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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
 
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BoardingDoc

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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
You have to deal with these people for another 9 months. What's 4 more hours?
 

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Won't be the last time you'll be expected to make nice with people you can't stand. If the level of animosity has gotten as high as you make it sound, they very well might try a trick like not confirming your completion to a licensing board. Don't give them the chance. Plaster a grin on your face, shake some hands, then get the hell out.
 

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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
Besides, like funerals, graduation ceremonies are for your friends and family. Its a big deal to them so go, suck it up, and let your proud friends/family enjoy it and leave without burning any bridges.
 

Law2Doc

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Won't be the last time you'll be expected to make nice with people you can't stand...
This. The graduation is not about them, it's about celebrating your and your colleagues accomplishments. Why spite yourself because they also may be in attendace? You just smile, nod and go talk to someone else -- its likely not as big a deal outside of your own head. They wont really care if you show or not, but you'll miss out on a celebratory milestone. You don't cancel a picnic because there might be a few clouds in the sky nine months from now.
 

Perrotfish

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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
Residency doesn't end with your commencement in June. Residency ends when the clock strikes midnight and the last day of June turns into the first day of July. I realize you're angry. You probably have every right to be. But you have no right to be stupid and risk all the hard work you put in for a meaningless gesture. Until you get your parole papers say no words and make no waves. Go to the 4 hour ceremony.

Also, I notice you're making this post in September, not May. You have a lot of PGY3 left, and honestly you need to figure out how to make some kind of peace with your attendings now or they may not let you get to the commencement. Is it one environment you're having a hard time in like Wards or ICU or multiple services? Is it one or two attendings you're having conflicts with or many of them? Where are you Chief Resident and Program director in this? Are they aware of the problem? Are they part of it? Are you on probation? How bad is your situation right now?
 

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styphon

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Besides, like funerals, graduation ceremonies are for your friends and family. Its a big deal to them so go, suck it up, and let your proud friends/family enjoy it and leave without burning any bridges.
This. The graduation is not about them, it's about celebrating your and your colleagues accomplishments. Why spite yourself because they also may be in attendace? You just smile, nod and go talk to someone else -- its likely not as big a deal outside of your own head. They wont really care if you show or not, but you'll miss out on a celebratory milestone. You don't cancel a picnic because there might be a few clouds in the sky nine months from now.
It is for your family and friends and one of the last times you will see some of your colleagues. You will only have one of these and if you are able to last 3 years of >60 hour weeks with people you have conflict with, then you can last a couple more hours.
 

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i agree with the above, however in the case that you really don't want to "suck it up," I would suggest attending an out of town wedding that week to avoid seeming like you're deliberately avoiding it.


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Maybe I'm in a laid back specialty, but not attending graduation seemed like not a huge deal in my program. I agree, though, that it's a small thing to suffer through if you're already making it through 3 years with people you don't like.

But yeah, skipping it to be in your friend's wedding sounds a little better than skipping it just because. :)
 
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thehundredthone

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But yeah, skipping it to be in your friend's wedding sounds a little better than skipping it just because. :)
Do they care why one's missing it (outside of loss of a family member/friend type of reason)? I'd think both parties know what it really means when the reason is a "friend's wedding".
 

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I was thinking about this the other day and if you really wanted to play a card, you can follow in Jen Aniston's footsteps about "flair" over at Flinger's.

 

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you could always be on call that day...
The programs tend to set the call schedule such that people graduating can attend. You' probably even get out a little early that day to go home and change.
 

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Call me petty but I just wouldn't go. *shrugs* Why force yourself to be around people you don't like if you absolutely don't have to?

Or better yet, show up and go off on everyone you don't like :soexcited::caution::laugh:
 

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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
I didn't go to my residency graduation ceremony, and haven't looked back and absolutely don't regret it.

Its complicated, but like you I reached a point where I felt like one more minute with some of the people I worked with/for was more than I wanted to tolerate. I got tired of being disrespected or treated like an inconvenience, and was done with the negative culture surrounding me. Certainly I'm tough enough to muscle through a few more hours of BS if I had to but here's the thing.....I didn't have to......so I decided to spend that evening celebrating with my spouse instead, in our new fellowship city. To me, going to graduation felt like escaping from prison and stopping to celebrate with the most sadistic guards in the place on the way out.

Some people would say that its petty or childish or whatever, others have commented above on how its for your family and friends and etc and those are all good points and worth considering. I did a long residency (general surgery + research) and by the end I felt like I had given these people enough of my life and certainly wasn't about to give one more minute than absolutely necessary......I think if your family and friends were paying attention at all for the past few years they'll probably get it. Have a party with them and celebrate the accomplishment if you need to....or if they need to.

I don't think they can deny that you completed residency because you didn't go to the after party....if anything that would be an ACGME thing, if you met all the requirements they can't just say you didn't. It's worth mentioning though, and I think the real discussion point here, is the risk you run is more political/word of mouth/job recommendation type of thing so make sure you're not committing some type of career suicide. Do you have a petty chairman who is president of every organization with tentacles like pablo escobar? Are you trying to get a job with 10 people who previously trained where you did and will see you as political liability? If these people could and/or would hurt you, you might have to suck it up and go.

If they can't then tell them to go **** themselves and do what you want.
 
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sluggs

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Show up or make sure you are on service. Burning a bridge and standing out like that just isn't worth it. Trust me... I've gotten a kick out of doing that kinda thing my whole life... there just is no point!
 
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Crayola227

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If it's required, ****ing go. No brainer.

If it's not required, make up a good excuse then.

If it's required and it really pains you, make up a good excuse to leave early.

If like @Perrotfish asked and your on uneven terms with anyone, read a lot of my post history, PM me, and DEFINITELY go and make nice nice. Get a script for Valium or a headchange if you have to in order to tolerate it. Don't do that if you're on duty or risk coming across impaired to anyone but there's always something you can do for a little extra depersonalization that day. Numb the feelings enough and you won't care and you can get through it. I've been known to bite the inside of my cheek as the pain distracts me enough to help me deal with choking down the rising bile of making nice nice with some people.

If you can't help but look disgusted and constipated every time one of them comes near you, wear a facemask, carry a barf bag, and keep clutching your stomach like you don't feel well. They will steer clear of you and it will be easier to not make conversation and you'll have an even better excuse to leave early without anyone thinking it was sociopolitical.
 

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I've been known to bite the inside of my cheek as the pain distracts me enough to help me deal with choking down the rising bile of making nice nice with some people.
I can't even imagine what must have happened to you to make you feel this way. I guess that means I've been really lucky with all the interactions I had while training.
 
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MLT2MT2DO

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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
There's a reason Jesus turned water into wine. After a few glasses of water most people can stand anything.
 

keifernny2

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Fact is, when you apply for your next job, the people at your graduation (that you hate), are going to be giving you references (whether you know it or not). Medicine is a small world and it often happens that I am at the Bentley dealer, masseuse, or my country club and have opportunity to rub elbows with my colleagues to find out about the new graduates applying to my practice over a highball. KIDDING. But you can betcha that people are going to check your references (both officially and "unofficially.").
 

dozitgetchahi

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I see both sides of it.

If you really can't stand these people and there doesn't seem to be any risk associated with blowing the event off, then don't go.

However, the types of attendings that treat people like garbage are also the type who will get excessively 'insulted' by stuff like this and then potentially do unpredictable and career-damaging things to you. Going to the event would likely suck, but it's probably good insurance against these things.
 
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QofQuimica

Seriously, dude, I think you're overreacting....
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Burned-out family medicine PGY-3 here. It is a long and complicated story, but I have come to a point where I cannot stand to be in the same room as several of the attendings in my program. I do not plan to attend the residency commencement in June. Generally speaking, would a program be able to deny proof of completion if I refuse to go?
My last residency rotation was an elective month. I packed my s*** up at the end of May, drove home to Florida, and never went back. They mailed me my certificate in July. Not an issue. That being said, I did inform the program leadership well in advance that coming back for graduation would be a financial and logistical hardship for myself, my elderly parents, and my newly post-partum sister, none of whom would realistically be able to attend. It would also have interfered with my June elective schedule, during which I was working at a free clinic here in Florida (halfway across the country from where I did residency).

As others have said, if you choose not to attend, be a mensch about it. You don't have to tell them the real reason why you're not going. Just let them know that your family and you will unfortunately be unable to attend, and give them your forwarding info.
 
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