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Hi all,
Here's another chronicle about how the NAVLE can crush some peoples' souls. Here's mine, and I'm still feeling so empty/shocked/utterly pathetic that I could really use and would appreciate everyone's insight, personal stories, comfort, reminders to buck the f*ck up, ideas for the next steps... you name it. There's a TL;DR at the end if you can't stand this thread already.
My sob story and other first world problems
Based on what I explain below, I opted to take it the first time in April. Yesterday, I found out I failed. The anguish that comes with that is just so perfectly fitting with the general sense of brain-ineptitude and frustration that has blossomed throughout vet school. I almost feel like I asked for all this to happen based on... vet school (I have hated every moment of it except for when working with a handful of brilliant clinicians, when I've been on externships with other vets and/or doing anything vet related OFF school grounds. Erm, this doesn't really need to be a novel, but that's what it's turning into. ANYWAY
I had a really rough 3rd year, which includes a crazy freak accident where I got kicked in the head by a feral pony stallion (that the resident felt was appropriate to be restrained by two small-animal focused students weighing less than 150lbs, let alone be a student project horse to begin with??? Still trying to do that calculus in my head.) in February. It could have been a lot worse (i.e. dead. but yay! no more student loans or NAVLE), but this was actually my 5th or 6th major concussion, and when I sustained the one I had before this, I lost consciousness. May or may not have a fleck of brain cells remaining.
Needless to say the next few months were hell. I was never a good student to begin with. I'm lazy, and I skip class. But when I mean business, I know I can do it. I've done it before. So in the months that followed (when I wasn't missing class or going to dr appointments) I had never studied so hard in my life... Still failed one of my spring lecture courses, which prevented me from taking 8 months of clinics in the subject related to that course.
I subscribed to Zuku last summer, but made the decision to not register for the Nov/Dec NAVLE, due to sh*tty moral, and concerns about simply not having the book knowledge or rotation experience under my belt (funnily enough, by FAR the most amount of learning I did was during preceptor/externships... school rotations involved flushing equine catheters and wheeling my 4 (four!) portosystemic shunt dog patients to CT in one week...true story. Small school though). So I marked April on my calendar.
Another life blow happened, but it was something I could have prevented by not dating, falling in love with, and moving in with another person at school. Who subsequently left me for her best friend. Needless to say, boards rolled around and I didn't really care about anything on the planet (the one neat thing about that is that it was the first time I've never experienced test anxiety, so if anything I though this might be what I needed to pass!). I finished 5 hours into the test thinking it was fine.
Well, it wasn't. I failed by a handful of points. What's more infuriating is that my score would have been passing if it had been the fall---the cutoff was much higher this time around.
My thoughts about what do. Or lack thereof.
Anyway, I have no effing clue what to do. I was holding off on applying for jobs a) because the handful of clinics I had spoken to earlier said they needed people to start right away and b) a small piece of me knew i would fail.
The only way you can actually work as a DVM without having passed the NAVLE is by being an intern at a university, because they don't require you to get a state license. Not only is it too late for that, but the few schools who didn't match and are actively contacting my school for interested students need someone to start ASAP. Again, I'm not done until mid-August.
"Travel!!!" say all my non-vet school friends and family members that I've told. Sure, let me just change the negative sign (-) in front of the $120,000 listed under "LOANS" on my budget spreadsheet to a positive. And I'm sure I could benefit immensely from more externships (my school only requires 4 weeks worth, which can be broken up at however many clinics you want--I know other schools require up to 2, even 3 months), but again, I have no money. Like I'm going to have to start selling my electronics and furniture to make sure I order enough discounted Hill's Rx food while I'm still eligible
Tech? Yeah, but...
One idea I was toying with was to poke around for clinics that need a technician. Even as I type this, I feel the knowledge I need for boards and vet things in general are spiraling down my brain-drain. If somehow, somewhere there's a mixed animal, ambulatory vet (dream job) that could use a hand and would be willing to take me under their wing, that might be a great options. I worked as a technician (not certified) in a small animal practice before school. But that's... exactly what I DON'T want to be doing career wise. I switched to ambulatory. I love dogs and cats, but I need to feel the wind in my hair through the truck window, to have my arm up cows, do lameness exams in 95 degree heat or pouring rain... I just love me some big herbivores, ya know? But I have next to no LA experience other than the medically things we learn in vet school. I didn't know what a hackamore was until 2 weeks ago. I have to have my friend watch me saddle the horse I'm leasing because it slid sideways once and took me with it. Layman's terms for ****? Tying up? Stocking up? Gotta google it all. I'd be a laughable tech at best.
Unfortunately, I don't know any vets who would a) pay someone to tech for 6 months knowing theyre just gonna leave after the NAVLE b) hire someone who wants to work with large animals when I'd never rasped a hoof or put a nose lead on a cow until vet school.
And even if I did, I'd be embarrassed as hell to ask for a job given my failings. How do I go about explaining, "y delicate psyche couldn't handle vet school so not only did I have to take 9 months off to reevaluate my possible quarter life crisis-- driving down the pacific coast eating crab and learning the fiddle and dying my hair blue after my second year--, I then decided to lose what few brain cells I had left and utterly bellyflopped my way from spring 2017 to when I failed the NAVLE despite having 3 months to study for it. So hire me plz?" And back to the NAVLE--I do plan on getting Zuku/Vet prep again IN ADDITION to using my old notes (i had so many friends say that class notes were useless... I distinctly remember a NAVLE question asking about the bacteria that most commonly causes bovine infectious keratoconjunctivitis. Would have not known it was Moraxella had I not reorganized my LAM and SAM binders for storage 3 weeks prior. Wish I had kept them out of storage... )
I know this is getting dramatic, I apologize. There are just so many feelings that I can't even begin to deal with. Anger, self loathing, fear, inadequacy, and sadly, but most of all, extreme bitterness that I didn't end up proving my (veterinarian) ex wrong when she straight up told me I wouldn't pass the NAVLE on my first try. I still love her, but in the wise words of my Standford-pedigreed, lawyer mother, "she's a foolish, manipulative c*nt"--it's funny because my mom doesn't speak that way
Anyway, I could really use some ideas for what to do next advice, perspective... anything. An "it's going to be okay even though it doesn't feel like it." A hug. My best vet school friends graduated last year (I dropped back a class after my 9 months off), and I never got close to anyone in c/o 2018 because they are so intimidatingly clique. And, ooooof course, the most popular girl is "the best friend" my ex left me for.
I can't wait to look back on all this is 10 years and laugh. I just need to know what to do next, and how to make my silver lining.
Thanks guys. Sorry for the novel. I supposed following would have sufficed, but at least I used all this time typing instead of drinking and/or sobbing.
TL;DR: Waited until April to take the NAVLE for the first time because I had taken time off the year prior (can you say rusty?!), and sustained a head injury shortly after my return. Also not super smart to begin with... Just failed NAVLE. Can't take it again until Nov/Dec (won't get results until Jan). Feeling ashamed, angry, lost, extremely broke, and stupid. Don't know who would (or why anyone would) want me as a tech. What do?
Here's another chronicle about how the NAVLE can crush some peoples' souls. Here's mine, and I'm still feeling so empty/shocked/utterly pathetic that I could really use and would appreciate everyone's insight, personal stories, comfort, reminders to buck the f*ck up, ideas for the next steps... you name it. There's a TL;DR at the end if you can't stand this thread already.
My sob story and other first world problems
Based on what I explain below, I opted to take it the first time in April. Yesterday, I found out I failed. The anguish that comes with that is just so perfectly fitting with the general sense of brain-ineptitude and frustration that has blossomed throughout vet school. I almost feel like I asked for all this to happen based on... vet school (I have hated every moment of it except for when working with a handful of brilliant clinicians, when I've been on externships with other vets and/or doing anything vet related OFF school grounds. Erm, this doesn't really need to be a novel, but that's what it's turning into. ANYWAY
I had a really rough 3rd year, which includes a crazy freak accident where I got kicked in the head by a feral pony stallion (that the resident felt was appropriate to be restrained by two small-animal focused students weighing less than 150lbs, let alone be a student project horse to begin with??? Still trying to do that calculus in my head.) in February. It could have been a lot worse (i.e. dead. but yay! no more student loans or NAVLE), but this was actually my 5th or 6th major concussion, and when I sustained the one I had before this, I lost consciousness. May or may not have a fleck of brain cells remaining.
Needless to say the next few months were hell. I was never a good student to begin with. I'm lazy, and I skip class. But when I mean business, I know I can do it. I've done it before. So in the months that followed (when I wasn't missing class or going to dr appointments) I had never studied so hard in my life... Still failed one of my spring lecture courses, which prevented me from taking 8 months of clinics in the subject related to that course.
I subscribed to Zuku last summer, but made the decision to not register for the Nov/Dec NAVLE, due to sh*tty moral, and concerns about simply not having the book knowledge or rotation experience under my belt (funnily enough, by FAR the most amount of learning I did was during preceptor/externships... school rotations involved flushing equine catheters and wheeling my 4 (four!) portosystemic shunt dog patients to CT in one week...true story. Small school though). So I marked April on my calendar.
Another life blow happened, but it was something I could have prevented by not dating, falling in love with, and moving in with another person at school. Who subsequently left me for her best friend. Needless to say, boards rolled around and I didn't really care about anything on the planet (the one neat thing about that is that it was the first time I've never experienced test anxiety, so if anything I though this might be what I needed to pass!). I finished 5 hours into the test thinking it was fine.
Well, it wasn't. I failed by a handful of points. What's more infuriating is that my score would have been passing if it had been the fall---the cutoff was much higher this time around.
My thoughts about what do. Or lack thereof.
Anyway, I have no effing clue what to do. I was holding off on applying for jobs a) because the handful of clinics I had spoken to earlier said they needed people to start right away and b) a small piece of me knew i would fail.
The only way you can actually work as a DVM without having passed the NAVLE is by being an intern at a university, because they don't require you to get a state license. Not only is it too late for that, but the few schools who didn't match and are actively contacting my school for interested students need someone to start ASAP. Again, I'm not done until mid-August.
"Travel!!!" say all my non-vet school friends and family members that I've told. Sure, let me just change the negative sign (-) in front of the $120,000 listed under "LOANS" on my budget spreadsheet to a positive. And I'm sure I could benefit immensely from more externships (my school only requires 4 weeks worth, which can be broken up at however many clinics you want--I know other schools require up to 2, even 3 months), but again, I have no money. Like I'm going to have to start selling my electronics and furniture to make sure I order enough discounted Hill's Rx food while I'm still eligible
Tech? Yeah, but...
One idea I was toying with was to poke around for clinics that need a technician. Even as I type this, I feel the knowledge I need for boards and vet things in general are spiraling down my brain-drain. If somehow, somewhere there's a mixed animal, ambulatory vet (dream job) that could use a hand and would be willing to take me under their wing, that might be a great options. I worked as a technician (not certified) in a small animal practice before school. But that's... exactly what I DON'T want to be doing career wise. I switched to ambulatory. I love dogs and cats, but I need to feel the wind in my hair through the truck window, to have my arm up cows, do lameness exams in 95 degree heat or pouring rain... I just love me some big herbivores, ya know? But I have next to no LA experience other than the medically things we learn in vet school. I didn't know what a hackamore was until 2 weeks ago. I have to have my friend watch me saddle the horse I'm leasing because it slid sideways once and took me with it. Layman's terms for ****? Tying up? Stocking up? Gotta google it all. I'd be a laughable tech at best.
Unfortunately, I don't know any vets who would a) pay someone to tech for 6 months knowing theyre just gonna leave after the NAVLE b) hire someone who wants to work with large animals when I'd never rasped a hoof or put a nose lead on a cow until vet school.
And even if I did, I'd be embarrassed as hell to ask for a job given my failings. How do I go about explaining, "y delicate psyche couldn't handle vet school so not only did I have to take 9 months off to reevaluate my possible quarter life crisis-- driving down the pacific coast eating crab and learning the fiddle and dying my hair blue after my second year--, I then decided to lose what few brain cells I had left and utterly bellyflopped my way from spring 2017 to when I failed the NAVLE despite having 3 months to study for it. So hire me plz?" And back to the NAVLE--I do plan on getting Zuku/Vet prep again IN ADDITION to using my old notes (i had so many friends say that class notes were useless... I distinctly remember a NAVLE question asking about the bacteria that most commonly causes bovine infectious keratoconjunctivitis. Would have not known it was Moraxella had I not reorganized my LAM and SAM binders for storage 3 weeks prior. Wish I had kept them out of storage... )
I know this is getting dramatic, I apologize. There are just so many feelings that I can't even begin to deal with. Anger, self loathing, fear, inadequacy, and sadly, but most of all, extreme bitterness that I didn't end up proving my (veterinarian) ex wrong when she straight up told me I wouldn't pass the NAVLE on my first try. I still love her, but in the wise words of my Standford-pedigreed, lawyer mother, "she's a foolish, manipulative c*nt"--it's funny because my mom doesn't speak that way
Anyway, I could really use some ideas for what to do next advice, perspective... anything. An "it's going to be okay even though it doesn't feel like it." A hug. My best vet school friends graduated last year (I dropped back a class after my 9 months off), and I never got close to anyone in c/o 2018 because they are so intimidatingly clique. And, ooooof course, the most popular girl is "the best friend" my ex left me for.
I can't wait to look back on all this is 10 years and laugh. I just need to know what to do next, and how to make my silver lining.
Thanks guys. Sorry for the novel. I supposed following would have sufficed, but at least I used all this time typing instead of drinking and/or sobbing.
TL;DR: Waited until April to take the NAVLE for the first time because I had taken time off the year prior (can you say rusty?!), and sustained a head injury shortly after my return. Also not super smart to begin with... Just failed NAVLE. Can't take it again until Nov/Dec (won't get results until Jan). Feeling ashamed, angry, lost, extremely broke, and stupid. Don't know who would (or why anyone would) want me as a tech. What do?
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