Mothers in Medicine

[Blanch]

I just got an email from one of my relatives who is just entering college this year. Here's the part that bugged me:

" I have had my heart set on medicine for a long time, but I have decided to pursue nursing instead because I believe it is more compatible with my desire to be a wife and mother."

This person is very bright and I know she is smart enough to get into med school if she works hard during college. But her comment about medicine being imcompatible with marriage and parenting seemed misinformed to me. Could someone shed some light on the real state of affairs for mothers and wives in medicine. Thanks.

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[chewawa]

My mother is a doc. and she is not only an unbelievablely great doctor, but a great mother. Yeah, there were many times she was not around, but when she was she made the best of it. So, remember it's not about quantity it is about quality. And, my mom went to med school when she had 5 kids all under the age of 8!!!! She did have all kinds of support like my grandma, dad, aunts,etc... But, to her medicine was a calling and she was gonna do it whether she has 5 kids or none at all, support or no support. She always tells future md moms that it is not easy but hey if you want it you will do anything to get it. In the end, everything will work out fine. One last point, I had a friend that did a very similar thing by being a nurse instead of a doctor. And, she is actually very happy with the decision she has made. Not for the fact that she will be a better wife and mother, but instead she really enjoys nursing. So, you will never now what really motivates people to do things. If your friend really really wants to be a doc. one way or another she will end up one.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

Check out MomMD.com. It's a great resource for moms in medicine. It's true that a lot of the moms in that community are overwhelmed by pressures from family and job, but remember that a place like MomMD.com will attract a disproportionate number of stressed-out people looking for support. Rather than becoming disillusioned, I'm trying to use their experiences to avoid some of the pitfalls.

 

[DrMom]

The statement that a nursing career is more compatable to raising a family than a career as a physician is true. Nursing is a shorter training program, lesser debt incurred, & usually more flexible work schedule with shorter hours.

That said, you can be a mom and physician. There are sacrifices both ways, but it can be done.

 

[phar]

how come there is no www.dadmd.com? it says coming soon and has been like that for a long time.

 

[chewawa]

Originally posted by phar
how come there is no www.dadmd.com? it says coming soon and has been like that for a long time.

Why am I not surprised.

 

[Laura JC]

I think the key in the original statement is that it is incompatible with HER desire...she doesn't feel like SHE wants to juggle the demands of being a doctor and a mom at the same time. It's not unusual to come to a perfectly legitimate decision in one's life and have a little regret attached to it. It doesn't necessarily mean that the person has underestimated herself or is sacrificing too much. Maybe she just wants a LOT of things, but doesn't want them all at once. She may decide later that her desire to be a doctor is still there, and she'll pursue it. When I decided to have children, I also felt it was incompatible with medicine for ME at that time, because I wanted to be home with my kids when they were very young. That in no way invalidates the choice that other moms in medicine choose to make. It's just what worked for me. Now I'm a medical student, pushing 40, with two adolescent age kids and I don't regret waiting. It was the right choice for me--and it had nothing to do with whether or not I felt 'smart' enough to do both at the same time. I think the thing for ALL parents in demanding careers like nursing or being a physician or a mom or whatever is that there are times when it is going to seem incompatible and crazy, no matter if you choose to do everything concurrently or in a sequence.

 

[phar]

Originally posted by chewawa
Why am I not surprised.

Exclude me from the statistics. I ain't a deadbeat dad!

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by mommd2b
When I went and got my MS in mol. bio, the year that I was full-time doing research in the lab, etc was very hard to balance.

While I won't say it was easy, I certainily didn't find it imposible to get an MS in Chemistry as essentialy a single parent ( My husband annd I seperated during my first year of grad school). My daughter was raised in a biochemistry book and I would also take her to the labs on the weekends ( I had an office adjacent to my lab space) My grades, MCATs and research all went on very well and when I look back on it, I did a lot better than I was thinking I was doing at the time with no local family support.

The way I found middle ground was by turning off the TV and being very flexble in my study habits. I frequently made flash cards and studied while on the commuter bus to school, while at the park with my daughter, and while cooking with the flash card in one hand and the stirring spoon in the other. Of course I have only 1 child but one of my mentors who has her MD/PhD, had 5 children between undergrad and residency.

My daughter is a health, happy, 6 year-old that makes the honor roll at her school. She also sings happy songs to herself which is my proof that I must have done/ be doing something right. I also have to admit to being one of those mother's that never felt the need to be at home while my daughter was young. As a matter of fact, I went back before the 6 weeks were up. I also refuse to allow society dictate to me what motherhood should be and I certainily refuse to harbor any guilt about my returning to school. I've got at least a 7 year road ahead of me (MD/PhD) so I don't have time to waste on anything that's not positive.

 

[chewawa]

Originally posted by phar
Exclude me from the statistics. I ain't a deadbeat dad!

Just tryin to add some humor.

 

[omores]

Don't mean to pick your post apart, pathdr, but there was something in it that scared me:

Originally posted by pathdr2b
My daughter is a health, happy, 6 year-old that makes the honor roll at her school.

Good heavens, there are honor rolls for 6 year olds? Yikes! I'm glad that didn't exist when I was a kid. I'd be even more neurotic than I am already!

 

[pathdr2b]

Originally posted by omores
Don't mean to pick your post apart, pathdr, but there was something in it that scared me: Good heavens, there are honor rolls for 6 year olds? Yikes! I'm glad that didn't exist when I was a kid. I'd be even more neurotic than I am already!

That's the same thing I said when she started 1st grade but yes, I guess we have already started breeding that neurotic premed attitude at six years old.

It's funny because she's so nonchalant about it. The last time she made the list she forgot to bring home the memo about the awards ceremony at her school. I'd like to think that's probably because when she didn't make it the first 6 weeks of school, I cheered her on anyway so that she doesn't know the difference. She gets dinner at Mickey D's whenever I receive her report card.

Also when I was 6 years old 30 years ago, my private school also had honor roll and with 2 parents in the home, I NEVER made the list

 

[dreaminOfMD>.<]

There are sacrifices both ways, but it can be done.

i agree with dr.mom here. it certainly can be done...there is no reason why a woman can't take on a career as a physician while parenting and balancing a marriage. it all depends on how willing the individual is at sacrificing time and energy to achieve both...

 

[Laura JC]

I agree with you that it can be done and done well. I think it's a bit more complicated of a decision than just whether or not the woman is willing to sacrifice time and energy, however. My guess is that most parents, whether they have a career or not, are used to sacrificing time AND energy in a lot of areas, so I don't know how much of factor that would be in her decision to wait on getting her M.D.