Medical school with young child?

[knava1985]

Hello all,

I will be starting my MD program this summer. I was accepted last cycle but deferred due to the birth of my first child last May. My husband typically works 10-hour weekdays so child care will be mostly on me, with the help of our parents. I don't mind this, since I am a very hands-on mother and I enjoy it thoroughly. My parents will watch her while I'm in class/meetings and I will take over late afternoons until my husband gets home. However, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to manage both school and taking care of my daughter. Additionally, we are planning for a second child sometime during my second year. I am in my 30s so I can't really afford to wait until after residency for our next kid. I would appreciate any general advice from those who have gone through this.

Thanks in advance!

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[2010houston]

I started when my kids were a little older. General thoughts :
- you need ironclad childcare plans. Backup for the backups. Especially as clinical years start, you do NOT want to be the one calling in that your childcare fell through, so you won’t be in.... not good. Slightly less of an issue in preclinical, but there’s still mandatory labs etc that you do not want to miss.
- personally, I would plan to have some amount of time during the day covered so that you can go to class / zoom / study whatever. Whether this is thru your parents or a nanny or a day care or whatever, you need to have a fair amount of dedicated time where med school is your responsibility, not child care. How much time per day this is will vary on your school’s schedule and your personal study needs - but probably better to err on too much time at the beginning and then back off. As an example; I planned every day from 7a-4p for my kids to be in “school” (aka preschool day care) - sometimes I would pick them up early or not take them, but that was allotted time for me to study. Then I would do family stuff from 4-8p, then study again after 8p if needed.
Good luck!

 

[DocJanItor]

Hello all,

I will be starting my MD program this summer. I was accepted last cycle but deferred due to the birth of my first child last May. My husband typically works 10-hour weekdays so child care will be mostly on me, with the help of our parents. I don't mind this, since I am a very hands-on mother and I enjoy it thoroughly. However, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to manage both school and taking care of my daughter. Additionally, we are planning for a second child sometime during my second year. I am in my 30s so I can't really afford to wait until after residency for our next kid. I would appreciate any general advice from those who have gone through this.

Thanks in advance!

This isn't college. There's absolutely no way that you can be the primary caretaker of your child and pass medical school in the first 2 years. In the second 2 years it will literally be impossible as you'll be in the hospital for 60-80 hours a week.

 

[Itisnottoolate]

I am a first year medical student and have three children. My oldest two are in school and do not need much helping. They are in 7th grade and one is going in the army soon. My youngest is 3. I take care of her a lot of the time. My husband works crazy hours. I did enroll her in a mommy’s morning out five days a week that is 9-1. This helps a good bit. It also helps that a lot of the school year has been virtual. When I have mandatory anatomy labs either my boys, husband, or parents will watch her if She is not in preschool.
It can’t be done. I actually feel I have more time with my daughter than when I worked. Now if you want to be a top student then you will have to sacrifice more time away from your little girl. For me, she is first and school is second. I have not made anything below a B grade and have plenty of time with her. Now exam weeks are difficult because I literally study 10-12 hours per day.

 

[acstylin]

I have 6 children ages 4-14. Your plan is possible. I don’t want to be a pessimist but I don’t see it happening realistically though. My first semester was 14hr/day m-f and 8 hours sat and sun. I was doing poorly at the start and things got better at the end but I was still doing 10-12 hrs m-f and 6-8 hrs/day on the weekend. I really hope you prove me wrong and your plan works out perfectly. My advice: to start the semester (probably the first month) get child care to give you from 7am-6pm free m-f. Plan on spending 10 hours on Saturday and Sunday. Don’t study at home. Once you have a grasp of the material and get into a rhythm it’s very likely that you can cut down your hours or drop the extra child care completely. The problem is that if you don’t have enough time from day 1, you’ll fall behind and you will never catch up again. The course load is super high if you are on top of things. If you fall behind, it’s impossible to manage the ongoing material and the past. You’ll be sunk. Good luck! It’s possible! Many of us are doing it so be positive and be ready to work harder than all your counterparts but you’ll do great!

 

[Goro]

Hello all,

I will be starting my MD program this summer. I was accepted last cycle but deferred due to the birth of my first child last May. My husband typically works 10-hour weekdays so child care will be mostly on me, with the help of our parents. I don't mind this, since I am a very hands-on mother and I enjoy it thoroughly. My parents will watch her while I'm in class/meetings and I will take over late afternoons until my husband gets home. However, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to manage both school and taking care of my daughter. Additionally, we are planning for a second child sometime during my second year. I am in my 30s so I can't really afford to wait until after residency for our next kid. I would appreciate any general advice from those who have gone through this.

Thanks in advance!

It's doable. I've had students with young children, students who had children while IN med school and single moms as students.

Your fellow students can be a resource; you won't be the only mom in the class. Inquire in school-specific forum to follow up on this.

With your second kid, you might be best taking a LOA at that point.

There's no good time to have kids when you're in Medicine until you're Professor Emeritus, so you might as well get it done now. And good luck!

Your family will have to get used to this conversation:
Them "What are you doing?"
You: "Studying"

 

[2010houston]

There's no good time to have kids when you're in Medicine until you're Professor Emeritus, so you might as well get it done now.

yep! So true

 

[GreenDuck12]

Hello all,

I will be starting my MD program this summer. I was accepted last cycle but deferred due to the birth of my first child last May. My husband typically works 10-hour weekdays so child care will be mostly on me, with the help of our parents. I don't mind this, since I am a very hands-on mother and I enjoy it thoroughly. My parents will watch her while I'm in class/meetings and I will take over late afternoons until my husband gets home. However, I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to manage both school and taking care of my daughter. Additionally, we are planning for a second child sometime during my second year. I am in my 30s so I can't really afford to wait until after residency for our next kid. I would appreciate any general advice from those who have gone through this.

Thanks in advance!

So much of this is school specific. I recommend the following:
1. Reach out to current students and have them put you in contact with other students who are parents. They can help you navigate the university and understand what the unique demands are.
2. Reach out to your schools dean of students and ask them about resources and strategies to manage your concerns.
3. Be realistic with your significant other about what you starting medical school is going to mean in terms of time both for your daughter and for your spouse.

Im an older student and several of my classmates have children. The ones who are managing things better are communicating well and adapting to each other’s needs where possible.

 

[8YearsLate]

I think having your daughter in daycare, then having your parents watch her after school for you to study, would be the most effective use of resources. You get a certain amount of loan allowance for childcare. Good luck - and don't anyone tell you it can't be done! There are people without the blessing of a spouse or familial support making it work!