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(I know this is an old thread, but I assume people might be feeling down about being back in class after break, so I will share my story of depression. Most of this response is copy/pasted from my response to a thread in another forum.)
Ive always been a pretty mentally healthy person. Through high school and early college, I sometimes talked about being depressed when work was stressful and I couldn't go out and have fun all the time and I was feeling a little blue. But then I spent several months dealing with REAL depression, and now my view has changed dramatically.
During those months of real depression, I spent a ton of time sleeping - probably about 12-14 hours during the weekdays and more on the weekends. I wanted to stay in my dark room under the covers as much as possible, but I knew I had to get up and take care of my responsibilities. I felt like a robot, just going through the day's actions and waiting until I could go back home and take a nap. I had essentially no appetite and had to force myself to eat. Throughout the day I would put on a smile and trick a lot of people into thinking I was fine, but I felt like an empty shell. I withdrew from my friends, who tried to help when they sensed something wrong. My mom was also very concerned, but I told everyone "I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed." Inside I was thinking that there was no way they could understand how I felt. I didn't want to do anything, not even the things that usually made me happy. I love playing music, but during those months, I avoided it and when I had to practice for a lesson or play in orchestra, it felt like just another chore.
The most interesting thing to me was the fact that I wanted to feel better, I knew something was wrong, but it was like nothing could help me. This feeling was so frustrating, especially when friends would give the advice to "stop focusing on the bad and just be happier." I would cry for no reason. I would think about how I wanted to feel better and I was confused because there really was no reason to be feeling so down, and that would just make me cry more.
Unfortunately, I was one of the people who didn't seek help I didnt see a counselor and obviously didnt try antidepressants. I just rode it out and things eventually turned around after a few months. While it was not fun at the time, I am now thankful for having the experience. All the times I was "depressed" before were a joke. I could never have understood what it is really like to be depressed without going through it, and I think I will be able to relate better to patients dealing with depression hopefully be a bit more sympathetic and not say just be happy, I dont know what your problem is.
OP, as you have heard from people, you are not alone. And like I said, when I was dealing with depression, I had no clue why I was so down. I had friends and loving family. I was doing well in school. I was physically healthy. It is such a helpless feeling to want so hard to be happy when you have no reason to be sad, but fail at doing so, especially when people say things like its all in your head just get over it.
I personally wouldnt jump quickly to medication. I really wish I had seen someone back when I was depressed, though, because I think talking about stuff helps a lot. Im glad you are seeking help and I hope things are better for you now, a year later.
Ive always been a pretty mentally healthy person. Through high school and early college, I sometimes talked about being depressed when work was stressful and I couldn't go out and have fun all the time and I was feeling a little blue. But then I spent several months dealing with REAL depression, and now my view has changed dramatically.
During those months of real depression, I spent a ton of time sleeping - probably about 12-14 hours during the weekdays and more on the weekends. I wanted to stay in my dark room under the covers as much as possible, but I knew I had to get up and take care of my responsibilities. I felt like a robot, just going through the day's actions and waiting until I could go back home and take a nap. I had essentially no appetite and had to force myself to eat. Throughout the day I would put on a smile and trick a lot of people into thinking I was fine, but I felt like an empty shell. I withdrew from my friends, who tried to help when they sensed something wrong. My mom was also very concerned, but I told everyone "I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed." Inside I was thinking that there was no way they could understand how I felt. I didn't want to do anything, not even the things that usually made me happy. I love playing music, but during those months, I avoided it and when I had to practice for a lesson or play in orchestra, it felt like just another chore.
The most interesting thing to me was the fact that I wanted to feel better, I knew something was wrong, but it was like nothing could help me. This feeling was so frustrating, especially when friends would give the advice to "stop focusing on the bad and just be happier." I would cry for no reason. I would think about how I wanted to feel better and I was confused because there really was no reason to be feeling so down, and that would just make me cry more.
Unfortunately, I was one of the people who didn't seek help I didnt see a counselor and obviously didnt try antidepressants. I just rode it out and things eventually turned around after a few months. While it was not fun at the time, I am now thankful for having the experience. All the times I was "depressed" before were a joke. I could never have understood what it is really like to be depressed without going through it, and I think I will be able to relate better to patients dealing with depression hopefully be a bit more sympathetic and not say just be happy, I dont know what your problem is.
OP, as you have heard from people, you are not alone. And like I said, when I was dealing with depression, I had no clue why I was so down. I had friends and loving family. I was doing well in school. I was physically healthy. It is such a helpless feeling to want so hard to be happy when you have no reason to be sad, but fail at doing so, especially when people say things like its all in your head just get over it.
I personally wouldnt jump quickly to medication. I really wish I had seen someone back when I was depressed, though, because I think talking about stuff helps a lot. Im glad you are seeking help and I hope things are better for you now, a year later.