement of your priorities, as I see it. It will all work out...
     
  24. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Hey, us too! My husband is studying for the Bar as we speak. We have learned a LOT of the same lessons, and I hadn't considered that the time spent with my husband is not time spent obsessing! Good call on that.

    When I leave my job next spring, I know that will cause us a little financial hardship for awhile while we transition. I know that we will be fine, but I am just so stressed out about seeing it through right now. In a few ways, I wish I had the experience of a 30 year old, rather than that of an (almost!) 25 year old.

    I bet my 30 year old self would not be worried about what my boss is going to say when I tell them I'm leaving for medical schools.

    I bet my 30 year old self would not be nervous about taking "Personal Days" to interview if I get selected for an interview. My 30 year old self would not fantasize that they would fire me for taking too many personal days, when I haven't taken any in the year and a half since I started.

    My 30 year old self wouldn't worry so much about what other people thought of her.

    Gosh, I'm looking forward to getting to know me. :laugh:
     
  25. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    I'm taking the next 3 fridays off to take practice MCATs so we can hit the lake over the weekend...taking this afternoon off to take one so i can help around the house (having company) tomorrow and enjoy the nice day (rainy today), and hoping to take a 4 or 5 day weekend to the Lake after the MCAT before school starts the 28th.

    After this summer, I'm worried I'm going to be bored to death this fall ONLY taking a class and working! :)

    I can't believe I just saw someone wish they were 30! (I just turned 30 a few weeks ago and I'm kicking myself for not getting around to this sooner..)... :)
     
  26. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Well I was wishing for the experience.
    In the past five years (20 to 25) I have gained a lot. I have become much more comfortable in my own skin, more self-assured, less insecure, more confident.
    I can't wait for what the next five will bring, that's all. I'm ready to be a complete version of myself, without having to have such large "upgrades" all of the time. :)
     
  27. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    I'm definitely more "intelligent" now than I was 5 years ago, but I don't feel much different.

    I think you learn a lot in your 20's...interested to see where it goes from here.
     
  28. notdeadyet

    notdeadyet Still in California
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    You peak at 30. Then it's all downhill...
     
  29. Beau Geste

    Beau Geste yah mo b there
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    I'll be 30 in a few months, and boy, I learned a helluva lot in my 20s. Some of the biggest teachers were travel to foreign places AND situations, being married/divorced/married, starting and running my own business (and keeping it going!), and just dealing with life (sickness, death, happiness, sadness, etc).

    Anyone can have a lot of experiences before 30, but what do they take away from those experiences? That's how you learn.

    Geez, I can't tell you the amount of mistakes I've made - wrong man once, car accidents, business-related, etc. I don't do that anymore :) I make whole new mistakes that I won't do in my 30's. In my 30's I'll make mistakes I won't do in my 40's and so on.
     
  30. MJB

    MJB Senior Member
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    That's what I'm afraid of! :)

    That being said, I've been through enough trials....I'm ready for th 30's to be a much better decade of life for me!

    With any luck, I'll be a practicing physician at about 38 or 39.
     
  31. HooahDOc

    Physician 15+ Year Member

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    I don't think it can be easier on anyone else. I was a reapplicant and, although my wife supported what I wanted to do, it was hard to make the "right" decisions sometimes. The biggest dilemma came when I was offered a good job only 3 months out of college. It was something related to my degree and in a field I probably could have enjoyed a career in (P/P Agent, Law Enforcement). Good pay, state gov job so great benefits, interesting work, job security, and room for advancement such as federal law enforcement. The only problem was that I would have had to dump my applications and forget about med school for at least 3 or 4 years. I took a HUGE gamble and left the job before entering the academy because my heart was still set on my med school. My wife understood but was worried, as was I. Her family hated me and thought I was a bum.

    Now I'm an Army officer, more financially secure than anyone in her family, and I start classes in a few weeks. Before most of her family looked down upon me because I wasn't willing to settle and just get a job like they did. Now we are both admired and sometimes even a little envied. Our perseverance has paid off and we are just beginning to taste the sweet fruits of our labor.

    It's a really, really hard road but probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done. It's great when a plan comes together. My acceptance was almost a year ago and the euphoria only grows with each step closer to the "ultimate" goal.

    Good luck to all of you appyling.
     
  32. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    Great post, Hooah. I kind of have an odd question for you. I was wondering if you had worked out the difference in total debt between student loans/civilian residency/civilian doc salary vs. no loans/army res/army doc salary?? It's obviously rather favorable up through the residency years cause of the lack of loans, but I can't seem to find how much the docs make in the military. I know there's no malpractice to worry about and all that, but I also understand that military docs are paid according to rank, correct? I can't find how much that pay is to work out if they are comparable or not with regards to finances after say a 4 yr residency and 4yr practice.

    You may not have worked it all out but I thought given your situation maybe! I've got a wife and son to consider so if I want to risk random/crappy residency/practice placements I want it to be favorable financially. Thanks for any help you can give.
     
  33. Sporky

    Sporky Sporky
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    at 40, I am smarter, wiser, stronger and faster than I ever was at age 30. In my teens and 20's I was an absolute moron and didn't learn until my mid-late 30's that the world does not revolve around me.

    I am very much looking forward to the nex 30 years.

    I have also been very blessed to be around others who have felt the same way. Example:

    Dr. Will Heitman - age 77, still flying to Romania 4 times per year to perform free oral/maxilofacial surgery for the poor.

    Dr. L.E. Richie - Founder and owner of one of the largest radiology corporations in the U.S. and going strong at 70+

    Ms. Helen Moore (nurse) going strong in Morocco at age 80!

    Ms. G. Landry - going strong in Kyrgyzstan at age 84. She didn't become a missionary until age 80!

    And just last night, a good friend of mine who is the admin for one of the nations best eye care hospitals was telling me about Dr. Malcolm Mazow, who is perhaps the world's foremost pediatric opthamalogist and how he is performing 4 or 5 surgeries per week - in his late 60's!

    I could go on and on. But for you young-one's out there - you should be proud that you have as much direction as you do and thank God for what He has given you - but life is only just beginning at age 30.


    :)
     
  34. HooahDOc

    Physician 15+ Year Member

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    Howdy there,

    I have worked it out several times actually. I will give a brief overview of what I have done with approximations for numbers, as they are all could be changing soon. Some things to keep in mind:

    Whether or not you gain/lose money really depends on what specialty you enter and the cost of attendance for your school. In my two examples, I will use family practice and general surgery. At the end I will post some more info so you can reach your own conclusions.

    Basically, you can break up the benefits into 3 blocks: medical school, residency, and attending.


    MEDICAL SCHOOL
    The value for your medical school is, obviously, the total of what the military pays you ever year. My school is around $35,000 a year, with an additional $5,000 for insurance tacked onto tuition. So the military is paying $40,000 a year for me to attend. I am also getting a stipend of $1319 per month for all but 45 days of the year, during which time I actually get around $2800. So roughly I will get about $16,000 in pay. (NOTE: There is currently a bill in congress, which has already passed both the house and senate, that raises the stipend. Currently we are expecting the stipend to increase to approximately $2,500 per month)

    So, the value of the scholarship is actually $56,000 per year. You can actually still take out loans if you wish depending on whether or not your school includes the stipend in the scholarship; some do, some do not. Mine does not, so I can actually still take out the difference between the school's budget and what the military is paying them. This ended up being $17,000 a year.

    Over the course of four years, the military is paying $224,000.

    RESIDENCY
    Military residents make nearly twice what civilian residents make. Most civvy residents earn something between $30,000 and $40,000 per year. Military residents, since they are active duty, receive active-duty pay for their rank. Military pay is composed of base pay for your grade, time in service, housing allowance, subsistence allowance, and any bonus pays to which you are entitled -- bonus pays become very important once you become an attending. The current annual salary chart can be found here: http://usmilitary.about.com/library/milinfo/pay/bl06offsalary.htm

    Any resident will be an O-3 (Captain in the AF/Army, Lieutenant in the Navy); you are promoted to O-3 from O-1 when you graduate. I do not know if your four years of med school count as time in service; I assume they do. Thus, your annual salary as an O-3 is $75,295.71. I think you also get a couple of bonus pays but I'm not sure.

    For Family Practice you do a 2-year residency, so you end up making $150,000 while a civilian FM resident has made around $70,000.

    ATTENDING
    This is where it gets tricky. As an attending your pay is based on: time in service, pay grade (rank), specialty, board certification status, years contracted, etc. The bonus money really racks up. A list of the special pays can be found here http://www.military.com/Resources/ResourcesContent/0,13964,42822--1,00.html

    As a primary-care doc, you really do not lose much money as an attending, so you have quite awhile before you start to "lose" money (when the money lost to the military's lower salaries is no longer offset by the value of the scholarship). For general surgery, this happens around 5 years of active duty time.

    For a quick answer to your question:
    Military FP makes somewhere around $118,000 after the annual salary and the bonuses. Civilian FPs make around $130,000 I think. Losing $12,000 you have a long time before going this route actually makes you lose money overall.

    For gen surg, it's a different story. A military GS makes around $134,000, nearly $100,000 a year less than his civilian counterpart.

    I hope I somewhat answered your question. Do not let finances be a determining factor though. There are also other benefits, such as not having to worry about getting a high-paying specialty to pay off your debts and still live like you want. I actually feel a lot more "free" to do what I want.

    Good luck.
     
  35. AngryBaby

    AngryBaby El Hefe
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    Thanks a bunch for the in-depth and thought-out reply. Those links are especially useful. Seems to be quite competitive financially through the first 6 or 7 years. Finances aren't the determing factor, but they are certainly one of many factors. I've been asking alot from my wife over the past 3 years and will be asking more over the next 4-7. I couldn't ask her to live in a location she didn't like unless we were comfortable financially because after a decade of her giving I think it'd be high time to include her desires into the family equation.

    Thanks again, I've been looking all over the military sites for physician paygrade info and could never find a complete answer...never thought to google it for some strange reason. Good luck to you!
     
  36. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    My husband is having to leave his career (military rescue swimmer...can only transfer to Japan, Norfolk, or San Diego) to follow me and my dreams. He will be starting from scratch on a job/career to help us pay the bills. He has been great through this entire process and has given me strength to acheive things I wouldn't have been able to do without him. I am so very appreciative of his support and in turn, I support him and his career. I have told him that I will give up medicine if he wants to pursue his military career, but he knows that my medical career is very important to me and will not let me give it up. I hope that everyone's spouses are as supportive as what I have experienced with mine, it will make this road much less complicated! My husband is leaving for Iraq in October of my first year of med school-I hope that I can reciprocate the support he has given to me by being there when he leaves and when he returns in May, I am just hoping that my school schedule will allow this...I worry about this everyday because he has been so supportive of me, I just want to show it back to him. After May, he will be with me and out of the Navy....I can't wait!! I can't even imagine being with him everyday and not having to think about him leaving again!
     
  37. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Hey McMD,

    I admire you for having the strength to be married to someone who does active duty. I don't think I could do it--I know that anyone could die anytime, but to be married to someone who does something so dangerous seems like a big risk. Are you ever afraid of losing him? How do you reconcile that? If you don't want to answer it is okay. It might be better for him to be away while you start school so that you can get acclimated and not have to worry about pleasing him or whatever. By the time he gets back in May you'll be old hat at balancing things. Congrats on everything.

    Jackie :love:
     
  38. 1Path

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    Outside of volunteering, I haven't worked in a while but when I did, I would always set aside family time from about 6:30-9:30. After that I'd do whatever school work I had to do. Like you, I have a VERY supportive husband too!
     
  39. 1Path

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    It depends. I have ALWAYS taken good care of myself, and was very much into running and weightlifting throughout my 20's. At almost 40, I don't run as much (bad kness) but I do walk about 10 miles per week.

    The reason things are downhill for so many folks in their 30's is because people didn't/don't take care of themselves in thier 20's. If your overweight in your 20's guess what happens in your 30's? Weight becomes MORE of an issue without some drastic measures!
     
  40. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    So, I will skip the part of the post that asks "are you ever afraid of...?" because yes, I am afraid and for that reason, I pretty much don't talk about it. I guess I see it as "bad luck" if it crosses your mind and DEFINITELY "bad luck" if you talk about it with another person. I hope that makes sense. Anyways, an active duty relationship/marriage is harder than most people could fathom....most people just think of it as a "long distance relationship," but it's so much more than that...my husband (though we weren't married yet) left to go overseas 2 days after the MCAT, and was SUPPOSED to leave the morning of the MCAT...imagine trying to freak out over the MCAT while trying to also say your "last" goodbyes. Also, there are many ups and downs while they are overseas...sometimes you feel like you can handle the time that they're away and sometimes you feel like it's never going to end. Last time he was overseas, the phone and email went down for a week....I was used to getting a million emails a day and then all of a sudden NOTHING....relating to the question that I wanted to skip....YES, it DOES cross my mind!!!! In order to get through it, I don't watch the news or if I see a headline for the war, I turn the other way. I think of him going over there, playing XBOX360 or PS2 and flying every now and then...but nothing else. If I thought about what he was actually doing, I couldn't handle his 6 month cruises. The worst part of him being overseas is that I'm always in school, so I spend the majority of my time by myself, whether studying, traveling to school, walking to class, etc...so, yes I may be busy studying...but then my mind will wander and I'll completely lose it or my mind will wander during class and I'll have to wipe the tears from my eyes without the person next to me seeing them. Also, in my circle of friends (whether classmates or friends from back home), no-one has been through it and so no-one understands what you're going through or can relate to it...so it's hard bc you want to talk about it, but they just can't empathize with you. Anyways, it is really difficult (as you can probably tell by my post), but he and I firmly believe that if our relationship can endure these trials, we can survive anything life throws at us.

    I know this post is long and I'm really sorry for venting, but I really needed it. I had forgotten all the negative emotions I felt during the last deployment, but I needed to remember to better prepare myself for this time.
     
  41. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Hey hun, no, of course. That was what I was asking you. I was just imagining what that would be like and was trying to empathize. Big hugs your way. My heart goes out to the military brides. You all are really special. :)
     
  42. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    Thanks!!
     
  43. MicroBugs

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    McMD- I totally understand! Although our timing was a bit better, my husband just left for his six month deployment. Although it's our first deployment we've only had nine months since he returned from a two year stint in Japan, on a forward-deployed ship that liked to hang near N.Korea. I completely agree with all your comments. Sorry your MCATs had to work out like that with him leaving. All I can say, is thank god for email. Props to the military spouses!!!
     
  44. runningmom

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    So call me lazy - but I just can't find it when it is *WAY* down in the "interdisciplinary" field.

    Good the see the other military spouses here. Strength in numbers I say.

    I have to say that my spouse is right up there with the most supportive ones. He edits every PR/secondary essay/random letter/activity whatever I send his way, staying up late at night after his work is done so that he can email his chops back to me within a day or so (he is currently deployed, so that is how we communicate these days), he puts up with me spending WAY too much money on childcare so I can shadow surgeons, study for the MCAT, take extra classes to help my GPA, etc. And when I start feeling like I'm just not smart enough he plays cheerleader. I'm very lucky and I know it. :love: :love: :love: And to top it off - he is actually looking forward to me starting school when he will be the stay-at-home dad with our three children. Of course, I think the children may be at that stage too - I'm sometimes a little too Type A for them! :laugh:
     
  45. WestTexasRambler

    WestTexasRambler Registered lurker
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    She is kicking arse at her job with all the free time she has. She is a workhorse so she puts the heat on me not to be lazy (which I am inherently).

    Spouses, at least understanding and supportive ones, are worth their weight in diamonds. Good thing my father in law is a jeweler :D .
     
  46. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    Yay for the military brides. I love how y'all come out of the woodwork to support each other. And those of us who didn't marry a serviceman? We're here for you, too. :love: Our husbands make just as much dirty laundry, trust & believe!!! :laugh:
     
  47. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    Microbugs, Runningmom...good to see you guys here! JackieMD is here to support all of us! :love:

    Microbugs...your husband was gone for 2 years??..or were you in Japan with him? Runningmom...I hear ya about the stay at hom dad thing...we don't have kids yet, but we have agreed that once I start practicing, he will be a stay at home dad....he brags to all the guys at "the shop" about it (his Navy friends), he already has a personal assistant lined up, a beer-fetcher, and all jobs come with health benefits...haha. (j/k). Anyways, I think it takes strong women to do what we do and still maintain our high gpa's!! Best wishes to you two as you go through this deployment...hopefully you are both on the downhill slope (past the halfway mark) and your familes can be together for the holidays!
     
  48. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    Oh yeah Jackie...I can't speak for the other two...but my husband may *make* dirty laundry...but he's also the first one to do the laundry and definitely the only one that irons! (I definitely don't mind doing laundry-but he always beats me to it, and then even if I spend an hour ironing something so that it's perfect...he re-irons it bc the military has shown him true-ironing-perfection!) haha.
     
  49. runningmom

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    We're actually at the very end of this one... when you guys don't hear from me for a while, you'll know why. Right now hubby and baby #3 are due to arrive within 5 days of each other (EDC - 19 Aug, EDhubby - 14 Aug). Let the games begin!!!

    Cheers!
     
  50. McMD

    McMD Loving Life!
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    WOW!!! Hopefully the baby will come on that exact day so your husband can be there!! Since my husband will be back from Iraq and out of the Navy in exactly 9 months, my brother thinks I should get pregnant now and just have a baby waiting for him when he gets home...I guess that's what you guys *actually* did!! Congrats on the baby and surviving another deployment!! :)
     
  51. jackieMD2007

    jackieMD2007 ***MVI***
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    OMG! Congrats on the baby. Maybe if you get some bedrest you can prolong that labor!! :)
     

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