Need help with dating- about to start residency

[ShortDoctor]

This is a serious topic so there is no need to mock me (I know I am definitely opening myself up to some taunts hahaha). I'm about to start a surgical residency in DC. I am a single Asian male in his early 30s with a height of about 5' 5". I have never been in a long term relationship nor have had much luck with the opposite sex. I believe my height is the main thing holding me back. I feel that with the demands of residency, I will have even less opportunity to connect with someone if I was unsuccessful during my school years. Can anyone in this position help me out? A friend told me to try online dating, but my height has been a huge disadvantage in getting dates. Not to mention I'm probably not the most handsome guy out there.

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[mlw03]

online seems to be the way to go lately, but other stuff to try would be gym/sport club, church, book club, coffee shop. more than that, be confident, dude. a) short ladies need love too b) you can't change your height or looks (much), so don't sweat them. we're reaching an age where girls look more for a good guy they enjoy spending time with. so be that person first and foremost.

 

[John146]

There was a thread about this last week. Some 5 foot dude saying the same thing.

My 2 cents: best way is to get set up with someone through a mutual friend. Online dating isn't likely to be high yield due to your height, but you can use a filter and only send message to people shorter than you.

 

[DocDanny]

I was the one who made that thread. I'm only 5'0 and have a disability, too.

It really is as simple as needing confidence. It does suck to be shorter, and you do get fewer dates (I've still never been on one). However the women who would be unwilling to date a kind, charming doctor simply because he is too short ISN'T WORTH DATING! I guess we should be grateful for that screening exam. Get rid of the false positives.

You (and I) need to have confidence! That is probably the most attractive single thing a man can possess. Someone on here told me that if I think of myself as a 5'0 gimp, women will see me as that too!!! I need to see myself as the hilarious, kind hearted, wicked smart, friendly doctor my friends get to see. But even your screen name mentions you are short. Don't let that be your defining characteristic!!!

Confidence is that trait women fall for when they fall for 'bad boys'. They have that in spades, but nothing else! We can beat that!

I know it's hard. It isn't as easy as it seems. For me, knowing that I am almost 28 and have never had a date, and have never known what it is like to feel wanted, can be utterly soul crushing sometimes. But confidence is the key. Height shouldn't stop you from getting out and talking to people, should it?

Talk to a therapist if you can. I think I will. They can help you focus on positives and not dwell on negatives. And talk to the friends who care the most about you.

 

[DocDanny]

Or to quote R. Lee Ermey:

Maybe we should chug on over to mamby pamby land, where maybe we can find some self confidence for you, you jack wagon!

 

[ShortDoctor]

Not to harp on the whole misery loves company bit, but it helps knowing that there are others who may be feeling the same way I do. Thanks Danny for your words! I was always able to push aside those rejections by focusing on my work (which I really do enjoy- too much perhaps), but I guess I am at that point where I have the itch to start a family and share my life with someone. I think I also have the unfortunate luck of going to schools and hospitals where the average height is far above my own. It is hard to gather up enough confidence when you realize that you are probably walking into another glare from a girl. The funny thing is shorter girls usually really hate short guys, whereas I've had more luck establishing conversations with girls either my height or just a few inches shorter. On the flip side, I've also had girls tell me "All short guys like should jump of a bridge."

I think I'll put aside this attempt at online dating and go with the flow. I just find it crazy that a majority of women wouldn't give a 5 5 doctor a chance.

Also Ken Jeong make be the equivalent of black face to asians. I can't believe some people actually thing he's a "comedic genius." Dude has just made dating for asians harder as a whole with his whole small package schtick.

 

[DocDanny]

Dude. I was the same way. I just kept my nose to the grind and worked, worked, worked. I ignored how empty and alone I felt.

I matched where I wanted to go, but then I had no more work to do. And I started thinking "I've become a doctor... but I'm still single. WTF?"

The girls you are around sound terrible. Same here. One even told me she thought I was really awesome, but wouldn't date me due to me being a whopping 2 inches shorter than her. Try to get away from immature girls and go places where you will meet women. AND DON'T DWELL ON PETTY COMMENTS FROM PETTY PEOPLE! I do think the people we will hang out with as doctors will be different than the ones from med school. My school was young, and incredibly clique driven.

 

[DocDanny]

Your failings have nothing to do with height. Many women are your height or shorter.

You need confidence. That is your problem.

Being a doctor is very impressive. It is an interesting and respected field. It should be able to cancel out height.
=====================
Last point.

Peter Dinklage is what, 3'9?

How many women do you think would want to get with Tyrion Lannister?

 

[dragonfly99]

5'5" is not even that short for an Asian guy. There are a couple Asian guys in my hospital department who are that small, or even smaller, and are married w/kids. If you were in some Asian country would you even be considered short.
As an aside, I'm 5'8" and I'm pretty sure I've hooked up with a 5'5" guy in the past...I mean I didn't get out my tape measure but I'm just saying...and no I don't mean a tape measure to measure THAT so please get your minds out of the gutter...LOL.

 

[dragonfly99]

I think there a lot of people with a lot of different heights and weights now...I mean there are some gynormous 6'++ women around and there are some <5' tall women, such as my Chinese PhD friend. She complains that not even the petite clothing in the stores fit her. And when I went to an Asian country a few years back, the people in the stores were like, "You're extra large...extra extra large", even though I'm only 130lbs...LOL. It's all relative.

 

[SeekerOfTheTree]

Be confident man!

 

[NWS]

The reality is that from a mating perspective these women don't want short kids. Humor, career and money might help alleviate some of that but you have to keep in mind that most people in North America are fairly tall, even the first generation Asians. Some of you should consider looking for a girl from Asia.

Sent from my GT-N7000

 

[newdude2009]

If you weren't a ladies man before med school you probably won't be one after med school.
Girls for the most part are inherently shallow. It's not their fault they are just made that way. I would excersise and lift weights so you can get the best body that is genetically possible.

Girls want a provider. They want somebody who brings home the cash to feed them, clothe them, and all the other things they want. They want somebody who is gonna provide for their children. This is your strength and you need to exploit that for all its worth. Tell the girls that your spitting game too that you would like a nice house or luxury car. All that stuff that gives girls boners.

Confidence helps as well. I personally an not super confident, but my ability to get the ladies laughing is
unquestionable. work on that. maybe learn to crack some jokes. self-deprecating humor is in vogue right now, so you could use that.

In the end it's not finding the perfect person because we all have flaws or baggage, but finding the perfect person for you.

I would also invest in some Clarks wallabee's. They add an inch to your height.

I'm South Asian, 5'10" and my nickname in the hospital is the Brown Brad Pitt.

 

[ShortDoctor]

What stands out more to women whom as you say are mostly inherently shallow? The need to provide for their kids or the need to not make short kids? The fact that most of the women I meet don't even want to entertain the thought of a kid shorter than 5 9 seems almost like a form of eugenics. Granted, it would be cool if my kid was tall, but I wouldn't abort him if he was only my height or shorter. I feel like some of the things women say to me about my height, if it was about my race, it would be a hate crime (not that I necessarily believe in those, but that's a different story).

If you weren't a ladies man before med school you probably won't be one after med school.
Girls for the most part are inherently shallow. It's not their fault they are just made that way. I would excersise and lift weights so you can get the best body that is genetically possible.

Girls want a provider. They want somebody who brings home the cash to feed them, clothe them, and all the other things they want. They want somebody who is gonna provide for their children. This is your strength and you need to exploit that for all its worth. Tell the girls that your spitting game too that you would like a nice house or luxury car. All that stuff that gives girls boners.

Confidence helps as well. I personally an not super confident, but my ability to get the ladies laughing is
unquestionable. work on that. maybe learn to crack some jokes. self-deprecating humor is in vogue right now, so you could use that.

In the end it's not finding the perfect person because we all have flaws or baggage, but finding the perfect person for you.

I would also invest in some Clarks wallabee's. They add an inch to your height.

I'm South Asian, 5'10" and my nickname in the hospital is the Brown Brad Pitt.

 

[DocDanny]

I disagree that all women are inherently shallow. Many are, but not all. But nobody will want to be with a guy who is insecure. NONE! And you don't want one of the shallow ones, so it doesn't matter how their petty minds work.

Please don't think of this in terms of mating percentages and things like that. I don't know how eugenics came into this conversation. Just build your confidence!

 

[O2Doc]

I disagree that all women are inherently shallow. Many are, but not all. But nobody will want to be with a guy who is insecure. NONE! And you don't want one of the shallow ones, so it doesn't matter how their petty minds work.

Please don't think of this in terms of mating percentages and things like that. I don't know how eugenics came into this conversation. Just build your confidence!

Pretty much.

Look OP, if at your age you haven't had a relationship yet, or much luck with women at all, it's not your height that's the main issue. It may matter to some, but through the years you should have had no problem finding some women to whom it matters much less or not at all.

Even here you're ignoring the advice to show confidence and are instead blabbering about eugenics and hate crimes. I mean, seriously? You can't change your height, so quit focusing on that and thing about what you can change to make yourself more attractive to a partner (since whatever you've been doing thus far has clearly been an abject failure). I would recommend starting with the pitiful and off-putting "woe is me, oh noez shallow girliez practicing eugenics" attitude.

 

[splik]

I am shorter than you are. Do I think I would have had more success with dating had I been taller? Yes. Have I had difficulties with dating? No. Height is a factor, certainly more relevant in terms of how much action you might get, but it is only one factor. And in many ways it is only as much of an issue as you make it.

My advice is:

1. Don't appear desperate. You probably don't realize you're doing it but a lot of guys come across as desperate and it is a turn off.
2. Don't be the guy who projects an image of himself as empty or incomplete. When you enter a relationship with someone you are looking for someone to enrich your life, not some black hole.
3. Online dating is good, but it is only one way of meeting people. You don't necessarily have to be looking for someone, often you will find someone when you are not looking (and not coming across as desperate).
4. Do not list your height for online dating. I don't. I am certain things worked better when I didn't list my height than when I did.
5. Don't go looking for short women or restrict yourself to shorter women. In my experience, shorter women are looking for taller men too, in fact, many really wanted taller men. If you limit your pool by height, you're not playing it smart, you are reducing the chances of finding someone. I have dated women who were a lot taller than me, and those that were a bit taller. It wasn't a big issue because I never made it one.
6. Being a doctor does not trump being short. There are enough doctors who are taller than you to mean you don't have the competitive edge! I am sure that being a doctor might have some attraction to some women
7. If women say you're nice, a good guy, or wonderful, it's usually (but not always) the kiss of death. It means they're not into you in that way. If you get this a lot, you need to think hard about what it is you are doing that means women see you as a friend, or worse still a lovable pet, but cannot see you as a romantic partner or sexual being.
8. I know it is hard to tell on an internet forum but you guys come across as not really believing would actually be interested in having a relationship with you. If you can't convince yourself, how do you persuade anyone else? Persistence is important, sometimes a 'no' isn't really a no. Women like to feel attractive, wanted, pursued. I can think of at least one ex who initially rejected my advances eventually acquiesced because I wouldn't take no for an answer. You need to be able to judge the situation, and not be some creepy stalker - there can be a fine line but its there.
9. Finally what barriers might you be putting up? This might seem counterintuitive, but if you have not had much or any luck with women, it gets harder as you get older, and whilst a relationship might be something you crave, it might also be a source of fear. It is possible that on the one hand you put yourself out there, convincing yourself your trying, on the other hand you might inadvertently be pulling away from any chance of a relationship.

 

[bcat85]

I am shorter than you are. Do I think I would have had more success with dating had I been taller? Yes. Have I had difficulties with dating? No. Height is a factor, certainly more relevant in terms of how much action you might get, but it is only one factor. And in many ways it is only as much of an issue as you make it.

My advice is:

1. Don't appear desperate. You probably don't realize you're doing it but a lot of guys come across as desperate and it is a turn off.
2. Don't be the guy who projects an image of himself as empty or incomplete. When you enter a relationship with someone you are looking for someone to enrich your life, not some black hole.
3. Online dating is good, but it is only one way of meeting people. You don't necessarily have to be looking for someone, often you will find someone when you are not looking (and not coming across as desperate).
4. Do not list your height for online dating. I don't. I am certain things worked better when I didn't list my height than when I did.
5. Don't go looking for short women or restrict yourself to shorter women. In my experience, shorter women are looking for taller men too, in fact, many really wanted taller men. If you limit your pool by height, you're not playing it smart, you are reducing the chances of finding someone. I have dated women who were a lot taller than me, and those that were a bit taller. It wasn't a big issue because I never made it one.
6. Being a doctor does not trump being short. There are enough doctors who are taller than you to mean you don't have the competitive edge! I am sure that being a doctor might have some attraction to some women
7. If women say you're nice, a good guy, or wonderful, it's usually (but not always) the kiss of death. It means they're not into you in that way. If you get this a lot, you need to think hard about what it is you are doing that means women see you as a friend, or worse still a lovable pet, but cannot see you as a romantic partner or sexual being.
8. I know it is hard to tell on an internet forum but you guys come across as not really believing would actually be interested in having a relationship with you. If you can't convince yourself, how do you persuade anyone else? Persistence is important, sometimes a 'no' isn't really a no. Women like to feel attractive, wanted, pursued. I can think of at least one ex who initially rejected my advances eventually acquiesced because I wouldn't take no for an answer. You need to be able to judge the situation, and not be some creepy stalker - there can be a fine line but its there.
9. Finally what barriers might you be putting up? This might seem counterintuitive, but if you have not had much or any luck with women, it gets harder as you get older, and whilst a relationship might be something you crave, it might also be a source of fear. It is possible that on the one hand you put yourself out there, convincing yourself your trying, on the other hand you might inadvertently be pulling away from any chance of a relationship.

This is the issue. I think the focus here is somewhat misguided. If you come across as a guy who just wants to find a girlfriend, it'll always be difficult to find a girl to date. Most people don't go out at night saying "I'm going to find the perfect guy/girl for me tonight." Instead, they find people who share their interests and like to go to the same places--eventually... if you spend enough time with people with whom you have a lot in common.. you find one you're compatible with. Admittedly, it can be tough as you move into residency where your free time is quite a bit more limited.

I will admit that I don't know much about online dating-hopefully other folks on here will be able to help. Best of luck OP.

 

[DocDanny]

Hmm.

On number 7, I do get that a lot. I've asked a few of them why. And it isn't like I'm waiting years to tell or show these girls I'm interested. They say they aren't attracted to me, and my height is an issue for them.

You NEED to have SOME physical attraction to get into any level of physical relationship. I know how awesome I am. However, I have no delusions about being a handsome fella. I've overcome being shy, and am working on my self esteem. But there is only so much you can do to make yourself more physically attractive. Dress, hygiene, weight loss. Sometimes that won't be enough to make you attractive.

I also disagree about not trying and letting things happen. I tried that the middle two years of med school. No difference.

 

[DocDanny]

And I'm sorry to hijack the thread, but my biggest problem is simply meeting people.

My friends have no problem hanging out if I plan something, but they NEVER invite me to parties, or to hang out with THEIR friends. Not in YEARS. I'm not kidding. So the opportunity to meet people to talk to is extremely limited to who I meet on my own. And I really have no idea where people go.

Trying as hard as I am, I've only talked to one woman in the past year. And I did good. She thought I was charming and funny, but I wasn't her 'type' because she said I was kinda short.

I've changed alot in the past 3 years. Dress better, lost weight, snappy dresser, learned to cook, less shy, less intense, etc... and like I said, working on confidence.

I can't help but think I'd have alot of success as I am now if I could just MEET more people. That's why I'm looking forward to residency, and starting over fresh.

So OP, just work on yourself, too. And start over.

 

[NWS]

Or you short dudes can take my advice and try your hand at dating overseas in Asia.

Sent from my GT-N7000

 

[Law2Doc]

...
I can't help but think I'd have alot of success as I am now if I could just MEET more people. That's why I'm looking forward to residency, and starting over fresh.

So OP, just work on yourself, too. And start over.

i think you have to find your own way to meet gals and not expect a new group of colleagues to provide that service. Some people pretty much will always have to play cruise director to get people to go out and do things with them, and few residents have the time or inclination to play matchmaker. The further down your career path you go, the smaller the percentage of folks who don't have spouses, SOs or kids to hang with whenever they have spare time. If the online thing doesn't work for you, see if there's a Ski and sail club, or some other co-Ed activity group you could join on your few free weekends. Residency isn't going to likely fill this void.

 

[gstudent26]

not to be disrespectful but my PI was your height, asian, and "healthy". he's getting married to a nurse who looks like she's straight from a victoria's secret catalog though. you can do it!

 

[DocDanny]

Well no, I don't mean provide me a service. Just invite me along when they DO go out. Many in my program are going to be young and single. I've met or talked to many of them already.

Four years ago, I made a bad first impression with my classmates, and that stuck. However, I've changed alot. And, having made the changes I have made to myself recently, I'm sure that when I meet them, I'll fit in better, and be a part of their social lives. That's all.

They will help. But they aren't the ONLY thing I'd rely on. I'll be living in a new place, and surrounded by new neighbors and new people. There's even a place nearby that offers weekend cooking classes. I'm excited.

 

[cowme]

dude you are in DC! just crush on the drunk summer college interns (tell them you're a surgeon, that's all it takes), build up some swag and you're set

 

[Silent Cool]

dude you are in DC! just crush on the drunk summer college interns (tell them you're a surgeon, that's all it takes), build up some swag and you're set

You shouldn't have any problem in DC. I lived there for a while--the city is full of single women. In fact, I believe that it is one of the cities with a lot more single women than single men.

 

[dragonfly99]

I'm kind of irritated at some of the misogynistic crap on this thread. Sorry to be harsh, but I don't see any way to sugar coat it. As far as women being more "superficial" than men, please give me a break! If anything, it is the other way around. Unfortunately, people in general can be pretty superficial. I think smarter people tend to be less so, but not always (and sometimes they tend to be more materialistic because they tend to come from more wealthy backgrounds).

 

[DocDanny]

No group is more or less likely to be shallow based on sex.

But you DO have to have some level of physical attraction in any romantic relationship. That goes both ways, though.

 

[BADMD]

I believe my height is the main thing holding me back.Can anyone in this position help me out?

Ilizarov?

 

[Oxer45]

This is a serious topic so there is no need to mock me (I know I am definitely opening myself up to some taunts hahaha). I'm about to start a surgical residency in DC. I am a single Asian male in his early 30s with a height of about 5' 5". I have never been in a long term relationship nor have had much luck with the opposite sex. I believe my height is the main thing holding me back. I feel that with the demands of residency, I will have even less opportunity to connect with someone if I was unsuccessful during my school years. Can anyone in this position help me out? A friend told me to try online dating, but my height has been a huge disadvantage in getting dates. Not to mention I'm probably not the most handsome guy out there.

DC hospitals are filled with Filipino nurses. You shouldn't have any problem.

 

[canadia22]

Don't know how I got trapped reading this thread but here's a woman's perspective:

I married a guy a few inches shorter than me. At first it bothered me a little when I met him but at the end of the day personality is everything. Any women who won't even consider dating a shorter guy is shallow and trust me, you don't want her anyway.

Plus, Schwarzenegger, tom cruise, napoleon, pacino, robert downey jr. - all super short guys. You know what? They made up for it in the sheer size of their cojones I'm sure.

Age being the great equalizer. At 80, everyone looks like crap anyhow. Appearances aside, you gotta have someone you can still talk to.

 

[Law2Doc]

...

Plus, Schwarzenegger, tom cruise, napoleon, pacino, robert downey jr. - all super short guys. You know what? They made up for it in the sheer size of their cojones I'm sure....

I'm pretty sure Arnold is over 6 feet tall.

As for the others, yeah if the OP can become a dictator of a European nation or a famous Hollywood actor, I'm sure his height won't hold him back. I think this kind of misses the point, though.

 

[Aphtalyfe]

Don't know how I got trapped reading this thread but here's a woman's perspective:

I married a guy a few inches shorter than me. At first it bothered me a little when I met him but at the end of the day personality is everything. Any women who won't even consider dating a shorter guy is shallow and trust me, you don't want her anyway.

Plus, Schwarzenegger, tom cruise, napoleon, pacino, robert downey jr. - all super short guys. You know what? They made up for it in the sheer size of their cojones I'm sure.

Age being the great equalizer. At 80, everyone looks like crap anyhow. Appearances aside, you gotta have someone you can still talk to.

You must be really tall if you think those guys are "super short." Schwarzenegger is 6'2", Robert Downey Jr is 5'9", Cruise and Pacino are 5'7"...

 

[NWS]

You must be really tall if you think those guys are "super short." Schwarzenegger is 6'2", Robert Downey Jr is 5'9", Cruise and Pacino are 5'7"...

Yeah I wonder what her definition of tall is if she thinks Arnold is short? I met him during his campaign in Sacramento and he was as tall as me (6'2"). I guess I'm short!

 

[ShortDoctor]

Glad to know at 80, I'll be able to find another 80 year old! Haha, but in all seriousness, thanks for the comments guys. It's helpful getting other perspectives on this.

 

[splik]

Plus, Schwarzenegger, tom cruise, napoleon, pacino, robert downey jr. - all super short guys. You know what? They made up for it in the sheer size of their cojones I'm sure.

Napoleon was 5'9 - not exactly super short either! (this was the average height for his time, but for someone from his background that would have been on the short side.

 

[dragonfly99]

Are you sure Napoleon was 5'9"...I thought he was quite a bit smaller than that...not that it's totally relevant to this conversation. But since we're on the topic of Napoleon, he would not be on my short list of people to date. He cheated on his wife and was a huge egomaniac who killed a lot of people.

 

[splik]

i dont think anyone really knows but i remember some paper a few years ago suggesting he was much taller than made out.

 

[splik]

But.. Sarkozy and Berlusconi are 5'5

 

[ljpm8224]

OP- honestly, why not get some comfy shoes with 2" or 3" lifts in them. It's not a big deal and it might make you have more confidence, which will make you more attractive to other people (the lifts won't really matter, but it might make you be a little more comfortable/forward than you naturally are).

Girls do this sort of "false advertising" constantly... spanx/dyejobs/botox/chicken cutlets in their bras/heels to accentuate the T&A/makeup/extensions sewn into their head to have longer hair. I don't think a guy wearing lifts is any different.

 

[link2swim06]

OP- honestly, why not get some comfy shoes with 2" or 3" lifts in them. It's not a big deal and it might make you have more confidence, which will make you more attractive to other people (the lifts won't really matter, but it might make you be a little more comfortable/forward than you naturally are).

Girls do this sort of "false advertising" constantly... spanx/dyejobs/botox/chicken cutlets in their bras/heels to accentuate the T&A/makeup/extensions sewn into their head to have longer hair. I don't think a guy wearing lifts is any different.

I think 3 inch lifts on a dude is going to look super bizarre and make him seem super insecure when the girls figures it out.

OP the good news is most guys marry younger and there is no biological clock for guys. I dont think people would even notice a 30 year old guy with a 23 year old girl. I am not saying you should try only for young girls, my point is unlike girls your dating pool isn't narrow (its actually expanding). So its nothing to really worry about, the longer you wait the bigger the ocean gets...

 

[canadia22]

Well there goes my point out the window. Just trying to help out. Ok, how about Dinklage from Game of Thrones - 4ft something and he's managed. That was before any success when he met his wife and put her in a ratty NY apt. He's a dwarf and I am sure no one here has it that bad...

Keep in mind OP everyone about our age starts to feel the pressure to meet someone and settle down a bit. While you worry about height as a reason for not meeting someone the rest of us worry about our weight, smile, personality, nose size etc. It's normal imho.

 

[ljpm8224]

I think 3 inch lifts on a dude is going to look super bizarre and make him seem super insecure when the girls figures it out.

Eh, I don't know. Might be more common than you'd think. Here's a highly scientific Daily Mail article to support my case:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-493488/The-shoe-lift-challenge-Eat-heart-Tom.html

I like this quote, emphasis added:

On reflection, I'm not sure they gave me anything more than might a couple of vodkas and tonic.
On the positive side, it's impossible to tell you are wearing height boosting shoes.
No one noticed anything odd, and my extra inches did seem to help me get served (and even admired) in pubs and bars.

 

[link2swim06]

Eh, I don't know. Might be more common than you'd think. Here's a highly scientific Daily Mail article to support my case:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-493488/The-shoe-lift-challenge-Eat-heart-Tom.html

I like this quote, emphasis added:

Interesting, but it doesn't even look like his shoe is even different from the outside. When you said lifts I immediately got the idea of stripper heels in my head..

Anyhow, I guess give it a try, I am on the complete other end of the height spectrum so I am probably not much help...

 

[Napoleown]

Are you sure Napoleon was 5'9"...I thought he was quite a bit smaller than that...not that it's totally relevant to this conversation. But since we're on the topic of Napoleon, he would not be on my short list of people to date. He cheated on his wife and was a huge egomaniac who killed a lot of people.

I resent this statement!

 

[DrAwsome]

This is a serious topic so there is no need to mock me (I know I am definitely opening myself up to some taunts hahaha). I'm about to start a surgical residency in DC. I am a single Asian male in his early 30s with a height of about 5' 5". I have never been in a long term relationship nor have had much luck with the opposite sex. I believe my height is the main thing holding me back. I feel that with the demands of residency, I will have even less opportunity to connect with someone if I was unsuccessful during my school years. Can anyone in this position help me out? A friend told me to try online dating, but my height has been a huge disadvantage in getting dates. Not to mention I'm probably not the most handsome guy out there.

Not sure your height is really an issue. I mean in general, Asians tend to be on the shorter side, it's not a big mystery out there. A lot of Asian chicks in the same way tend to be shorter than other groups as well. There are also a ton of other women who are short, and who would be fine dating a dude that's 5'5". Sure, you likely won't get a 6 foot supermodel, but I think you can draw from a large pool of perfectly nice women who are on the shorter side.

As a woman, I'm not sure height is the most important characteristic out there for a guy. If you have other issues, whether it be social awkwardness, shyness, etc. that's a different issue. But for an Asian guy I think your height is very common. I had a ton of classmates who were your height and most of them got married. I'm sure you can find a quality gal who won't mind your height.

Being in a surgical residency might reduce the # of women you encounter on a daily basis given that there aren't a ton of women in surgery, so I would say online dating seems the way to go. Be nice, caring, and an overall good dude who is not a jerk and I'm sure you'll do fine!

 

[ShortDoctor]

Sometimes it's just not enough. I guess the world is growing more and more shallow and even though we preach tolerance, relationships and dating are never politically correct (and nor should they be!). I was talking to some platonic female friends and they mentioned that height was the number one dealbreaker for most women. Not a preference or something that gets you noticed, but an absolute dealbreaker. Some mentioned that they would much rather be single than go out with a guy their height or shorter or just 1-2 inches taller. It's like height is a fashionable accessory...

 

[DocDanny]

My question is this:

Who are these women you are talking to? The women who have told me I was too short were teenagers, or undergrad college girls.

The fact is this. You are likely a little depressed, and as such, you are focusing on your negative experiences and ignoring the good. You really need to talk to a professional about your low self esteem. We can't fix it for you on here.

You need to stop dwelling on this. It is your self esteem holding you back, NOT your height.

 

[DocDanny]

Look, I went to my school's graduation ball with an insanely hot date.

She's a petite, curvy little brunette. We met through mutual friends, and are hanging out again on Sunday.

And I am HALF A FOOT shorter than you! Half. A. Foot. Shorter.

She wouldn't have gone with me if I wasn't confident. But I was charming and confident and hilarious. She had a blast, and I got a kiss for my efforts.

I'm NOT trying to rub it in. But I've been working on my confidence, and it has helped. You need to do that. You are only two steps behind me. And compared to me, you are gigantic.

 

[DrAwsome]

Look, I went to my school's graduation ball with an insanely hot date.

She's a petite, curvy little brunette. We met through mutual friends, and are hanging out again on Sunday.

And I am HALF A FOOT shorter than you! Half. A. Foot. Shorter.

She wouldn't have gone with me if I wasn't confident. But I was charming and confident and hilarious. She had a blast, and I got a kiss for my efforts.

I'm NOT trying to rub it in. But I've been working on my confidence, and it has helped. You need to do that. You are only two steps behind me. And compared to me, you are gigantic.

You got a kiss for your efforts? Haha!

I don't think OP's issue is height. I doubt he's never seen a short girl before or other short dudes who have done just fine relationally. There are tons and tons of short women who don't mind dating shortish dudes. Being a doctor can't hurt either. Maybe OP is trying to go for mindblowingly hot and/or tall women and that may be unrealistic. I find it hard to believe that if he's a nice dude overall that he couldn't find a lovely girl with whom he can have a future with.