My boyfriend is paranoid he won't get into medical school but he is a superstar

Aug 11, 2016
4
0
He is one of the extreme neurotic people pre-meds want to hate on SDN and downvote to oblivion on Reddit.

He is a stats superstar! 523+ MCAT, 4.0 GPA, etc. He's checklisted all his EC's plus more and has thoroughly prepared for his interviews. His answers to practice questions sound pretty solid to me. He submitted his apps on the first min on the first day the apps are opened. He has received five interviews - two of which are really top schools - so far. He applied to 35 schools, 10 of which are in-state, the rest are top 25's.

YET HE STILL KEEP SAYING EVERYDAY THAT HE IS SCARED HE WON'T GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

I am so fed up! I don't know what to tell him. When he posted on WAMC, even Goro said he should aim for the stars/moon/etc. When he first started saying he wouldn't get in, I tried to console him but nothing helps. He still browses on SDN all the time and tells me these stories about this high stats-er who got interviews at 8 schools and didn't get into a single one. He stalks the school threads daily and when he sees that one person has already posted "II" on one of the threads, he tells me he has gotten rejected from the school even though he hasn't received any sort of emails saying that whatsoever.

When I tell him he will get into a school, even if it's a lower tier school, he then laments that he won't be able to get into a Top-10 and his residency chances will be shot. WTF.

OMG I love him to death but I am so pissed! Many people would eat a poop hot dog just to be in his shoes!

He is scared his EC's aren't good enough or that his interviewing skills will suck and that he won't be a doctor. He said it would be terrible if he were to apply again next year as it would be a detriment to his morale. The only flaw I could see in his app is that he is a bit shy, but he has practiced his interview questions so many times I'm pretty sure it will be okay!

SDN - how do I make him feel better? What can I tell him? It's still early in the app season right? He will still get more interviews, esp with his stats? Can anyone (especially introverts) share anecdotes of how they have gotten in even with high stats?

He browses SDN a lot so maybe if he reads this thread and sees the encouraging comments, he will feel better. He is constantly saying he won't get into medical school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am quite fed up because nothing I do helps.

Thanks.
 

eteshoe

.......
2+ Year Member
Jan 4, 2016
2,261
2,570
Tethys, Saturn
Status
MD/PhD Student
Then don't do anything. Jesus, the kid has to grow up at some point.
 
Last edited:
Oct 26, 2015
239
148
Status
Medical Student
I can understand and emphasize with his perspective, unlike those two posts above me. What you need to understand is that for a premed committed to getting into MD, so much is under your control, including GPA, MCAT and EC. But at the end you have to place your fate into the hands of an adcom. There is a distinct feeling of dread that despite what you have accomplished so far, it is all worthless if you dont get in.

I would suggest you tell him that you can see why he is so scared about a situation where he is placing the direction of his life into the hands of the admissions process. But also reiterate that he has been successfully building a very strong application and that his hard work will bear out. Also remind him that even if he doesn't get in (unlikely) that you guys will just have to reevaluate and reapply. At some point you just have to let go and do your best.

If he is still freaking out hardcore maybe consider therapy.
 

NotASerialKiller

2+ Year Member
Jul 7, 2015
1,457
6,866
Status
Medical Student
He better hope this insecurity doesn't show during interviews, that type of attitude is malignant
What on earth are you talking about? He's just venting his fears to his girlfriend, what's malignant about that? Some people who fear failure try to prepare themselves for it even when it's unlikely. It's not that uncommon a reaction, we all show nerves differently.

OP it sounds like he rationally understands that he's competitive, so you probably can't cite evidence to prove to him that it's going to happen. It won't be long until he gets an acceptance, just wait it out and try to distract him if he gets too wound up.

edit:
Can anyone (especially introverts) share anecdotes of how they have gotten in even with high stats?
That part is silly. Strangers confirming that a 4.0 is good is extremely unnecessary.
 

efle

not an elf
5+ Year Member
Apr 6, 2014
11,669
15,443
Status
Medical Student
Oct 26, 2015
239
148
Status
Medical Student
What on earth are you talking about? He's just venting his fears to his girlfriend, what's malignant about that? Some people who fear failure try to prepare themselves for it even when it's unlikely. It's not that uncommon a reaction, we all show nerves differently.

OP it sounds like he rationally understands that he's competitive, so you probably can't cite evidence to prove to him that it's going to happen. It won't be long until he gets an acceptance, just wait it out and try to distract him if he gets too wound up.
When the guys whose name is Serial Killer is the most empathetic person :/
 

gonnif

Only 389 Days Until Next Presidential Election
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 26, 2009
20,472
31,136
The Big Bad Apple
Status
Non-Student
What on earth are you talking about? He's just venting his fears to his girlfriend, what's malignant about that? Some people who fear failure try to prepare themselves for it even when it's unlikely. It's not that uncommon a reaction, we all show nerves differently.

OP it sounds like he rationally understands that he's competitive, so you probably can't cite evidence to prove to him that it's going to happen. It won't be long until he gets an acceptance, just wait it out and try to distract him if he gets too wound up.

edit:

That part is silly. Strangers confirming that a 4.0 is good is extremely unnecessary.
That's the point though; is this just his normal "style" or indicative of an true stress syndrome? I may joke often about the neurotic worried premed but some people actually suffer from something far beyond the normal even on this.
 

gonnif

Only 389 Days Until Next Presidential Election
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 26, 2009
20,472
31,136
The Big Bad Apple
Status
Non-Student

NotYou20

5+ Year Member
Dec 23, 2012
729
1,109
Status
Medical Student
Dude needs a therapist. However things go for him he's going to be miserable if he can't chill out a bit. I'd be at my wits end in ops shoes
 
  • Like
Reactions: Crayola227

iDOliveinMD

2+ Year Member
Apr 17, 2015
234
222
Status
Pre-Health (Field Undecided)
Is this necessary? OP has a legit question and is looking for advice not trolls.
Her boyfriend will be fine, in the neurotic premed phase, I get it. He'll likely get into a top tier school and match into Derm and he'll live happily ever after. I troll for my own amusement.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Yazo

JustAPhD

Not a hummingbird expert
2+ Year Member
Jan 5, 2016
3,469
6,926
Ice Coast
Tell him unless he's one of those 4.0 autotrons (and his school list was picked appropriately) he is bound to get in somewhere. His app is finished, what's done is done. Tell him to sit back, watch the IIs pile up, and prepare for them.

Tell him to stop being so dramatic. He's in a great spot.
 

Gryffindor20

2+ Year Member
Feb 9, 2015
256
349
Dumbledore's Office
Status
Medical Student (Accepted)
Honestly, with people like that, I know you might feel like you have to say something, but you really don't. Just let him vent about it if he needs to, and then find a distraction. Don't ask him about applications or interviews unless he brings it up; it'll just freak him out. If and when he starts in again, panicking about the whole process and worrying that he won't get in, just reiterate what you've already told him. Sit him down and you can both write out a list of all the reasons why he WILL get in (awesome MCAT score, great GPA, solid ECs, good LORs, etc.). He just needs to have someone to vent to. He sounds like me. He just needs to vocalize the anxiety and then it's all good. Like NotASerialKiler said, he must know rationally that he will get in. But like the rest of us, he won't be completely relaxed until he's holding that first letter of acceptance.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Crayola227

gonnif

Only 389 Days Until Next Presidential Election
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 26, 2009
20,472
31,136
The Big Bad Apple
Status
Non-Student
Jul 29, 2016
171
145
Status
Pre-Medical
Dude needs a therapist. However things go for him he's going to be miserable if he can't chill out a bit. I'd be at my wits end in ops shoes
OP needs a therapist.
 

raiderette

5+ Year Member
Feb 2, 2014
1,779
1,997
Status
Medical Student
Taking a break from studying to say this process really sucks. I interviewed from September to March. In October 15 but didn't settle into my school until June. Cut him from slack. After the first acceptance it gets easier, but not by much.
 

Goro

7+ Year Member
Jun 10, 2010
53,593
78,798
Somewhere west of St. Louis
Status
Non-Student
Please tell him that this Adcom member says he's a rock star and to go see a therapist if the stress is too much.

And them have him read my post on guide to interviews.

He is one of the extreme neurotic people pre-meds want to hate on SDN and downvote to oblivion on Reddit.

He is a stats superstar! 523+ MCAT, 4.0 GPA, etc. He's checklisted all his EC's plus more and has thoroughly prepared for his interviews. His answers to practice questions sound pretty solid to me. He submitted his apps on the first min on the first day the apps are opened. He has received five interviews - two of which are really top schools - so far. He applied to 35 schools, 10 of which are in-state, the rest are top 25's.

YET HE STILL KEEP SAYING EVERYDAY THAT HE IS SCARED HE WON'T GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

I am so fed up! I don't know what to tell him. When he posted on WAMC, even Goro said he should aim for the stars/moon/etc. When he first started saying he wouldn't get in, I tried to console him but nothing helps. He still browses on SDN all the time and tells me these stories about this high stats-er who got interviews at 8 schools and didn't get into a single one. He stalks the school threads daily and when he sees that one person has already posted "II" on one of the threads, he tells me he has gotten rejected from the school even though he hasn't received any sort of emails saying that whatsoever.

When I tell him he will get into a school, even if it's a lower tier school, he then laments that he won't be able to get into a Top-10 and his residency chances will be shot. WTF.

OMG I love him to death but I am so pissed! Many people would eat a poop hot dog just to be in his shoes!

He is scared his EC's aren't good enough or that his interviewing skills will suck and that he won't be a doctor. He said it would be terrible if he were to apply again next year as it would be a detriment to his morale. The only flaw I could see in his app is that he is a bit shy, but he has practiced his interview questions so many times I'm pretty sure it will be okay!

SDN - how do I make him feel better? What can I tell him? It's still early in the app season right? He will still get more interviews, esp with his stats? Can anyone (especially introverts) share anecdotes of how they have gotten in even with high stats?

He browses SDN a lot so maybe if he reads this thread and sees the encouraging comments, he will feel better. He is constantly saying he won't get into medical school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am quite fed up because nothing I do helps.

Thanks.
 

Law2Doc

5K+ Member
Moderator Emeritus
10+ Year Member
Dec 20, 2004
30,981
9,891
Status
Attending Physician
...
He is actually very confident in real life...

I'm not too familiar with the app process, besides searching on threads to read about things and attempt to calm him down. His 5 interviews invites this far should be considered a good sign right? ...
Not familiar with the process but yet knows the poop hot dog reference... Hmmm. Fishy.

I'm thinking this guy doesn't actually even have a gf and is just posting on his own looking for an ego stroke.
 

gonnif

Only 389 Days Until Next Presidential Election
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 26, 2009
20,472
31,136
The Big Bad Apple
Status
Non-Student
Not familiar with the process but yet knows the poop hot dog reference... Hmmm. Fishy.

I'm thinking this guy doesn't actually even have a gf and is just posting on his own looking for an ego stroke.
No, the OP read like a frustrated SO. Maybe I have to provide couples counseling which I havent done since MSW grad school
 

wysdoc

Lifetime Donor
2+ Year Member
Jan 21, 2016
2,511
3,502
Rio Grande Valley, Texas
Status
Attending Physician
He is one of the extreme neurotic people pre-meds want to hate on SDN and downvote to oblivion on Reddit.

He is a stats superstar! 523+ MCAT, 4.0 GPA, etc. He's checklisted all his EC's plus more and has thoroughly prepared for his interviews. His answers to practice questions sound pretty solid to me. He submitted his apps on the first min on the first day the apps are opened. He has received five interviews - two of which are really top schools - so far. He applied to 35 schools, 10 of which are in-state, the rest are top 25's.

YET HE STILL KEEP SAYING EVERYDAY THAT HE IS SCARED HE WON'T GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

I am so fed up! I don't know what to tell him. When he posted on WAMC, even Goro said he should aim for the stars/moon/etc. When he first started saying he wouldn't get in, I tried to console him but nothing helps. He still browses on SDN all the time and tells me these stories about this high stats-er who got interviews at 8 schools and didn't get into a single one. He stalks the school threads daily and when he sees that one person has already posted "II" on one of the threads, he tells me he has gotten rejected from the school even though he hasn't received any sort of emails saying that whatsoever.

When I tell him he will get into a school, even if it's a lower tier school, he then laments that he won't be able to get into a Top-10 and his residency chances will be shot. WTF.

OMG I love him to death but I am so pissed! Many people would eat a poop hot dog just to be in his shoes!

He is scared his EC's aren't good enough or that his interviewing skills will suck and that he won't be a doctor. He said it would be terrible if he were to apply again next year as it would be a detriment to his morale. The only flaw I could see in his app is that he is a bit shy, but he has practiced his interview questions so many times I'm pretty sure it will be okay!

SDN - how do I make him feel better? What can I tell him? It's still early in the app season right? He will still get more interviews, esp with his stats? Can anyone (especially introverts) share anecdotes of how they have gotten in even with high stats?

He browses SDN a lot so maybe if he reads this thread and sees the encouraging comments, he will feel better. He is constantly saying he won't get into medical school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am quite fed up because nothing I do helps.

Thanks.
Maybe now that he has turned everything in he feels helpless, because it is now out of his hands and he no longer has control over what happens to him. This isn't too hard to understand. Also all the time spent working on the apps is now unfilled and senior year hasn't started yet to keep him busy. Plan some outings to get away from the computer screen.
 

studentdocftw

M4
2+ Year Member
Apr 30, 2015
1,321
1,364
Status
Medical Student
Not familiar with the process but yet knows the poop hot dog reference... Hmmm. Fishy.

I'm thinking this guy doesn't actually even have a gf and is just posting on his own looking for an ego stroke.
I'm sorry to inform you that my director, @JustaDO, is not taking any more cases as of this time. However, we here at the Troll Patrol will continue to work with our SDN partners as we strive to combat trollism and its' expanding reach into our private and productive communities. With your continued assistance and our proprietary technology, I know we will make significant progress towards completing our goal of eliminating trolls by the end of 2020.

Some people say we will make SDN great again. I don't know who, but its gna be yuuuuuuge.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Goro
OP
A
Aug 11, 2016
4
0
Not familiar with the process but yet knows the poop hot dog reference... Hmmm. Fishy.

I'm thinking this guy doesn't actually even have a gf and is just posting on his own looking for an ego stroke.

I commented on my original post that I "...search[ed] on threads to read about things and attempt to calm him down", so I have read many threads. Also, he actually brought up that topic about poop hot dog. He said one night that he would eat a poop hot dog to get into a med school, and I really thought something had snapped in him. Then he showed me the thread and we had a good laugh.

But he might be serious, so idk.
 
OP
A
Aug 11, 2016
4
0
Maybe now that he has turned everything in he feels helpless, because it is now out of his hands and he no longer has control over what happens to him. This isn't too hard to understand. Also all the time spent working on the apps is now unfilled and senior year hasn't started yet to keep him busy. Plan some outings to get away from the computer screen.
Thanks. This is a new perspective for me, but I definitely understand a lot better now.

He just repeated the same thing again and again every day - that he would not get into med school - even when I told him that his MCAT score/GPA/EC's are gold and that he has always done great on everything blah blah blah. I even showed him threads where people have gotten in or that little chart thing that shows the % chances from AAMC with his MCAT/GPA I believe. But he would always bring up that one outlier or a thread where someone didn't get in but had otherwise a good app.

It felt like I was hitting a wall constantly and it hurts a bit to see him in such a distressed state where I can't help get him out of.
 
Last edited:

Ad2b

SDN Gold Donor
Gold Donor
2+ Year Member
Nov 3, 2014
2,875
2,687
Status
Pre-Medical
where I can't help get him out of.
you are trying to control many things for which you cannot: him, the cycle, life.

You need to let him stand on his own 2 feet and learn to swim... he will and YOU will be better for it.
 

Hospitalized

5+ Year Member
Sep 8, 2014
1,923
2,611
Status
Medical Student (Accepted)
Is there even a state with 10 IS schools wtf

Edit: pretty sure ya'll posting in a troll thread
 
  • Like
Reactions: Law2Doc

Crayola227

The Oncoming Storm
5+ Year Member
Oct 22, 2013
15,937
17,755
All of Time & Space
it's OK to tell him too that the constant worry is starting to wear on you a bit, let him know it's not that you don't want him to be honest with you, lean on you, but that it's getting to be a bit much as he's ruminating.

Maybe dont say that yet, and just sorta suggest he talk to insert _____ support person, like parents, a best friend, premed advisor, etc.

Sometimes we have to stress about things more than once, but maybe it doesn't have to all be to the same person, as that is pretty stressful to be in teh receiving end.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gryffindor20

Chelsea FC

5+ Year Member
May 21, 2013
3,218
4,985
Status
Medical Student
I think sex is a good way of dealing with this issue. The next time he opens his mouth about medical school put it on him good and leave him seeing stars. I find that and talking it out very helpful. Or if you don't want to go that route do another physical activity together like working out anything that drains him will relive the stress of the cycle
 
  • Like
Reactions: Crayola227

candbgirl

Junior Member
Gold Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 14, 2005
3,980
2,825
Status
Call his bluff. Many very well qualified people don't get in every year. Agree that it is a possibility and ask what he is doing to significantly improve his application for next cycle. He has too much time on his hands. Maybe you should go spend some time with family or friends and let him figure this out. The first acceptances won't happen before 10/15 so you have to do something soon or your relationship will be very strained by them. Stop worrying about him. He's an adult and needs to learn and use coping skills now.


Sent from my iPad using SDN mobile app
 

gonnif

Only 389 Days Until Next Presidential Election
Lifetime Donor
10+ Year Member
Jul 26, 2009
20,472
31,136
The Big Bad Apple
Status
Non-Student
Sounds like he might have anxiety (like a lot of premeds), catastrophizing, not reality testing, etc. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/what-is-catastrophizing-cognitive-distortions
In all seriousness, many of the applicants i deal with at all steps of this process have intense fears that can go beyond normal premed neurosis. It is a difficult thing to understand that a high achieving academic on their intellectual side is driven underneath by a constant fear of not being good enough and fragile self confidence. The issue that the OP and SO must address here is that the application cycle will go on for many months and that both as individuals and as a couple can suffer if it is not dealt with. While we have very limited one-sided information, this seems more that just a neurotic premed and that seeking some sort of counseling is really called for
 

IsleyOfTheNorth

SDN Lifetime Donor
Lifetime Donor
2+ Year Member
Jun 28, 2016
278
447
Status
Pre-Medical
Some people are natural worriers. Others do it for the attention - they just like to have their egos stroked: "Do you think my MCAT score makes my a$$ look fat?" "No baby, you look great."
 

solitarius

7+ Year Member
May 20, 2010
1,352
942
Status
Medical Student
This person will undoubtedly suffer from severe mental health problems during training.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Goro

ChrisMack390

2+ Year Member
Jan 15, 2015
3,379
4,506
Status
Medical Student (Accepted)
Just leave him alone. Everyone is paranoid they won't get in. I have 6 interviews, 3 at awesome top tier schools, and I am still paranoid I won't get in. It's part of the process.
 
  • Like
Reactions: alpha-GTP

Strider_91

2+ Year Member
Feb 20, 2016
242
210
Status
Medical Student
He is one of the extreme neurotic people pre-meds want to hate on SDN and downvote to oblivion on Reddit.

He is a stats superstar! 523+ MCAT, 4.0 GPA, etc. He's checklisted all his EC's plus more and has thoroughly prepared for his interviews. His answers to practice questions sound pretty solid to me. He submitted his apps on the first min on the first day the apps are opened. He has received five interviews - two of which are really top schools - so far. He applied to 35 schools, 10 of which are in-state, the rest are top 25's.

YET HE STILL KEEP SAYING EVERYDAY THAT HE IS SCARED HE WON'T GET INTO MEDICAL SCHOOL.

I am so fed up! I don't know what to tell him. When he posted on WAMC, even Goro said he should aim for the stars/moon/etc. When he first started saying he wouldn't get in, I tried to console him but nothing helps. He still browses on SDN all the time and tells me these stories about this high stats-er who got interviews at 8 schools and didn't get into a single one. He stalks the school threads daily and when he sees that one person has already posted "II" on one of the threads, he tells me he has gotten rejected from the school even though he hasn't received any sort of emails saying that whatsoever.

When I tell him he will get into a school, even if it's a lower tier school, he then laments that he won't be able to get into a Top-10 and his residency chances will be shot. WTF.

OMG I love him to death but I am so pissed! Many people would eat a poop hot dog just to be in his shoes!

He is scared his EC's aren't good enough or that his interviewing skills will suck and that he won't be a doctor. He said it would be terrible if he were to apply again next year as it would be a detriment to his morale. The only flaw I could see in his app is that he is a bit shy, but he has practiced his interview questions so many times I'm pretty sure it will be okay!

SDN - how do I make him feel better? What can I tell him? It's still early in the app season right? He will still get more interviews, esp with his stats? Can anyone (especially introverts) share anecdotes of how they have gotten in even with high stats?

He browses SDN a lot so maybe if he reads this thread and sees the encouraging comments, he will feel better. He is constantly saying he won't get into medical school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. I am quite fed up because nothing I do helps.

Thanks.

Sometimes I can be this way wirh certain things and what kind of snaps me out of it is when people sarcastically agree with me. "You're right you probably won't get in with a 100th percentile mcat score and perfect gpa, that happens all the time." This is honestly probably bad advice that no therapist would ever tell you to do but idk it works on me.

Also, kudos to you for putting up with it I lost a relationship while studying for the mcat because it was all I talked about. Us premeds (I'm actually accepted now thank god) are very hard to deal with but I hope you understand we put our soul into accomplishing this goal and to try your absolute hardest at something but still fail is the scariest notion in the world to me.


It will get better!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Crayola227

Goro

7+ Year Member
Jun 10, 2010
53,593
78,798
Somewhere west of St. Louis
Status
Non-Student
Let's see:

UCLA, UCI, UCR, UCD, UCSF, UCSD
Stanford
USC
Loma Linda
CN'U"
(10 MD+ Western+ Touro-CA)

SUNY-SB, UP, DS, Buffalo
Einstein
Rochester
NYMC
Albany
Mt Sinai
NYU
Columbia
Cornell
Sophie Davis
(13 MD+ Touro-NY, -Middletown and NYITCOM)

UTx-SW, Houst, El Paso, Galveston, SA, Austin, Rio Grande
TX A&M
Tx Tech (x2)
Baylor (11 MD)
+TCOM





Is there even a state with 10 IS schools wtf

Edit: pretty sure ya'll posting in a troll thread