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Not what I thought it would be...

Discussion in 'Medical Students - MD' started by mudpie, Dec 18, 2005.

  1. Hey all-

    Classes are going fine, I did well this semester. What I am referring to is my classmates. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything wrong with them, its just that they are not what I was expecting.

    They are mostly 22-23 years old, and seem to have spent their entire lives in school so far. No real life experience. Worst, I previously lived in a very liberal state and now I find that most of my classmates are religious, with mostly conservative views. The ones who aren't super religious seem caught up with going to the bar after every test...something that I got out of my system a few years ago...The social environment is much more remininscent of grade school than of college...in that people form cliques, and then gossip about each other after they drink too much at the bar...

    So, this semester I felt pretty dissapointed. I'm a really outoing and social person, and I never have found it hard to make friends. Its not that I can't relate to any of my classmates, its just that it seems to be nigh impossible to develop more than a superifical relationship with them-due to their lack of experience, and some of their views being so different than mine. I'm a deep thinker and have always been attracted to deep thinkers. I have friends that have radically different beliefs than my own-but we are friends because they are willing to consider other ideas without it threatening their beliefs. Even in high school I never liked ONLY being around people in my age group. I like to hear different opinions, I like to hear how age changes people's opinions.

    I am perfectly fine with just focusing on getting through these next two years.
    But, I guess I had hoped I would form one or two lasting friendships, and that I would have found my fellow classmates more interesting or inspiring, or something...

    Well, I don't know if anyone else has been feeling out of place within their class, or that their classmates weren't what they were expecting, but I'd certainly like to hear about it if you are!!!
     
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  3. lorelei

    lorelei SDN Angel
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    I feel old a lot of the time, too. I'm not very much older than my average classmate, but since I had a previous career and my peer group ranged in age from early 20s to mid 30s, it's strange to be back among people who are mostly the same age and have come straight from undergrad.

    I was also a little bit surprised that I didn't feel like I had much in common with many of my classmates (there are definitely groups of people who are big on hitting the bars and other activities that either aren't my thing anymore or never were).

    So I was a little bit disappointed at first, but then I realized that expecting to make friends with all of my classmates was unrealistic. In previous settings (college, work, my old social network) it seemed like there were so many people I had a lot in common with. But if I think about it harder, I realize that there were just a lot more people, and a lot more room for separate groups to be formed. So it just SEEMED like I got along with everyone, because people self-assorted into groups and I didn't interact very much with the heavy partiers or whatever. In med school, since the 100 or so people are constantly together, that's different - it seems like you're stuck with a bunch of people you don't have much in common with, but the actual makeup of the class isn't much different from the makeup of any arbitrary social group.

    Anyway, once I realized that it was silly to think I'd love every single classmate, I also realized that there were plenty of people I really liked. (Actually, I pretty much like all of my classmates - it's just that I don't have much in common with some of them, so we'll never be close, but I enjoy talking to them all.) And I have made plenty of friends - I only need, you know, half a dozen or so, not 100. So I think there must be SOME people in your class you would have stuff in common with. Have you talked in depth to everyone? If not maybe that could be your new project :)

    Also, I've found that you can't always find people who totally click with you - you have to have one buddy for talking philosophy, another one for shopping, another one for discussing problems with your parents, etc. (OK, those are my friend niches; yours probably differ.)

    Finally, don't limit yourself to just people in your class - try to meet other grad students or just people in your city. I want to do that more myself; I think it's not good for personal growth to have all your friends be in the same situation.

    I'm not sure if I got across what I'm trying to say effectively - I guess I just want to say, you're not alone, but try to be as open as possible, because thinking you're set apart from everyone isn't really good.
     
  4. Skialta

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    You must be at the university of utah. :smuggrin:
     
  5. I'm cynical so I didn't expect much more than I got, which is about what you have minus the super-religous and/or conservative types because I'm in CA.

    The fact is this: most (or if not most then half) of med students do go right from college to med school, so preclinical years are like college redux. Therefore expecting everyone to have had profund life expeiences is, sadly, asking too much. At my school there were clique-ish groups of students to be sure -- but fortunately some of those cliques are comprised of people who are deep thinkers, life-experienced and the like and it is just a matter of finding the people in your class you enjoy spending time with.

    Just keep your head up, stay outgoing and friendly, and you will find that there are people in your class you enjoy.......
     
  6. sscooterguy

    sscooterguy Senior Member
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    I think you'll find cliques anywhere you go. You'll also have a large number of conservatives too. However, hopefully, you'll find some people like minded, whether you are more liberal leaning, in the middle, or to the right. Truthfully, I kinda expected that med school would be much more conservative compared to my undergrad (UofM). Even though there are a ton of conservative people at my school, thankfully they are open minded and deep thinkers too, even if they are young.
    I found myself in your position in my first year. I continually put myself out there and tried to sit in different places during lecture to get to know everyone. I also did make more friends from other professional schools too, and I think that is what has kept me sane. Its nice to have conversations that don't revolve around medicine once in a while. Keep chugging along.

    sscooterguy
     
  7. Hurricane

    Hurricane Senior Member
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    I experienced this as well. I spent most of my undergrad years avoiding the stressed-out uber-competitive premeds, and then all of a sudden I had to spend 5 days a week with 160 of them. And the cliques - it was like being in junior high, but with bar hopping. Not my thing.

    Of course, not all med students are like this. There are bound to be a few other students more like you, but it's hard to find them at first because they are most likely not going to the school sponsored parties and such. But they are there, and when you do find them, they'll become the friends you were envisioning. Our school put us in rotating groups of 4 for some of the labs, which is a nice way to meet other people you wouldn't meet otherwise.

    I'm an MD/PhD student, so I hung out a lot with other MD/PhD students, which led to friendships with some of the grad students, which led to friendships with postdocs, lab techs, non-medical spouses, etc. Grad students, postdocs, etc tend to be on average older with more life experiences, and quite a few are from overseas, so these may be the type of people you are seeking...
     

  8. :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
    This CANNOT be overstated.
    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
     
  9. cytoborg

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    There is just something about med school that fosters this high school-like atmosphere. I've heard this sentiment from pretty much every med student and resident I've ever talked to, regardless of where they went. I certainly found it to be true - even though I greatly admired my classmates as individuals, there was a weird clique-ish group dynamic and I felt I didn't have a lot in common with most of them. I had made a point of avoiding other pre-meds in college, so suddenly being stuck with 100 of them and all their neuroses was a bit of a shock. A lot of them also lacked "life experience," i.e. living in an apartment for the first time, paying rent and utilities for the first time, not having any "adult" supervision. Very few of them had ever had paid employment. A lot of them went pretty wild drinking and partying every night the way I did when I was 18, and I just couldn't relate to that anymore. Many of these people grew up a LOT over the four years and I'm confident they are all fantastic physicians now. But there was definitely a maturation process.
     
  10. Callogician

    Callogician Membership Revoked
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    Though I am one of the younger students (entered at 21), I identify with mudpie's post a lot. I moved to the east coast for medical school, and I find my classmates to be very prudish. A masturbation joke that would receive a hearty laugh in the company of my old friends is now met with exasperation, disgust, and awkwardness. It seems that 95% of conversations among my classmates involve the strategy of life. What is the best book for this course? What fields should I consider? Which restaurant has the best philly cheese steaks? WHO THE **** CARES!?

    I love to discuss politics, philosophy, economics, religion, and the vicissitudes of life. Is consciousness simply a mechanistic result of brain physiology? What is the optimal utilitarian balance of capitalism and socialism. Why are the coke executives utilizing their current marketing campaign? What forces systematically bias who sits where in an unfilled auditorium during a lecture? These topics are too unpragmatic for medical students. Medical students are friendly, physically attractive, hard working, and emotionally strong, BUT THEY ARE THE MOST BORING PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!

    I think that the most apt one-word description of medical students is "normal." Where are the socially awkward people? Where are the people with unusual passions? Where are the idiot savants who will argue vehemently for an hour about a what a science fiction character would do in a hypothetical quandry? They are computer scientists, researchers, and engineers.

    ...and do you know what... day by day and week by week, I am becoming more and more like my classmates. I am losing the intellectual sharpness of my youth. I find myself dodging arguments to avoid giving offense even though I have the knowledge to go right for the figurative jugular vein. My conversations have become increasingly superficial. My habits have become increasingly routinized. I am becoming more and more like the stereotypical bland, comely, dependable doctor that patients can depend on.

    Notes:

    cytoborg: I like your high school analogy.

    What do you all think about the idea of creating a campus group specifically for the purpose of discussing intellectual topics outside of medicine?
     
  11. 1) often
    2) not often enough
    3) too often
    4) usually
    5) abso-fvcking-lutely


    Sadly, your discussion group would be a one man show around these parts.......
     
  12. funshine

    funshine at the fateful hour
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    Not completely true. I think you'll find a fairly large number of "normal" people (by your standards) in each of those professions too. Really, most people you meet in your life will be "normal." Deep thinking, idealism, profound thoughts etc. are overrated anyway. A possible explanation for the lack of intellectual discussions in med school is that they've all been covered in college already! We're sort of jaded by now and just want to learn our stuff and start making a living. I'm not in med school yet, but many recent college grads I know feel the same way.

    If you look, I'm sure every university has one of these.

    You're right, it is. I'm really curious--what profound life experiences have you had? I hate it when so-called "deep thinkers" write off other people they barely know as being shallow or sheltered. You can't judge someone's depth even after years of friendship, let alone several conversations.

    :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

    OP, good luck and take lorelei's advice about keeping an open mind and staying as friendly as possible. I had a similar experience in undergrad--weird huh, after seeing all of you praise your college experience-- so I can relate. I think the friends you make during your most formative years will be the most important people in your life since you shape each other's development into maturity. For most of us, that time has passed. Now, we're less flexible and more judgmental, so it only makes sense that it is harder now to form good relationships with others. Does't mean you can't, just that it'll take some conscious effort on your part. Good luck!
     
  13. UCLA2000

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    I felt the same way. Started med when I was like 25 and couldn't relate to the average 21 year old in my class. Made med school a little more lonely.
     
  14. Doctor Bagel

    Doctor Bagel so cheap and juicy
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    law school felt like high school redux, and it's interesting to see that people feel the same way about medical school. coming out of undergraduate school, i was annoyed by the crassness of my classmates -- no one cared about ideas, and everyone focused on how much money they would make. now, being older and maybe a bit more practical, i don't think that would drive me as crazy. at least we won't be discussing corporate branding and marketing strategies and other bs corporate stuff like that i hear daily at work.

    i am worried about going to school where i'll be the lone liberal non-religious person. i think my state school would not be like this, but they don't want to interview me. right now, it looks like i'll be moving to some place like iowa or oklahoma, and that is concerning to me. eh, whatever, as other posters have pointed out, regardless of where you go, there will be people you'll click with.
     
  15. leiface

    leiface i see sick people
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    "...and do you know what... day by day and week by week, I am becoming more and more like my classmates. I am losing the intellectual sharpness of my youth. I find myself dodging arguments to avoid giving offense even though I have the knowledge to go right for the figurative jugular vein. My conversations have become increasingly superficial. My habits have become increasingly routinized. I am becoming more and more like the stereotypical bland, comely, dependable doctor that patients can depend on."

    NOOOOO!!!! that's sad...I would've appreciated your masturbation joke btw, everyone needs a good masturbation joke once in a while to break the ice
     
  16. OddNath

    OddNath Senior Member
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    Um, there are computers scientists, researchers, and engineers in our class. As well as parents, veterans, fairly recent immigrants, some "socially awkward" folks (though we still love 'em), and liberal non-religious people (yes, even in Texas). It's easy to dismiss a big group of people that you never connected with as boring, but maybe try having a non-medical conversation with some of them. The thing is, "unusual passions" just rarely come up in regular med student banter.

    All I'm saying is it might take some effort, but there is probably more to your acquaintances/classmates than meets the eye. Best of luck.
     
  17. thewebthsp

    thewebthsp Shoobeedoowap
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    Interesting to hear this. Best bet is to stick with the friends you make in med school, be polite and nice to everyone else, even if they do annoying or nasty things.

    I'm banking on doing more with the friends I have here, maintaining my close friendships with those outside of med school and meeting people in meetup groups, through religious stuff and through undergrad events if I have the time
     
  18. SpeedRacer

    SpeedRacer Senior Member
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    um, i care. cheese steaks are delicious.
     
  19. beefballs

    beefballs MIDWEST
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    ok all of you no humour getting med students heres a joke for you
    superman is flying around metropolis on a slow night and decides he wants the company of a female

    he spys wonderwomen sunbathing naked on the beach, and decides hey I am superman I am faster than a speeding bulet I can be in and out in no time
    he flys down does his thing
    wonder women says "wtf was that?"
    the invisible man groans "I don't know but it hurt like hell!"

    hey kinda tacky but hope you got a laugh
     
  20. DireWolf

    DireWolf The Pride of Cucamonga
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    unless you want to end up like me, stay away from oklahoma. heed my advice.
     
  21. YouDontKnowJack

    YouDontKnowJack I no something you don't
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    good to know my school isn't the only one with cliques.
    but at least there isn't a huge number. only 15%. I avoid them.

    it's funny how they can't seem to do anything by themselves. they're stuck together. they always have to walk together, hang out together.... like junior high girls going to the bathroom together.
     
  22. Simonster

    Simonster Member
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    Agree totally. As a group, it does seem like Gap Barf. But when you get them alone, personalities and interesting things emerge.
     
  23. Doctor Bagel

    Doctor Bagel so cheap and juicy
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    how did you wind up? of course, i've got to remind myself that i grew up and received all my liberal foundations in oklahoma. but then i've only become more liberal since then, so, yeah, i'm scared. :scared:
     
  24. Law2Doc

    Law2Doc 5K+ Member
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    The flaw with that plan is the serious time committment involved. You will find that a lot of your non-med school friends won't be understanding about your unavailability and inability to get together very often. After a series of calls where you have to say "thanks, but I can't make it -- gotta study", you find that the invites will stop. Thus your best alternative will unfortunately often be med school types, who are on the same schedule and more understanding of the common plight.
     
  25. Thanks for all the replies, guys.

    You know, maybe misery loves company, but I have to admit I feel A LOT more relieved knowing that I'm not the only one who has felt this way... it has kind of enabled me to get over it.

    I'm just going to keep plodding along in my studies while at the same time being open to people. I know it is important not to assume that my classmates are all conservative, type A closeminded people. Even if people are young, they may turn out to be deep thinkers. But unfortunately, I don't think I will have much opporutnity for discussion since I don't go to class anymore.

    Anyways, I guess its just a matter of adjustment...

    Thanks again everyone for all your comments.

    Enjoy your break!
     
  26. DieselPetrolGrl

    DieselPetrolGrl twisterChamp&so much more
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    i feel old too...bc i haveto stay sober past 1 am to play my video games

    but what turned me off befriending the older group in my class is that i felt they were mocking me and a few people were actually snubbing the partygoers - i dont join in with either group but i perfer the one that treats the other with respect and without judgement.

    its ok OP everyone knows you make your real friends at the retirement home - hope we are in the same one!
     
  27. Callogician

    Callogician Membership Revoked
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    You and funshine are, of course, correct. My earlier post is exaggerated, and in many ways, it is unfair to my fellow classmates. A lot of the social problems I have had are due to my own characteristics. I have recently made some significant life changes. Below is one of my posts from another message board reflecting this:

    __________

    The subject of this thread ("How to win friends and influence people") is the title of a book written by Dale Carnegie. I mentioned several months ago on this forum that I would read the book (it was endorsed strongly by a few posters)...and I have. The inspiration to improve my social skills came when for the first time in my life, I found myself interacting with a closely knit group of people who are significantly different from me and who have a powerful influence on the quality of my life. I will provide an outline of the book below with commentary in brackets:

    fundamental techniques in handling people endorsed by the book:

    1) Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.

    [This is the single most important principle in social interaction. I have learned lately to error on the side of conservatism. In other words, when I am frustrated and feel the instinctive desire to criticize, condemn, or complain, I just remain silent until I am in a better frame of mind. Criticism puts the other person on the defensive and is usually counterproductive-there are some exceptions in section 4. A key to avoiding criticism or to avoid using it inappropriately is to imagine how the person will react to your words before you utter them. Think from the other person's perspective.]

    2) Give honest, sincere appreciation.

    [I have always had appreciation for those around me, but I have rarely bothered to show it. I am not a naturally affectionate person. But in the spirt of thinking from the other person's perspective, I have learned that getting in the habit of giving sincere appreciation significantly improves rapport with acquantainces. One of my female classmates recently said to me, "I thought you were arrogant until I got to know you better." In my small discussion group, I have made an effort to think of the things that I like most about my groupmates and to mention them during evaluation periods. The result has been a more relaxed and enjoyable mood in discussion with increased communication and productivity. I did all of this without speaking a single false word. My comments were not mere flattery. They were genuine. They were sincere. they were from the heart.]

    3) Arouse in the ohter person an eager want.

    [This is a more advanced technique that I plan to work on in the future]

    #2 is accompanied by a classic quotation: "Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

    II: Six ways to make people like you:

    1) Become genuinely interested in other people.

    [Take a look at #4 in this section and #6 in the next section as well. Previously, I had a very bad habit of talking about myself, my goals, my interests, and my opinions nonstop with little concern or interest in the lives of others. I never realized until now that people are far more interested in themselves than they are in me. Recently, I encouraged a 2nd year student to expound upon some of his political experiences. I was rather impressed when he told me that he met the two Pennslyvania senators. I was also impressed by the organizations he had started, and I told him so. I was "lavish in my approbation and hearty in my praise." He began to brag unhesitantly with a huge smile on his face. Is he arrogant by nature? Does he have a superiority complex? Not at all. He is a very nice guy who happened to be in a particularly proud mood. He just needed an outlet. He just wanted someone to listen to him and to appreciate his accomplishments. I was that someone, and now, our relationship is slightly stronger.]

    2) Smile

    [This technique is a powerful one. The key is sincerity. A blind man can spot a fake smile ten miles away and through a brick wall. Don't feel the need to smile when you are exceptionally depressed or anxious. Smile under normal circumstances to show your genuine friendliness towards someone. No amount of knowledge or intelligence can match a million-dollar-smile in the realm of personal relationships. There is an individual on this forum who has much difficulty smiling. I met him in person, and he told me that at one point, he practiced facial expressions in front of the mirror with limited success. I feel a great deal of sympathy/empathy for this person because the ability to form a genuine smile is of tremendous importance in social interaction. I wish this person the best of luck, and to those of you who can smile, remember to do it often. :) ]

    3) Remember that a person's name to that person is the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

    [I have made an explicit effort to remember names of new people whom I meet. I might start calling clerks, janitors, and receptionists by first name when possible]

    4) Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    5) Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
    6) Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely.

    III: Win people to your way of thinking.

    1) The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it.

    [I would be far better off if I had learned this lesson ten years ago. I used to be the sort of person to argue continuously. I derived incredible pleasure from challenging views and putting people to the test. Now, I realize that the assumption that humans are logical and rational is the fallacy of ancient philsophy. Humans are not in their own phylum with respects to the powers of the mind. Humans are capricious and emotional. They are motivated by pride and ego. They buy the most abundant resource on the planet when it falls from the sky and spend an amount of money on shiny rocks that could easily save ten lives. Many humans outright deny the desire to discover truth. Why argue with these people? It would be like arguing with a madman. Instead, think carefully about how your oponent will react. Try to understand his perspective. Know that people tend to make reasonable decisions given their knowledge, intelligence, and goals. It is only valuable to argue with someone with whom you have already developed trust, mutual affinity, and a resistance to dispute.]

    2) Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "you're wrong."
    3) If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

    [The other day, I used this technique to perfection. I was late in solving a problem for my discussion group, and as I presented the solution, I apologized immediately and emphatically. I took complete responsibility, and gave a reason for why my belatedness was unacceptable. So what happened? Did they pounce on me like tigers, scorning me to rub salt in the wounds? On the contrary! They defended me and told me that I had nothing for which to apologize.]

    4) Begin in a friendly way.
    5) Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately
    6) Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
    7) Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

    [I have used this technique a few times. If a student in my group provides a vague description of an aspect of medical science, I will fill in the details (when I can) while giving the original student credit for inspiring the discussion.]

    8) Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
    9) Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
    10) Appeal to the nobler motives.
    11) Dramatize your ideas.
    12) Throw down a challenge.


    IV Leadership techniques:

    1) Begin with praise and honest appreciation
    2) Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
    3) Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
    4) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
    5) Let the other person save face

    [Everyone at some point feels the desire to finish off a rival. Few things are more satisfying than thrusting a knife into the heart of an enemy. But don't do it! Don't ever ever do it! In seconds of humiliation, you can dig profound wounds into an individual and seed a lifetime of hatred towards you in his soul. On the contrary, if you call out an individual's error subtly, adroitly, and with tact, he will remember it, and he will forever be greatful.]

    6) Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement
    7) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
    8) Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
    9) Make the other person happy about doing the thing your suggest.

    _________________________

    I still have much to learn, but I am making significant progress. I make sure to keep the outline above with me most of the time so that I can refer to it for inspiration. Often, I repeat the key rules and quotations in my head ("Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise," "Don't criticize, complain, or condemn."). In the above outline, I have not done the book justice. The actual book is very well written and utilizes copious real-life examples. I encourage anyone who feels that he needs to improve his social skills to look into it.
     
  28. robotsonic

    robotsonic Senior Member
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    Wow. I didn't realize others felt the way I did about med school. Especially in the first two years, I couldn't believe how clique-ish it was. It felt like being in junior high. And I'll add that I am one of those people who went straight from undergrad to med school.

    I think living together in a dorm and spending *all* of your time with a relatively small group of people fosters the clique atmosphere. I don't do well with cliques, and sadly, I never became good friends with others in my class, although I did make a few close friends with students from other years. I found the intellectuals, too - there really are med students and doctors who want to discuss philosophy, but it might take a bit to find that out.

    After 4 years, my classmates seem to have grown out of the clique thing (or maybe not, but I'm around them a lot less now). I've found that I really like them now, and wish that I had time to form friendships with them.
     
  29. SarahGM

    SarahGM Senior Member
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    I agree... I've really found that when you have a small group of people together... not to mention a small group of people nearly ALWAYS together, everything seems high school-ish and cliquey. I'm convinced that the behavior doesn't change from college (for example), it's just that the entire social scale has been reduced dramatically. Everyone notices everything, including which groups people tend to hang out with (hence, the "cliques"). I'm sure that everyone hung out in the same size groups when they were in college, it's just that there are so few people around now in comparison that everyone notices what everyone else does.
     
  30. run4boston

    run4boston formerly Run
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    I know how you feel. It's the same for me and I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. I'm also making friends with students in the upper classes and with grad students. I think that things will get better; we just have to be patient.
     
  31. Ypo.

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    Yeah, it is important not to automatically assume younger people are stupid or not worthy of respect. We only have like 2 'older' people in our class-, so thats not even enough to form a clique of older people but they are both very nice and I am really glad we have them in our class. Actually, I would much prefer some more diversity in our class. I mean, culturally we are a very diverse class, but most of us came from middle class backgrounds and just did the standard pre-med thing on our way to medical school. When I put my acceptance into this school, I was really excited because the previous year's class was really culturally diverse, but it doesn't feel as diverse as I thought it would feel because we have all had the same experiences! Talk about boring! Oh well, I don't know what else I was expecting... :rolleyes:
     
  32. ozarka

    ozarka Junior Member
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    hey mudpie,
    i have to tell you, it's so enlightening to read yours and others' experiences with this issue...i was beginning to think i was the only one in this situation. like you, i'm an innately friendly, outgoing and "people-person", and the hardest part about med school for me is dealing with the fact that i really have no close friends. it's such a contrast from college where i made friends i know i'll be in touch with for life. to not have anyone to connect with on that "deep" level in med school has been one of the most disappointing and challenging aspects of this path so far. what's more, i moved far away from my network of friends/family for med school, so all of first year i dealt with the shock of being isolated and alone.

    like you i'm a bit older (2-3 years out of college), coming in from a totally different field and background. my class is pretty diverse and everyone's friendly enough - i have no fault against any of my classmates - but the cliquishness is so pronounced, it's like if you missed (or like me, consciously abstained from) joining in on a clique during the 1st month of med school, you've missed the boat and have no "home". i've never liked cliques, and even though i'm on friendly terms with most of my class and i'm pretty involved in clubs, etc., i find the whole process to be so solitary...i'm not a "group studier" (i just can't absorb the material well unless i pound it in my head myself) and thus before exams i can spend literally a whole day or two without talking to anyone. it's so unhealthy.

    so it's sad, but looking back over the year i realize i've thrown my energies into studying, working out like a maniac (i swear i could run a marathon tomorrow if i had to), sleeping, and more studying. in the process, i think i've become an entirely different person from when i was in college - intense, emotional, just kind of lonely deep down (although you probably wouldn't sense it unless you knew me really well).

    but it's not all so bleak. i take heart in the fact that, even if i can't talk to my old friends from college as much as i used to (when i lived down the hall from them) i know they're always there for me. i have a wonderful family whom i can always count on if things are rough. and then, i also have connections to the community which are completely outside of med school, and that keeps me grounded (it's so important!). i try to embrace the fact that med school is not my whole life and that i'm not the "typical" med student prototype. sometimes it's good - and important - to get in touch with your inner self and know who you really are.

    i hope things look up for you...i know where you're coming from and what you're going through, and stay positive and upbeat - it will all work out in the end. too bad you aren't in my class! ;)
     
  33. peaches09

    peaches09 Member
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    It's really nice to know that others are going through the same experiences. Like you, I don't find myself having any close friends in med school and it's really disheartening. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. I'm thousands of miles away from my friends and family so I feel even lonelier.
     
  34. peaches09

    peaches09 Member
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    How did you deal with it? Did it get better as time went on?
     
  35. thewebthsp

    thewebthsp Shoobeedoowap
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    I agree -- the time thing is hard. Whoever is working out like mad -- good for you! I need to do that. A lot of one's mood can be changed through exercise, or so I've heard. I used to be on a team in college, and it definitely was a lot of fun.

    I do have friends who are in my class in the med school, but we're scattered, and a lot of us are busy often. It didn't help that I had a serious attraction that didn't pan out that severely distracted me from working out, being social, etc. etc. :laugh: , but I guess I'm only human.

    I'm not perfect, I can be flaky sometimes, I definitely don't fit into the "cool" crowd and many people misunderstand me. But usually when I find a person who is willing to take the time to get to know me, as well as me taking the time to know them, it usually is a productive and happy relationship that pans out, even in cold and [somewhat] bitter Philadelphia.
     
  36. ozarka

    ozarka Junior Member
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    This is SO TRUE - the most frustrating part about trying to have a life outside of med school (or even in med school - i'll take anything at this point). med school really can consume your life, even if you don't want it to, especially if you need hours and hours of solitary study to retain things (sigh - like me). as a result, it's nearly impossible to say "yes" to things, whether in advance or spur of the moment. (i just have trouble forgetting everything and spending hours trying to have fun when in the back of my mind i know i've got to be cramming for an upcoming exam, etc. etc.) i try to catch up w/everyone the moment i'm done w/an exam or have less stress hanging over me, but these times when i AM free are few and far between and not enough to let friends know that i still exist. i remember the 1st few mos of med school i had a lot of ppl invite me to things, ask to hang out, but now - nothing....and i know i deserve part of the blame.


    and...can i even BEGIN to address the dating situation? that's a whole other can of worms...
     
  37. njbmd

    njbmd Guest
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    Hey there,
    Give your classmates a chance. It usually takes a couple of semesters for you all to "jel" with each other. Some of my most enduring friendships are with folks that I thought I would not like during the first week of medical school. In the end, we have more in common than not.

    njbmd :)
     

  38. Thanks. I have just resigned myself to my situation for the time being, but I am keeping an open attitude. It could be worse...at least its not like people hate me - at least it doesn't seem that way-its just that everyone seems to be in their own little cliques.
     
  39. funkless

    funkless Apatheist, Anestheologist
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    Meaning they disliked you, too, initially? :D
     

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