My fiance is a soon-to-be first year med student. I fully support his decision to go to medical school, but I am extremely nervous about what to expect. Right now I get a lot of attention from him, and I am nervous that once that stops, our relationship will change. We are getting married in December, and we are both so excited, but I want to know what I am going to have to do to make it work. Will I be completely ignored?
Nervous fiance
- Thread starter Manda
- Start date
Manda, my fianc? started medical school last year and I had the same apprehension and fears that you are having. I left my job, family and friends in Washington state to move to Omaha, Nebraska with him. I asked myself many many times whether I was doing the right thing or if I was just downright crazy. We have been together for 7 years and didn't get engaged until after he started medical school. Like yourself, I fully support his decision and promised him that I would be there to support him no matter where he decided to go. Whether or not you will be ompletely ignored depends on your fianc?, not medical school. It takes ALOT of their time and
energy away from you, they spend every day, every night and most of the weekends with their head stuck in a book, so that is something that you need to be understanding of and prepared for. But, as they told my fianc? when he started, it is necessary for his mental health, and for the health of your relationship to take time away from studying to do something fun, whether that be watching TV or going out, etc. My fianc? got a schedule at the beginning of every semester that included his classes, quizzes, tests, etc. I found it helpful to make a copy for myself, then I would know where he was, what he was doing each day, when the tests, quizzes, etc. were, and
what weekend I should plan something fun for myself because I knew he would be studying for a test the next Monday. I am not going to lie to you, it is going to be very hard and there will be times when you feel lonely, ignored, unappreciated and you will go to bed alone many nights because he will be up late studying. As for what you can do to make it work, it is imperative that you be understanding of his time away from you. Believe me, I am sure that if it was up to him, he would rather be spending time with you than with that neurophysiology book. Make the time that you do get together quality time. We have made a lot of medical school friends and do a lot of stuff with them, but I do have to remind my fianc? sometimes that they get
to see him 10 or 12 hours a day - I don't. sometimes I just want some me-only time when I don't have to share him. This first year has gone
really fast for the both of us. Once he gets started and you figure out how it all works and what the schedule is like it will be a lot easier. We truly love each other, and we both have to sacrifice, be understanding and have patience with each other to make it work, but it is worth it. Some med-schools have significant other support groups who get together to do
stuff, so that may be something for you to look into. If you have any other questions or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me. I know what you are going through, have a lot of spare time to write back!
energy away from you, they spend every day, every night and most of the weekends with their head stuck in a book, so that is something that you need to be understanding of and prepared for. But, as they told my fianc? when he started, it is necessary for his mental health, and for the health of your relationship to take time away from studying to do something fun, whether that be watching TV or going out, etc. My fianc? got a schedule at the beginning of every semester that included his classes, quizzes, tests, etc. I found it helpful to make a copy for myself, then I would know where he was, what he was doing each day, when the tests, quizzes, etc. were, and
what weekend I should plan something fun for myself because I knew he would be studying for a test the next Monday. I am not going to lie to you, it is going to be very hard and there will be times when you feel lonely, ignored, unappreciated and you will go to bed alone many nights because he will be up late studying. As for what you can do to make it work, it is imperative that you be understanding of his time away from you. Believe me, I am sure that if it was up to him, he would rather be spending time with you than with that neurophysiology book. Make the time that you do get together quality time. We have made a lot of medical school friends and do a lot of stuff with them, but I do have to remind my fianc? sometimes that they get
to see him 10 or 12 hours a day - I don't. sometimes I just want some me-only time when I don't have to share him. This first year has gone
really fast for the both of us. Once he gets started and you figure out how it all works and what the schedule is like it will be a lot easier. We truly love each other, and we both have to sacrifice, be understanding and have patience with each other to make it work, but it is worth it. Some med-schools have significant other support groups who get together to do
stuff, so that may be something for you to look into. If you have any other questions or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me. I know what you are going through, have a lot of spare time to write back!
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It's really key that you are satisfied with what you are doing in your career, hobbies, etc. If you feel fulfilled with what you do, you will be able to understand his needs to do what he has to do to fulfill his career life.
You won't resent his time spent working on his passion if you are busy working on your own.
Good luck, and don't worry too much!!
You won't resent his time spent working on his passion if you are busy working on your own.
Good luck, and don't worry too much!!
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rubyness I think has a key thought on this issue.
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I'm currently applying to med schools, and am getting married in early May. Hopefully I'll be starting med school ~3.5 months later. Any advice on how to prepare one's fiance for med school?
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Adcadet - Maybe your fiance is prepared for med-school already. Maybe she's so prepared she's reading posts on the student doctor network because you suggested it ;-)
