Oct 13, 2015
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I just finished all my secondaries and I have applied broadly throughout the country.

I recently made the realization that in medicine, you don't know where you'll be (location wise) a few years from now. I have no idea if I will get into med school let alone know where I will get in. So I have no idea where I will be this time next year. The same thing goes for MS4's applying to residency. It's just a swing and you go with it.

How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?
 

ChymeofPassion

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May 26, 2016
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No one on this forum can answer this question for you. They dont know your relationshio or your priorities. Discuss this with your fiance.
 

ADSigMel

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Oct 14, 2015
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For what it's worth, my husband and I sat down with Wikipedia and went through lists of every MD and DO school in the country and made a list of the ones that he could either transfer or find a good market for his work. We also asked our three children for their input. We came up with a list of the locations that we would all be content spending four years, and that's where I applied. I imagine we'll do the same thing when it comes to looking at residencies. This is a team effort, so everybody has to be on board.

We did the same thing back when my husband and I were engaged and I was applying to law school. I don't know that he'd put up with it if I made another career change, but that's a different issue.


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workaholic181

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May 29, 2017
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I just finished all my secondaries and I have applied broadly throughout the country.

I recently made the realization that in medicine, you don't know where you'll be (location wise) a few years from now. I have no idea if I will get into med school let alone know where I will get in. So I have no idea where I will be this time next year. The same thing goes for MS4's applying to residency. It's just a swing and you go with it.

How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?
Unfortunately you'll likely live a pretty transient existence transferring to med school, to residency, to fellowship/attending. It's an inherent aspect for most physicians.

Obviously can strain your partners career; few are fortunate enough to be able to continue there work anywhere in the country.

But the fact of the matter is people make it work all the time. I'm sure through teamwork and good communication you guys will too. Good luck to you OP.
 

AnatomyGrey12

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Sep 8, 2015
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Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?
It absolutely is selfish, but it is also necessary. Just make sure they really do understand what this means and that they are all in.
 
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Pagan FutureDoc

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Oct 28, 2015
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This isn't an easy life. I see it from both sides...as the spouse of a resident and as a medical student. Relationships in medicine are hard and require a lot of work. Someone who gets into a relationship with a serious premed or med student needs to be realistic about the future and you need to be realistic as well.
Some people just can't pack up and leave on a moments notice. If you are with someone in NYC for medical school and they've got a great job there. You get a west coast residency they might not be able to move with you or it might take a while for them to find something equivelant.
Remember relationships aren't just about you.
 

ciestar

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Sep 18, 2013
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You absolutely must discuss it with your fiance and see where they stand as far as moving.
Some are insanely supportive, others are not.

My husband was nothing but encouraging, but had I gotten multiple acceptances, I would have heavily considered his job when deciding on a school, even if it was my top choice. Relationships require work and compromise. Even if you get to stay together while you're in school, IT WON'T BE EASY. My husband constantly feels neglected and ignored because I have to study. You must make time for your fiance as well, so you may have to additionally sacrifice school-related events and socials (or bring fiance along if you can) just to spend time together.
 
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gonnif

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One thing I tell prospective applicants, that being a physician can be a journeyman's life of existence. This may become even more true as you get into specialties with limited number of practitioners. Nearly half of all matriculants get accepted to a single school, so that may be your only choice. Depending on the school, you may get 6-8 week periods in clinical rotations where you are in a hospital on the other side of the city or even the other side of the state some hundreds of miles away. You may want to do electives in 4th year as "away" or "audition" rotations in order to enhance your residency chances. Then residency, if you want a very specific and competitive specialty, you may match in your third choice and be across the country where, again, you may wind up doing some work at a "st elsewhere." They you need to find a position. If you are in IM or FP, you could probably get a spot most anywhere. But if you in a small sub-specialty, you may have limited opportunities for a permanent position and need to go where the job is.

The story of the founder of OldPreMeds might give you an slightly extreme example. They moved from Arkansas to Texas city as premeds in order to increase opportunity. Got into a DO in Missouri in a small town. Did some clinical rotations 4 hours away. Did most of 4th year in Michigan. Got into residency in Dartmouth in southern New Hampshire. Had some work at St. Elsewhere in Northern New Hampshire. After residency and fellowship was hired as director of new ICU Indiana, that was understaffed he was working more hours than in residency. Found a spot with private practice in Chicago that appears not to be the best run and after a year found a spot as a clinical assistant prof in an Upstate New York University Hospital. After a few years on contract, the director left and in came someone whom just battled with for enough that he left and went on "locum tenens" which is the physician description for temp. Did work in varied places such as New Mexico and Alaska. At the same time, both his and wife's parents were getting older and having issues, so the family moved back to the home to Arkansas. With only essentially 2 practices in his field in his home city, he has to wait for a partner to retire or die to get spot. Eventually gets a position being groomed as a medical director for large ICU across 3 hospitals in Upstate NY. He has reached a high level position in his field with 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. So every 2 weeks, he takes 3 flights to get back and forth to see family and maintains nearly two full households.

Two other stories come to mind. One is a woman orthopedic surgeon who was able to get into academic practice but only as a long term contract employee. After several years, the state school funding was cut and so her contract was renewed. With her family and kids settled, she ultimately decided not to move and is no longer practicing clinical medicine, doing mostly committee work for the Academy in her specialty. Another is a Family Practice doc who does nothing but locum tenens so is on the road half the time .

This can be the reality of medicine and everyone with their significant others need to see this with their eyes open. Add this to the intensity and commitment that you must make as a medical student and medical resident and what your SO may face, having those frank discussions now is vital.
 
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Goro

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How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?
The two of you are a team. Whose career comes first?

I hope that you applied ot schools that you're willing to attend. The odds are you'll get into only one, IF accepted.
 
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