Medschool + Relationship = ?

[Sigecaps]

Yet another brilliant idea in the shower! Enough of the dorky questions about medical schools, residency (btw, ENT vs Ortho - any ideas?), or MCATs. Let's talk about the human side of the doctors to be or doctors who are. Are you tired of disappointing relationship? Want to forget about your unromantic but oh-so-hard-working ex-significant other? Do you think that non-docs are non-candidates cause they will never understand what life is really about and why you haven't been home for the past 60 hours? May be you just want to meet a person cyber-style before it becomes old fashioned? Be brave, share your ideas, and say it how it is.

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[Keg]

Yet another brilliant idea in the shower! Enough of the dorky questions about medical schools, residency (btw, ENT vs Ortho - any ideas?), or MCATs. Let's talk about the human side of the doctors to be or doctors who are. Are you tired of disappointing relationship? Want to forget about your unromantic but oh-so-hard-working ex-significant other? Do you think that non-docs are non-candidates cause they will never understand what life is really about and why you haven't been home for the past 60 hours? May be you just want to meet a person cyber-style before it becomes old fashioned? Be brave, share your ideas, and say it how it is.

I definitely don't want to marry a doc... family's important to me, and if we're both docs, noone is going to be around to raise the kids; also, I don't want my children to be put into a daycare at any point during their being raised.

 

[Kimka83]

My long-time boyfriend directs theatre. It has worked well so far, despite our very different interests. I will be starting med school in the fall and look forward to having someone to talk to about something other than medicine! Here's hoping that it only get better (and that he will continue to put up with my constant studying)

 

[Cinnameg]

My long-time boyfriend directs theatre. It has worked well so far, despite our very different interests. I will be starting med school in the fall and look forward to having someone to talk to about something other than medicine! Here's hoping that it only get better (and that he will continue to put up with my constant studying)

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Does anyone have experience with STARTING a relationship during medical school?

 

[Novagir18]

Hey everyone,
Here are my thoughts on the subject. My boyfriend/fiance (proposal but no ring...hey he's a medical student) and I started a relationship pre-medical school at a college in PA. We both knew that we eventually wanted to go to medical school, who knew that we would see each other actually go. So anyway, he is in medical school (MS1) now in NJ and I am a junior in PA. Having a significant other in medical school is difficult but not impossible. You make a lot of sacrifices because the other person is studying for MCATs, studying for USMLEs, etc. A relationship with a medical student is not for you if you are extremely needy or need to be around this person all the time...because you won't. Basically the key to success is understanding of each others schedules (I think that its a big myth that med. students study ALL the time) and make time for each other, even if you are incredibly busy. I'm not a professor on medical school relationships, but I hope my story helps.

 

[Arctic Char]

i have no idea why i am posting in this thread, but here goes:

heartbreak is the worst pain a human can endure. thus, i am avoiding the potential for such torment until it is outweighed by the good thing.

so, doc or no doc? i really don't care. i guess it would be easier in some ways if they were a doc - like mutual respect that comes from understanding how your partner spends their day, and understanding sympathy about being exhausted/frustrated/etc. those aspects would facilitate communication, but they could also f**k up your kids. i'm not even close to thinking about poopy diapers though, so my opinion means skunk

 

[mchou]

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Does anyone have experience with STARTING a relationship during medical school?

I don't have experience with starting a relationship during med school but I am attending UCLA in the fall... yay! All that aside, I think that the idea of
1. all the guys being taken is the same for girls, most girls entering med school will also have a boyfriend.
3. I haven't a clue about
2. you don't want to marry anyway since you are already going to be a doctor and nothing's changing that, knight in shining armor or not.
but as for 4.... you are in luck. once you hit the hospitals at the ripe young age of 26, you don't just have to pool your piddly 100 some med students anymore, it's now the WHOLE hospital.

but in all seriousness, what I've heard from people in internship, residency, etc is that an attractive, single girl doing a rotation doesn't just get hit on by her peers, but by the interns, residents, attendings, chiefs even, as well as patients. So if what I've heard repeatedly is true, you have nothing to worry about!

 

[alpenglow]

My long-time boyfriend directs theatre. It has worked well so far, despite our very different interests. I will be starting med school in the fall and look forward to having someone to talk to about something other than medicine! Here's hoping that it only get better (and that he will continue to put up with my constant studying)

right on! I think I would go crazy dating someone who didn't intrigue me interests outside of medicine - art, activism, theatre, politics, pretty much anything besides medicine

so, maybe an extremely well-rounded, ADD-esque doc like myself, but still unlikely

 

[tupac_don]

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Does anyone have experience with STARTING a relationship during medical school?

Well, I can't disagree with you more, being a male myself.

1) Not all guys will be taken, actually most guys are not taken, I'd say more women in med school are taken then guys, that shouldn't be a problem

2) Not all guys want women to be caretakers or stay at home mothers, I just think that most guys don't want a woman who is too intense or who will "show them up" so to speak, but if you have a nice personality, you are not too opinionated you should get along with most guys.

3) Yea I wouldn't worry about that one.

4) If you are cute it don't matter how old you are and 24 is still very young, no problem there.

5) No time to get pretty? What you take 10 hrs to do your make up. You'll have time to go out at least 2-3 times a month on weekends, probably more than that (and I am not talking barely passing either). If you are organized and depending on how strong academically you are, you can go out 4-5 hrs every weekend. As far as guys outside of med school, cool, but probably won't understand the extent of how much you really have to work. And if they will only want to date once a week, maybe twice, b/c that's all you'll pretty much be able to do.

Good luck, unless you are a total heffer, you'll be aight.

 

[Diceman M.D.]

After dating both medical students and non-medical students extensively, I've got my own strong opinions about this stuff.

First, I'm never going to marry anyone without at LEAST a master's degree. And a doctorate would actually be preferable. Why? Because even with all that individual variation, etc. educational level is still a pretty reliable measure of intelligence, and I want an intelligent spouse. The sex is always hotter when there are 2 brains under the covers, not just like one and a quarter.

Second, nothing makes you get bored of your relationship quicker than a chick who you have nothing to talk about with. And since medical students talk incessantly about medical school, I don't get bored with med students because at least we can talk, even if it's about the same thing every day.

Third, watch the HELL out for complainers. Those are people who unceasingly whine and moan about their crappy job, their crappy coworkers, their crappy boss, their crappy car, their crappy life, their crappy this, their crappy that. Because listening to this crap for any prolonged period of time will make you want to replace your brainstem with a bullet.

Fourth, you gotta be with someone you feel like you have to consistently impress. Nothing sinks quite like a relationship in which people feel so comfortable that they can stop showering, stop working out, stop going out to places, and stop caring about generally. That's the quickest way to waking up one morning and finding yourself 40 years old, obese, and next to a similarly appearing smelly spouse who's going bald who you haven't had sex with in a year.

 

[QofQuimica]

After dating both medical students and non-medical students extensively, I've got my own strong opinions about this stuff.

First, I'm never going to marry anyone without at LEAST a master's degree. And a doctorate would actually be preferable. Why? Because even with all that individual variation, etc. educational level is still a pretty reliable measure of intelligence, and I want an intelligent spouse. The sex is always hotter when there are 2 brains under the covers, not just like one and a quarter.

Second, nothing makes you get bored of your relationship quicker than a chick who you have nothing to talk about with. And since medical students talk incessantly about medical school, I don't get bored with med students because at least we can talk, even if it's about the same thing every day.

Third, watch the HELL out for complainers. Those are people who unceasingly whine and moan about their crappy job, their crappy coworkers, their crappy boss, their crappy car, their crappy life, their crappy this, their crappy that. Because listening to this crap for any prolonged period of time will make you want to replace your brainstem with a bullet.

Fourth, you gotta be with someone you feel like you have to consistently impress. Nothing sinks quite like a relationship in which people feel so comfortable that they can stop showering, stop working out, stop going out to places, and stop caring about generally. That's the quickest way to waking up one morning and finding yourself 40 years old, obese, and next to a similarly appearing smelly spouse who's going bald who you haven't had sex with in a year.

Great post, and I basically agree with all of it. I'm not sure that I'd flat out insist that the person have a MS or higher degree as long as he's intelligent and passionate about what he does. But considering that I'm going to have an MD/PhD, he needs to be ok with it if I'm more educated than he is....plus, he'd better be able to convince my parents that he's good enough.

 

[PomPom]

Diceman, your fourth point is really enlightening! Great point!

 

[Blade28]

I dated someone not in the medical field during med school - didn't work out. Dated a resident during intern year - didn't work out.

 

[SigPi]

After dating both medical students and non-medical students extensively, I've got my own strong opinions about this stuff.

First, I'm never going to marry anyone without at LEAST a master's degree. And a doctorate would actually be preferable. Why? Because even with all that individual variation, etc. educational level is still a pretty reliable measure of intelligence, and I want an intelligent spouse. The sex is always hotter when there are 2 brains under the covers, not just like one and a quarter.

Second, nothing makes you get bored of your relationship quicker than a chick who you have nothing to talk about with. And since medical students talk incessantly about medical school, I don't get bored with med students because at least we can talk, even if it's about the same thing every day.

Third, watch the HELL out for complainers. Those are people who unceasingly whine and moan about their crappy job, their crappy coworkers, their crappy boss, their crappy car, their crappy life, their crappy this, their crappy that. Because listening to this crap for any prolonged period of time will make you want to replace your brainstem with a bullet.

Fourth, you gotta be with someone you feel like you have to consistently impress. Nothing sinks quite like a relationship in which people feel so comfortable that they can stop showering, stop working out, stop going out to places, and stop caring about generally. That's the quickest way to waking up one morning and finding yourself 40 years old, obese, and next to a similarly appearing smelly spouse who's going bald who you haven't had sex with in a year.

While points 3 and 4 are pretty accurate IMO, pts 1 & 2 have to be two of the nerdiest most anti-social comments to come out of SDN. Two brains under the covers? Must have MS or PhD to get with you? Give me a significant other who only talks about medicine, everyday? Come on buddy, you need to get out more! Maybe you two could talk dirty medicine to each other under the covers .

F that. There are many forms of intelligence, and your degree (or lack thereof is in no way a reflection of your intelligence). Give me a blonde accountant (for example) who loves aerobics, art, snorkeling, going out for happy hour, etc..Pretty much someone who can balance me and tell me to shut up when I ramble on about a bunch of medical nerdiness (but sincerely listens when appropriate). To each their own, but damn, how can you honestly tell me points 1 & 2 are real for you?

 

[SoCuteMD]

While points 3 and 4 are pretty accurate IMO, pts 1 & 2 have to be two of the nerdiest most anti-social comments to come out of SDN. Two brains under the covers? Must have MS or PhD to get with you? Give me a significant other who only talks about medicine, everyday? Come on buddy, you need to get out more! Maybe you two could talk dirty medicine to each other under the covers .

F that. There are many forms of intelligence, and your degree (or lack thereof is in no way a reflection of your intelligence). Give me a blonde accountant (for example) who loves aerobics, art, snorkeling, going out for happy hour, etc..Pretty much someone who can balance me and tell me to shut up when I ramble on about a bunch of medical nerdiness (but sincerely listens when appropriate). To each their own, but damn, how can you honestly tell me points 1 & 2 are real for you?

a) relax
b) pull large rough stick out of you-know-where
c) learn how to read

The poster did NOT say he (I think!) would date ONLY medical students. He said that medical students make decent conversation, if only about medical crap.

Most accountants these days get master's degrees . At least most of the ones I know!

 

[Cinnameg]

While points 3 and 4 are pretty accurate IMO, pts 1 & 2 have to be two of the nerdiest most anti-social comments to come out of SDN. Two brains under the covers? Must have MS or PhD to get with you? Give me a significant other who only talks about medicine, everyday? Come on buddy, you need to get out more! Maybe you two could talk dirty medicine to each other under the covers .

F that. There are many forms of intelligence, and your degree (or lack thereof is in no way a reflection of your intelligence). Give me a blonde accountant (for example) who loves aerobics, art, snorkeling, going out for happy hour, etc..Pretty much someone who can balance me and tell me to shut up when I ramble on about a bunch of medical nerdiness (but sincerely listens when appropriate). To each their own, but damn, how can you honestly tell me points 1 & 2 are real for you?

I'd just like to put in a vote for Diceman's viewpoint. I don't know how much this differs if you're a man versus a woman -- because clearly, I've never been a man -- but as a woman, in my experience, it is very, very difficult to not threaten a man if he doesn't have the education that you do. Education might not be the same thing as intelligence, but in our society, people associate the two, and that causes problems in relationships. I've never made it past 2-3 dates with a guy who hasn't gone on to graduate school of some kind because often he will try to overcompensate for his perceived weakness (his perception, not mine) by bragging and posturing, which is uncomfortable and unattractive. My long, successful relationships have been with graduate students in the hard sciences, who are sufficiently comfortable with their own intelligence and success that they can be relaxed and fun. The downside to dating graduate students is that our careers aren't all that compatible.

I think that if I were a man, the situation would be different, and I might be able to have a comfortable relationship with a blonde accountant who would be at ease around me. She might think it was hot to have a more successful, more educated, and possibly smarter mate. I don't think a lot of guys are looking for women who are more successful, more educated, and possibly smarter than they are (see the post earlier where a guy says that men don't like to be "shown up" by their girlfriends, and don't want women who are "too opinionated" either).

So as an educated woman looking for a man, the field is smaller. Fun.

 

[NRAI2001]

i have no idea why i am posting in this thread, but here goes:

heartbreak is the worst pain a human can endure. thus, i am avoiding the potential for such torment until it is outweighed by the good thing.

so, doc or no doc? i really don't care. i guess it would be easier in some ways if they were a doc - like mutual respect that comes from understanding how your partner spends their day, and understanding sympathy about being exhausted/frustrated/etc. those aspects would facilitate communication, but they could also f**k up your kids. i'm not even close to thinking about poopy diapers though, so my opinion means skunk

He said poop he said poooppp....didnt anyone else read that he said POOP.

 

[Cinnameg]

He said poop he said poooppp....didnt anyone else read that he said POOP.

No wonder you've got 3,000+ posts, if they're all like that one.

You say you're at UC Berkeley? I live in Berkeley too. Guess you're a pre-med, or are you at that funky UCSF/UCB MD/MS program?

 

[friedtofu]

I don't have experience with starting a relationship during med school but I am attending UCLA in the fall... yay! All that aside, I think that the idea of
1. all the guys being taken is the same for girls, most girls entering med school will also have a boyfriend.
3. I haven't a clue about
2. you don't want to marry anyway since you are already going to be a doctor and nothing's changing that, knight in shining armor or not.
but as for 4.... you are in luck. once you hit the hospitals at the ripe young age of 26, you don't just have to pool your piddly 100 some med students anymore, it's now the WHOLE hospital.

but in all seriousness, what I've heard from people in internship, residency, etc is that an attractive, single girl doing a rotation doesn't just get hit on by her peers, but by the interns, residents, attendings, chiefs even, as well as patients. So if what I've heard repeatedly is true, you have nothing to worry about!

This is totally true. I'm a MS1 and I'm cute, but not ALL THAT. And I have never walked into a hospital this year without being hit on by a resident/medical student/attending at least once. My dating life has increased exponentially this year. Medicine can be a lonely profession, and a cute single girl can have her pick of any of the single (and not so single guys ) in the hospital. Also, sitting down in a coffee shop with a USMLE/Netter/BRS conveniently open on your desk is somehow an invitation for single medical students/residents to start conversations. Just keep yourself in shape (there is always time to work out in medical school) and don't isolate yourself at home for 12 hours a day studying and you will meet people.

 

[Trail Boss]

No disrespect to you ladies out there, but as a male I think one of the few undeniable perks of medicine is that despite all the hardship and complaining we will all end up making pretty damn good money. Money that will allow us to support a wife who stays at home at least long enough to be with our children at least until they start school. I think one of the biggest problems in our society is that we have belittled mothers. Being a mother and raising good children is in my mind a far more impressive way to spend ones life than having an impressive career. You don't have to be a doctor to impress me. So, I would never date or marry a doctor that didn't put being a mother way above anything else (namely her career).

 

[CANES2006]

So, I would never date or marry a doctor that didn't put being a mother way above anything else (namely her career).

Why do women have to put being a mother above everything else, but you don't ask the same of fathers? It seems like everyone asks the women to sacrifice their career, but no one seems to look down upon a man who is ambitious and successful, but has sacrificed some time with his kids/family. I'm just tired of the double standard. Don't get me wrong, I would like to get married and have children some day and I won't view spending time with them as a sacrifice by any means, but I will also have my career. I won't be a stay at home mom, which I don't look down upon either. However, I am of the mentality that women and men can have both. I came from a single parent household, where mom wasn't at home most of the time because she was busy putting food on the table and I came out just fine. In fact, we have a great relationship, where I am comfortable telling my mom anything. You don't need to have mom (or dad for that matter) at home all the time to turn out fine, and by the same token, you can turn out to be the biggest screw up ever with a stay at home mom or dad. It's all about communication with your kids.

 

[ExtraCrispy]

Med vs. non-med really isn't as much of an issue, in my mind, as individual personalities and values.

I met my husband in college, and we married after my first year of med school. He's not in the medical field. It was good for my soul to come home after a call day and discuss something with him completely unrelated to the hospital. He also understands the rigors of my chosen field (surgery), and he anticipates that of the two of us, he'll be spending more time at home with the kids.

On the other hand, I can count at least ten people in my graduating class who've married or are about to marry other med students.

If it's the right person, and you communicate well and the dedication is there, then you'll work everything out together, whether or not you're in the same field.

 

[MoxieDO]

Why do women have to put being a mother above everything else, but you don't ask the same of fathers? It seems like everyone asks the women to sacrifice their career, but no one seems to look down upon a man who is ambitious and successful, but has sacrificed some time with his kids/family. I'm just tired of the double standard. Don't get me wrong, I would like to get married and have children some day and I won't view spending time with them as a sacrifice by any means, but I will also have my career. I won't be a stay at home mom, which I don't look down upon either. However, I am of the mentality that women and men can have both. I came from a single parent household, where mom wasn't at home most of the time because she was busy putting food on the table and I came out just fine. In fact, we have a great relationship, where I am comfortable telling my mom anything. You don't need to have mom (or dad for that matter) at home all the time to turn out fine, and by the same token, you can turn out to be the biggest screw up ever with a stay at home mom or dad. It's all about communication with your kids.

agreed. I came from a single parent household (lived with my mom) and she raised me to be a sucessful independent woman-she did all of this while working -6 or 7 on weekdays and sometimes on weekends. It was hard, but we managed and I, as well as many of my counterparts, turned out fine. I really do not see why ppl blame the failures in family life because women do not do the noble thing and stay at home to raise the children, yet they do not chastise a man for not making the same sacrifice. I am going to be a doctor as well, I can support a husband at home. What I am getting at is that it does not really so much matter who spends time with the children, what really matters is HOW you raise them and if you can provide the educational and social means by which a child can flourish. Love them, teach them well, and hope for the best.

PS. I agree with Diceman's points

 

[MNsocsci]

First, I'm never going to marry anyone without at LEAST a master's degree. And a doctorate would actually be preferable. Why? Because even with all that individual variation, etc. educational level is still a pretty reliable measure of intelligence, and I want an intelligent spouse. The sex is always hotter when there are 2 brains under the covers, not just like one and a quarter.

I know most people agreed with Diceman, but I found this comment on "one and a quarter" brains sort of elitist. There are plenty of intelligent people in the world who do not have a masters/doctorate degree, my parents being two of them. They read good books, enjoy discussing current events and debating issues. Not every intelligent person wants to go to graduate school. When I met my boyfriend, he had graduated from college and was doing union organizing work with no intentions of continuing his education. He is also one of the most intelligent people I have every known (if you need 'proof' with numbers and accomplishments, he graduated with a 4.0 double major in chemistry and computer science, took the MCAT for fun without any studying and got a 38, etc.)

Anecdotal stories don't tell us much, but the "individual variation" that you speak of is large enough to make ruling out a large percentage of the population just because they don't have a masters/doctorate degree a really stupid idea. Just my opinion!

 

[Diceman M.D.]

I know most people agreed with Diceman, but I found this comment on "one and a quarter" brains sort of elitist. There are plenty of intelligent people in the world who do not have a masters/doctorate degree, my parents being two of them. They read good books, enjoy discussing current events and debating issues. Not every intelligent person wants to go to graduate school. When I met my boyfriend, he had graduated from college and was doing union organizing work with no intentions of continuing his education. He is also one of the most intelligent people I have every known (if you need 'proof' with numbers and accomplishments, he graduated with a 4.0 double major in chemistry and computer science, took the MCAT for fun without any studying and got a 38, etc.)

Anecdotal stories don't tell us much, but the "individual variation" that you speak of is large enough to make ruling out a large percentage of the population just because they don't have a masters/doctorate degree a really stupid idea. Just my opinion!

Yeah, hey man, I realize this. It's just that for ME, I'm kind of a lazy SOB, so I prefer to use things like cutoffs and screening when I'm looking for people to date/mate. Kinda like residency programs that won't interview you if you don't have a 230+ Step 1 score - although plenty of people with lower scores would make great Derm residents, there's simply too many applicants to give everyone an interview.

That might change in the future, but as long as I'm young and relatively good-looking, I can afford to use my own system. In the future, when I get old and ugly, I'll probably change, of course that also depends on how much money I make by then! (Would you do the dude who married Anna Nicole Smith if he weren't a gazillionaire?)

 

[angietron3000]

I'd just like to put in a vote for Diceman's viewpoint. I don't know how much this differs if you're a man versus a woman -- because clearly, I've never been a man -- but as a woman, in my experience, it is very, very difficult to not threaten a man if he doesn't have the education that you do. Education might not be the same thing as intelligence, but in our society, people associate the two, and that causes problems in relationships. I've never made it past 2-3 dates with a guy who hasn't gone on to graduate school of some kind because often he will try to overcompensate for his perceived weakness (his perception, not mine) by bragging and posturing, which is uncomfortable and unattractive. My long, successful relationships have been with graduate students in the hard sciences, who are sufficiently comfortable with their own intelligence and success that they can be relaxed and fun. The downside to dating graduate students is that our careers aren't all that compatible.

I think that if I were a man, the situation would be different, and I might be able to have a comfortable relationship with a blonde accountant who would be at ease around me. She might think it was hot to have a more successful, more educated, and possibly smarter mate. I don't think a lot of guys are looking for women who are more successful, more educated, and possibly smarter than they are (see the post earlier where a guy says that men don't like to be "shown up" by their girlfriends, and don't want women who are "too opinionated" either).

So as an educated woman looking for a man, the field is smaller. Fun.

I think I'm the exact opposite, my current boyfriend is the first person I've ever dated that has actually finished a BA. I guess I place more importance in a huge database of musical and cultural knowledge than an actual degree. Plus, just because he didn't get a second helping of brains doesn't mean he's not amazing in the sack, i think all that lofty thought would get in the way of getting down to business I know that a great sex life doesn't last forever, but I think it'd also be nice to have him be a stay at home dad when I'm a doctor.. he's way better with kids than I am anyways..

Maybe it's because my mom was always a ball buster, but I can't stand dating men that think they're smarter than me. I was recently hit on by a guy working on his PhD and he was so freakin pretentious.. I much prefer humility.

 

[tupac_don]

I think I'm the exact opposite, my current boyfriend is the first person I've ever dated that has actually finished a BA. I guess I place more importance in a huge database of musical and cultural knowledge than an actual degree. Plus, just because he didn't get a second helping of brains doesn't mean he's not amazing in the sack, i think all that lofty thought would get in the way of getting down to business I know that a great sex life doesn't last forever, but I think it'd also be nice to have him be a stay at home dad when I'm a doctor.. he's way better with kids than I am anyways..

Maybe it's because my mom was always a ball buster, but I can't stand dating men that think they're smarter than me. I was recently hit on by a guy working on his PhD and he was so freakin pretentious.. I much prefer humility.

Looks like you might be a ballbuster too
Also I think you hit it right on the nose, why a lot of guys don't want women who think they are smarter than them. They like a little less opinionated better in bed

 

[Trail Boss]

Why do women have to put being a mother above everything else, but you don't ask the same of fathers? It seems like everyone asks the women to sacrifice their career, but no one seems to look down upon a man who is ambitious and successful, but has sacrificed some time with his kids/family. I'm just tired of the double standard. Don't get me wrong, I would like to get married and have children some day and I won't view spending time with them as a sacrifice by any means, but I will also have my career. I won't be a stay at home mom, which I don't look down upon either. However, I am of the mentality that women and men can have both. I came from a single parent household, where mom wasn't at home most of the time because she was busy putting food on the table and I came out just fine. In fact, we have a great relationship, where I am comfortable telling my mom anything. You don't need to have mom (or dad for that matter) at home all the time to turn out fine, and by the same token, you can turn out to be the biggest screw up ever with a stay at home mom or dad. It's all about communication with your kids.

point taken. We are all different, I have nothing against mother who are doctors, the best doctor I know is a mother of two great kids. She managed to do it all, which is more impressive than doing either or to me.

 

[angietron3000]

Looks like you might be a ballbuster too
Also I think you hit it right on the nose, why a lot of guys don't want women who think they are smarter than them. They like a little less opinionated better in bed

i don't mind, i've already found someone who loves me, opinions and all

 

[Ambs]

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Does anyone have experience with STARTING a relationship during medical school?

So not to be entirely negative, but the guys in my class are pretty much all married/engaged/in a relationship. I'm in a relationship, and even if I weren't, I don't know about dating a classmate.

 

[DrShakens]

I'm a MS2 dating a MS2 in the same school. We met about a month into first year over a cadaver in anatomy lab, can't get anymore romantic then that. But what I've learned in the last year and half is that I would have a really hard time dating outside of med school or the graduate school arena. What was said above about sticking with people of the same degree really makes sense to me.

Now although I agree that you don't need a MD or PhD to be a smart person, there are many people that are brilliant musicians or artists but what does a med student, spending all day, everyday studying for Step 1 have in common with them? Not much at all. Sure everyone says you shouldn't date the exact same person as yourself but trust me, its really nice to be able to both go out with your girlfriend on dates and do fun things as well as sit down for 6 hours at her kitchen table and study for a path exam together.

In med school, all you really do is talk about med school. My friend ask me what's up and its nearly impossible to come up with something new in my life that doesn't involve med school. Try finding a girl that's going to want to listen to med school or med stuff all the time as your gf. Sure it works awesome in the bar but day in, day out, I think not.

For those worried about finding that "someone" in med school, don't worry. There are alot of single people in my class and many people have tried dating each other, successfully or not. As for random play, that happens too.

 

[Cinnameg]

Why do women have to put being a mother above everything else, but you don't ask the same of fathers? It seems like everyone asks the women to sacrifice their career, but no one seems to look down upon a man who is ambitious and successful, but has sacrificed some time with his kids/family. I'm just tired of the double standard. Don't get me wrong, I would like to get married and have children some day and I won't view spending time with them as a sacrifice by any means, but I will also have my career. I won't be a stay at home mom, which I don't look down upon either. However, I am of the mentality that women and men can have both. I came from a single parent household, where mom wasn't at home most of the time because she was busy putting food on the table and I came out just fine. In fact, we have a great relationship, where I am comfortable telling my mom anything. You don't need to have mom (or dad for that matter) at home all the time to turn out fine, and by the same token, you can turn out to be the biggest screw up ever with a stay at home mom or dad. It's all about communication with your kids.

I totally agree with this. My mother had a more successful career than my father, and was better at it (she's a federal judge, he's a lawyer) and I really appreciate having had a mother that was a strong role model in addition to being kind and motherly. My father was an equal parent, especially when my brother and I were young children, and I don't think that women have to sacrifice more than men in order to raise children, I think that couples can share the childrearing equally. I resent that people think that, because I'm a woman, my number one contribution to the world should be my children! My number one contribution to the world should be me, being the best, most useful person I can be -- which may eventually include having children, but I will NOT marry a man that I don't think will be as involved a parent as I will. That would be shortchanging myself.

 

[Cinnameg]

So not to be entirely negative, but the guys in my class are pretty much all married/engaged/in a relationship. I'm in a relationship, and even if I weren't, I don't know about dating a classmate.

Yup, that's what I expect . . . sucks. Do you think that Portland has a lot of 20 and 30-something well-educated (as in, graduate degrees) people around? I worry that there's not really a university with good graduate programs in the area other than OHSU.

Do you think that OHSU might have a higher proportion of married/committed people than other schools because they accept more nontraditional students?

 

[Ambs]

Yup, that's what I expect . . . sucks. Do you think that Portland has a lot of 20 and 30-something well-educated (as in, graduate degrees) people around? I worry that there's not really a university with good graduate programs in the area other than OHSU.

Do you think that OHSU might have a higher proportion of married/committed people than other schools because they accept more nontraditional students?

Portland has lots of universities and colleges besdies OHSU. Plus, within OHSU, there is a dental school, pharmacy school, graduate science/engineering type school, PA school, etc. So, there are educated and interesting people...just a matter of finding them.

Having said that, I feel like it's not easy to meet guys since we don't have much time for exploration and dating.

Yes, OHSU has BY FAR a higher proportion of married/committed people. We have a very interesting and unique class....and lots of people are married with kids or engaged or in long standing relationships....the single folks are the minority.

 

[Ambs]

Portland has lots of universities and colleges besdies OHSU. Plus, within OHSU, there is a dental school, pharmacy school, graduate science/engineering type school, PA school, etc. So, there are educated and interesting people...just a matter of finding them.

Having said that, I feel like it's not easy to meet guys since we don't have much time for exploration and dating.

Yes, OHSU has BY FAR a higher proportion of married/committed people. We have a very interesting and unique class....and lots of people are married with kids or engaged or in long standing relationships....the single folks are the minority.

That totally sounded negative, and I really didn't mean to be that way. There were classes during this past year during which I felt like I had no time away from school, but other classes were a lot less stressful (like the one we're in now) and people are going out more. In fact there are some people in my class who have met people outside of school and are dating now.

It is definitely possible, albeit very hard.

 

[Cinnameg]

That totally sounded negative, and I really didn't mean to be that way. There were classes during this past year during which I felt like I had no time away from school, but other classes were a lot less stressful (like the one we're in now) and people are going out more. In fact there are some people in my class who have met people outside of school and are dating now.

It is definitely possible, albeit very hard.

What kind of post-bac pre-med would I be if I didn't like challenges? Thank you for the information. I am sure my parents will be trying to set me up with young lawyers, so maybe I'll go the traditional route and get an arranged marriage.

 

[Messerschmitts]

So not to be entirely negative, but the guys in my class are pretty much all married/engaged/in a relationship. I'm in a relationship, and even if I weren't, I don't know about dating a classmate.

You wouldn't date a classmate? God, so we're not supposed to date classmates, coworkers, floormates, etc....where the bloody hell am I supposed to meet a girl? I'm not really the bar/club type.

I am sure my parents will be trying to set me up with young lawyers, so maybe I'll go the traditional route and get an arranged marriage.

Ha ha, there are certainly days where I've felt like resorting to that. My parents would be thrilled to arrange my marriage, I'm sure.

 

[tupac_don]

You wouldn't date a classmate? God, so we're not supposed to date classmates, coworkers, floormates, etc....where the bloody hell am I supposed to meet a girl? I'm not really the bar/club type.



Ha ha, there are certainly days where I've felt like resorting to that. My parents would be thrilled to arrange my marriage, I'm sure.

With an avatar like that why not try Germany!

 

[Dr. K]

I totally agree with this. My mother had a more successful career than my father, and was better at it (she's a federal judge, he's a lawyer) and I really appreciate having had a mother that was a strong role model in addition to being kind and motherly. My father was an equal parent, especially when my brother and I were young children, and I don't think that women have to sacrifice more than men in order to raise children, I think that couples can share the childrearing equally. I resent that people think that, because I'm a woman, my number one contribution to the world should be my children! My number one contribution to the world should be me, being the best, most useful person I can be -- which may eventually include having children, but I will NOT marry a man that I don't think will be as involved a parent as I will. That would be shortchanging myself.

Totally agree! Great post!

 

[Ambs]

You wouldn't date a classmate? God, so we're not supposed to date classmates, coworkers, floormates, etc....where the bloody hell am I supposed to meet a girl? I'm not really the bar/club type.

I didn't say we're "not supposed to" date classmates, coworkers, floormates, etc. Please, don't overgeneralize my statement and do not assume that I transferred my personal opinion to the entire world. I said that I PERSONALLY would not date a classmate because we are together all day, complain incessantly together, stress out together, etc, etc...and I prefer to have a partner who has a different set of experiences in his day, with whom I can talk about non-medical things and forget about school. My S.O. is in business development/finance/marketing, and I learn cool new things from him everyday, which tosses it up a bit. And I should remind you that I said "prefer," which indicates that I don't believe that I'm "not supposed to" date classmates.

Also, I am only a first year, and if I were to date someone in my class, and it didn't work out, I would feel a little awkward around that person for a considerable portion of my remaining three years.

 

[Ambs]

What kind of post-bac pre-med would I be if I didn't like challenges? Thank you for the information. I am sure my parents will be trying to set me up with young lawyers, so maybe I'll go the traditional route and get an arranged marriage.

My parents are the same way.

 

[Messerschmitts]

I didn't say we're "not supposed to" date classmates, coworkers, floormates, etc. Please, don't overgeneralize my statement and do not assume that I transferred my personal opinion to the entire world. I said that I PERSONALLY would not date a classmate because we are together all day, complain incessantly together, stress out together, etc, etc...and I prefer to have a partner who has a different set of experiences in his day, with whom I can talk about non-medical things and forget about school. My S.O. is in business development/finance/marketing, and I learn cool new things from him everyday, which tosses it up a bit. And I should remind you that I said "prefer," which indicates that I don't believe that I'm "not supposed to" date classmates.

Also, I am only a first year, and if I were to date someone in my class, and it didn't work out, I would feel a little awkward around that person for a considerable portion of my remaining three years.

Don't take my post so seriously, it was a half-joke!

 

[bbgirl]

After dating both medical students and non-medical students extensively, I've got my own strong opinions about this stuff.

First, I'm never going to marry anyone without at LEAST a master's degree. And a doctorate would actually be preferable. Why? Because even with all that individual variation, etc. educational level is still a pretty reliable measure of intelligence, and I want an intelligent spouse. The sex is always hotter when there are 2 brains under the covers, not just like one and a quarter.

While I do agree about the intelligence factor, the degree doesn't always say much. I know many stupid or disinteresting people with bachelor's, master's, PhD's, and MDs. My fiance has a 160 IQ and nothing more than a H.S. diploma. He's a cook and a pilot. He is more intelligent in all aspects of the word than most people I know with several "impressive" letters behind their names.

 

[Ambs]

Don't take my post so seriously, it was a half-joke!

So...yeah, I did overreact to your post....haha....I just read it and realized I was studying what cytokine does what and when....I was irritated and taking it out on an SDN post.

 

[fakin' the funk]

(if you need 'proof' with numbers and accomplishments, he graduated with a 4.0 double major in chemistry and computer science, took the MCAT for fun without any studying and got a 38, etc.)

yeah right

 

[Messerschmitts]

So...yeah, I did overreact to your post....haha....I just read it and realized I was studying what cytokine does what and when....I was irritated and taking it out on an SDN post.

No problem, happens to me sometimes. Those darn cytokines.

I can certainly see where you're coming from. However, I guess personally I think dating a fellow student (or fellow doctor in the future) is a good idea, because the other person will understand you and what you've gone through in a way that a non-medical person may not. I think the more I have in common with someone, the better chances of a good relationship. My ex-gf was a business major, and we often ended up having nothing to talk about, because I honestly wasn't too interested in all her business stuff, and she didn't understand/care about all the premed stuff.

 

[randomedstudent]

I am concerned that starting a relationship while being in medical school will not be possible. I would strongly prefer to date a current or future doctor . . . or at least a career-oriented, academic person. I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

Does anyone have experience with STARTING a relationship during medical school?

There are several couples in my class who met during med school and there are I think 4 in the class above us who met in med school and are now married. It is possible, contrary to popular belief, your life is not over just because you are in med school. I would venture that a relationship would actually be beneficial rather than detrimental because of the added support.

 

[tupac_don]

There are several couples in my class who met during med school and there are I think 4 in the class above us who met in med school and are now married. It is possible, contrary to popular belief, your life is not over just because you are in med school. I would venture that a relationship would actually be beneficial rather than detrimental because of the added support.

Oh absolutely the added support would help, big time. Just having someone to hang out with, do the dirty, or just plain talk, is very beneficial no doubt.

 

[Messerschmitts]

I worry that 1) all of the guys in my medical school will be taken, or 2) all of the guys in my medical school will be looking for women who aren't going to be doctors, but instead want to be mothers and caretakers, or 3) the competition for the few remaining single males will be too intense, or 4) I will be too old for the single guys in medical school because I'm 24 instead of the usual 22, or 5) I just won't be able to find time to get pretty and go out looking for men outside of medical school . . . at least not in non-seedy places.

In numerical response to your concerns: (disclaimer: this is intended merely for entertainment, but recently some people have been taking my posts too seriously)

1.) I'm single. Completely free and single.
2.) I'd prefer a doctor wife, we'll have more in common and more to talk about, and be each other's moral support.
3.) Refer to #1. Come and get me, hot doctor ladies.
4.) I like older women And I'll be 23 when I start med school, like one year younger. In more seriousness, there'll be plenty of nontraditional students in your med school that will be older.
5.) You can make time, or you can date someone from school. Like I said before, I don't think there's a problem with it. If you have a bad breakup, just sit on the other side of the lecture hall or something.

 

[xlithiumx]

I think that everyone on here who has posted saying that they would require their significant other to have an advanced degree are a bunch of pretentious pricks. Seriously, I just don't understand how you can make a decision that you wouldn't be able to love someone without at least a master's degree. What do you think that title gives you other than an acknowledgement that you spent a couple more years in school in a particularly narrow field of study.

I guess I just think you will get what you deserve from that policy. Maybe you'll meet someone who will make you happy, but maybe you'll exclude someone who would make you even happier merely because they do not meet your academic criteria.

There is much much more to life that school people. Please recognize this for your own good.