Not Hopeful about my future in medicine

[ECkayak]

Hi everyone,

Over the past 3-4 months I've become increasingly pessimistic about my future. I don't fit in with my classmates and I just can't see myself being happy with the medical lifestyle. I feel like people that are happy and successful in medicine have a strong drive, strong ties, and concrete goals. My drive is completely used up, I basically have no close friends anymore and no close relationships to speak of. Right now the only thing I look forward to are those rare times when I can take a peaceful hike out in the country or a lonely paddle on a nice day.

Before anyone asks, I'm not failing and I will graduate on time in 1.5 yrs, although probably not going to reach my specialty goal at this point.

I just want to know how people who have had similar circumstances have dealt with these feelings.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

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[FSU2013]

See your doc, sounds like you could be suffering for depression. Sorry things aren't going better. I've had ups and downs in med school - there's a ton of stress, obviously. Hope things improve.

Good luck. God bless.

 

[notbobtrustme]

It seems like 3rd year is the doldrums.

 

[Porfirio]

Find friends outside of medicine.

Look for outdoor clubs in your area. If you are a religious person, go to church and join the singles' club. Talk to your family more.

What is it about the medical lifestyle that turns you off?

Some medical schools have a support group for their medical students. You need to see if you can join that.

 

[DocHawk117]

I think a lot of people go through this. One of the ways I combat it are to volunteer doing something I like to remind myself why in the hell I'm sacrificing normal people things on a daily basis. If you like outdoors, look into Wilderness Med Clubs! I think it's critical to remember why you wanted to do it in the first place and find that passion again. It would be really hard (esp financially) to switch professions, and the load should get lighter 4th year.

 

[deleted480308]

best advice I can offer from speaking to practicing physicians is that medical doctor lifestyle and medical student lifestyle are not very similar... this too shall pass

 

[fotogopher]

I think a lot of people go through this. One of the ways I combat it are to volunteer doing something I like to remind myself why in the hell I'm sacrificing normal people things on a daily basis. If you like outdoors, look into Wilderness Med Clubs! I think it's critical to remember why you wanted to do it in the first place and find that passion again. It would be really hard (esp financially) to switch professions, and the load should get lighter 4th year.

I agree! Once I started exploring all the weird options medicine has to offer, it really got me feeling pretty rejuvenated about it. Hang in there!

 

[Acetabulous]

Without knowing, well, anything about you OP, it sounds like you have just yet to find that perfect fit. Every physician that I have spoken with has said that they questioned the decisions they made, up until the point when they discovered their vocation. To me, it is the same type of thing as dating. Go through enough crappy relationships and you will be 100% certain that staying single or "switching teams" is the way to go.

You would be amazed at how big a difference one person or one experience can make, not only in your personal life but also on all other aspects (including academic). Whether it is a significant other, a new friend who has the same interests as you, or having some blinding epiphany that "specialty x" is what you REALLLLYYY want to do, someone or something will be able to profoundly alter your outlook in ways you've yet to imagine.

Perseverance is the key.

Okay, sermon/infomercial is now over.

 

[572776]

Hi everyone,

Over the past 3-4 months I've become increasingly pessimistic about my future. I don't fit in with my classmates and I just can't see myself being happy with the medical lifestyle. I feel like people that are happy and successful in medicine have a strong drive, strong ties, and concrete goals. My drive is completely used up, I basically have no close friends anymore and no close relationships to speak of. Right now the only thing I look forward to are those rare times when I can take a peaceful hike out in the country or a lonely paddle on a nice day.

Before anyone asks, I'm not failing and I will graduate on time in 1.5 yrs, although probably not going to reach my specialty goal at this point.

I just want to know how people who have had similar circumstances have dealt with these feelings.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

This is EXACTLY how i am feeling right now (and 95% of the time) too. and i don't know what to do to fix this...

 

[HopeTo99]

I can totally relate to what the OP is saying.
I don't think it ever gets better.

 

[FIREitUP]

Seriously, find an outlet outside of med school. As you can tell from some of the responses here by your fellow medical students, they are total downers. Go out and be with happy people and you'll find that it's pretty contagious.

 

[TAWS]

I don't think you guys are providing the OP much help. You can't just tell someone feeling gloomy to go out and be social and have fun.....it doesn't work that way.

I would go to your school health clinic and have them see if you are depressed. There seems to be a taboo about taking anti-depressants or what not in med school but they can really help if you need it.

 

[FIREitUP]

I don't think you guys are providing the OP much help. You can't just tell someone feeling gloomy to go out and be social and have fun.....it doesn't work that way.

I would go to your school health clinic and have them see if you are depressed. There seems to be a taboo about taking anti-depressants or what not in med school but they can really help if you need it.

many times lifestyle changes can drastically improve someone's emotional well-being. medication should always be a last resort

 

[TAWS]

many times lifestyle changes can drastically improve someone's emotional well-being. medication should always be a last resort

I strongly disagree. If you read the OP's post, it is clear that this is a long-term problem that hasn't gotten better over time. You are basically asking the OP just to "snap out of it"...not going to be very effective. Medication might or might not help but you won't know until you try.

 

[FIREitUP]

I strongly disagree. If you read the OP's post, it is clear that this is a long-term problem that hasn't gotten better over time. You are basically asking the OP just to "snap out of it"...not going to be very effective. Medication might or might not help but you won't know until you try.

i'm amused by the negative connotation your whole post carries, it kind of supports my point on how negativity pervades medical school. in no way, shape, or form did I say or imply that the OP can just "snap" out of it. just as antidepressants take time to improve symptoms, lifestyle changes, if implemented, such as exercise, better diet, increased socialization, psychotherapy, increasing your support system, etc. can and does have a long term impact on mental health.

 

[Porfirio]

medication should always be a last resort

Everyone wants to take a pill to cure something. Taking a pill is easy, but making a lifestyle change is hard.

The OP could be swimming in anti-depressants, and it would not change the fact he has no social life.

 

[TAWS]

i'm amused by the negative connotation your whole post carries, it kind of supports my point on how negativity pervades medical school. in no way, shape, or form did I say or imply that the OP can just "snap" out of it. just as antidepressants take time to improve symptoms, lifestyle changes, if implemented, such as exercise, better diet, increased socialization, psychotherapy, increasing your support system, etc. can and does have a long term impact on mental health.

Read any research study on depression in medical school. They all reach the conclusion that part of the reason it is so prevalent is that med students don't seek treatment.

 

[TAWS]

Everyone wants to take a pill to cure something. Taking a pill is easy, but making a lifestyle change is hard.

The OP could be swimming in anti-depressants, and it would not change the fact he has no social life.

Do you really think medical students are too eager to take a pill? It's the complete opposite. Med students are afraid to take medications because of attitudes like yours.

 

[OneMoreRound]

Seriously, find an outlet outside of med school. As you can tell from some of the responses here by your fellow medical students, they are total downers. Go out and be with happy people and you'll find that it's pretty contagious.

I agree with this guy.

I think depending on where you go to school, you may want to get away from med students. I mean, obviously some schools are great but some aren't. When your whole life resolves around going to classes with med students, taking tests with med students, doing research with med students, going out to bars with med students, socializing with med students...

well, that works for some but not for others.

Balanced approach (use a bit of meds if you want) is best:

i'm amused by the negative connotation your whole post carries, it kind of supports my point on how negativity pervades medical school. in no way, shape, or form did I say or imply that the OP can just "snap" out of it. just as antidepressants take time to improve symptoms, lifestyle changes, if implemented, such as exercise, better diet, increased socialization, psychotherapy, increasing your support system, etc. can and does have a long term impact on mental health.

This whole situation is kind of complex... and getting advice from the gunners of the gunners (SDN'ers) may not be the best idea. Talk to real people who can help.

Read any research study on depression in medical school. They all reach the conclusion that part of the reason it is so prevalent is that med students don't seek treatment.

probably true... I'm not sure if this is exclusive to med students. It's probably happens to many people.

Do you really think medical students are too eager to take a pill? It's the complete opposite. Med students are afraid to take medications because of attitudes like yours.

Some are, some aren't. Can we really generalize all med students into one group?

 

[hughnguyen22]

A lot of people would love to be in your shoes, being in med school, in a split second.

 

[FIREitUP]

Do you really think medical students are too eager to take a pill? It's the complete opposite. Med students are afraid to take medications because of attitudes like yours.

med school troll: claims others have attitudes, disparages others' opinions at every opportunity.

 

[Perrotfish]

Hi everyone,

Over the past 3-4 months I've become increasingly pessimistic about my future. I don't fit in with my classmates and I just can't see myself being happy with the medical lifestyle. I feel like people that are happy and successful in medicine have a strong drive, strong ties, and concrete goals. My drive is completely used up, I basically have no close friends anymore and no close relationships to speak of. Right now the only thing I look forward to are those rare times when I can take a peaceful hike out in the country or a lonely paddle on a nice day.

Before anyone asks, I'm not failing and I will graduate on time in 1.5 yrs, although probably not going to reach my specialty goal at this point.

I just want to know how people who have had similar circumstances have dealt with these feelings.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

Three things;

1) Depression questions: Do you feel like you no longer enjoy activities you once enjoyed? Do you feel tired all the time? Have you notice that your grades are declining? Are you arriving to your rotations later, more often? Do you ever find yourself drinking alone? Do you have any thoughts of harming yourself or others?

2) Third year questions: What rotations have you done? What specialty were you originally interested in? How do you feel about the rotations you've seen so far?

3) Background questions: Have you recently had a break up? Do you live near family? What kinds of things did you use to enjoy doing before you started medical school? Have you felt this way for awhile or just since you started third year? Why don't you feel like you 'fit in' with your classmates?

 

[TAWS]

med school troll: claims others have attitudes, disparages others' opinions at every opportunity.

I'm trying to help the OP. I don't know why you want to spend your time arguing with me.

 

[FIREitUP]

I'm trying to help the OP. I don't know why you want to spend your time arguing with me.

i'm gauging your reactions and assessing you for depressive symptoms. it's not looking good.

 

[Etorphine]

.

 

[ECkayak]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Actually, I spend more time with people outside of medical school than most of my fellow classmates probably. I usually force myself to go to big social events just so people know that I am getting out there and being social. I just don't derive any lasting enjoyment or pleasure from anything I do these days.

Regardless of what specialty I go into, I just can't see how I'm going to make it through the grueling hours of residency when my baseline mood is the way it is. It's almost a feeling of being trapped in a certain lifestyle now with no escape, and nothing to fall back on on the worst days.

Have fun reporting your mental health history to your licensing board and potentially being deemed an "impaired physician."

Is this true? I was under the impression that student mental health never appeared on your record (I've used the service before).

 

[ajh1983]

This may sound strange but, here's my $.02

I was in a grueling, torturous, mentally strenuous training pipeline once before when I was 19 years old - Navy SEAL training in 2002. I'm 29 now entering medical school.

Striking similarity between the two? People are extremely excited to start and looking forward at the career/training is exciting. People in the program are depressed, in pain, miserable, and (literally) would prefer death at some points rather than continue on with the event. I survived hell week, and without going into detail - the only reason I was able to succeed was by focusing on lifting up those around me.... because inside I was depressed and dead to the core.

Why do I bring this up - because of the mental dichotomy that exists in both programs. When you look forward prior to starting training (when you are still in a healthy state of mind), it's exciting and an amazing opportunity that you will most likely only ever get once in life.

When you're actually in the ****, it sucks, it's miserable, and it may be difficult or impossible to derive any sort of motivation from your surroundings.

Case in point, trust your younger, more mentally stable self. You wanted this goal for a reason. It hurts. But it WILL get better, and you will never get another chance if you quit now. Push through, seek some counseling outlets, and exercise. If you decide to quit, please do it once the training is complete and you actually experience the "real" lifestyle of medicine.

I hope this at all makes sense, but I can see my younger self in your situation right now.

Good luck, and seek out those around you for help. Don't stew on it.

 

[Ironheme]

Thanks for your replies everyone. Actually, I spend more time with people outside of medical school than most of my fellow classmates probably. I usually force myself to go to big social events just so people know that I am getting out there and being social. I just don't derive any lasting enjoyment or pleasure from anything I do these days.

Regardless of what specialty I go into, I just can't see how I'm going to make it through the grueling hours of residency when my baseline mood is the way it is. It's almost a feeling of being trapped in a certain lifestyle now with no escape, and nothing to fall back on on the worst days.



Is this true? I was under the impression that student mental health never appeared on your record (I've used the service before).

Do you not like ANYTHING any more? It is starting to sound more and more like depression. Personally, I don't do things I don't like unless I have no choice (read: mandatory PBL) since I don't like wasting time and effort on things that aren't enjoyable or important to me. You're going to parties for the sake of being social - that sounds miserable because you're surrounded by people that seem to be or are having a good time and comparing that to how you're feeling.

As my best friend (non med student) put it to me when I was worried and stressed about classes, failing, whether or not I was gonna make it - no matter what, you WILL be okay. Even if you decide to quit (though at this point you should graduate, since you said you'll be fine anyways), even if you don't become a doctor, you WILL be okay. It may take years and years and years to pay off your loans but you DO have that choice to stop doing something that is making you unhappy, and do something that makes you happy. Grades don't determine who you are, or your worth as a person, nor does succeeding or failing at med school.

I'd tell you to evaluate whether or not this is just a temporary slump, or do you really not like medicine any more? Third year is notoriously the hardest, and after that it gets better (4th year) before you go back to being someone's punching bag (residency) depending on the place.

You DO have choices. Thinking that you don't makes you feel trapped and hopeless. And thinking it's never going to end, well that's not helpful either. You can quit any time you want. What made you decide to go into medicine in the first place? What do you like about medicine? You can also take ONE day at a time, and find SOMETHING you like doing each day, so you have something to look forward to.

I highly recommend you find a good psychologist. Even having someone to talk to just about anything for an hour a week would do you a lot of good.

 

[EmergDoc2B]

This may sound strange but, here's my $.02

I was in a grueling, torturous, mentally strenuous training pipeline once before when I was 19 years old - Navy SEAL training in 2002. I'm 29 now entering medical school.

Striking similarity between the two? People are extremely excited to start and looking forward at the career/training is exciting. People in the program are depressed, in pain, miserable, and (literally) would prefer death at some points rather than continue on with the event. I survived hell week, and without going into detail - the only reason I was able to succeed was by focusing on lifting up those around me.... because inside I was depressed and dead to the core.

Why do I bring this up - because of the mental dichotomy that exists in both programs. When you look forward prior to starting training (when you are still in a healthy state of mind), it's exciting and an amazing opportunity that you will most likely only ever get once in life.

When you're actually in the ****, it sucks, it's miserable, and it may be difficult or impossible to derive any sort of motivation from your surroundings.

Case in point, trust your younger, more mentally stable self. You wanted this goal for a reason. It hurts. But it WILL get better, and you will never get another chance if you quit now. Push through, seek some counseling outlets, and exercise. If you decide to quit, please do it once the training is complete and you actually experience the "real" lifestyle of medicine.

I hope this at all makes sense, but I can see my younger self in your situation right now.

Good luck, and seek out those around you for help. Don't stew on it.

to quote a great country song. If you're going through hell, KEEP on Going.
You may very well be depressed but in my humble opinion you will gain great pleasure by graduating medical school and then residency. In these upcoming moments you will thank yourself for not quitting and regain confidence in yourself and your decision.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[jlescher]

to quote a great country song. If you're going through hell, KEEP on Going.
You may very well be depressed but in my humble opinion you will gain great pleasure by graduating medical school and then residency. In these upcoming moments you will thank yourself for not quitting and regain confidence in yourself and your decision.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Try rock climbing. Every group of climbers I have ever met were laid back fun people. It's a great community and it's a great way to take your mind off of classes and relieve stress.

Also, there are other careers for someone with an MD. Just push through and get done. Try to meet with a counselor for some alternative career advice if you haven't already. You could to a research fellowship and go that route, or you could try to get involved in consulting in the private sector. Medical device development ext.. Just throwing stuff out there. You'll figure out what makes you happen.

 

[DH410]

Case in point, trust your younger, more mentally stable self. You wanted this goal for a reason. It hurts. But it WILL get better, and you will never get another chance if you quit now. Push through, seek some counseling outlets, and exercise. If you decide to quit, please do it once the training is complete and you actually experience the "real" lifestyle of medicine.

This entire post is incredible, but this part was my favorite. Thank you for your service and for sharing your experience.

Thanks for your replies everyone. Actually, I spend more time with people outside of medical school than most of my fellow classmates probably. I usually force myself to go to big social events just so people know that I am getting out there and being social. I just don't derive any lasting enjoyment or pleasure from anything I do these days.

Regardless of what specialty I go into, I just can't see how I'm going to make it through the grueling hours of residency when my baseline mood is the way it is. It's almost a feeling of being trapped in a certain lifestyle now with no escape, and nothing to fall back on on the worst days.

I wouldn't waste time forcing yourself to go to social gatherings that aren't helping. A large impersonal party probably won't make you feel any better. I'd try to hang out with a smaller group of people if possible, so you have a chance at feeling like you got to do more than shoot the **** with a group of people you don't care about.

Exercise can do wonders for some people, and so can getting enough sleep (might not be possible for you now) and eating right when you can. I'd try to find an exercise option that works for you (not hours at the gym, just run or do something for at least 20 minutes a day).

I don't think you guys are providing the OP much help. You can't just tell someone feeling gloomy to go out and be social and have fun.....it doesn't work that way.

I would go to your school health clinic and have them see if you are depressed. There seems to be a taboo about taking anti-depressants or what not in med school but they can really help if you need it.

This statement is an oversimplification, and I dislike how this seems to imply the other people here don't care. Medication isn't magic, it won't help in every situation. Suggesting it based on an internet post to a person you've never met is highly questionable, and somewhat irresponsible.

If the OP decided this is the best option for him/her with a counselor, then that's his/her business and I hope it helps.

 

[JGimpel]

the only reason I was able to succeed was by focusing on lifting up those around me.... because inside I was depressed and dead to the core.

This is probably the most powerful quote that I hope the OP can gain inspiration from.

I've found that giving back to ones that follow in my footsteps has been a great source of pride and motivation and I applaud your willingness to do so. Doing so on SDN can be frustrating at times, but when someone is helped by what you post or trusts you with very personal information in a PM because they'd like your opinion on something, that means a lot.

To the OP:
Depression hits everyone at some time in their medical career and only on your state medical license will a level of detail pertaining to any special accommodations to perform your duties as a physician be relevant and possibly asked for. A recent thread that I participated in regarding this can be found here.

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?p=13563801#post13563801

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find the help you need to make peace with your stress and move forward in your training. A lot of people looked over a lot of your life and decided that you were a great candidate for their medical school, so you can definitely get through your training there and beyond.

 

[VMSmith]

Have fun reporting your mental health history to your licensing board and potentially being deemed an "impaired physician."

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=842106

You report it if it is currently impairing you. If your condition is in remission due to treatment, it is not currently impairing you, and you are not required to report it. If you never seek treatment and you continue experiencing symptoms, then it is potentially impairing you and you would be required to report it.