I'm normally a very passive and quiet person and the kind who follows orders. I'm currently going through my OBGYN rotation right now and on my evaluations, I was told to be more proactive. So now I'm really trying to do that now by asking questions and asking the residents if I can try to perform different things, like a pelvic exam or speculum exam, but I always struggle with finding the right time to ask and when I do, my voice comes out very soft. I feel like I'm bothering them or getting in the way whenever I try to interact with them. My residents probably have the impression that I'm not very proactive and that I'm more of a follower than I am a leader. And when I try to help out, I always feel like I'm doing more harm than good. It even got to a point where I didn't perform a physical exam on a patient when interviewing her. The physical exam was on my mind, I just don't know why I didn't do it. I really feel like I'm weighing down the people around me than I am contributing.
I hate feeling this way and I want to heed the advice on being more proactive and more of a leader, but when it comes down to it, I freeze up and am hesitant to say anything really. I understand that being placed outside my comfort zone will help me build character, but I just don't understand why I have these hesitations. I don't know how to change the perception people have around me. More than likely it's all in my head, but I don't know how to overcome it. I'm really questioning my worth as a rising physician... What should I do?
I also started my clinical career on Ob-Gyn, and had similar feelings of worthlessness. Know this, it gets so much better.
No other rotation is like Ob, which can be a bit soul sucking. The nurses are the meanest, nastiest, bunch of malcontents towards students. And, since it is so early in the academic year, there are a bunch of new interns that need to learn the ropes as well. All in all, it makes for a difficult rotation. Your fellow students who rotate through next May will have a much better experience. Sorry.
But take heart, because every other rotation will be better than Ob.
It is important to understand a few crucial things while rotating through the hospital.
1) Sucky people suck. They always will. They will never be nice to you. When someone treats you like crap, never talk to them. You will soon discover that they treat everyone else like crap too, and everybody hates that person.
2) Nurses do not want to be your friend. Stop trying to make them like you, they never will. They are stressed out, frequently understaffed, and have an enormous amount of inter-work drama among themselves (probably more than any other profession, seriously they can put some reality shows to shame). When you become a resident, then they wont leave you alone, because they need you to write orders. It is one of the coolest things about becoming an intern, because all of a sudden you are important. However, novelty wears off when the pager is constantly going off at 3 Am for BPs of 156/98. It's lose-lose. Remember, ALWAYS be professional, because they love to write each other up, especially residents. Always treat them with respect, because they are human beings too.
3) Formal evaluations do not mean too much, as long as you don't get an exceptionally terrible one, which is truly rare. I see piss-poor medical students pass all the time. Poor comments are exceptionally rare, the more likely outcome is that we write no comment at all. We really are not trying to F anyone over. I have seen it happen twice were a bad comment was written, and it was in a situation were the student was such a terrible human being that the idea of them becoming a doctor was too much to stomach (We still passed them though) However, the residents do talk about the really good and really bad students. Specifically they talk about the really bad ones. There are only two things a student can do to earn a bad reputation.
A) Be really really really really really stupid. I don't mean kinda stupid because your inexperienced and you just havn't learned enough yet. That is just the normal process of become a doctor, and we all remember that ourselves (mostly, see #1 for sucky people to avoid). I am talking about incredibly dumb. The student who is unable to apply book knowledge to a real life situation, ever. The student who is taught something several times, but still never seems to get it. The student who does not seem to improve. That kind of thing. 90% of med students will never fall into this category.
B) Be really lazy. This is the student who is not involved in rounds. The one who is late( never EVER be late). The one is always missing ( you may not think we notice, but we see you). The one who makes no effort to improve, or to engage in the rotation they are in. This is the downfall of most students.
4) Trust is everything. When you work with the same resident or attending for awhile they will come to trust you when you show them you are not a *****. Then they will let you take a more active part in patient care. This is the hardest part of 3rd year, because you change rotations every month, and have to re-establish trust all over again. The same process continues into residency, every time I work with a new attending I have to establish trust with them and show them I am not a liability. After all, we are working under their license. If they don't feel comfortable with you taking an active role, respect that. Your time will come. I promise.
I promise you things will get better. They really will. 3rd year is a grind as you try to adjust to new surroundings, new hierarchies, and unclear expectations. It will start to all click into place in about 5-6 months. You will become much more comfortable in the hospital. Your work ethic will show in time.
You are not worthless.
