Med School and Marriage

[M__]

Hi, I'm really sorry if this is the wrong place to discuss this or if it has been discussed before but i searched and i cannot find the answer i want. I just got done applying to Medical school and My girlfriend (soon to be wife) and i were wondering what we are in for. Basically what we would like to know is how the life of a med student and his wife work. I mean do you have time for each other is there a lot of tension, is it really hard?. i mean just really how the life goes, if anyone could fill me in on this i would really appreciate it thanks.

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[colbgw02]

Hi, I'm really sorry if this is the wrong place to discuss this or if it has been discussed before but i searched and i cannot find the answer i want. I just got done applying to Medical school and My girlfriend (soon to be wife) and i were wondering what we are in for. Basically what we would like to know is how the life of a med student and his wife work. I mean do you have time for each other is there a lot of tension, is it really hard?. i mean just really how the life goes, if anyone could fill me in on this i would really appreciate it thanks.

there are certainly easier professions you could have chosen if you wanted to spend time with your spouse, but that doesn't mean it's not feasible. thousands of people do it every year.

during your preclinical years you can expect to have a relatively normal life vis-a-vis seeing your spouse as compared to other young professionals. if you're disciplined about studying, then a few hours every evening and many weekends you'll have plenty of time for each other. discipline is the key though - if you're done with class at 2pm, then it's tempting to take the rest of the day off. if you use a few of those hours to study, then you can avoid disappearing for days at a time right before a test block.

clerkships are a different story, and you should expect to go extended periods (several weeks) during which you do nothing much more than wake up, go to work, come home, and go to sleep. much, of course, will depend on your schedule - outpatient rotations are almost categorically less time intensive than inpatient ones. fourth year offers a reprieve typically, with much more off time and many electives that offer a lighter schedule.

don't worry though, the worst is yet to come. just wait until internship...

 

[Evil Monkey]

there have been discussions about this before. basically, it depends on your relationship, the med school you are attending, and your priorities. if you are in a pass/fail school vs. graded curriculum, then its easier to justify going middle-of-the-road on tests, etc. of course, the week or two prior to an exam is stressful, but totally doable. third year will not be pleasant due to the time requirements for clinical rotations... neither will residency. but if the relationship is strong, it will survive the test. i've always had plenty of time... but i'm also not trying to be #1. set your priorities and stick to them.

 

[Miami_med]

Agreed. Set your priorities ahead of time, and realize that others with different priorities may score a little higher.

 

[jbrice1639]

i've only gotten through about a month of med school, but i think being married has actually made things easier...it's great having someone supportive at home. it's also nice having a life outside of just studying by coming home and having a normal homelife.

as other people said, though, everyone's life is different. you make time for the important things though...at worst, you may miss out on some of the social parts of med school if you spend your social time with your wife. or, if she's willing, she can probably join you for many of the social events.

 

[bjackrian]

I got married before starting med school (I'm an M2 now), and it's absolutely doable. In some ways, it helps our relationship because we both have friends/activities outside of each other which makes our conversations more interesting.

On the other hand, as a young (24) married person, I feel left out of some of our class's social activities. Going clubbing/bar hopping/dancing doesn't hold the same appeal for me as for many of the single people in the class, and most of the married people tend to be older (30ish), so I don't feel I have as much in common with them either.

Bottom line, though, is that it's definitely realistic to be married and attend med school.

 

[45408]

i've only gotten through about a month of med school, but i think being married has actually made things easier...it's great having someone supportive at home. it's also nice having a life outside of just studying by coming home and having a normal homelife.

I've had the same experience. I really love her, and I love having her around. Hopefully the stress of school doesn't translate to stress in our marriage.

 

[lanzarlaluna]

It's all about priorities for me. If your marriage is important to you, then you will do whatever you can to preserve it. Personally, if it ever came to a point where I would have to choose one over the other, I would leave med school in a heartbeat. My wife is that important to me. It's not that I don't value my schooling, but there are certainly things in my life that overshadow everything else.

Agreeing with what some others have said, marriage can definitely make things easier. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and having a constant throughout it all has been extremely comforting. One thing I've told my wife, though, is that if the stress ever gets to a point where I'm being an ass about it, she has full permission to smack me around. I think there are times where being "understanding" should be thrown out the window.

 

[zimmie256]

It's all about priorities for me. If your marriage is important to you, then you will do whatever you can to preserve it. Personally, if it ever came to a point where I would have to choose one over the other, I would leave med school in a heartbeat. My wife is that important to me. It's not that I don't value my schooling, but there are certainly things in my life that overshadow everything else.

Agreeing with what some others have said, marriage can definitely make things easier. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and having a constant throughout it all has been extremely comforting. One thing I've told my wife, though, is that if the stress ever gets to a point where I'm being an ass about it, she has full permission to smack me around. I think there are times where being "understanding" should be thrown out the window.

Great idea! Although my husband is a lot bigger than me... Perhaps when I'm (hopefully) in med school next year, I'll give him permission to smack me verbally only...

 

[SanDiegoSOD]

I mean do you have time for each other is there a lot of tension, is it really hard?. i mean just really how the life goes, if anyone could fill me in on this i would really appreciate it thanks.

Have you ever had a job that makes you work long hours, sometimes on things that you dont want to be doing? Thats med school. Nothing more. Look at med school like that, and then ask yourself your original question.

 

[jrf331]

Totally doable. I have been married for five years and have a 2 year old son. You have got to set a schedule of when you are going to study and when you are not going to study. My wife knew that when I was home It was family time and when I was at school it was school time. I would study 2 hours before class and then until five or six at night which would give me 4-6 hours a day depending on lab schedules and it was great. So it was like a job and we feel like it was great and nothing was lacking. I did great on boards and am still in top 15% in the class.

IF you are disciplined and stick to a schedule med school and marriage can be easier than being single

 

[Rugby MD]

I got married before starting med school (I'm an M2 now), and it's absolutely doable. In some ways, it helps our relationship because we both have friends/activities outside of each other which makes our conversations more interesting.

On the other hand, as a young (24) married person, I feel left out of some of our class's social activities. Going clubbing/bar hopping/dancing doesn't hold the same appeal for me as for many of the single people in the class, and most of the married people tend to be older (30ish), so I don't feel I have as much in common with them either.

Bottom line, though, is that it's definitely realistic to be married and attend med school.

I am 26, not married, but have a live in boyfriend and a dog, which is like a ring, but poops more. anyway, things have been great between us since school (I am an M2.) I have a social life out side of school and have someone to vent to about anyone and anything. I also made it a point to meet and befriend other people who are in a serious relationship/married. This is easy cuz you will have something in common (and they aren't gonna want to go booty shakin each saturday). My boyfriend has become friends with thier significant others and we double/triple date, have BBQs etc.
The hardest thing is when I have to spend the weekend studying and he goes out and parties (I kick him out of the house when I have to study and send him out with his friends). But you suck it up, do what you have to do, and enjoy the company of someone who doesn't care what happens in a infarct of the MCA.

 

[Shodddy18]

It is not the easiest thing... I mean the first year of marriage is stressful enough w/o being in med school, so the added stress of med school just makes it harder. Dont get me wrong... I have absolutely no regrets... but its not a cake walk. As long as your spouse is supportive and forgiving you should be fine!