Med Student Dating Advice?

[Zellyn]

Hi everyone,

First, I am sorry if this has been asked before or if its just purely annoying. To dispel some awkwardness and confusion, I am not a Pre-Med or a MS...so what am I doing on this forum?

I'm here to gain insight of a MS's schedule, lifestyle, hours, and personal views on dating and relationships. Why? Because I'm dating a newly turned MS4 and I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into by asking strangers on the internet for perspective. Yes, totally rational. But this is one of the few places I could find that has a localized and strong population of MSs so....

I have read the FAQs and a couple related threads so I have a vague idea of what you all learn and go through in medical school.

But I'm not sure what a MS's views towards significant others is and I'd like to acquire some information to form a kind of game plan at the very least. I work full-time for a firm so my hours are also limited and planning ahead is necessary for me to be able to squeeze in a date but it's been tough given that I have very little understanding of a MS4's schedule. The person I am seeing just started his fourth year on Monday and as far as I know, his schedule is still up in the air.

What I'd like to ask is:

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

Help me understand you!

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[danli77]

Hahahaha, this is awesome! You are describing us, medical students as if we are another species

Since this seems very important to you I will answer your questions, and I hope it helps.
First, let me say that for the most part MSs are pretty normal people. We like to have fun, hang out with fam and friends, do things that are non-hospital/medical school related... It's just hard to find time for these things, bc the #1 priority during the 4 yrs of MS is to do well and get the residency of our choice.

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?
Yes, I feel guilty for not studying when I should be. And to tell you the truth the time he is willing to spend with GF may depend on his 4th yr schedule, some rotations are busier than others, so it depends.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years, I would really appreciate if you can give me feedback on this one.

Like I said, he will probably be done with core rotations and will be doing electives, which vary. could be 6am-6pm, could be 9am-1pm...

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?

Hmmm, I would say that the S/O should NOT be annoyed when we are SUPER tired after a long *** day at hospital and we just want to sleep.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

Well, I dont think its a matter of like or dislike. I know that people who are not related to Medical school/ profession, really have NO desire to listen to the stories. Im sure he wont mind sharing a few, if you really want to hear about them.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

OMG YES!

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

No, I never feel like an outsider, I actually prefer to hang out with non- MS.



Good luck!

Hi everyone,

First, I am sorry if this has been asked before or if its just purely annoying. To dispel some awkwardness and confusion, I am not a Pre-Med or a MS...so what am I doing on this forum?

I'm here to gain insight of a MS's schedule, lifestyle, hours, and personal views on dating and relationships. Why? Because I'm dating a newly turned MS4 and I'd like to know what I'm getting myself into by asking total strangers on the internet for perspective. Yes, totally rational. But this is one of the few places I could find that has a localized and strong population of MSs so....

I have read the FAQs and a couple related threads so I have a vague idea of what you all learn and go through in medical school.

But I'm not sure what a MS's views towards significant others is and I'd like to acquire some information to form a kind of game plan at the very least. I work full-time for a firm so my hours are also limited and planning ahead is necessary for me to be able to squeeze in a date but it's been tough given that I have very little understanding of a MS4's schedule. The person I am seeing just started his fourth year on Monday and as far as I know, his schedule is still up in the air.

What I'd like to ask is:

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years, I would really appreciate if you can give me feedback on this one.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

Help me understand you!

 

[tco]

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them? Average of 20-40 minutes per night of alone time at least. That's not including as we go to sleep. To the second part - yes, always.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years, I would really appreciate if you can give me feedback on this one. Wake up - go to class or listen to lectures. Lunch for 30 minutes at 12. Study until 5. Dinner. Study until 9. The previously mentioned 20-40 minutes are spent at 9-10 PM then bed.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most? Respect our time. My GF is fantastic and totally understanding, but she often calls me and says, "I need a ride home from work," only for me to show up and wait 15 minutes for her to come out. YOU should wait on me if I'm doing you the favor, not the other way around.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid? No. If I wanted to think about it more, I'd still be studying, not talking to my GF.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously. Yes. Sometimes not necessarily too tired, but too stressed, and constantly thinking about other things.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you? Constantly. Never. I don't care about other people. That's why I got into medicine...Wait...

Help me understand you!
You'll knever kunderstand me.

 

[red10]

uhhh why not just ask your S/O?
I mean if they come home and are like "omg too tired for sex. worked 12 hr shift" are you gonna be like "Well according to SDN you shouldn't be too tired for sex and you should only be working 10 hr shifts!" ??

 

[Zellyn]

Thank you dani,tco, and red for your replies, I really appreciate it!

@ dani: lol, yeah, I'm a business grad so my contact with MSs have been minimal. But somehow I caught one in the wild!

Come to think of it, Mr. MS4 mentioned that he was interested in emergency medicine. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of shifts/schedule could I expect in that regard?


@ red: I have discussed these matters with him but I just want a broader perspective from other people such as yourself. To address your concern, I would never impose my wishes against another individual. Of course I understand if he's dead exhausted and just wants to sleep. I'm not going to rape him, I swear!

Help me understand you!
You'll knever kunderstand me.

Aww, damn it! lol

 

[mdeast]

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them? Average of 20-40 minutes per night of alone time at least. That's not including as we go to sleep. To the second part - yes, always.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years, I would really appreciate if you can give me feedback on this one. Wake up - go to class or listen to lectures. Lunch for 30 minutes at 12. Study until 5. Dinner. Study until 9. The previously mentioned 20-40 minutes are spent at 9-10 PM then bed.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most? Respect our time. My GF is fantastic and totally understanding, but she often calls me and says, "I need a ride home from work," only for me to show up and wait 15 minutes for her to come out. YOU should wait on me if I'm doing you the favor, not the other way around.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid? No. If I wanted to think about it more, I'd still be studying, not talking to my GF.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously. Yes. Sometimes not necessarily too tired, but too stressed, and constantly thinking about other things.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you? Constantly. Never. I don't care about other people. That's why I got into medicine...Wait...

Help me understand you!
You'll knever kunderstand me.

Really? Do you guys actually study THAT much during med school? I'm busy the 4-5 days before each exam. But otherwise, I usually don't study on weekday evenings. And usually don't even think about school from Friday night-Sunday morning. I treat it like a 9-5 PM job and just make sure when I come home I don't need to review things anymore.

I've heard 3rd year is rough on relationships. A lot of couples move in with each other this year so that they have more face time together. Weekends can be a wash (especially on surgery rotation) and you'll be tired from a 7 AM-7 PM stint in the hospital. My S/O is a non-medical student and so far I haven't felt too many issues. Then again....when he graduates from his grad program next year and I enter third year, I think that will be a whole different story/beast to encounter.

I think you can lead a relatively normal life as a med student if you try and prioritize things.

 

[nick_carraway]

Thank you dani,tco, and red for your replies, I really appreciate it!

@ dani: lol, yeah, I'm a business grad so my contact with MSs have been minimal. But somehow I caught one in the wild!

Come to think of it, Mr. MS4 mentioned that he was interested in emergency medicine. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of shifts/schedule could I expect in that regard?


@ red: I have discussed these matters with him but I just want a broader perspective from other people such as yourself. To address your concern, I would never impose my wishes against another individual. Of course I understand if he's dead exhausted and just wants to sleep. I'm not going to rape him, I swear!



Aww, damn it! lol

Maybe ask some more targeted EM questions in that specialty's forum. They can probably offer good advice since [1] they've mostly been through M4 already and [2] are living the specialty Mr. MS4 wants to go into.

 

[Kaustikos]

I'm not in medical school, but I've been in a relationship while doing an SMP/working fulltime and I can definitely give some sliver of advice as to what ultimately boils down to helpful advice. Yes, I'm not a med student and things will get harder, but I know the feeling...

Hi everyone,

What I'd like to ask is:

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?
Yes, absolutely. It happens. The one thing I can say is don't brush it off as unimportant and instead try to reinforce that it'll be okay. Try to be there and offer support that there is time and you will make it. Definitely play to their intelligence....

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?
Honestly, helping to distract them helps IMMENSELY. Ie; being there for them and planning things for them. The one thing that annoyed me was having to plan **** to do when I was too exhausted to ****ing care. Don't take it the wrong way, but if you asked me what I wanted to do, I'd say "Sleep". So, planning things for them that are just fun/distracting will help immensely. Even doing little things like meeting htem for 15 minute coffee break.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

It seems that it doesn't matter what profession it is; but asking them their day will release an unrelenting force of **** they did and complaints. Maybe hallmarks of success, but mostly complaints. Or they just won't feel like talking about it. Essentially, you have to gauge their response. Not wanting to talk about it could mean a bad day - which is something you have to determine if the significant other wants to talk about. Or they could just want to focus on a positive moment - being with you - and hope that it helps wash away what happened. If they have a success - you might not even understand it - but try to be proud/supportive.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

Not sex...but essentially if you wanna just have sex, that's cool. IE; we **** and that's it.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

Help me understand you!

 

[sineapse]

I can't decide my reaction to the OP. Whether I admire her dedication to trying to make this work or whether I am slightly worried for her guy.

 

[Law2Doc]

Really? Do you guys actually study THAT much during med school? I'm busy the 4-5 days before each exam. But otherwise, I usually don't study on weekday evenings. And usually don't even think about school from Friday night-Sunday morning. I treat it like a 9-5 PM job and just make sure when I come home I don't need to review things anymore.
....

most people don't do well with the schedule described. The tried and true method is massive repetition of the material, which simply takes more time. Cramming for a couple of days is a bad idea, because material won't get into your longterm memory, and you really do need some of it down the road. In most cases the folks who do what you describe are either smarter than most, drastically undershooting their potential, or fooling themselves. The average med student logs about 60+ hours per week of study and lecture time, not the 40 you are describing. You can have the same hours as the typical professional, but in most cases not the average for a blue collar worker. Meaning you totally could work 7 to 6:30 each weekday and a few hours each weekend and do alright and have evenings and much of the weekends off, other than exam weeks. I'd say that's a far more common schedule, and probably puts you in better stead for the Steps and wards. But everyone is different, and some get by with less. And a lot would like to think they get by with less, but end up kicking themselves later. I see a ton of that.

As for the OPs questions, 4th year is the calm before the storm. If they don't have adequate time for you during that year, they never will because that's s good as it gets for a while.

 

[smq123]

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

Help me understand you!

1. As an MS4, his concern will not really be tests (aside from the Step 2 of his board exams) or studying - his concern will be residency interviews. Imagine going on 2-3 job interviews A WEEK, each of which has a mandatory pre-interview cocktail hour the night before. Awful lot of traveling.

Also, remember, he may not be in the geographic area next year, depending on his goals and which specialty he wants to pursue. If he wants to do something very competitive (i.e. derm, radiation oncology, integrated plastic surgery), just getting a residency spot is the primary concern. If that spot that you get happens to be in Nowheresville, Iowa, well, that's just too darn bad.

2. Typical schedule changes from month to month. This continues even as a resident. Some months, I am on call every weekend, can't travel, can't go far, and will be coming home at 8 PM every night. Other months, I have each weekend free, get home by 5:30 PM every night, and am pretty relaxed. It all depends.

This is why it's almost impossible to make plans very far in advance.

3. Cook him dinner if he's had a rough rotation. Seriously. I lived at home for part of MS4, and coming home to a warm, home cooked meal was very nice.

4. This varies. I personally enjoy venting about work; I find it therapeutic. My sibling, who is also an MD, does not.

5. Yes.

6. Sometimes I do, actually. I don't want to, but I do. Some people can't stop talking about it, to the point where I find it embarrassing. "You're a doctor? I really have to commend you! You're in primary care....wow. The backbone of the future of healthcare!" Ok, ok. That's nice, thanks for the compliments; can we talk about something else now? I don't want to feel like an outsider, but some people make me feel like an outsider, if that makes sense.

 

[doc2beIRELAND]

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? one day and one night a week? I lived with my boyf for first year and, well, that didn't work out. We never saw each other for very long, just half an hour in the evening before bedtime.

Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them? Yep, sadly.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one. Going into 2nd year but pretty sure it depends what rotation you're on and who your boss is.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most? they could get a nice highly paid job and pay my fees, not moan if I have to go to the library on a Sunday morning, do all the cooking, maybe pay for me to go on holidays

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid? not really unless something cool happens

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously. Yep. If he stays up reading til 3am and i have to be up at 6am sex don't happen cause I am out like a light at 10pm. It's also a bit annoying that people don't have sex with hot neurosurgeons in on-call rooms in hospital in real life, so you don't need to worry about that sort of thing.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you? yeah... and no, not really. overall medical school has ruined my relationship and turned me into a right bitch but I would still make the same decision

Help me understand you! oh God, don't even try, we are very odd people!

 

[Bartelby]

Hye, typing on an iPad here so I will keep it brief. I spend a few hours with my gf every other day and did so all the way through med school including during step 1 and 2 studying, except during surgery rotations. This meant giving up most time with other friends. Geneally not being too needy about time if things get tough will help. Also MS4 is the easiest year, he should hav etime but might be in another city next year.

 

[tco]

Really? Do you guys actually study THAT much during med school? I'm busy the 4-5 days before each exam. But otherwise, I usually don't study on weekday evenings. And usually don't even think about school from Friday night-Sunday morning. I treat it like a 9-5 PM job and just make sure when I come home I don't need to review things anymore.

I've heard 3rd year is rough on relationships. A lot of couples move in with each other this year so that they have more face time together. Weekends can be a wash (especially on surgery rotation) and you'll be tired from a 7 AM-7 PM stint in the hospital. My S/O is a non-medical student and so far I haven't felt too many issues. Then again....when he graduates from his grad program next year and I enter third year, I think that will be a whole different story/beast to encounter.

I think you can lead a relatively normal life as a med student if you try and prioritize things.

Depends on what you want out of it. Also depends on what year you're in. That could work first year, but second year for me was a whole different beast.

 

[Zellyn]

Thanks everyone for the info and feedback

Well, it appears that I have several legitimate concerns to ponder over for the weekend. What you all say is true--Mr. MS4 is most likely not going to be in the same city let alone the same state by next year. If this does become serious, I will not stand in the way of his career path and neither will he with mine. We'll see how that plays out.

This might strike some of you as either overly sentimental or irrational but I like this guy and I think he's worth a shot at the very least so I'll take things one step at a time and see where it goes.

I can't decide my reaction to the OP. Whether I admire her dedication to trying to make this work or whether I am slightly worried for her guy.

^^

 

[GoSpursGo]

uhhh why not just ask your S/O?

Honestly, this. I suspect it would be rather unfortunate for you to act based on an answer you got here, only to find that your s/o has a completely different answer. Different people deal with med school in completely different ways.

That said:

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?
For me, my gf and I are even in the same class, and we see each other probably 2-4 times per week. But when we do get together, it's for several hours and completely non school related. So we make the most of our time together, and respect that we have to set aside time to be serious about our work.

As for if I feel guilty when I'm not studying, it depends how close we are to the exam, but generally not really. I know there's always more that can be done and more that can be learned, but I try and set a goal for how much I want to study in a given day, and once I reach that point I'm satisfied.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.
As others have said, it will vary based on which rotation he's on. I would say 7-4 is fairly standard, with anywhere from 5-7 or 8-2 being entirely within the realm of possibility.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?
Food is nice Also being generally understanding when they can't hang out because they have to study--resenting them for choosing studying over spending time together will just make them feel like crap. Of course there should be a balance and he can't choose studying EVERY TIME.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?
I do, but then again I'm dating a med student In general I'm really excited about what I do, and I like sharing it.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.
Lol. Sure, but I imagine that's pretty much the case for any rising professional. Us med students just like to imagine we have the market cornered on misery.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?
Yeah a little, but it doesn't bother me since most of my non-MS friends are back home so I only see them occasionally anyways.

 

[Baron Samedi]

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them? 1-2 hours/week

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one. Wake up at 5:30, gym, class till 3ish, then study till 8-9, relax after, bed around 11

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most? Make the damn bed, take your hair out of the shower drain, tell me about your current problem exactly one times rather than over and over and over again

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid? No, it's usually over their heads

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously. Most the time, no. If so, that's what oral is for

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you? No, I just keep work discussion out of it.

 

[serce]

I read this thread bc my bf (who is a medical student) sent it to me for me to read, but I figured I could throw in my 2 cents about what dating a MS is like. I've been dating my MS for about 2 years now and he will be starting MS2 in August. I know the harder years are to come, but I feel like I could comment on the transition...and maybe answer a couple questions you have from a MS's S/O mind.

1. My MS is REALLY busy, its just how it goes. But if the guy really cares for you, he will make time. And my guy has been exceptional at doing that. I know as he goes into next year getting ready to take Step 1, time will most likely wane, but if he really cares about you he will ALWAYS make time . I know he has felt guilty for having to study, but its not showing that you are upset he has to study that makes him feel better. My MS also doesn't show that much emotion when he's stressed so sometimes I just don't know lol

2. This one is probably not as relevant bc my MS still has classroom classes to go to(or not go to). He usually has time in the evening and we run together, bike together, or I will cook for him

3. As an S/O of a MS I know my guy likes it when I make him food (notice second reference to food). He also likes it when I plan stuff that gives him a challenge. Like if I plan a workout schedule although I have struggled to get that going :\. Additionally, doing things for them that they need immediately, like if they are studying and need a 30 page excel spreadsheet with every microorganism and everything about each one on it printed the night before a test, then you use your beast printer and do it for him ... that one did happen. But if you are dating a 4th year, those things are probably not likely to happen.

4. My guy does like talking about what he does, like things that happened at clinic, or what is going on with his 4 research project this summer. But a lot of times I try to ask questions to show an interest in what he's working on or participating in. What he does intrigues me (most of the time) but a large part of the time I just have no clue what hes learning.

6. I sometimes feel like an outsider with MY friends. We have some common friends that when I show up to outings and he's not there, my friends have not understood at times that he needs to study. It doesn't really bother me, but I think its just that fact that they don't understand what it means to #1 get into medical school and #2 do well in it so #3 you can match into the residency you want.

Everything is a work in progress you know. You learn as you go whether you are a MS or the S/O of the MS. I will say it takes some time to get used to their schedule and how much time they spend studying, but I know that I #1 have not nearly that much experience as others bc my guy's only going to be an MS2 next year so I too still have A LOT to learn, but theres my input

 

[VenusinFurs]

I am going to throw in a caveat here. I feel like it is very hard to date in medical school, particularly if you are not super emotionally mature, which I'm not. I tried to have relationships and they fell apart, but it was not because of medical school. A lot of this here is theoretical- I'm about to start MS3.

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?
If they were REALLY REALLY worth it, I would be willing to devote a day out of my weekend to them. If I weren't spending time with my SO one day out of a week, I'd be spending it dicking around anyway. I often feel guilty when I'm having fun, so I'd probably feel guilty around my SO, but it would be a different guilt tempered by LOOOVE.

2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?
Cooking, helping me exercise, watching stupid television with me, not expecting too much of me.

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?
If a patient said or did something funny, then yeah. Also, I tend to be a terrible venter. It's not something an SO would really enjoy listening to.

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.
Hmmm.

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?
Once in a while. Learning new stuff can be very all-pervading . But my first two years, I haven't worked that much harder than my MS peers. I'm pretty sure this is going to change a lot 3rd year.

It's really nice that you are thinking about all this. I think it shows that you are considerate of his time and goals. However, I think you know that it's very difficult to predict how medical school is going to affect your blossoming relationship. The best policy is just to let things happen. If you're unhappy with the amount of time you're spending with him, then it's time to start thinking about things. Best of luck!

 

[fayeee]

hey hey i am not a med student..but my bf is..
he is currently doing hi yr4 and spends most of the time in hospital for..u know that..clinical rotation.
hope my infos will help.
gd luck

1. I understand that you are busy and every second counts for studying/learning/running around the hospital....so how much time would you be willing to spend with your BF/GF? Is it common for you to feel guilty for not studying while you are with them?

we only meet once a wk/once every 2 wks.
it is very uncomfortable for him not to study and if he squeeze the time out to give u his company...he is going to do a "makeup" for that study time..i meant he will stay up fairly late to complete the reading.
as a gf of a med student.. i think we just need to be understable and be sweet and whatsmore..we both r busy bee hehe
2. What is your schedule and typical day like? Fourth years and those who've gone beyond that point, I would really appreciate it if you can give me feedback on this one.
Mon-Fri
6am-6pm if not on call
5am-7pm for surgery rotation
6am-1100pm/12midnight if on call
Sat
8am-4pm

3. What can an S/O do for you that would make your lives a hell of a lot easier? What gestures from them do you appreciate the most?

um....sorry. i dont understand the meaning of S/O?

4. Do you like talking about your work and what you did for the day with your S/O or is that a topic that should be left unsaid?

he will definitely talk about his work with me because we r all in medical field.
he will talk to his friends who r in medicine too.
but not for other ppl who r not in...because they wont be interested in listening for sure...

5. Are you ever too tired for sex? No, seriously.

yes. we are. my life is not easy either..

6. Do you ever feel like outsiders in comparison to your non-MS peers? Does this bother you?

no he isnt.
they are still full of humors and talk about their futures when he meets up with his friends.
and anyway. he wont care about whether this is bothering him or not..

\\

 

[DrDrummer]

they are still full of humors and talk about their futures when he meets up with his friends.
and anyway. he wont care about whether this is bothering him or not..

Black bile and phlegm, specifically.

If your MS4 is too busy or tired for sex right after the match, there is probably some imbalance going on that merits a traditional bloodletting treatment.

 

[JP2740]

TThis might strike some of you as either overly sentimental or irrational but I like this guy and I think he's worth a shot at the very least so I'll take things one step at a time and see where it goes.

He definitely worth it because he gonna be bringing in da bread.


But anyway, I wonder if he posts on this board? Haha, can we get some feedback to these questions from dude himself?

 

[ppfizenm]

aren't you concerned that after he becomes a doctor he is going to leave you for someone better? That is the dream of becoming a doctor after all.

 

[Morsetlis]

It's also a bit annoying that people don't have sex with hot neurosurgeons in on-call rooms in hospital in real life, so you don't need to worry about that sort of thing.

How many hot single neurosurgeons do you know?

 

[PrideNeverDie]

aren't you concerned that after he becomes a doctor he is going to leave you for someone better? That is the dream of becoming a doctor after all.

he isn't going to find the time to have many chances with quality wifey material

just make sure you are a better catch than the trashy, slutty nurses and you are good to go!

 

[sineapse]

trashy, slutty nurses

Hells yeah.

 

[FIREitUP]

Really? Do you guys actually study THAT much during med school? I'm busy the 4-5 days before each exam. But otherwise, I usually don't study on weekday evenings. And usually don't even think about school from Friday night-Sunday morning. I treat it like a 9-5 PM job and just make sure when I come home I don't need to review things anymore.

I've heard 3rd year is rough on relationships. A lot of couples move in with each other this year so that they have more face time together. Weekends can be a wash (especially on surgery rotation) and you'll be tired from a 7 AM-7 PM stint in the hospital. My S/O is a non-medical student and so far I haven't felt too many issues. Then again....when he graduates from his grad program next year and I enter third year, I think that will be a whole different story/beast to encounter.

I think you can lead a relatively normal life as a med student if you try and prioritize things.

That's cool and all, but we have required sessions (read: waste of time), and while I can use that schedule and perform well in classes, I would rather spend extra time to get the facts more solidified in my brain so board studying will be easier.

 

[Crim1]

If a relationship involving a medical student ends, it gets blamed on medical school. If it goes well, it is because the individuals are mature, respect each other and are a good match.

Don't worry about all these details. You'll drive yourself crazy. Just let the relationship progress naturally.

 

[Rendar5]

Thanks everyone for the info and feedback

Well, it appears that I have several legitimate concerns to ponder over for the weekend. What you all say is true--Mr. MS4 is most likely not going to be in the same city let alone the same state by next year. If this does become serious, I will not stand in the way of his career path and neither will he with mine. We'll see how that plays out.

This might strike some of you as either overly sentimental or irrational but I like this guy and I think he's worth a shot at the very least so I'll take things one step at a time and see where it goes.



^^

My perspective may be a little more meaningful as I met my wife as an MS4, and am finishing up my emergency medicine residency. Depending on how good of a student he is and where you live, there may be plenty of opportunities for him to go to a residency program within driving distance, or there may not be. As a 4th year, studying is not going to be his primary concern at all for most of the time, and same goes going into residency. His schedule will vary immensely from having plenty of time with you to no time with you. He will sometimes be on nights where he'll be around but you just have to let him sleep. Same goes for the day after a set of nights, he'll be too out of it for you. Some people like to talk about work with their SO, some don't, that's going to be dependent on him. However, his brain will be on the hospital a lot of the time when he's home, even when he's not telling you crazy stories, so you'll have to forgive him for that.

After residency, he will have a lot more time for you, but whether or not your schedules coincide will be variable. He will work plenty of weekends, eh will have plenty of weekdays off. You will have to have holidays on alternative days, and he will still be working nights long into the future.