meeting that special someone as a med student

[tussy]

Hi,

I'm posing a question to all of you medical students out there. I am a second year medical student, fairly attractive, personable, involved in lots of activites at school and in the community -- the problem? Well, I've been single for over a year now, and I can't even get a date. Are there any other female med students out there with this problem? Where are all the intelligent, educated men?

My analysis of the situation is as follows: As a busy medical student the only opportunity to meet those of the opposite sex are through school related events. The problem with those is that the majority of the health professions are dominated by women (nursing, physical therapy, ...) These women all want to date med students, and the male med students love the attention that the adoring student nurses have time to bestow upon them (but dating someone in your class isn't always a good idea either). So where does that leave me? Single and lonely!

Single intelligent men a few and far between, and without much time to go looking it doesn't look like I'm going to meet anyone soon.

This is a serious concern, and I'd appreciate any advice anyone may have.

Thanks for listening!!

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[justwannabadoc]

Even though you asked for a female perspective, I thought I would still give my own MALE opinion. My advice? Take your time! The harder you look, the more you're setting yourself up and the greater the chance you'll end up in an unhappy relationship. Every relationship I've ever been involved in just happened. No one was looking so there were no pressures. If you're actively and aggressively looking, I think you'll be more forgiving and willing to overlook serious flaws in the other person. I understand your desire to not remain single. I felt very lonely and incomplete in high school because I didn't have a girlfriend. With time, however, I matured and realized that I didn't need anyone to be happy. True, having that special someone can make your life seem more complete but if you require someone for that to happen, then something is wrong. There are many good men out there. You just have to be patient and wait till you come across one. If he is as terrific as you want him to be and if you're as great as you believe yourself to be, then he will have no problem discovering you. As far as dating someone in your class, I see no problem with that, but that's just my own feeling. Good Luck!

[This message has been edited by justwannabadoc (edited 03-06-99).]

[This message has been edited by justwannabadoc (edited 03-06-99).]

 

[edgar]

Tussy,

I was just wondering why you said it is a bad idea to date people in your class? I figure that most of your social contacts would be with your fellow medical students. Plus, you can't help it when you attracted to another person regardless if they are a medical student or not.

EDGAR

 

[DOPhD student]

Tussy, where are all the adoring nursing students and the physical therapy students that you mentioned?!?!? Hm...

Med school is hard for both male and female students in terms of not allowing anyone to have the time for social/personal affairs. Take it from a male student. It's not a female problem I assure. As a male student, I've dated less educated women who are too intimidated by my educational background to realize my other attributes. Perhaps, you're encountering the same problems with your counterparts, mainly that men are intimidated by your brain. Who knows?

I can say "monk", can you say "nun"?

 

[DougJ]

Hi Tussy,
I understand where you're coming from but I believe it works for male medical students as well. I feel the same way sometimes. I agree that it may not be the best idea to date within your class. Many people in my class do it but it decreases the diversity of your social life. My only advice is to be patient and good things will come your way.
-Doug

 

[flsweetlady]

Well I think that If you are patient then the right person will come along...or the right person could be sitting right in front of your nose...When you are looking for someone then you never find that person, but as soon as you chill out and stop looking that special someone finds you...Remember there is someone for everyone...and Im sure your Mr. Right is out there...

 

[Mirror Form]

Even though you asked for a female perspective, I thought I would still give my own MALE opinion. My advice? Take your time! The harder you look, the more you're setting yourself up and the greater the chance you'll end up in an unhappy relationship. Every relationship I've ever been involved in just happened. No one was looking so there were no pressures. If you're actively and aggressively looking, I think you'll be more forgiving and willing to overlook serious flaws in the other person. I understand your desire to not remain single. I felt very lonely and incomplete in high school because I didn't have a girlfriend. With time, however, I matured and realized that I didn't need anyone to be happy. True, having that special someone can make your life seem more complete but if you require someone for that to happen, then something is wrong. There are many good men out there. You just have to be patient and wait till you come across one. If he is as terrific as you want him to be and if you're as great as you believe yourself to be, then he will have no problem discovering you. As far as dating someone in your class, I see no problem with that, but that's just my own feeling. Good Luck!

[This message has been edited by justwannabadoc (edited 03-06-99).]

[This message has been edited by justwannabadoc (edited 03-06-99).]

You have some good points. But I think it's somewhat of a stretch to say that looking for someone is a bad thing (even looking in earnest). If you make the effort to meet people, you're more likely to find the right person then if you just sit around waiting for lightning to strike. But obviously you don't want to settle for anybody just to be in a relationship.

 

[Mirror Form]

Hi Tussy,
I understand where you're coming from but I believe it works for male medical students as well. I feel the same way sometimes. I agree that it may not be the best idea to date within your class. Many people in my class do it but it decreases the diversity of your social life. My only advice is to be patient and good things will come your way.
-Doug

Single women in medical school definitely have it worse then men b/c women have to worry about their biological clock ticking away. Also, when us guys do actually get out, girls are usually pretty into that fact we're in medical school, whereas for girls it often hurts as much as it helps.

 

[lola]

i recently got out of a long-term relationship, and as i look around now i've realized that meeting someone is very unlikely. my only contacts for the most part are my classmates, most of whom are several years younger than me. i figure i'll just have to somehow survive next year and will hopefully be able to meet more people my own age when i get to my third year. it is sort of depressing. i've never really been lonely like this before . we had this talk at school about when to have a baby, and that's when i began to be kind of concerned/depressed about it. but hey, i'm hear now. not much i can do really...

 

[Jamaican MD]

This is something that I'm definitely concerned about. I would be wary about dating someone in my class (esp if it doesn't work out) but I would be open to dating someone in another class. For the past 2 years, I've worked doggedly to get in, and I have put men on hold until I accomplish that goal. But now I'm realizing that it will never slow down (school) and I shouldn't have put it off.

It's definitely different for women who are MDs. Women are almost made to feel un-feminine if we pursue what is thought of as a man's profession. But we all just have to push on anyway.

To the OP, have you tried meeting other professionals in your area? Some places have get togethers for professional students. Also, does your school have MS or JD programs? Maybe you'll run into a cute PhD candidate or law student

 

[Xmulder]

Single women in medical school definitely have it worse then men b/c women have to worry about their biological clock ticking away. Also, when us guys do actually get out, girls are usually pretty into that fact we're in medical school, whereas for girls it often hurts as much as it helps.

Do you really think so? My impression was that while there are many attractive girls in med schools, the nice/pretty/good girls are virtually all taken. It seems like the leftovers fall into one of these buckets: those who are not cute, are still in the 'party/sleeping around' mode, are damaged goods, the cynical type, or the overly cutthroat competitive/quiet gunner/selfish type.

Anyone agree w/ this?

 

[Celestron2000]

I'm not in med school yet, but for the past three years I've had a job where I rarely meet MOSes around my age. I clearly don't have all the answers (still single), but might I reccomend internet dating? I know there's major stigma, but it's not just for loosers any more.
I have yet to meet the right guy, but I have done some internet dating, and at least it helps me to feel that I have options. Lots of busy professionals don't have many oppertunities to meet nice MOSes, don't like the bar scene, etc.. You can narrow things down to people with a similar level of education/ you find attractive/ etc...
Okay, now everyone on this forum's gonna think I'm a looser
But at least doing this helps me keep from beeing desperate and allows me to be more picky, that means that I'm less likely to get into a bad relationship, and more likely not to scare off "Mr Right" when I finally do meet him.
Anyways, I know the feeling, it sucks.

 

[avicoo]

Celestron,

I know many people who meet others on the internet, and anyone who says anything about it is stupid. Maybe they just think there is something better about connecting in a loud, smokey bar? Also I think you have the right idea, just trying to meet many people. I think we have preconceived notions about what we are looking for that can eliminate people who might actually be good matches.

Even if you find someone who isn't a good match, I think it is a good idea to develop a friendship (if possible, and they aren't someone you don't want to associate with at all). The then become a conduit to meeting other people increasing the pool of people you know and so on.

I have a group of guy friends, who are mostly all single (attractive and fun, most of them are educated and intelligent too). However, they all work for the same company which is sports related (don't ask me I don't know). They must work have about one coworker that is a woman. Each of these friends of mine has a bunch of other single guy friends (in a myriad of professions or pursuing different academic degrees). They tend to party together, etc. . . . which makes for a bunch of parties that are mostly guys.

My point is just you never know what connection could help you hit the jackpot. Sometimes I almost wish I was single. They are always pestering me to bring over women, but unfortunately while almost all my guy friends are single most of my women friends are not (three are getting married this year!)

Sorry for this longa** post.

 

[Celestron2000]

hmm... Avicoo where are you again? cause I certainly wouldn't mind meeting some of those guys you seem to be rolling in.

 

[avicoo]

hmm... Avicoo where are you again? cause I certainly wouldn't mind meeting some of those guys you seem to be rolling in.

I am in Florida . . . good place to vacation too.

However, the ones who work for the sports company do TONS of traveling in the U.S. and all over the world, (which is probably another reason many of them are single). Any big sporting events coming up in KY?

I think you're on to something....I should start pimping them out on SDN.

 

[Harps]

It's equally difficult to find educated and CARING women

-Harps

 

[principessa]

Check out other grad students. I recommend engineering, math, and physics types. They are typically a bit dorky, but good, dependable guys.

 

[St. James]

To the OP, have you tried meeting other professionals in your area? Some places have get togethers for professional students. Also, does your school have MS or JD programs? Maybe you'll run into a cute PhD candidate or law student

since this thread is over 5 years old, i bet the OP is doing just fine and probably near the end of residency

 

[MED123]

I cannot agree more

since this thread is over 5 years old, i bet the OP is doing just fine and probably near the end of residency

 

[ForensicPath]

Maybe they just think there is something better about connecting in a loud, smokey bar?

Bars are no longer smokey in New York. It is illegal to smoke in restaurants and bars now in NY. Best law ever, by the way.

 

[avicoo]

Bars are no longer smokey in New York. It is illegal to smoke in restaurants and bars now in NY. Best law ever, by the way.

We aren't allowed to smoke in restaurants in FL, but we still can in the bars. There is some stupid way they figure out whether you can or not based on the percentage of income a place makes from food or something like that. It seems like a silly distinction since most of the bars/clubs have outdoor sections here anyway.

edit: well, maybe not most I really am not sure, but the ones I go to anyway.

 

[Celestron2000]

We just passed a smoking ban (bars, resturants, etc) in Lexington too; never thought I'd live to see the day that happened here in the heart of tobacco country.

 

[ForensicPath]

I heard philadelphia was considering a smoking ban similar to the NY one. I really hope it happens because I definitely find bar/restaurant experiences more enjoyable here as compared to philadelphia. Being able to breathe is quite a pleasure.

 

[Celestron2000]

Hmm.. we need a finger's crossed smily. this one will have to do. That would kick butt. I love going out , but hate comming home smelling like an ash tray.

 

[s vena cava]

hey, so i have this plan...cuz i too think about my love life (or lack, thereof), and i honestly believe that the stat on high depression levels in female health professionals is directly linked to the situation of being a professional whose biological clock is ticking away while we're striving to make a successful career for ourselves. how about a singles convention??? we could have one each year during the summer, one year on the east coast, the second year on the west side...and we could meet each other! we could dance and get to know people. it would be expensive to travel, but if we started organizations at every school, we could raise funds, or ask for funding from our respective universities. (or we could all just attend the SNMA convention I guess...)

 

[anthoncr]

Do you really think so? My impression was that while there are many attractive girls in med schools, the nice/pretty/good girls are virtually all taken. It seems like the leftovers fall into one of these buckets: those who are not cute, are still in the 'party/sleeping around' mode, are damaged goods, the cynical type, or the overly cutthroat competitive/quiet gunner/selfish type.

Anyone agree w/ this?

You think med students have it bad? Try engineering! My undergraduate inter-class dating experience convinced me that women did not in fact exist. A candidate for our class president actually ran on promises of social functions with the psychology students. Thank God he didn't get elected, can you imagine the conversations at those parties?

 

[skypilot]

I heard philadelphia was considering a smoking ban similar to the NY one. I really hope it happens because I definitely find bar/restaurant experiences more enjoyable here as compared to philadelphia. Being able to breathe is quite a pleasure.

Boston has a smoking ban in all bars, clubs and restaurants. It is a breath of fresh air!

 

[UCSBMed1]

Guess you East Coasters and southerners are finally catching on...

California's had the smoking ban for over 10 years!!!

It was like going to the cavemen times whenver I went out somewhere else (New Orleans specifically).

 

[Bear1220]

California's had the smoking ban for over 10 years!!!

Right on

 

[Andrew_Doan]

Moving to Spouses and Partners forum.

 

[Odaroloc]

I'm not sure why this was moved...Seems like it belonged in the allopathic forum, it dealt with the concerns of allo's w/out spouses or partners

 

[cjw0918]

I placed an ad on Yahoo! personals my second year of med school and married a very funny and cute mechanical engineer in Oct of my third year that replied to my ad. It's fun! It's so easy to weed out guys that you don't want to talk to. And it's free. And time efficient. Another friend of mine in my class did the same thing and married a med student from a med school in the same state. There's nothing to lose. At the very least you'll have some entertaining e-mails....good luck!

 

[BubbleBobble]

You think med students have it bad? Try engineering! My undergraduate inter-class dating experience convinced me that women did not in fact exist. A candidate for our class president actually ran on promises of social functions with the psychology students. Thank God he didn't get elected, can you imagine the conversations at those parties?

Hmm....that's sad. I know of a good number of intra-CS couples (including me) at my undergrad, and I'm even going to a wedding of one of these couples this weekend.

 

[Jalby]

Moving to Spouses and Partners forum.

The Grinch came out like 7 months early.

 

[Celestron2000]

Yeah! Isn't the point that we DON'T have "spouses & partners"?



Maybe we need a singles fourm.

 

[Odaroloc]

He's been making some iffy moves lately if you ask me...

 

[lola]

I placed an ad on Yahoo! personals my second year of med school and married a very funny and cute mechanical engineer in Oct of my third year that replied to my ad. It's fun! It's so easy to weed out guys that you don't want to talk to. And it's free. And time efficient. Another friend of mine in my class did the same thing and married a med student from a med school in the same state. There's nothing to lose. At the very least you'll have some entertaining e-mails....good luck!

but what about attraction? i think the internet is a good way to meet people with similar interests, but i'm only attracted to like 1 in 1000 guys it seems. i feel like i would be meeting a bunch of supposedly compatible people if i went the internet route but that i wouldn't be attracted to them.

 

[MD Rapper]

since this thread is over 5 years old, i bet the OP is doing just fine and probably near the end of residency

Wow.. haha.. I was a junior in high school when the OP posted!! Crazy thought...

It's weird how threads just get revived like that

 

[Halitosis]

I'm not in med school yet, but for the past three years I've had a job where I rarely meet MOSes around my age. I clearly don't have all the answers (still single), but might I reccomend internet dating? I know there's major stigma, but it's not just for loosers any more.
I have yet to meet the right guy, but I have done some internet dating, and at least it helps me to feel that I have options. Lots of busy professionals don't have many oppertunities to meet nice MOSes, don't like the bar scene, etc.. You can narrow things down to people with a similar level of education/ you find attractive/ etc...
Okay, now everyone on this forum's gonna think I'm a looser
But at least doing this helps me keep from beeing desperate and allows me to be more picky, that means that I'm less likely to get into a bad relationship, and more likely not to scare off "Mr Right" when I finally do meet him.
Anyways, I know the feeling, it sucks.

celestron, i'm serious considering that route. can you pls tell how much the service usually cost and how honest are the ppl that use the service. i mean have you ever agreed to go on a date w/ someone who lied about their job or looks? thanx!

 

[rjhtamu]

Yeah, wow, this is an old post.