Medical Terminology as Spoken by the Layperson...

[Ypo.]

Chronic migraine patient today informed me that she knows we can't use demerol because of it's 'metabolife.'

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[RxnMan]

A patient was telling me about her COPD and her frequent episodes of SOB. Then she says she makes it better by "smelling the flowers and blowing out the candles."

There's some real smart PT out there teaching folks breathing control techniques.

 

[Saucy Wench]

And, I swear, EVERY patient I've met over 50 has pronounced it "prostrate". I'm not sure whether it is rude to correct them.


A brilliant heme/onc attending I work with pronounces it "prostrate" too

My highly-educated but bred-to-the-bone-Texan mother-in-law says "prostrate" ... but then, according to her I had a "placental abduction" and my husband has "sleep arachnia".

(placental abruption, sleep apnea)

 

[Kittenmommy]

My highly-educated but bred-to-the-bone-Texan mother-in-law says "prostrate" ... but then, according to her I had a "placental abduction" and my husband has "sleep arachnia".

(placental abruption, sleep apnea)

Placental abduction sounds like something Scully and Mulder would've dealt with on The X-Files. Sleep arachnia sounds terrifying - I am scared witless of spiders!

 

[Carter0891]

I've had these dreams for the last month in which I'm a spider. Sleep arachnia?

 

[dmunorse]

Heard third hand:

Pharmacy call to attending physician:

"Dr. _______, this is _______ pharmacy, we've got a patient here with a prescription for a gallon of 'mofine'..."

 

[Kittenmommy]

Heard third hand:

Pharmacy call to attending physician:

"Dr. _______, this is _______ pharmacy, we've got a patient here with a prescription for a gallon of 'mofine'..."

I've seen variations on this so many times on this board that I'm starting to think it's an urban legend.

 

[ccfccp]

The problem was the prescription was hastily scrawled on the back of a receipt from Walgreens.

 

[PsyDGrrrl]

The problem was the prescription was hastily scrawled on the back of a receipt from Walgreens.

The idiocy of people astounds me. That reminds me of the time that I was working at a place where someone sent in a resume that was handwritten, in pencil, on lined notebook paper.

 

[ccfccp]

I was joking, but it's funny because you can see it happening )

 

[Kittenmommy]

I was joking, but it's funny because you can see it happening )

Yeah, I totally bought it!

 

[howelljolly]

The idiocy of people astounds me. That reminds me of the time that I was working at a place where someone sent in a resume that was handwritten, in pencil, on lined notebook paper.

What were they applying for?
Would have been more funny if it was written in green crayon

 

[nsx]

How about, I've got the "sugar" (DM).
pelivar

at a homeless shelter, clarifying a SUGAR ONLY request for "health reasons"

"There is no reason why any medical professional would RECOMMEND you eat exclusively cake at each meal."

"Ya huh! Have to keep my sugar up...[gesturing] hypo-glykmik"

I doubt he was actually hypoglycemic, but it was a clever way to try to get a boatload of cake

 

[Apollyon]

A new one today, from two separate staffers (confirming it's not just a speech impediment):

"Vomiting" - from the mouth
"Vomicking" - from the nose

 

[doctawife]

A new one today, from two separate staffers (confirming it's not just a speech impediment):

"Vomiting" - from the mouth
"Vomicking" - from the nose

Almost, but not quite, Apollyon. To vomick is to projectile vomit from the nose AND mouth.

Yup.

 

[GoBuckeyes913]

During my 3rd year:
"I have potpourri in my urine" = Pt. had a severe UTI


Recently, a classmate of mine did a rural/underserved rotation in the hills of WV, where it's very common for everyone (even granny) to carry and/or own multiple guns. When he was riding along with EMS, the EMTs had to instruct him to get out of the ambulance slowly because someone would likely shoot at him if he moved too quickly in the yard. Crazy!

Also... he said people drink Pine Sol like crazy to get drunk if the booze runs out. Yikes

 

[aphistis]

I do have a new "slang" name or whatever PC we are working in here: the combination of WORDS. Note here not a NAME combination (billy ray, bobby sue, DreQuon), but phrased:

Brother and Sister (~1 & 2 YO):

MyPreciousThang (yes the spelling is correct, with the A in ThAng)
&
PraiseBeHisName (yes!)

Brother and sister.....all I can think of is how many bubbles can one fill out on a SAT scantron before running out

I wouldn't worry too much about children named "MyPreciousThang" taking college entrance tests.

 

[Used2Fly]

From a rather OBESE patient:

I am allergic to 'sofa' (i couldn't help myself from laughing, as she clearly was not).

 

[docbob]

This is not funny at all. I cannot believe you are sitting here making fun of people who rely on you to help them because of their cultural differences or their socioeconomic challenges. I mean, damn. Make fun of them for something they can help, like sticking lightbulbs in their rectum. That's funny. This is not.

Oh, and after all, they can't read this, right? Think again. I found it, and I could be any one of these patients and recognize my story being told here.

Makes me really rethink how I view doctors. Thank you, you're doing a great service to your profession here.

Oh, and I have tattoos AND teeth. Do I still qualify for mandatory sterilization?

why is it always the people who "have others best interest at heart" that are the biggest whingers? Seriously, if you don't like whats written here, there's the door...don't let it hit your arse on the way out!
like you never had a chuckle at silly things people have said...like that glass house do you?

 

[wobit]

In the smaller ED that we rotate through, the CCs are written up on a white erase board.

"needs marijuana ring removed"

We had a lot of fun hypothesizing what could create an 11PM Saturday night emergency "marijuana ring" removal. Could this be some part of a smoking apparatus, accidentally inhaled? Could this be a sexual aid with a stoner aesthetics?

Turned out it was a Mirena. Not sure why it was a Saturday night emergency, or why she thought it was a ring.

 

[Smashweasel]

Me: what brings you in?
Pt: (grabbing crotch)I got burned.

2min later my attending comes into the room and Im examining said crotch

Attending: whats going on?
Pt: I got burned
Attending: (bending over to look at said crotch) thats not a burn! You got an STD!

 

[DoctorMedic]

guess he couldn't tell the difference between a "burning sensation" and actually getting burned

 

[Kittenmommy]

Me: what brings you in?
Pt: (grabbing crotch)I got burned.

2min later my attending comes into the room and Im examining said crotch

Attending: whats going on?
Pt: I got burned
Attending: (bending over to look at said crotch) thats not a burn! You got an STD!

You should've called these guys for a consult!

 

[Smashweasel]

I should have been more clear.
The guy knew he had an STD, but the attending (15yrs in EM) didn't know the slang for: i slept with the wrong person/my sig other apparently cheated on me.

 

[loveboatdoc]

(I am seeing a pattern here...posting on dead/dying theads...oh well, too bad)

A lady being rolled into L&D sees the No Smoking sign, and then names her son Nosmo King. (urban legend?)

On a public health hospital ward, nearly every baby was being named Eric or Erica, after a popular soap opera star. One lady had twins, named Eric and Erica. It was like an epidemic, a long row of women on an open ward with babies looking pretty similar and having the same names. Amazing the nurses kept them all straight and sent the newborns home with the correct Moms.

 

[Marcus Brody]

"Arterial Fibrillation"

"Defibulator"

Sadly, hear them from nurses more than patients.

 

[Colbert]

Patient last night was allergic to lidocaine. I said, "What happens when you get lidocaine?" to which the patient responds, "my skin goes numb."

I also had a hypertensive who takes "The Sinna Pill." (Read: Lisinopril, which was clearly printed on the label he brought full of medication)

 

[gutonc]

Patient last night was allergic to lidocaine. I said, "What happens when you get lidocaine?" to which the patient responds, "my skin goes numb."

One of my favorites. Like the people who are allergic to ativan and morphine because it makes them sleepy.

 

[med2UCC]

In the past two weeks I have had several patients come in with this as their presenting complaint:
I think I have ammonia again.
Really? Then clean your windows with it!
For the record, no chest x-ray was positive for pneumonia, so maybe ammonia really was their problem.
I've also had a patient on Lycra (lyrica).
Apparently in this part of the country Tylenol is spelled differently as "Tyenol" (Ty-en-ol, with the emphasis in the same place as in the proper pronunciation).
Cheers,
M
Oh, and let's not forget the ever popular ibupropane (some kind of barbeque fuel?) and ironprofen (probably taken for low blood, right?).

 

[med2UCC]

I used to work at a school. Last name Lee. First name? Heaven, of course. She was the toughest 5 yr old I ever met. It didn't help that her mother dressed her like Holly Hobby, of course.
Oh, and I went to school with a Malaysian girl called (not a word of a lie) Azma Alias. It took most of 1st year to not laugh at that one.
Cheers,
M

 

[Kittenmommy]

I used to work at a school. Last name Lee. First name? Heaven, of course. She was the toughest 5 yr old I ever met. It didn't help that her mother dressed her like Holly Hobby, of course.
Oh, and I sent to school with a Malaysian girl called (not a word of a lie) Azma Alias. It took most of 1st year to not laugh at that one.
Cheers,
M

I once met a man named Richard Handler. And yes, he went by Dick. No, I'm not making this up.

 

[leorl]

my attg once had a set of brothers: orangello and lemongello. Named after what the mother was eating after delivery. creativity abounds....

 

[The Poet Sings]

my attg once had a set of brothers: orangello and lemongello. Named after what the mother was eating after delivery. creativity abounds....

i've seen this one a lot. maybe they need to stop serving jello after delivery!

 

[Kittenmommy]

my attg once had a set of brothers: orangello and lemongello. Named after what the mother was eating after delivery. creativity abounds....

No, s/he really didn't. *sigh*

Why don't people ever check snopes.com before posting these silly things??

 

[Mighty Mouse]

you forgot cherrigello

 

[Katydid]

Oh, y'all, working for the pharmacy? I've encountered some of these!

I've heard:

Peanut butter balls (phenobarbitol)
Latex (Lasix)
"I need my innalin 'cause I got the sugar" (I need my insulin, because I have diabetes)
And, quite memorably, a sales rep who got ME on the phone (you know, the delivery chick, who doesn't do the ordering), and confused cetirizine with clonazepam. Ummm. No. They don't do the same thing. She decided to pitch a hissy fit at ME, and told me there was no way I knew what I was talking about, because she was a sales rep, and I was just a delivery girl.

Funny, but the delivery girl knows the difference between Zyrtec and Klonopin.

 

[cls4n6]

I once met a man named Richard Handler. And yes, he went by Dick. No, I'm not making this up.

I taught with a Richard Binder (pronounce Bender)--He preferred to be called Dick as well. Yes- but it gets worse. He was reallly short too- so he also preferred his nickname "Stumpy". Yup--we called his Stumpy Dick Binder. THANK heavens thre kids never heard us do that one.

 

[cls4n6]

Oh- and a student in Tennessee named LaQuotia--I think her mother was scared by a complex math problem once.

 

[med2UCC]

Last night I had a patient who took her sister's "buffer pills" for her back pain. After much head scratching and eliciting that the pills were long and orange we concluded that these must be bufferin (coated asperin).
I also had a patient who was quite insistent that the pills he took for his knee pain were actually called pain pills. They were in a tube in the first aid kit at work labelled "Pain Pills" so that was the proper name of the medication.(It must have been a really old 1st aid kit, since any place I ever worked didn't allow meds to be stored in the 1st aid kit The only kit I ever saw that had a place for them was in an abandoned industrial arts class in a school; it looked to be about 30 years old and everything in it was clearly past usefulness.)
Cheers,
M

 

[Cerberus]

No, s/he really didn't. *sigh*

Why don't people ever check snopes.com before posting these silly things??

Meh, people DO name their children stupid names all the time. I've seen a Neisseria (think it was spelled a little different though) and a Porphyria in the ED.

 

[Kittenmommy]

I taught with a Richard Binder (pronounce Bender)--He preferred to be called Dick as well. Yes- but it gets worse. He was reallly short too- so he also preferred his nickname "Stumpy". Yup--we called his Stumpy Dick Binder. THANK heavens thre kids never heard us do that one.

Oh dear!

Meh, people DO name their children stupid names all the time. I've seen a Neisseria (think it was spelled a little different though)

Did you give Nesisseria an antibiotic?

and a Porphyria in the ED.

Porphyria's parents must've read Twilight too many times.

 

[deleted109597]

One of my favorites. Like the people who are allergic to ativan and morphine because it makes them sleepy.

Allergy: Epinephrine
Effect: Makes my heart race



Not kidding.

 

[gutonc]

Allergy: Epinephrine
Effect: Makes my heart race



Not kidding.

Seen it many times. Usually in the same group of people with the aforementioned ativan and morphine "allergies." The nice thing about our EMR is that it tells you who entered a particular "allergy" into the system. On more than one occasion, I've gone to that nurse (it's always a nurse) and discussed the difference between a drug effect and an allergy and had them edit the EMR and discuss it with the patient.

 

[Altruist]

Meh, people DO name their children stupid names all the time. I've seen a Neisseria (think it was spelled a little different though) and a Porphyria in the ED.

I used to see the occasional older woman named "Malena," which was close enough to distract me. I can't remember if I ever had one with a GI bleed, though.

We'd often get patients sent to us from a small town doc whose first name was "Candida." I always thought that was unfortunate.

On the original topic, I had a guy tell me his wife had been diagnosed with "Pluto Seizures," which of course turned out to be pseudoseizures.

 

[Kittenmommy]

We'd often get patients sent to us from a small town doc whose first name was "Candida." I always thought that was unfortunate.

Her... name... was... Candida?? I can't... who would even... *head asplodes*

For the longest time, I thought that Food Network was employing a host with the truly unfortunate name "Giardia". But no, it's Giada.

I still refer to her as "Giardia", though.

 

[hurricanemd]

I had a patient come in with Stevens Johnson syndrome and tried to pin down which of her meds had caused it. She couldn't quite remember the name of one of her arthritis meds but said "it sounds like mexican." Turns out it was meloxicam. She was close.

 

[hurricanemd]

I met a patient with the last name Throckmorton a few days ago. I was trying not to laugh every time I said her name. Had to explain the "Throckmorton sign" to the nurse.

 

[Dianyla]

Her... name... was... Candida?? I can't... who would even... *head asplodes*

Candida has been around as given name for thousands of years. It's only recently that the lay public uses this term to refer to yeast infections.

 

[Kittenmommy]

Candida has been around as given name for thousands of years. It's only recently that the lay public uses this term to refer to yeast infections.

IDK, according to Wikipedia (LOL), "Candida" is the genus of yeasts.

 

[docB]

I used to see the occasional older woman named "Malena," which was close enough to distract me. I can't remember if I ever had one with a GI bleed, though.

We'd often get patients sent to us from a small town doc whose first name was "Candida." I always thought that was unfortunate.

On the original topic, I had a guy tell me his wife had been diagnosed with "Pluto Seizures," which of course turned out to be pseudoseizures.

Back in '06 I found a pic on the internet from some organization with a Mr.Frank Melna in it. I posted about it in this thread but sadly I see that the pic is gone.