medical humor

[gasman121212]

Always searching for some funny medical humor. Any one have any good gems to share?
here is one i found: http://dirtymedicalwords.com/

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[PMPMD]

Ancient one:

Doctor: Ma'am, are you sexually active?
Patient: No, I just lay there and let my husband do the work.

 

[gasman121212]

some other personal one liners that I heard when i was an intern:
me: Sir, you have gastritis from drinking to much alcohol
pt: Thats impossible, i never drink alcohol! only beer!

me: sir, you are having muscle spasms because you are dehydrated, how much water do you drink a day?
pt: dehydrated? i dont understand, i drink 24-30 diet cokes a day!

er doc (when i was on obgyn as a med student): i called you guys because i think its herpes but im not sure...because if it is its the worst case ive ever seen!
pts husband chiming in almost immediately: its impossible, we have both only had sex with each other!
i think we all knew someone here was lying

 

[Perrotfish]

er doc (when i was on obgyn as a med student): i called you guys because i think its herpes but im not sure...because if it is its the worst case ive ever seen!
pts husband chiming in almost immediately: its impossible, we have both only had sex with each other!
i think we all knew someone here was lying

Not necessarily. 1/3rd of genital herpes outbreaks are actually HSV-1. The inital giant flare up is every bit as bad as HSV-2, but unlike HSV-2 the average genital HSV-1 patient either won't have no/rare recurrences rather than multiple outbreaks annually. The transmission is almost exclusively 'mouth to south', but while the prevelance of oral HSV-1 infection is incredibly high (about 90%) the rate of transmission to a partners genital region per sexual contact is very, very low. So its not at all strange for a married couple that engages in regular oral sex to infect one another years or even decades into their marriage despite being comletely loyal to one another. The only way to know for sure is to have them both come back for HSV-2 immune titers several weeks after their initial outbreak.

For that matter the transmision of HSV-2 isn't incredibly high either, especially if the infected party isn't prone to out breaks, and many aren't. Its perfectly possible that one partner had the infection from long before he was married but just didn't transmit it until now. So there's a 1/3 chance that it's an HSV 1 outbreak and they definitely didn't cheat, and even if it is an HSV-2 outbreak they may not have cheated.

 

[wannabeOBGYN]

Kinda long but funny:

So there's a retirement community with a pool, gardens, tennis courts, the whole shebang. Every day Bob sits in the garden and relaxes. One day Sue comes and sits next to him. Over the next couple weeks, Bob and Sue get to know one another, sharing stories and memories of their youth.

After a while, Bob turns to Sue and says, "You know what I miss most? Intimacy and relationships... the sex. I miss the sex." Sue agrees, to which Bob replies, "We've gotten to know each other pretty well over the past few weeks, Sue. I like you. Do you think you could just... hold my penis... while we talk?" Sue nods and reaches over to hold Bob.

Several weeks go by, with Bob and Sue continuing to talk and grow closer in the garden, Sue all the while holding Bob's penis. Then one day Sue heads to garden but Bob isn't there. This being a retirement home, Sue worries something has happened to Bob, so she looks all over for him: at the pool, in the clubhouse, on the tennis courts, but he's nowhere to be found. Sue goes home, deciding to look for him again the next day. When she returns to the garden the next day, Bob is sitting there with Laura. Sue walks away, distraught. Later that evening she goes to Bob's place to confront him. "Bob, how could you? I thought we had something. We talked, we shared memories, I held your penis. Why were you with Laura? What does she have that I don't?"

Bob's response: "Sue, Laura has Parkinson's."

 

[Law2Doc]

Not necessarily. 1/3rd of genital herpes outbreaks are actually HSV-1. The inital giant flare up is every bit as bad as HSV-2, but unlike HSV-2 the average genital HSV-1 patient either won't have no/rare recurrences rather than multiple outbreaks annually. The transmission is almost exclusively 'mouth to south', but while the prevelance of oral HSV-1 infection is incredibly high (about 90%) the rate of transmission to a partners genital region per sexual contact is very, very low. So its not at all strange for a married couple that engages in regular oral sex to infect one another years or even decades into their marriage despite being comletely loyal to one another. The only way to know for sure is to have them both come back for HSV-2 immune titers several weeks after their initial outbreak.

For that matter the transmision of HSV-2 isn't incredibly high either, especially if the infected party isn't prone to out breaks, and many aren't. Its perfectly possible that one partner had the infection from long before he was married but just didn't transmit it until now. So there's a 1/3 chance that it's an HSV 1 outbreak and they definitely didn't cheat, and even if it is an HSV-2 outbreak they may not have cheated.

Then again common things being common...

 

[Perrotfish]

Then again common things being common...

1/3rd of all cases of new onset herpes are HSV-1, that IS common.

I think this is an important point: most patients think that the only way for a married person to get any type of STD is to play around, and when a physician confirms that, or even fails to deny is, is can devestate marriages for no reason. When you patient presents with genital lesions you need to let them know that their partner really might not have known about a longstanding infection because they were asymptomatic (Trich, HPV, HSV-2; and even early HIV) or even that they might not have a real STD at all (HSV-1).

 

[gasman121212]

I think you missed the point. 1) thy were saying they both had never in their lives been with anyone else. 2) the er doc wasn't even sure it was herpes because it was so raging

 

[Perrotfish]

I think you missed the point. 1) thy were saying they both had never in their lives been with anyone else. 2) the er doc wasn't even sure it was herpes because it was so raging

I'm not missing the point, I'm explaining why there is a very good chance that they're not lying and could still have a terrible genital herpes outbreak. Most people contract oral HSV-1 as children without a symptomatic outbreak: kisses from family members/playmates on the playground/etc. Almost everyone has it by the end of high school, even if they've never been sexually active. Then, when they do finally meet someone, every time they engage in oral sex with their partner there is a small but significant chance that they get a raging outbreak of HSV-1, spread from their partner's mouth. This isn't an extremely rare phenomenon, it's 1/3rd of all genital HSV outbreaks.

 

[Law2Doc]

1/3rd of all cases of new onset herpes are HSV-1, that IS common.

I think this is an important point: most patients think that the only way for a married person to get any type of STD is to play around, and when a physician confirms that, or even fails to deny is, is can devestate marriages for no reason. When you patient presents with genital lesions you need to let them know that their partner really might not have known about a longstanding infection because they were asymptomatic (Trich, HPV, HSV-2; and even early HIV) or even that they might not have a real STD at all (HSV-1).

That may be, but in the typical ER setting, the odds of patient infidelity are also quite high. So when you combine the likelihood that it's HSV2 and the likelihood that one of two people has been unfaithful, the likelihood that it's a less common presentation of HSV1 rather than garden variety VD drops to well below 1/3. Common things being common.

 

[mmmcdowe]

I'm not missing the point, I'm explaining why there is a very good chance that they're not lying and could still have a terrible genital herpes outbreak. Most people contract oral HSV-1 as children without a symptomatic outbreak: kisses from family members/playmates on the playground/etc. Almost everyone has it by the end of high school, even if they've never been sexually active. Then, when they do finally meet someone, every time they engage in oral sex with their partner there is a small but significant chance that they get a raging outbreak of HSV-1, spread from their partner's mouth. This isn't an extremely rare phenomenon, it's 1/3rd of all genital HSV outbreaks.

I'm not aware of the age of this couple, but I believe that while your stats are legit the majority of of the incidence is the 20s and lower crowd. Combining that with the likely numerous acts of coitus that this couple has engaged i think that the stats strongly shift towards infidelity. Plus, it could be hsv1 and still be infidelity.

 

[Mattchiavelli]

Not necessarily. 1/3rd of genital herpes outbreaks are actually HSV-1. The inital giant flare up is every bit as bad as HSV-2, but unlike HSV-2 the average genital HSV-1 patient either won't have no/rare recurrences rather than multiple outbreaks annually. The transmission is almost exclusively 'mouth to south', but while the prevelance of oral HSV-1 infection is incredibly high (about 90%) the rate of transmission to a partners genital region per sexual contact is very, very low. So its not at all strange for a married couple that engages in regular oral sex to infect one another years or even decades into their marriage despite being comletely loyal to one another. The only way to know for sure is to have them both come back for HSV-2 immune titers several weeks after their initial outbreak.

For that matter the transmision of HSV-2 isn't incredibly high either, especially if the infected party isn't prone to out breaks, and many aren't. Its perfectly possible that one partner had the infection from long before he was married but just didn't transmit it until now. So there's a 1/3 chance that it's an HSV 1 outbreak and they definitely didn't cheat, and even if it is an HSV-2 outbreak they may not have cheated.

this is the worst joke ever

 

[gasman121212]

I agree. This thread was supposed to be about funny stuff. Anyone?

 

[digitlnoize]

Some of my favorites. Many of these may be NSFW, or of questionable taste. Don't judge me.

Ortho vs Anesthesia

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0S5EN7-RtI&context=C4aa0f20ADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKoZlKa5obhRXHEza8GVzvNws=[/YOUTUBE]

ER patient faking seizure

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6sRyrB_UMA&context=C45d6c13ADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKoe_9aaqzwG9n-JaldhMZIok=[/YOUTUBE]

Totally honest OBGYN (*Warning* may be too graphic, NSFW for some)

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG6K5hbPJKs&context=C40024a8ADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKodp4jOIRthHRSq2GpcCHtIs=[/YOUTUBE]

******ed tests

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yc86ZXFsriM&context=C462394cADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKoRkkRVLoJ_1vaT9dQti-fEQ=[/YOUTUBE]

The Confrontation, Hospitalist vs ED, Les Mis style.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G78CDQFcw5o&context=C4b15885ADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKoWou8lBgH8XncOZRG79C4uQ=[/YOUTUBE]

Shameless plug for my "Match Day" video.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yjzL319yZc[/YOUTUBE]

Hitler's Match Day one is funny too

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIW84-Q3vA8[/YOUTUBE]

I love Ron Paul - Bad Lip Reading, although it's "medical" definition may be loose. They do mention prostates...

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvahywQKeFc&context=C46afc7eADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKoc7F1UVrgVDBJ56ZIe6YkRI=[/YOUTUBE]

Done traveling. Links up.

 

[Mattchiavelli]

the "Outside Hospital" video is SO TRUE if you train at an academic center that gets transfers from rural or community places

 

[wannabeOBGYN]

Totally honest OBGYN (*Warning* may be too graphic, NSFW for some)

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xG6K5hbPJKs&context=C40024a8ADvjVQa1PpcFOx044_s7NKodp4jOIRthHRSq2GpcCHtIs=[/YOUTUBE]

Hitler's Match Day one is funny too

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIW84-Q3vA8[/YOUTUBE]

The OBGYN video is hilarious!

There's a Hitler's Urology Match results video that is a lot funnier than the one here. Too lazy to find a link though.

 

[cpants]

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k576hOI9FlM[/YOUTUBE]

Enjoy

 

[Essene]

A young man was standing in the middle of a street and shouting.

Young man: Call me a doctor. Call me a doctor.

Passer-by What's the matter with you? Are you feeling sick?

Young man (happily): No, I just graduated from medical college.

 

[molten]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbCOH9qysgg

The patient's fluid intake is good,

mostly beer.