Aug 8, 2014
33
4
Status
Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
Hey guys,

So my gf will be starting med school at a top 10 institution in about a week. I'm sure there'll be plenty of people to meet, orientation events, med school parties, and more that she'll be attending.
Meanwhile, I took a gap year and am barely borderline to get into a med school at all. It's definitely not a good feeling knowing that we'll be separated for the next 5-6 years.

Basically does anyone have any advice on ldr throughout med school? Real answers appreciated even though they might hurt! Thanks!
 

rilte4

2+ Year Member
Sep 25, 2015
429
654
Status
Medical Student
Hey guys,

So my gf will be starting med school at a top 10 institution in about a week. I'm sure there'll be plenty of people to meet, orientation events, med school parties, and more that she'll be attending.
Meanwhile, I took a gap year and am barely borderline to get into a med school at all. It's definitely not a good feeling knowing that we'll be separated for the next 5-6 years.

Basically does anyone have any advice on ldr throughout med school? Real answers appreciated even though they might hurt! Thanks!
Communicate. And Skype dates.
 

Kpw101

5+ Year Member
Jul 18, 2013
366
459
Status
Medical Student
This would probably be a topic better discussed with your girlfriend. We don't know the dynamics of your relationship as well as you do enough to give you advice you should actually take action on.
 

md-2020

The Immaculate Catch
2+ Year Member
Jun 29, 2015
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How "borderline" are you? How serious is the relationship?

It seems medical schools do take into account personal obligations on admissions decisions. If you're "borderline" as in 3.75/510 (so low for top 10s), consider applying to your SO's school and enumerating the position that you're in.
 
OP
J
Aug 8, 2014
33
4
Status
Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
How long have you two been dating?
Every year throughout undergrad!

and my stats are 3.6 cGPA 510 MCAT so yeah rly hoping to get into a school at least close

anyone in a ldr or know of anyone who completed 4 years of med school ldr? Just wondering how successful those couples tend to turn out...b/c i know maybe 1/10 couples who did ldr in college coming from high school actually lasted throughout
 
Mar 8, 2015
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Medical Student
Sounds almost impossible, but maybe you guys can make it work.
 
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mcatjelly

Meow
5+ Year Member
Dec 21, 2013
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Been with my dude for over 6 years (started in high school) and we'll be entering our first LDR in a few days when I move down to school--so I totally understand your anxiety. You and I are both in long-term relationships and I would imagine the success rates of those are higher than of peers who have "only" been together for a year or two.
 

grapples43

2+ Year Member
Mar 20, 2016
44
35
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Medical Student
I think it's completely possible if you are both willing to make it work. One of my friends is starting her second year in at my med school and her boyfriend of five years lives about a 6 hour drive away and they have been doing really well. They are experienced with LDRs though (he lived in Asia and she lived in Europe for a while).

I am in a similar situation. I will start school soon and my SO and I will be apart. Skype dates have been recommended by many and I plan on carving out at least one weekend a month to drive down to spend with them (I think this is reasonable if I choose the right weekends and plan ahead). I've been told that with so many things going on in med school, you HAVE to carve out non-negotiable time for your loved ones. This is something you might want to discuss with her.

I would say work on making it through this first year and look for continued solutions if you need to when you get into med school. You may end up at the same school and it will be easier. I hope so!
 

Matthew9Thirtyfive

*breathes in* boi
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Jan 11, 2016
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It wasn't four years, but I was away from my (pregnant) wife and oldest daughter for most of a year between PCSing to HI and then immediately going on deployment (with some training thrown in). When we could, I FaceTimed them to say hello and used FaceTime audio to call her when the video chat wasn't an option (ie, countries with crappy wifi). When I wasn't in port, it was Facebook. The key is communication and frequent demonstrations that you're thinking about them.

If you're really committed, it isn't hard, just a pain.
 

nm06003

5+ Year Member
Feb 6, 2013
118
14
Status
Trust me, everyone will think you can't make it, but thats not true. My fiancé and I started dating a few months before he left for medical school. We've been long distant for 2.5 years now and just got engaged a few months ago. We definitely have been one of the few success stories, but we called and talked to each other every night and he makes it a point to make me a priority over his studies (not like I expect him too but it's nice). When it comes to medical school you can't let it consume you. Your partner will be (hopefully) a lifelong relationship and 4 years of medical school isn't worth throwing that relationship away. Both of you should make the time to see each other. My fiancé and I saw each other almost every 2 weeks (4 hour direct flight, but usually we have a stop so its like 7 hours) and the longest time apart has been 6 weeks which only happened twice in these last >2 years. You have to make sacrifices in order for it to work. He moved into cheaper housing so he had extra cash for flights, and I maintained a job in undergrad so I could pitch in for our flights too. I make my school schedule in a way where I can have Fridays off and skip class on Mondays. He's ditched lectures at times to come see me for a weekend (he just studies those lectures from home). Last summer he did research in my city, and this summer I did research in his city since he started rotations. I'm starting my senior year this fall and I'll move in with him next year when I graduate.

It can work, we were taking an even bigger risk since we had only dated a few months before he left and we have a stronger relationship than people who aren't LDR. FWIW, his roommate is also long distance with another med student and they've been doing the same thing we're doing (flying and seeing each other and prioritizing their relationship) and they're getting married when he finishes medical school.

OP, is there any way you can move to her city and find work there? You could maybe find some research with her medical school and make connections to get in there. I have made plenty of friends with my FI professors and classmates where I feel like I have a good shot if I apply to his school. You can learn about their mission and overall environment of the school. It will possibly help your chances with getting into her school.

Sorry this was so long.
 
OP
J
Aug 8, 2014
33
4
Status
Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
Trust me, everyone will think you can't make it, but thats not true. My fiancé and I started dating a few months before he left for medical school. We've been long distant for 2.5 years now and just got engaged a few months ago. We definitely have been one of the few success stories, but we called and talked to each other every night and he makes it a point to make me a priority over his studies (not like I expect him too but it's nice). When it comes to medical school you can't let it consume you. Your partner will be (hopefully) a lifelong relationship and 4 years of medical school isn't worth throwing that relationship away. Both of you should make the time to see each other. My fiancé and I saw each other almost every 2 weeks (4 hour direct flight, but usually we have a stop so its like 7 hours) and the longest time apart has been 6 weeks which only happened twice in these last >2 years. You have to make sacrifices in order for it to work. He moved into cheaper housing so he had extra cash for flights, and I maintained a job in undergrad so I could pitch in for our flights too. I make my school schedule in a way where I can have Fridays off and skip class on Mondays. He's ditched lectures at times to come see me for a weekend (he just studies those lectures from home). Last summer he did research in my city, and this summer I did research in his city since he started rotations. I'm starting my senior year this fall and I'll move in with him next year when I graduate.

It can work, we were taking an even bigger risk since we had only dated a few months before he left and we have a stronger relationship than people who aren't LDR. FWIW, his roommate is also long distance with another med student and they've been doing the same thing we're doing (flying and seeing each other and prioritizing their relationship) and they're getting married when he finishes medical school.

OP, is there any way you can move to her city and find work there? You could maybe find some research with her medical school and make connections to get in there. I have made plenty of friends with my FI professors and classmates where I feel like I have a good shot if I apply to his school. You can learn about their mission and overall environment of the school. It will possibly help your chances with getting into her school.

Sorry this was so long.
Hey this has been such an inspirational story to hear! It's definitely encouraging to hear. Currently, I work about an hour's drive away from her so it hasn't been too bad, but I am also currently applying to medical school so the fear is that when both of us are in school in different places things are going to be difficult. So far, I definitely feel like communication is a major key for us in these past few weeks. It's just hard knowing that she's not able to respond for long periods of time, but we are adjusting as we go along haha. Thanks again for your advice!
 
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Crayola227

The Oncoming Storm
5+ Year Member
Oct 22, 2013
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Before anyone gets too excited, I'd like to piss on your parade by telling you they cheated. I know they did.
 
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Lost In Transcription

reports of my assimilation are greatly exaggerated
2+ Year Member
Apr 2, 2016
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Probably still at work
Before anyone gets too excited, I'd like to piss on your parade by telling you they cheated. I know they did.
Their SO, or yours?

Either way, sounds like yours did actually.

It's common to cheat, OP, but it doesn't always happen. But you do have to talk about it a LOT. Been in two LDRs. One cheated. One I broke up with so I didn't cheat.
Just be prepared for the worst and give them the benefit of the doubt, and enjoy the time you have (dont obsessively worry)
 

tjo422

2+ Year Member
Jun 21, 2016
243
217
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Medical Student (Accepted)
I started my PhD program abroad in an LDR, and we got engaged after about a year in. Finally getting married next April a few months after I plan to defend my thesis, so it's possible!

What really worked for us:
-talk on the phone every night, even if it's just to say good night
-Skype at least once a week, non negotiable
-fill them in in the mundane details, it makes you feel like you're still a part of each other's lives
-find someway to text for free. It's easier when you can text periodically throughout the day (edit:sorry this is only for LDRs across countries, not your situation)
-always have a future meet up planned, so you have something to look forward to "only 3 weeks till I see you!" Etc.

I will say, have no time difference is probably a huge help. We've had a five hour time difference for almost the entirety of my time over there, and it can get rough when I'm waiting for him to get out of work and it's midnight by me.


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