Motherhood for a nontrad...

[chicandtoughness]

I'm the woman, currently age 30. Assuming I get in the first cycle, I would be entering med school at 33 (matriculating 2023), graduating at 37, done with residency at 41.

Partner is also age 30, will be working full time as a nurse after this year.

We had thought for most of our relationship that we would never have children. It just wasn't something we were interested in because of our volatile prior careers (I used to be in management consulting - lots of travel; he worked construction and would travel for assignments). Now that we've career changed and he has a great, stable career, we're considering starting a family. We only have an interest in one child, not multiple.

Of course, the problem is me. I'm old in terms of childbearing age. By the time I graduate from med school I am "advanced maternal age".

When would be an ideal time to have the baby? Should we try during MS3/MS4 and have the baby prior to residency? Should we do it during residency? Should we try NOW and maybe have a baby prior to me starting medical school? I would definitely not wait until after residency; age 41 is too old for comfort.

I'm honestly stressed about this. This doesn't seem like a career that is conducive to having children :/

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[Crayola227]

It isn't. But you need to do it ASAP if it's important.

You also can't precisely time these things. We were only trying for 3 months, but I'm having a miscarriage so there goes at least another 4 months in my case.

I think kids were easiest for people to accommodate in the preclinical didactic years because many times you can study from home.

I would get started now-ish or as soon as you have an acceptance.

 

[smq123]

I'm the wife, currently age 30. Assuming I get in the first cycle, I would be entering med school at 33 (matriculating 2023), graduating at 37, done with residency at 41.

Husband is also age 30, works full time as a nurse.

We had thought for most of our relationship that we would never have children. It just wasn't something we were interested in because of our volatile prior careers (I used to be in management consulting - lots of travel; he worked construction and would travel for assignments). Now that we've career changed and he has a great, stable career, we're considering starting a family. We only have an interest in one child, not multiple.

Of course, the problem is me. I'm old in terms of childbearing age. By the time I graduate from med school I am "advanced maternal age".

When would be an ideal time to have the baby? Should we try during MS3/MS4 and have the baby prior to residency? Should we do it during residency? Should we try NOW and maybe have a baby prior to me starting medical school? I would definitely not wait until after residency; age 41 is too old for comfort.

I'm honestly stressed about this. This doesn't seem like a career that is conducive to having children :/

1. 30 is not old in terms of childbearing age. 30-35 is fairly average in many parts of the country. I had my first when I was almost 37.

2. There are, apparently, some studies that show that women who complete medical training are at somewhat higher risk of infertility. It's not clear why - the stress? The long hours? Too many graham crackers and peanut butter while on call? But, whatever the cause, it's something to consider.

3. You're right in that medicine is not super-conducive to having children, although plenty of people do it.

If possible, I would aim to have it before starting medical school, or during your MS-1 and MS-2 years. Many people study from home during the first two years, which would make it easier for you - you would not have to choose between a super short maternity leave and possibly delaying graduation. Having a baby during residency is harder because the schedule can be quite inflexible during residency.

Good luck.