Offended researcher in my field, ugh

[mrs_lady]

Hey all, I haven't even started med school yet, but I managed to start off on the completely wrong foot where I'm going to start this fall. I'm doing a summer research gig with funding from the school... I sent out feelers to a bunch of researchers, received positive responses from two, answered both enthusiastically, tried to set up meetings with both, and then met with and accepted one project I felt really great about before the other could squeeze me into his schedule to meet with me.

Anyway -- apparently the other researcher had assumed I was going to work with him from the very beginning and felt misled. So he blew up. He heads a prominent clinical trial center in the field I'm interested in, in the most common disease in my field. (I am doing a project on a more obscure condition.) Granted, this is a huge research university, so I don't know how much people talk to each other, but I'm guessing at least some, and I suspect this guy has a lot of clout. I'm definitely kicking myself.

So, I went into de-escalation/damage control mode with heartfelt apologies, no explanations/excuses, which I think usually goes over the best. But still. I am a worried camper. Any advice? Just how worried should I be about this?

Thanks much, all.

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[lord_jeebus]

I don't think you could have angered him enough for him to take any sort of action 3 years down the road. Just avoid dealing with him.

My guess is you're probably fortunate to not have ended up working with this guy.

 

[Tired]

So, I went into de-escalation/damage control mode with heartfelt apologies, no explanations/excuses, which I think usually goes over the best. But still. I am a worried camper. Any advice? Just how worried should I be about this?

I commend you for doing exactly the right thing: appologise profusely for the misunderstanding, without making explanations/excuses. I think most of us would have been inclined to just avoid the faculty member and hope things blow over; unfortunately it doesn't always happen. I have one faculty member who carried a grudge for 3 years against a very stupid, thoughtless med student, and it very nearly cost the kid a residency slot at his first choice program.

You did everything you could, and it sounds like you did it right. What will happen, will happen.

Personally, if you ever have occassion to interact with the professor down the road, I would not recommend avoiding him. I would go out of my way to say hello, be extremely polite to him, and if the opportunity arises, appologise again for the earlier miscommunication. Anyone who would "blow up" over something like that, probably enjoys having his butt kissed. People like this may be jerks, but that doesn't mean they can't be your ally.

 

[Chinorean]

Anyway -- apparently the other researcher had assumed I was going to work with him from the very beginning and felt misled.

It's kind of weird that he thought that--usually researchers play a selective role when students are asking to work with them and it's like they're supposed to approve you. Here it sounds like after you emailed him he considered it a done deal. In which case, he's overreacting in a big way.

 

[naegleria brain]

researchers often "assume" youre in from the beginning; theyre not supposed to be the items for sale, and get offended when they find out they are

you did the right thing apologizing. for the future, make it clearer somehow that you're not set in stone with that person. i made the same mistake and learned the hard way. only the idiot doctors hold grudges, the rest move on eventually, and will probably forget you, unless you remind him. dont worry bout **** you can't change

 

[mrs_lady]

Thanks you guys, you're all great. So, I guess I'll just chill and see how it all plays out and hope for the best -- nothing else I can do for the time being. Makes sense. Anyway, let me be a cautionary tale -- finding a research project is not like finding a job -- only email one professor at a time! and to all.