Medical School: relationship and location issues?

[LoveBeingHuman:)]

I just finished all my secondaries and I have applied broadly throughout the country.

I recently made the realization that in medicine, you don't know where you'll be (location wise) a few years from now. I have no idea if I will get into med school let alone know where I will get in. So I have no idea where I will be this time next year. The same thing goes for MS4's applying to residency. It's just a swing and you go with it.

How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?

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[ChymeofPassion]

No one on this forum can answer this question for you. They dont know your relationshio or your priorities. Discuss this with your fiance.

 

[ADSigMel]

For what it's worth, my husband and I sat down with Wikipedia and went through lists of every MD and DO school in the country and made a list of the ones that he could either transfer or find a good market for his work. We also asked our three children for their input. We came up with a list of the locations that we would all be content spending four years, and that's where I applied. I imagine we'll do the same thing when it comes to looking at residencies. This is a team effort, so everybody has to be on board.

We did the same thing back when my husband and I were engaged and I was applying to law school. I don't know that he'd put up with it if I made another career change, but that's a different issue.


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[workaholic181]

I just finished all my secondaries and I have applied broadly throughout the country.

I recently made the realization that in medicine, you don't know where you'll be (location wise) a few years from now. I have no idea if I will get into med school let alone know where I will get in. So I have no idea where I will be this time next year. The same thing goes for MS4's applying to residency. It's just a swing and you go with it.

How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?

Unfortunately you'll likely live a pretty transient existence transferring to med school, to residency, to fellowship/attending. It's an inherent aspect for most physicians.

Obviously can strain your partners career; few are fortunate enough to be able to continue there work anywhere in the country.

But the fact of the matter is people make it work all the time. I'm sure through teamwork and good communication you guys will too. Good luck to you OP.

 

[AnatomyGrey12]

Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?

It absolutely is selfish, but it is also necessary. Just make sure they really do understand what this means and that they are all in.

 

[Pagan FutureDoc]

This isn't an easy life. I see it from both sides...as the spouse of a resident and as a medical student. Relationships in medicine are hard and require a lot of work. Someone who gets into a relationship with a serious premed or med student needs to be realistic about the future and you need to be realistic as well.
Some people just can't pack up and leave on a moments notice. If you are with someone in NYC for medical school and they've got a great job there. You get a west coast residency they might not be able to move with you or it might take a while for them to find something equivelant.
Remember relationships aren't just about you.

 

[ciestar]

You absolutely must discuss it with your fiance and see where they stand as far as moving.
Some are insanely supportive, others are not.

My husband was nothing but encouraging, but had I gotten multiple acceptances, I would have heavily considered his job when deciding on a school, even if it was my top choice. Relationships require work and compromise. Even if you get to stay together while you're in school, IT WON'T BE EASY. My husband constantly feels neglected and ignored because I have to study. You must make time for your fiance as well, so you may have to additionally sacrifice school-related events and socials (or bring fiance along if you can) just to spend time together.

 

[Goro]

How do you deal with this when you are in a relationship? Is it selfish for me to expect my fiance to move wherever my career tells me to go?

The two of you are a team. Whose career comes first?

I hope that you applied ot schools that you're willing to attend. The odds are you'll get into only one, IF accepted.