Marry before or after he starts medical school?

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by BMEEgirl, Aug 7, 2000.

  1. BMEEgirl

    BMEEgirl New Member

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    Hello everyone,
    I am 22 and my boyfriend will be 23 in 2 months. He graduated from college this past spring and sent off his medical school application last month and with his grades and MCAT score, I am sure he will get in. We have been together for 3 years and are seriously considering getting married. The problem is we don't know when would be a good time to do so. Assuming he starts medical school in the fall of 2001 (I graduate with two engineering degrees in November 2001), should we wait until after he finishes medical school to get married or would it be better for us to "wait it out" through a year or two of med school first to see how our relationship fairs? We are very much in love and we definitely want to wait until at least one of us has a steady income (probably me). I really don't want to wait until I'm 28 to be married but I do want what is best for him also. If anyone has had the same problem or can offer any advice, I would really appreciate it!
    Thanks.
     
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  3. Stephen Ewen

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    I can't get into all the details of this but will say that you will be wise to marry during a time where YOU can be his #1 priority for a little while. Consider during a summer when he is out of school. A marrital foundation is just that: a foundation.
     
  4. I would marry now and ask for cash as a wedding gift because you guys will need cash to get through med school (I know someone else that has done this before, her wedding turned out to be a profitable event). Also, this may sound a little cynical, but it may be advantageous for you from a financial standpoint to marry now in case things don't work out. If you marry now and you support him throughout med school, financially or emotionally, then if things don't work out in 4 years after he graduates, you will be entitled towards some sort of financial compensation for sticking with him while he was getting his degree (I know of a specific divorce case that gave the spouse a substantial financial settlement even though the one spouse was a medical student and had no income while they were together). If you don't marry now and wait but stick with him throughout his student years, you would be entitled to nothing if things don't work out after 4 years. After 4 years is critical, because he will be doing his residency and will probably be going away for at least 3 years, and it will be up to you if you decide you want to go wherever he is going. I realize that this sounds very cynical and negative, but honestly, we live in a country whose divorce rate is over 50% and being a student really puts stress on a marriage. (Although it should be noted that I do not speak of any of this from experience, it's just what I've heard and read being a 1st year med student). Hope things work out for you.
     
  5. Ruggie

    Ruggie Junior Member

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    I hope you do not even consider the advice of the previous post. Listen guys, marriage is a life-long comittment and should be viewed as such. It is not an opportunity for financial gain!!! If you enter into this marriage with a backup plan in hand, then it is most likely doomed to fail. My advice would be too seriously consider waiting a few years before even considering marriage. The divorce rates among med students and residents is astoundingly high, thus coinciding with our nation's rate. Like the first post said, you will not be the #1 priority. Therefore, you must ask yourself if that is something you can handle. Good luck with this decision and I hope everything turns out for the best.
     
  6. Ignore that poster!!! I hope to continue to see you at medicalspouse.com...medical school and residency can be tough times, but it really helps to have other spouses to talk with..

    Kris
     
  7. GeoLeoX

    GeoLeoX Ancient

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    kent14:

    She will have to provide a sizable dowry when entering into the marriage contract. Pigs, land, etc. It really could put her back in the financial sense.

    [This message has been edited by GeoLeoX (edited 08-07-2000).]
     
  8. jasmineH

    jasmineH Member

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    I definitely would really consider the time and attention your 'spouse to be' is going to have to give to med school. If you truly love him and believe marriage is a LIFE long commitment then marry him. Just remember when med school starts that he will have to concentrate on his studies and you may come second, as far as time goes, for the years he is attending school. Just be supportive and remember he is going to be under alot of stress. They both of you just have to keep in mind nothing is more important than each other, and even though he may be knee deep in school, he loves you first and is doing it for the both of you. Best Wishes
     
  9. Sdonnenwerth

    Sdonnenwerth Junior Member

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    I can't believe my freaking eyes. Are you people really saying this crap? Here's the deal, when you decide that he is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, that's when you get married. It doesn't matter if it's now, later, before or after school or in the middle of finals. If you're wondering when would be convenient, ask yourself this question: Should you plan your love around your life, or your life around your love? As far as not being number 1, that's BS too. If he's going into medicine, it's because he cares about people. Believe me, his wife will be at the top of that list. How can you go into a profession to care for people, and then deny the one who's supposed to be the most important, putting her second to something else? I'm currently in my third year of school and had my 4th anniversary. Though I got married a year and a half before school started, I can guaruntee that through this far, not one thing has ever been more important or received more attention than my wife. Take care of those you love and those who love you, and everything else will fall into place.
     
  10. jasmineH

    jasmineH Member

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    Hey Sudonnenworth! Women do worry about when the RIGHT time to get married is. Its the biggest day of a girls life. And sometimes it is better to marry, when both persons involved, are at a time in their lives where all they need to concentrate on is each other.
    I don't mean a spouse might LITERALLY come second, while the other is in med school. People just need to know what their getting into before med school starts.Divorce rates are high among med students, because the spouse of the med student cant handle the emotional involvment he must put into his schooling. I am just saying go into med school knowing it will be hard for you and your spouse. When two people truly love each other and WORK AS A TEAM, you can accomplish anything. Marriage is work, after the cloud of first love and excitement lifts, everyday life comes. Just remember everyday that your spouse is your best friend and treat him that way. Your partner should always be your first priority, before work or anything.
     
  11. limit

    limit Molesting my inner-child

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    Marry him before he jumps on all the hot med school chicks <grin>
     
  12. i got married a year before medical school (ms4 now). boy am i glad!! it does make a difference. we had that entire year to eachother . . .awesome it was!! now he have a new addition to the family; 11 mo son! [​IMG] medical school does change your life. of course my husband is #1 (well, now he competes for the spot with our son [​IMG] ), but he also UNDERSTANDS a lot of my time is tied up in books and the hospital. see the key word. you have to be ready to take the challenge of med school together. it is possible, but it is a challenge.
    2 classmates of mine got married right before med sch; one was 33 and the other 22. well the 33y/o is still married, now with child, and happy. the 22 y/o divorced early into our second year. does that matter, i do not konw? just remember you are a team, and the goal should become a team goal. that is what my husband (he is a school teacher) tells me, when i am down about the lack of time i have with them, "hey, this is my goal too and we are in it together!!"
     
  13. MikeS 78

    MikeS 78 Senior Member

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    this is off the topic....but how is she sure he will get in....i know people with good grades and scores (3.9 and a 36) who is reapplying for a 3rd time
     
  14. BMEEgirl

    BMEEgirl New Member

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    Thanks everyone for your replies. It really helps to have such diverse opinions on the matter. My boyfriend and I will see each other next week (we are apart for the summer) and I am going to show him this post. If anybody else has any other opinions, feel free to continue your posts. You have really helped me to look at this situation from different perspectives.

    To MikeS 78:
    I am not a fortuneteller but as far as my confidence in his being admitted to med school, lets just call it a hunch. I realize that there are a lot more factors than grades and MCAT scores (hospital hours, interviews, personality, timing, etc., etc., etc.) that go into being accepted into medical school. HOWEVER, the focus of my post was merely to gather people's thoughts and opinions on medical school MARRIAGE. I did not think it was necessary to go into details about "How My Boyfriend Will Be Accepted Into Medical School." If you are worried/bitter about getting/not getting into medical school, perhaps you should try another post. On the other hand, if you are one of those cocky medical students, I really would rather not hear any of your opinions unless you have something worthwhile to contribute. I hope that from now on, all future posts will stick to the topic at hand.
    I am sorry to hear that your friends didn't get into their dream schools with their grades and MCAT. Perhaps they are lacking in other areas. I sincerely wish them luck and to everyone else applying GOOD LUCK to you too!
    I have watched/am watching my boyfriend, 3 friends and my sister go through this grueling pre-medical process. I feel your pain! Again, good luck to all of you in your careers. I hope all your dreams come true! ~smiles~
     

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