Need guidance on where to go from here as a as a "visibly-trans" transgender person and is depressed about prospects

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jupiter78

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Jul 14, 2018
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Hello, first I understand that the overwhelming majority of ppl on this site have not gone through my experience or understand what its like to be trans but I believe this is true for all of medicine anyways so I don't think it matters. Please don't suggest that I visit trans or LGBT spaces advice as I already tried and found no one.

So i'm a 22 year old trans woman who completed premed education with a bachelor's in biology with a 4.0 GPA and good extracurriculars and originally planned to apply to med school in the last 2 cycles but life happened and now I have no idea where to go. I live in Texas btw.

I started my gender transition in my senior year of university after a long battle of trying to cope with my dysphoria and finally managing to find a place to live on my own and fund my transition. As some of you may know, transition is a very long process and has very inconsistent results in terms of making someone "pass" as their desired gender.

At this time and for the forseeable future I cannot pass as a regular, cisgender woman due to my basic physical traits and so to many I am a unprofessional and disturbing outcast that is undesirable to employers and most other people. I have also reached a point however where even I try to intentionally "dress" male to hide the transness, people can still clock me as transgender or queer even if I try to present as I used to. As you can imagine this has caused me a ton of stress, anxiety, and depression and made me less than hopeful about my goal to be a doctor. I've already had so much trouble getting jobs despite getting tons of interviews to all sorts.....it almost never fails that I get rejected after the interview.


I have no intention of talking about being trans in the primary app or any application really but the problem is that as far as I see it, adcoms will figure out that i'm transgender whether I like it or not and will see how ugly and weird I am. I don't know if I should just apply for the next cycle and see how it goes or postpone another year and see if I can be more passing by then. At the same time my life is so ****ing depressing at the moment and I dont think i'm being productive at all with my gap years, I can hardly get out of bed most days and antidepressants don't help.


Does anyone have any advice? Any advice at all from someone LGBT?

Thanks

TL;DR: I'm a trans woman but I don't pass as a regular woman and people instantly know i'm trans upon seeing me. I have all the grades and a decent MCAT (510) but i'm depressed that all my med school prospects will be ruined the moment interviewers see me.


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GreenDuck12

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Do you plan on indicating anywhere on your application how you identify? I ask because many schools are actively trying to enroll more students with diverse gender expressions/experiences and sexual orientations to better serve diverse communities. This is of course a very personal decision as to whether or not you want to disclose that information in an application. But you should know that there are many programs that will value the experiences and perspectives you bring to the table and to the patients you may serve in the future.
 
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gyngyn

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At the same time my life is so ****ing depressing at the moment and I dont think i'm being productive at all with my gap years, I can hardly get out of bed most days and antidepressants don't help.
We recommend that you continue to seek help from trusted health professionals.
These are not symptoms that can be managed on SDN in any context.
Closing.
 
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