c/o 2025 hopeful
- Sep 13, 2020
- Status (Visible)
Thank you! I appreciate it! I think once I'm in school and more settled I might feel differently. The last few years have been a crazy whirlwind and I've had no time, even for myself. I feel like I'm open to the right person, but they'd have to be an extremely right person, not just any person. I'm totally okay with being single for now, I want to be able to give the people in my life the time they deserve. I'm definitely optimistic for the future though. It'll happen when I'm ready!
Just chiming in here to piggy back on what cassafrass said! I totally second therapy, mediation etc to help get to the bottom of the "people pleasing" in a relationship. I was the same exact way for years. I had some childhood trauma and it left me with tons of abandonment issues and I always found myself going above and beyond for boyfriends who refused to put a fraction of that same effort in. It was challenging and defeating. I kept thinking I was doing something wrong when in reality I was just picking the wrong men and overcompensating in order to salvage whatever idea I had of the relationship.I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know that feeling of being torn between having a personal life and a professional life. First off, I totally agree with Max - up to this point I've had some good relationships but nothing "forever" worthy. I think that we're more likely to meet people we really connect with that have similar passions to us in this field. I've found that it is very hard for many people to empathize with what we go through in this industry, which can lead to problems in a relationship (just generalizing, I know lots of people have SOs and spouses in other fields, this is just from my personal experience!).
However, at this point, I've decided to just focus on my career and my relationship with myself. I feel that I won't be able to be happy with someone else until I am happy with myself and where I am in life. I gave up an almost 4-year relationship that everyone thought was going to end in marriage to go back to school. It completely blindsided everyone, including our friends and family. He wasn't a bad person, its just that I was motivated to grow and change while he was complacent to stay where he was forever. Additionally, he wasn't supportive of my decision to go back to school and would get upset when I'd choose schoolwork over spending time with him. I felt like he was holding me back, so I let him go. I don't think I would have been able to get the experiences I have if I had remained in that relationship. I have never for a second regretted my decision.
I'm one of those people who will ALWAYS put my work before a partner or family. This 100% isn't healthy, but I've always been this way, ever since my first job when I was 17. Currently I am not looking to date and am not open to a relationship because I know I am not capable of being able to nurture a career and a relationship at the same time. I've never been good at finding that balance. Hopefully I'll be surprised and I'll meet someone wonderful, however my pessimistic views on relationships and love are telling me this probably won't happen. I know my views are very different than many people here, I've said it before - I have so much respect for people who can have a family and do this. I just unfortunately don't have a desire to do this at this current time, at least not until I'm happy with myself.
I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years and our relationship certainly isn't perfect but we are partners and meet each other half way. He has also always 100 percent supported me in my pursuit of Vetmed and has pushed me when I start to doubt myself (something no one else has ever cared to do).It took me a lot of personal work/growth in order to be able to be in this relationship and I continue to do the work. Relationships are super hard but when you're ready you will find someone who values your dedication to your career and will support you in making that your priority! Also maybe you will find a vet school babe and you can be a veterinary dream team 😜
Anyway- sorry to get a little personal, just wanted you to know that you aren't alone! I'm here to talk if you ever need anything!